


Gentle Rains Trailer Park

by HidansCrazyLaugh



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blood and Injury, Dark Humor, Drowning, Dub-con elements, Dubious Consent, F/M, He comes back, Hidan (Naruto) Swears, M/M, Slow Burn, drug and alcohol abuse, general trashiness, hidan dies a lot, hidan is the king of trash, minor hidadei, slow burn kakuhida, trailer park setting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2020-11-27 06:20:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 89,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20943731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HidansCrazyLaugh/pseuds/HidansCrazyLaugh
Summary: Kakuzu is the manager of the Gentle Rains Trailer Park Estates that are owned by Pein and Konan. Hidan, fresh out of prison and on probation, moves in and causes nothing but trouble for Kakuzu while falling for him at the same time.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Reposted, originally posted on: 2018-04-04 through 2019-04-27
> 
> I've decided to repost my fics here. I will not go into detail why I took them down in the first place, please do not ask me about it. Without saying much, I've had a lot to deal with. Please enjoy my fics. 
> 
> I have made minor changes and edits, I couldn't help it. Nothing major that affects the plot or story.
> 
> It's hard to remember all the tags and characters and will add more as needed. I can't promise when new chapters will be posted, but there are new chapters coming. I have every intention to finish this fic.

“Put a shirt on.” Kakuzu stood at Hidan’s door, at ten on a Sunday morning. Hidan was two days late on his first rent and stood there shirtless with low slung jeans showing off rather impressive muscles (not that Kakuzu was paying attention to that) and his hair missing it’s usual gel in favor of a messy, just rolled out of bed look. And if Kakuzu didn’t know better, he’d think Hidan was trying to seduce him.

“How about you come inside…” Hidan drawled in a low voice with a grin, “I’ll uh, get you what you want.”

“You mean the rent money?” He looked Hidan up and down, “Because that’s the only thing I want from you.”

“Are you sure?” Hidan pushed himself off the door frame he had been leaning on, hands on both hips, “I think you’re lying…You know how I can tell? Because my face is up here and you’re talking to my abs. Don’t be shy, Kakuzu, if you want to touch them-”

“I prefer my partners to not be convicts that could give me some type of disease. Now, get me my rent or I’ll have you evicted.” Kakuzu took one more look at Hidan’s chest, noticing a scar right over his heart. It was the only imperfection on his entire body from what Kakuzu could see. Ah, except for what looked like cigarette burns on his forearm. 

Glaring at Kakuzu, Hidan said, “For someone who insists he aint interested, you seem like you're inspecting my body. And like I’d want someone as old as you! You probably taste like a ninety year old man who needs help wiping his own ass!” He slammed the door in Kakuzu’s face and then immediately flung it open again, “Not that I know what ninety year old men taste like!” The door was slammed once more and Hidan went to grab the money off the table, all carefully counted out the night before as he knew Kakuzu would be around to collect it. Flinging the door open so hard it banged against the inside wall, Hidan held out his hand, “Here, take your dirty money and get off my property, you old fuck!”

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow at that.

“Your property? Might I remind you that you only rent, and own nothing except the furniture you likely got off the side of the street that other people were throwing away and whatever else you most likely stole.” Kakuzu took the cash, not missing the way Hidan’s fingers lingered against his, “I’ll report you for sexual harassment if you don’t stop touching me. I’m sure you don’t need sex offender added to your record.”

Quickly withdrawing his hand, Hidan stood there, making sure Kakuzu got one last look at the body he worked very hard for, “So, same time next month, yeah?”

Once home, Kakuzu counted the money Hidan had given him only to find it was short by ten dollars. Of course it was, Hidan probably couldn’t count past twenty without a calculator.

* * *

Hidan sat on the couch in his boxers, it was just too hot and the swamp cooler did nothing when it got as hot as it was, he had a beer in one hand and in the other had an envelope he had found tucked into his door earlier in the morning.

“The fuck is this?” He muttered as he took out several pages, all neatly folded into thirds, “Gentle Rains Newsletter? I didn’t know this place made a newsletter…damn, trying to be all classy and shit, someone didn’t get the message that this is a fucking trailer park, and not one of the nice ones either if they let me in.” He started to read it, but couldn’t get very far as suddenly there was a pounding on the front door and, startled, Hidan jumped, choking on his beer and snorting it into his nose, then remembered he hadn’t done anything illegal recently since he was on probation and didn’t want to get any violations. He refused to go back to jail, they would never get their hands on him again.

After wiping his face with a discarded shirt from the floor, Hidan opened the door to find Kakuzu standing on his porch for the second time that morning.

“Well, well, well… Kakuzu. You couldn’t stay away, now could you? I knew my charm was irresistible.”

“You’re ten short.”

Making a face, Hidan tried to figure out what that was supposed to mean, “I’m not that much shorter than you… what are you getting at, I don’t-”

“Are you drunk or just stupid? I’m talking about the rent that you just gave me! It’s short by ten dollars. I’m not commenting on your height! I need ten more dollars from you.”

“Oh. Oh, yeah, I might have done that on purpose.” Hidan laughed, “You want to come in?”

Kakuzu looked down, “You seem to have less and less clothing on each time I see you. And no, I don’t want to come in. Just give me my money.” He just wanted to go home, where he had air conditioning, and finish checking the rent and adding it all up so he could get it to the bank and deposit everything. The owners did not like to be kept waiting on that. Not that he could blame them. He wouldn't want to be kept waiting on his money either. 

“Fine…let me try to find your ten precious bucks.” This time, the door was not slammed in Kakuzu’s face and while Hidan was searching for the money, Kakuzu took the time to take a good look inside

It was a mess. There was hardly any furniture, an old brown couch with unpleasant looking stains on it, and a TV tray as a coffee table, and the old TV with antennas on top sat on another TV tray. There was a pile of dirty laundry on the floor in the hall a foot high and Kakuzu didn’t even want to know what the kitchen and bathroom would look like. There were even stains on the carpet, as if Hidan had spilled food or drinks and never bother to even try to clean it up, he had only been there one month and had already ruined the carpet. A fly buzzed past his face out of the trailer.

“So, I found five.” Hidan said as he walked back over to the front door, “And I found another dollar in quarters, and here’s seventeen cents, that enough?”

“No, it is not enough. I need the rest of it. You have to pay your rent in full, each month, I don’t take partial payment. This is not a game!”

“But Kakuzu, I don’t have anymore, that’s the last of my money, I got nothing til I get paid next week or whatever I make in tips tonight. But…you know, I could pay you in something else, I’m really fucking talented. I bet you have a few bucks you don’t need and can cover the rest of my rent with.”

In all the times that Kakuzu managed Gentle Rains Trailer Park, which was a ridiculous name considering it never rained and when it did they were lucky the place didn’t get washed away in a mudslide, he had never had a problem with tenants paying on time and in full. Something about him being terrifying to most people.

Most people except Hidan. He clearly was not afraid of him and was apparently sexually attracted to him instead.

“How talented can you possibly be for only three dollars and eighty three cents?”

“Why don’t you accept my offer and fucking find out?” Hidan asked with one brow raised.

“If you don’t give me the remaining money I will start the eviction process today.”

Laughing, Hidan cut him off, “Nah, I know you won’t, because by law you have have no fucking grounds to evict me. Now, why don’t you come inside and have a beer while I call Deidara, he’ll loan me the few bucks and if he doesn’t have it…well, can you wait until tomorrow?”

With much reluctance, Kakuzu stepped inside the trailer with a barely clothed Hidan who threw him a can of beer from the kitchen which he could now not open unless he wanted it to explode all over him, and then was told to sit on the couch while Hidan got out his phone.

“Hey, Deidara, are you awake?” Hidan asked into the phone.

“If I wasn’t do you think you’d be talking to me right now, hm?”

“Yeah, you’re right… well anyways, do you have, um, hang on,” He looked over at Kakuzu, “How much do I owe you?”

“Three dollars and eighty three cents.” Kakuzu repeated for what felt like the hundredth time.

“I need three dollars and eighty three cents. I’ll pay you back later.”

“Alright, just give me a few minutes to find it.”

“Take your time, no rush.” He ended the call and sat too close to Kakuzu who moved away, “He’ll be here soon. Why don’t you drink your beer?”

“Because you threw it at me and it will explode if I open it.”

“Oh…but then you can take your clothes off and we can both sit here in our underwear. What do you have on under there? Boxers or briefs? Or nothing at all?”

“You’ll never find out.” Kakuzu put the beer on the tv tray and looked around, “You know, it looks pretty much as I imagined it would look in here.”

Hidan brightened at that, “You’ve imagined what my place looks like?” He looked like his crush just admitted they liked him.

So Kakuzu had to ruin it, “Yes, because I wondered how many bodies you might be hiding here when the police showed up last week.”

“I’m not stupid enough to hide the bodies where I live! And besides, I never killed anyone! And when I did, it was an accident! It was the middle of the night and he was wearing all black and jaywalking! If you do that, you’re asking to be mowed down! I didn't mean to do it.”

Kakuzu rubbed his face, of course Hidan had killed someone…

“Oh, and what the fuck is this shit?” Hidan grabbed the crumpled newsletter, “I found it in my door this morning!”

“Ah, I see you’ve gotten your first copy. It’s filled with all the latest gossip and going ons, and paparazzi photos that border on being creepy.”

Hidan gave him a look, “Are you some kinda perv? Knock this shit off. It’s not funny. Well, except this part, something about some dumb ass kid letting their dogs shit all over the place and if they’re not careful said dog is going to end up eaten by coyotes or something.”

Kakuzu sighed, “Do I look like someone who would write this? I don’t know who does, but when I find out, their rent is doubling.”

While waiting in silence, they heard a fly buzzing around and then shouting from the trailer next door.

“Finally decide to wake up, boy?” There was silence, and then, “Get your own breakfast, I’m not your mother and hurry it up, you have chores to do!”

“What the hell, it’s too early in the fucking day…” Hidan grumbled, then turned around and shouted through the open window, “Quit your fucking yelling!! I don’t want to hear your voice, I have to take a nap later, I work tonight! And leave the damn kid alone, it’s fucking summer vacation!”

“Mind your own business, punk!” The window slammed shut. Though it didn’t help much as other windows were open and the walls were too thin to stop much noise anyways.

Kakuzu knew Hidan’s neighbor, Hiruzen Sarutobi and a foster kid, Naruto. They always seemed to be so friendly and happy while out, Kakuzu knew it had to be fake. Now he had proof.

“That happen often?” Kakuzu asked.

“More often than it should. I'm about to call CPS.”

The front door flew open then, banging into the wall again and Deidara walked in with a cigarette between his lips, “Hidan, it’s not even lunch time yet and you’re already drinking in your underwear? At least wait until lunch.”

“Who cares what time it is. It’s hot and I’m bored.”

“Anyways, here’s your money.” Deidara dug into his pocket, “Pay me back in a few days, I know you’re ‘working’ tonight.” He snickered, “Make sure your uh, ‘customers’ are happy with you and give you big tips.”

Hidan took the money and rolled his eyes, “You have to make it sound like I’m a prostitute or something? I have a guest over.”

“I’m not your guest.” Kakuzu said, snatching the money from Hidan’s hand, “Where’s the eighty three cents?”

“It was a strange number and I didn’t think was important. I thought he was just being a dick, yeah.” Deidara shrugged, backing up to put some distance between himself and his manager. They weren’t exactly on good terms ever since Deidara, late for class and drunk from putting too much Irish cream in his coffee, not one of his better ideas, had backed over his neighbor’s kid’s bike, while the kid was on it, and didn’t realize and drove away while the child was left crying on the road and the mother screaming and shouting and chasing after the car.

Kakuzu had to get involved as the mother wanted to sue Deidara for every cent he had, which wasn’t going to be much, tried to get him evicted and then threatened to sue Kakuzu for letting him move in next door to her.

“Pay the rest once you get it, maybe if you’re not a dick people will give you better tips at whatever job it is you have that supposedly isn’t prostitution but sounds like it might be.” Kakuzu stood, and took the beer as he walked to the door and examined the wall, seeing the dent from the door handle, “That’s coming out of your security deposit when you move out. And so is that,” he pointed to a stain on the carpet. It was red and he hoped it was ketchup, wine or just punch and not blood, “whatever the hell it is.”

“Joke’s on you, I’m never leaving this shit hole because I love it so fucking much!! When I leave, it’ll be in a body bag!”

“More like you can’t afford to move out, you can’t make much at your job if you had to borrow three dollars.” Kakuzu started to close the door when Deidara shouted at him.

“He’s a male dancer and makes a ton in tips! You need to see him work the pole some night, it’s really hot and-”

“What the fuck, man, don’t shout it, I don’t want the neighbors to think less of me.” He grabbed the cigarette from Deidara’s fingers and started to smoke it himself.

Pausing before he shut the door completely, Kakuzu looked at Hidan, “That would imply people have a high opinion of you in the first place, and trust me, they don’t.” Sparing a glance at Deidara, he added, “Same goes for you, Hit and Run.” He shut the door and went home to finish sorting out the rent.

They looked at each other for a moment before Deidara reached for his stolen cigarette, “Give that back.”

Hidan held it up out of his reach, “No, smoking is bad for you, I’m saving your life here.”

* * *

That night, after Hidan got off work, he drove home and stopped at Kakuzu’s place and rang the doorbell. Ten times.

The door opened roughly and Kakuzu stood there, rubbing his eyes and wearing a black bathrobe that exposed some of his well defined chest, “What do you want?”

“I have the rest of my rent.”

“You had to wake me up for that?”

“Well yeah, you said to pay once I got the money and that’s what I’m doing. I have to prove I'm reliable.” He shook his hand, the change jingling in it.

Kakuzu was looking at Hidan, he looked different for some reason, “Are you… wearing eyeliner and what the hell is that?” He pointed at Hidan’s throat, “You really are stripper, aren’t you? On your application you stated you were a waiter at an IHOP.”

“Dancer,  _ not _ a stripper! I don’t take my clothes off, cause they’re already mostly off anyways.” Hidan felt heat creep into his cheeks, and he toyed with the silver sequined bow tie around his throat, “I don’t like to tell people. And it wasn’t a total lie, I was waiting tables at the club I work at when I moved in here, but I just got promoted. I still wait tables, but they don’t let just anyone dance. They are very choosy and I worked my sweet ass off for it.”

Kakuzu flipped on the porch light and held out his hand, “Quit babbling about your ass and give me my money.”

Thoughts of throwing the change onto the floor or into Kakuzu’s trailer crossed his mind, but Hidan was tired and wanted to go home and besides that, this was his manager. He really didn’t want to get thrown out over a few pieces of change. So he dropped the money into the outstretched hand then turned to leave.

“Oh no, you’re not going anywhere yet.” Kakuzu said, “Let me count it first.”

“It’s all there…”

“That’s what you said this morning.”

“Well it’s all there  _ now _ .”

Kakuzu counted it. Twice. And yes, it was all there, amazingly. He expected a penny to be missing. “Good, now I hope next month you pay on time, in full so we can avoid all this unpleasantness.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Hidan yawned, “see you around old man.”

Kakuzu did not watch as Hidan turned around and walked out to his car, and did not pay attention to how tight his pants were. He was not at all interested in the trashiest tenant to ever live in the Gentle Rains trailer park.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan and Deidara go on a dinner run and Deidara is a terrible driver. Someone calls the cops on them for swimming in the pool and Hidan gets hit by a car.

Hidan opened the door to the refrigerator for the fifth time, as if he was expecting something to eat would appear inside of it, but the same old things were in there. The remains of a roasted chicken that had probably gone bad and needed to be thrown out, some condiments, a few cans of beer and a pack of cigarettes, which he took and put in his back pocket before shutting the door again.

Looking around the kitchen he found a half a bag of moldy bread, and a potato that had sprouted, so he decided he would need to go out to the store. He texted Deidara, not wanting to go alone, and they decided to go together.

“Let’s just go to 7-11, yeah?” Deidara asked as he got into his car, “It’s closest.”

“Yeah but I need some real food, I don’t want to eat a bunch of snacks for dinner, I worked hard for this body.”

“But they have some chips I like there.”

“Fine, we can go to Wal-Mart after.”

Hidan put his seat-belt on and made sure it was secure, knowing that Deidara was not exactly the best of drivers, “Um, that was a stop sign…” He pointed out the window as they left the trailer park and turned out onto the road without even stopping.

“There was no one coming, hm.” Deidara told him, then got out his cell phone and took a picture for snapchat of the sky or something, Hidan didn’t know and didn’t care as he tried to grab the phone away.

“I don’t want to die in your fucking car, Deidara!” Hidan shouted, grabbing the phone and taking a video of Deidara glaring at him and added it to his story before throwing in the back seat.

“You’re not going to die.” Deidara huffed, “Whatever, light a cigarette for me, will you?”

Hidan got out two cigarettes, lit one and then held the other, unlit one, out to Deidara, “You know, you really shouldn’t smoke.”

“Says the guy with a cigarette in his mouth, give it to me.”

“Alright, it’s your death. Open your mouth.” He said and stuck it into Deidara’s mouth for him, and leaned over, talking around the one in his own mouth, “Now suck, not too hard though.”

Deidara inhaled and lit his cigarette from Hidan’s, their eyes meeting briefly and Hidan watched as a flush crept into Deidara’s cheeks before he looked away and slammed on the brakes to avoid running into the back of a van in front of them.

Deidara made a left turn at the corner and drove into the 7-11 parking lot a bit faster than he should have been going and couldn’t stop in time, hitting the front window of the store, shattering it, then reversed the car and parked.

“What the fuck are you doing!?” Hidan demanded as they got out and walked in.

“Sorry about that, my man.” Deidara said to the clerk.

The clerk just sighed, “It’s alright, you have insurance, right?”

“Oh yeah, I got insurance.”

“Fine, fine. Just give me your information before you leave.” The clerk waved them away and Deidara found the chips he wanted while Hidan was getting a slurpee and then they paid, the clerk took Deidara’s insurance information and they left.

“You do shit like that often?” Hidan asked, looking at the window as they backed up.

“No… I was… distracted.” Deidara said with a laugh, “It looks pretty like that though, doesn’t it? All the shattered pieces, it’s like art!”

“Yeah, sure, art.” Hidan sucked up his slurpee through the straw, “Want some?”

“This’ll kill you before the smoking does, you’ll get diabetes.” Deidara said, leaning over and opening his mouth for Hidan to put the straw in so he wouldn’t have to take his hands off the wheel, blue eyes looking up at Hidan as he got a mouthful before turning back to the road.

By the time they got to Wal-Mart the slurpee was finished and Hidan braced himself as Deidara parked, afraid he might crash into one of the cars in the spots on either side of the one Deidara was pulling into. Amazingly, he did not and Hidan sighed in relief.

“I hate this place, hm, I always feel dirty after being here.” Deidara said as they walked into the store past the door greeter who had just greeted them.

“Yeah, me too, but shit’s cheap here and you don’t have to go to five different places to get all the shopping done.” Hidan shrugged and grabbed a cart and they walked over to the food aisles, avoiding an aisle where a child was leashed to a cart and walking in circles while the female caretaker, possibly mother, opened jars of peanut butter and sniffed them, dipping her finger into one to taste it.

“Bitch, that’s disgusting.” Hidan muttered.

Deidara walked ahead of him and looked at the pool noodles, “You wanna hang out tonight?”

“I can’t drink or anything, I meet my PO in the morning, don’t want to get locked up again. I hate that prick…I bet he’d lock me back up if he even _thinks_ I've been drinking… Speaking of which, you gotta take that beer from my fridge, and I have some Jack in the bedroom, give it back after tomorrow, don’t fucking drink it.”

“I’ve never drunk your shit, man.”

“Yeah, you fucking did. Last time, you gave me back an empty bottle and were so drunk you didn’t know what you were doing, you thought I wanted to recycle it.”

“Hmm… maybe I did…” Deidara thought about it and shrugged, “Alright, well, I won’t drink it this time. And we don’t have to drink, we can go for a swim.”

Hidan got some protein powder and milk, then a few boxes of macaroni and cheese, some instant ramen, a pack of hot dogs and a fresh roasted chicken. Deidara threw some chicken crackers and canned spray cheese into the cart, along with some cereal and milk, after looking around a bit more, they added some bacon and eggs to the cart and went to the self checkout, grabbing some store brand oreo’s on the way.

As they were paying for their items Deidara elbowed Hidan in the ribs, “What the fuck was that for?!” Hidan demanded, rubbing his side, “That hurt…”

“Oh my god, Hidan… shut up, it didn’t hurt that bad.” Deidara shook his head, “Don’t look, but…” He tilted his head to the side and Hidan turned around to see Kakuzu at one of other self checkouts, hair tied up neatly in a bun, wearing a black sleeveless shirt that showed perfectly muscled arms, and black jeans that were neither too loose nor too snug. Hidan felt his heart rate pick up at the sight of him. He didn't think he had ever seen a more handsome man than Kakuzu. 

“Damn, Hidan… you really want him bad, don’t you?” Deidara drawled next to his ear, “Too bad he hates you.”

Hidan snapped out of it and glared at his friend before turning back to Kakuzu, waving at him, “Oh, hey, Kakuzu! What a coincidence that we’re both shopping here tonight.”

Kakuzu didn’t bother to look up, and continued scanning his items, hoping they would leave without trying to engage him in further conversation. It was bad enough he had to see them where he lived but out in public, too? That was too much.

“Kakuzu!!” Hidan shouted, becoming irritated, shoving his credit card into the card reader, “Didn’t you hear me? Did you forget your fucking hearing aids, old man?!”

Deidara’s eyes grew wide, “Hidan!” He hissed, “What are you doing?! He’s going to raise our rent or something!”

“He can’t do shit, we have leases.” Hidan laughed, “Yo! Kakuzu! I just bought a roasted chicken, wanna come over to my place and eat it with me? It’ll be like a date.”

“No.” Kakuzu said, scanning the last of his items.

“Aw, come on. It'll be fun!”

“I said no. I don’t date people who take their clothes off for money, and I also don’t date, period. It’s childish, and I am not a child.”

“You’re just jealous because you’re too old to get money if you took your clothes off, no one wants to see what you’ve got under there.” Hidan looked Kakuzu up and down, and hated the way his blood heated at the thought of what he might look like without anything on, knowing that it was going to be good regardless of his age.

“It seems to me that you are particularly interested to see what I have under here, but you’re not going to find out. Ever. Go eat your chicken alone, Hidan, and I hope you choke on a bone and die so you can quit hitting on me every chance you get.”

Before Hidan could get any words out of his mouth, Deidara had grabbed him hand and yanked him away, pushing a shopping bag into his hands, “Hidan, stop!”

“Did you hear that shit he just said to me?!” Hidan wanted to punch the old man in the face.

“Yes, and I heard what you said to him, you’re even.” They left the store, the door greeter not bothering to check their receipt after looking at them.

“But he told me to fucking die!”

“Calm down.” Deidara said, tossing the bags into the backseat, “Get in the car.”

“Look at him.” Hidan said, watching as Kakuzu left the store and walked through the parking lot, “Thinks he’s hot shit, I can’t fucking stand him.”

“Hidan…get in…” Deidara groaned as he turned the key in the ignition.

“I _will_ have him one day, he's gonna be mine.” Hidan swore as he finally got in the car and Deidara backed up and drove out of the parking lot, honking at someone, “What a stupid driver, doesn’t know how a stop sign works, hm!”

“Yeah.” Hidan said, raising his eyebrows, “Much like someone else I know…”

They put their food away in their respective homes, then took the roast chicken to the pool to eat it and go for a night time swim.

As they were getting out, they saw a police car drive up with the lights on.

“I wonder what happened, hm?” Deidara said.

“Yeah, I bet someone was beating his wife or cooking meth or something, this is a trailer park, I bet that happens a lot around here, right?” Hidan dried his hair and they were about to leave the pool area when two police officers walked up to them, one with blond hair, the other having gray and both looked like they were closely related, overly muscled assholes.

Hidan and Deidara exchanged looks and then looked around, they were the only ones in the pool area.

“Oh my god… Hidan… what do we do, hm?” Deidara whispered.

“Stay calm, you’re freaking the fuck out, cops can smell fear so stop it.”

Deidara did not stay calm, “Is it about the window at 7-11?!” Deidara wanted to know, “They said it was ok! I gave my insurance!”

“Alright, everybody needs to remain calm.” The blond officer said, hand going to his gun.

Deidara made squeaking noises and Hidan was just pissed. They hadn’t done anything wrong at all, and as far as he knew, unless you count not stopping at stop signs and snapchatting while driving and crashing into the window at 7-11, but those wouldn’t warrant the police coming out while they were having a swim, “We didn’t do anything!” Hidan shouted.

“Do you live here?”

“Yeah, and we pay our fuck-”

Deidara jammed his elbow into Hidan’s ribs for the second time that night and he knew he would have some bruises.

“We pay our rent.” Deidara said, “We’re good friends with the manager, too! Mr. Kakuzu! That’s his name!”

“We got a call about a couple of vagrants bathing in the pool, we’re going to have to call this ‘Mr. Kakuzu’ out and check with him.” The officer clearly did not believe them.

“What’s your name? Officer…?” Hidan wanted to know.

“Kinkaku.”

“And Ginkaku.”

Repressing the urge to roll his eyes, they were clearly brothers, probably twins, who gives their stupid fucking kids matching names, Hidan thought, but put on his most charming smile instead and said, “Alright then, Officers Kinkaku and Ginkaku, I’m going to call Kakuzu, and he’ll come out and prove that we do in fact live here and are not bums bathing in the pool.”

Deidara was nodding and wondered what stupid asshole called the cops on them, though he had a pretty good idea it was his neighbor. He watched as Hidan reach into his pocket but he was wearing his swim shorts and did not have his phone on him.

“Damn…Deidara, do you have your phone?”

Deidara shook his head.

Hidan laughed it off, “Well, since we were swimming, we don’t have our phones, but if you just go over to his trailer-”

“Do you have your keys that could prove you live here?” Kinkaku asked, crossing his arms.

Hidan looked around, “Damn…” there were no keys.

“So, you have no keys, no phone. Alright, well, we can still get to the bottom of this. Why don’t you two have a seat and-”

“Why don’t you just let us go get him?!” Hidan demanded, “We’re not homeless! We were not _bathing_ in the _stupid fucking pool!”_

“Alright, you need to calm down!” The other officer, Ginkaku said, coming forward, something small and black in his hand.

“We live here in this dump!” Hidan shouted.

“Hidan, just sit down…” Deidara said, “They can go get Kakuzu…”

But Hidan was past the point of listening, “Who the fuck called you cops anyways? Huh?!” He turned to Deidara, “I bet it was that bitch you live next to, I think I saw her ugly ass walk by. Did you know she’s a fucking stripper? Yeah, my boss knows her, she works-”

“Sir! I need you to sit down!” Kinkaku ordered.

“I’m not doing anything!” Hidan shouted back.

“Hidan.” Deidara tried to grab his hand to pull him down but Hidan was too worked up and pulled his hand away.

“No, we didn’t do a damn thing, we live here, we have a right to be in the pool, it’s not after ten, we weren’t making noise! This is complete bullshit!” He was moving towards the police and they pulled their guns on him, “Oh?! You wanna fucking shoot me?!” He held his arms open, “Go the fuck ahead!! Joke’s on you though cause I can't-”

“Get on the ground!” They barked at him and without giving him time to react, they had him tackled on the ground and one had a knee between his shoulder blades and the other cop was twisting his arms around to handcuff him.

“What’s going on here?!” Kakuzu asked. He had seen the flashing lights and then had gotten a call from several of the tenants that there was a disturbance at the pool. Of course it would be Hidan and Deidara. 

“Nothing to see here! Just a couple of vagrants, possibly under the influence. We're going to need you to step back, sir!”

“Vagrants?” Kakuzu repeated, “They’re not vagrants, even though they look it, they live here. Those are my tenants.”

“Are they? And who are you?”

“I’m the manager, Kakuzu.”

“See?! Told you, you fucking pig! Why don’t you let me up and go fill your fat mouth up at Denny’s!” Hidan spat from where he was still held down on the ground and tried to get up, then decided to slam the back of his head into the officers face but missed.

“Resisting and attempting to assault an officer, that’s an offense, you know. I could take you in for this!” Ginkaku said, holding Hidan down, he pulled something from his vest and grabbed Hidan by the hair to yank his head up and around and sprayed him directly in the face with pepper spray, making sure to get it in his eyes and mouth.

Hidan screamed. Deidara screamed. Kakuzu grimaced, thinking that was a bit much, Hidan hadn’t actually hit him after all and as much as he hated to, he had to side with Hidan and Deidara. They had done nothing wrong being at the pool. 

“You have proof they live here?” Kinkaku demanded all while Hidan and Deidara screamed in front of them as Hidan was still being sprayed.

“If you come with me, I can straighten this all out.” Kakuzu said, jaw set. He looked down at Hidan, tears and snot running down his face, and quickly lead the officer away out of the pool area.

Hidan felt like his spine was going to snap with the amount of pressure the cop held him down with, not like he could see to get up, his entire face felt like it was on fire, his mouth and throat were on fire, his eyes were blurry and watering and he really couldn’t see a thing, his nose was running and even that burned. “You uh, wanna ease up a bit? I promise I won’t go anywhere.” Hidan coughed, spitting mace and saliva onto the cement.

“Oh, well I’m a fat pig, so I don’t think so.” And with that, Ginkaku put even more pressure on Hidan.

It was almost ten minutes before they came back, “Let him up.”

Ginkaku pushed off Hidan’s back and he grunted in pain before being pulled to his feet.

“Checks out, they live here, must be a neighbor they pissed off or something. I’ll write up the report.”

Hidan was released and he stumbled forward, Deidara caught him so he didn’t fall into the pool and drown.

Kakuzu glared at the two police as they walked away.

“I fucking hate those guys…” Hidan muttered as the cops drove away, he was rubbing his eyes and face, only making everything worse, “I need to fucking wash my face… fucking hurts! And shit! Shit!! _Shit!!!_ I have to meet my PO looking like this in the morning, oh fuck!”

“Take him home.” Kakuzu said.

“I don’t have my keys!” Hidan shouted, eyes squeezed shut, he kept rubbing them and Kakuzu grabbed his hands, pulling them away, “What the fuck?!”

“Stop touching your face.” Kakuzu told him, still holding both of Hidan’s wrists in one hand.

“Kakuzu, I uh, don’t have my keys either…” Deidara said.

Kakuzu looked at the two of them, his eyes staying on Hidan longer, his face was all red and he was actually crying, “Alright, come with me.”

He could have just given them a spare key and been done with them, but for some reason he pulled Hidan inside and down the hall into his bathroom where he turned on the cold water in the shower, “I'm putting your face under the water. When I do, open your eyes.” Kakuzu told him.

Deidara stood in the doorway, watching as Hidan let himself be shoved into the spray of the cold water and tried to force his eyes open, it burned, and he couldn’t see a thing except for light, but he let Kakuzu hold him under the water, enjoying the feel of large hands on his shoulders, holding him steady, one of his own hands came up, feeling the air in front of him for Kakuzu’s arm, grasping it.

“You.” Kakuzu said and turned to look at Deidara, “Go and sit down, don’t you dare touch anything or look through my stuff. If anything is missing, I’ll know you took it. I’ll get you your key in a moment.”

Kakuzu pulled Hidan out of the water, “How’s that?”

“Can’t fuckin’ see.” His eyes were still watering and he had fresh snot running down his face. Kakuzu thought he looked pathetic and shoved him back under the water.

“Open your eyes.”

“I’m trying to!”

“Stay.” Kakuzu let go and Hidan fumbled to put his hands up on the wall at the loss of support. Kakuzu left the bathroom and went to get Deidara the spare key for his trailer.

“What about Hidan?”

“He’ll be done soon, but I don’t like you sitting out here by yourself, you’ll probably start looking through my things, so go home.”

“Hiding something?” Deidara asked without thinking.

“Yes. Your body if you don’t leave.”

Deidara left, not saying another word, hoping Hidan would be alright.

After Kakuzu went back into the bathroom, he got a bar of soap from the sink and then lathered up his hands, “Close your eyes.” He pulled Hidan out of the water and rubbed his soapy hands all over his face.

“You got soap in my mouth you fuckwad!” Hidan tried to jerk away, but Kakuzu had too strong a hold on him.

“I’m trying to help you, you piece of shit! Time to rinse.” Kakuzu pushed him back under the water and after a few more minutes, Hidan was trying to get out of the water, “Done?” Kakuzu asked, pulling him out, and looking him over, “Can you at least see?”

“Oh yeah, I can see perfectly fine now.”

Kakuzu looked at him, his face was red, splotchy, and his eyes were swollen almost shut. His lips were red and swollen, his nose was still running. 

“You look like shit, Hidan.”

“I’ve been maced before, I know what I fucking look like.” 

Kakuzu handed him a towel and let him dry his face off, he had done enough already, why hadn’t he just let Deidara take him home he didn’t know.

Kakuzu pushed him out of the bathroom and towards the front door, grabbing the key from the hook on the wall, “Here,” he put it in Hidan’s hand, “your spare key, bring it back by tomorrow.”

Hidan hesitated at the door, trying to grab the door knob but missing, “Can’t you walk me home?”

“No.” Kakuzu opened the door gave him a gentle push out, “Now go, and don’t get hit by any cars.”

“Kakuzu! Walk me home!” Hidan shouted as he held onto the railing to walk down the steps, “I can’t bare;y fucking see!!”

“You’ll be fine.”

Kakuzu hadn’t really believed Hidan that he couldn't see until he watched as he walked right out in front of a car and get hit, his body thrown back several yards as the car came to a screeching halt.

The driver got out, Kakuzu recognized him by his red hair, Rasa, he hated him.

“What the hell are you doing walking out in front of me like that?!” Rasa shouted at the motionless body in the road.

“Dad! You just killed…”

Rasa turned and looked at the girl who had gotten out, “Temari! Get back in the car! You don't need to see this!”

Kakuzu walked down the steps and was kneeling next to Hidan, checking for a pulse. There was blood coming from his ears, nose, and mouth and he had a dark bruise on his stomach where he had been hit, indicating there was internal bleeding.

“Is he alive?” Rasa demanded as he walked over, “What was he doing, walking out into the road like that? And what’s wrong with his face? Is he on drugs?”

Looking up at him, Kakuzu ignored all of Rasa’s questions and asked, “Why were you driving so fast through here? There’s a speed limit you know, fifteen miles per hour, you were going at least thirty, probably more.”

“Does he have a pulse?” Rasa asked, frantic.

“No.” Kakuzu told him, “And he isn’t breathing either.” 

Well, Kakuzu thought, he would be able to get rid of two tenants that had caused him problems, both for different reasons. Two birds, one stone. It was just too bad he wouldn’t get to find out if Hidan was as good as he claimed to be, Kakuzu would almost regret that, but it was better this way. 

“Then do something!” Rasa told him, “Call 911! Don’t you know CPR?” He was on his knees on Hidan’s other side, “Someone managing a trailer park should at least know CPR, there’s kids and old people living here, you got a pool! And people like him, who like to walk in front of cars! Like I need to be charged for vehicular manslaughter! I'm a single father with three kids! Call the damn ambulance already!!” He started chest compressions and then tilted Hidan’s head back and saw the blood, “I’m not putting my mouth on that. Kakuzu, you breathe into his mouth!”

“You do it!” Kakuzu grabbed Rasa by the throat, “You’re the one who ran into him with your car and killed him! If anyone is putting their mouth on him, it’ll be be you.” Shoving him down towards Hidan’s face, they both jumped back as Hidan sucked in a breath, then started coughing as he choked on his own blood, it flew from his mouth, hitting them both in the face.

“Damn…” Kakuzu muttered as he wiped the blood from his face. He wanted to be disappointed that Hidan was not in fact dead, but he wasn't, at least not completely. Then he decided it was just one more reason to hate Rasa. Hidan had had no pulse, Kakuzu had been sure of it and blamed Rasa for him not staying dead.

“Hey, look at me, kid.” Rasa pulled Hidan into a sitting position, “How do you feel?”

Hidan looked around, blood dripping from his mouth, and his arms went around his stomach, “Oww… fuck… What happened?”

After a very pointed look with Kakuzu, Rasa said, “You passed out, you alright now?”

“I didn’t pass out, I was-”

“What’s your name?”

“Who the fuck are you?” Hidan asked, squinting, trying to see who was talking to him, he still couldn’t see and wiped his mouth with the back of his arm, smearing it with blood.

“I just saved your life, kid! You should have some respect.”

“Yeah, well I’d have been fine on my own, dick face, and I aint no kid!” Hidan slowly got to his feet.

“You let some real trash move in here, Kakuzu.” Rasa growled as he walked away.

“Just a minute.” Kakuzu said.

“What?”

“Dad… I-” Temari said from the car, looking at the phone in her hands.

Rasa turned his head towards her, “Temari, hold on,” then turned back to Kakuzu, “What do you want? He’s fine, he was just passed out, he can stand, walk and string coherent sentences together. Clearly you don’t know how to read a pulse and-”

“Dad, I’m sorry but--”

“Temari...”

“But, Kankuro’s texting me!”

“So? We’re almost home.”

“It’s Gaara… he did something, again. He’s not listening to Kankuro.”

“Damn those boys...” Rasa balled his hands into fists. He needed to get home, which was going to be a circus at best as soon as he walked in. “Look, Kakuzu, I’m sorry, he seems fine, if he’s not, I’ll… pay for his doctors bill, just let me go and don’t get the cops involved. I really have to go now, my kids are fighting, one of them is in trouble again, I really have to go!”

“Fine. Go, and your damn kid better not be destroying anything that’s not yours this time. We can discuss this matter later.” Kakuzu was hoping to get some money out of this.

“You gonna fucking walk me home now? Or you want me to get run down a few more times before I make it there on my own?” Hidan asked.

“You’re too much trouble, Hidan.” Kakuzu looked him over, the black and blue splotches on his stomach standing out against his pale skin, he couldn’t help it and reached out and ran his finger tips over it. How was he still alive and standing on his own, Kakuzu wondered.

“Hey, wh- what’re you doing?” Hidan stepped back.

Kakuzu dropped his hand, “Nothing. You should probably go to the hospital and get checked out.”

“Probably should, yeah, but there’s no need. I’ll be fine. Told you I couldn’t see a fucking thing, didn’t believe me… I think you’re trying to get me killed.” Hidan muttered as Kakuzu practically drug him across the trailer park to his place.

“You’re home now, give me the key.” Kakuzu unlocked and opened the door for Hidan, “You know your way around your own trailer, don’t trip and break your neck.”

Hidan smiled, it looked horrible on his red, swollen and bloodied face, “Ooh, Kuzu, I think you might actually care about me.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it.” Kakuzu said, watching as Hidan got inside. Part of him wished Rasa had killed Hidan, he was becoming a real problem.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan gets a surprise visit from his probation officer. Kakuzu screws Rasa. And Deidara experiences the worst sex of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter include: alcohol and drug use, and sex as mentioned in the summary. Also, the sex is meant to be terrible, Hidan is not very experienced and is also both extremely stoned and drunk very early in the morning.
> 
> I will try my best to get a chapter a week up, more if I have the time. I'm editing the chapters to fix any spelling and grammatical errors (there were a lot, I don't know how I missed them the first time posting) and making small changes as I see fit. I won't change anything major though. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, I apologize for taking this down.

Hidan had a clean black t-shirt on, clean jeans, (both of which had been saved for this particular day) and his hair was slicked back. He wanted to look as presentable as he could for his parole officer after the night before. While much of the swelling had gone down, his eyes were still red, puffy, and watery from the pepper spray. He couldn’t hide the bruises and cuts on his face and arms from being hit by Rasa's car, so he hoped for the best as he grabbed his keys and wallet to go down to the police station for his scheduled meeting with his parole officer.

Just as he opened his front door he saw a squad car drive up and his parole officer, Asuma Sarutobi, get out.

“Fuck.” He sighed, just his luck.

“Hidan. I know you must be on your way to come meet me, but after the report I got about you this morning, I decided I needed to come out here and check on things in person. How about we go inside.”

Hidan wanted to say no, to go to hell, that he didn't want him in his home. But he couldn’t and stepped aside, allowing Asuma in.

“You should never become an interior designer…” Asuma told him, looking around, his eyes lingering on the red stain by the kitchen, “Were you under the influence of anything last night?”

“No.”

“You haven’t been drinking? At all?”

“No.”

“Taking drugs?”

“No!” Hidan was getting irritated, he hated having Asuma in his house.

“Look,” Asuma ran a hand over his face, “I have to ask, and you should know that I have the right to search your house.”

“Then fucking search it, I got nothing to hide!"

After a thorough search Asuma found nothing but a handgun and some large knives, which he questioned Hidan about.

“I live in a shitty trailer park, who knows who else lives here, I could be living next to some violent ex-con.”

“Aren’t you the violent ex-con?” Asuma asked lightly, holding the gun in his hand, “How did you get this?”

“I’ve had it, it’s not new.”

Asuma sighed, “Hidan, being in possession of a firearm is against the terms of your probation.”

Hidan frowned at this and crossed his arms. He was starting to feel lightheaded. “I don’t recall anything like that…”

“You are a convicted felon, you killed someone with your car. You can not have a gun, you are breaking the law by having this.”

“But I didn’t-”

“You want to go back to jail? Because it looks like-”

“No! I don’t want to go back to fucking jail! I didn’t know, I really didn’t! I don’t wanna end up back in jail, I’m sorry! Fuck... look, I didn’t know… I had it from before, it’s not new. That was my dad’s... oh shit.” Hidan ran shaky hands through his hair, messing it up, “I’ve been good, you know I have! Come on man, please don’t report this.”

Asuma turned the gun over in his hands, looking at it and sighed, “I know you've been pretty good so far, Hidan. But have to do my job.”

“Fuck!! I fucking hate you!!” Hidan turned around and walked out the front door, grabbing the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one up, taking a long drag, trying to calm down. His chest felt so tight he felt like he couldn't breathe and tore his shirt off, throwing it on the porch and kicking at it. Spotting an empty clay flower pot, he kicked it down the steps, it hit the ground and broke into several pieces with a clatter, but it didn't help. He wanted to scream, wanted to claw at his skin and make it bleed. It felt too tight, his lungs burned and ached and his breathing came in short, rapid breaths. Jail was the last place he wanted to go, he hated it there. 

“Hey!” Asuma shouted, coming after him.

“It’s not like I went around shooting people with it!” Hidan shouted at him, waving his cigarette out in front of him, “It was an accident! I stopped! I could have kept going but I fucking stopped! I was so stupid, I should have just kept driving, no one would have caught me!”

“Calm down. You're right, you did stop. It was the right thing to do but you were-”

Hidan was not going to calm down. “No! Fuck. I didn’t know. I didn’t know about the law, seriously. I’ve had that thing for years! Was the only thing my old man ever gave me, I have nothing else from him. They're both dead now and I have nothing, _nothing!!”_

Asuma hadn’t been listening to his raving, instead he was looking at the bruising all over Hidan’s stomach, “What the hell happened to you?”

“Got hit by a car last night… heh, the irony in that, huh?” Hidan took another drag and started coughing, maybe a cigarette wasn’t going to help him this time, but he didn’t put it out and kept smoking it.

“I didn’t see your name in any other police reports, didn’t they stop?”

“Oh yeah, fucker stopped, but I was fine after a few minutes.” Hidan shrugged, “No need to get any more pigs involved in my life than I already have.”

“I'll ignore that comment. I think you should see a doctor. And this, I have to report.” Asuma slipped the gun into his belt, “It’s true, you’ve behaved, but after last night, and now this, I can’t guarantee anything.”

“Fuck off, man.”

“I still need a urine sample before I do.”

“Asuma?” A small voice called. The two turned to see Naruto standing in the driveway next door, putting his bike away.

Asuma smiled and waved, “Oh, hey! Naruto, how’s it going?”

The boy shrugged, “Ok I guess.”

“How’s my dad?”

“He’s good, do you want me to go get him?”

“No, no, I’m in a hurry.” Asuma said, “I have another appointment to get to.” He handed Hidan a cup inside of a bag, “Let’s go.”

It was humiliating, having to piss into a cup in front of someone. But Hidan did it, handed it over, and Asuma was gone. Once alone, Hidan decided that he needed a drink, and maybe some weed, so he went over to Deidara’s and banged on the door until he opened it.

“You alright? You’re really pale and sweaty, and what the hell is that?!” Deidara pointed at his stomach.

“Hit by a car last night. It’s nothing, people should stop asking about it. Let me in, I need a fucking drink.”

“It’s nothing?!”

“Yeah, nothing, I’m fine now. You gonna let me in?”

“Yeah, sure.” Deidara let him in and handed him a beer from the fridge, but Hidan had already gotten his bottle of Jack and was going to sit in the living room.

“It’s kinda early, isn’t it?” Glancing at his phone, it was was only 9:30 in the morning.

“No.” Hidan unscrewed the cap and took drank straight from the bottle, “My fucking PO searched my place... found a fucking gun.”

“You had a gun?”

Hidan shrugged, “Turns out...I wasn’t supposed to. Broke some law or some shit... Probably gonna end up back in jail…”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. Shit. My parents are dead but they’re still fucking me over from their damned graves...” Hidan took another drink.

Deidara opened the beer he intended to give Hidan and started to drink it, “Why did you have a gun?”

“I don’t know, I’ve just had it… my dad gave it to me.”

“You weren’t going to use it on anyone, were you?”

Hidan swallowed the liquor, enjoying the burn as it went down, “I... no.”

“Hidan?”

“People have guns, Deidara! What’s with the twenty questions? I should have gotten rid of it, I never kept any of their shit. You know what, never fucking mind. You got any weed?”

“Hell yes.” Deidara went to his bedroom and came back with a container of weed and some papers and started rolling a joint, “I have just what you need, Hidan! I've been saving this one for a special occasion, it's one of the really good ones.”

“Excellent, fuck me up, Dei.” Hidan said, without any of his usual humor, which made Deidara stop what he was doing and look up at him.

“It’s bad, hm?”

Hidan just nodded as Deidara sealed the joint and lit it up.

* * *

Half way through the third joint, Deidara and Hidan were sprawled across the couch, each at opposite ends, their legs on top of each other.

“Gimme it,” Hidan said, lifting his hand as Deidara held it out without moving forward, “Can’t reach… can’t move...”

Deidara, who had not been drinking the way Hidan had, sat up and leaned forward, “Open that mouth of yours, Hidan. I'm gonna put something good in it.”

Hidan raised a brow but did as he was told and Deidara put the joint in his mouth for him, then started to lean back, dragging his hand down Hidan’s chest watching as Hidan sucked in a breath.

“This looks wild. It’s the color of a berry...” Deidara said, looking at the bruise, “What’s that? Look almost like... a Ford logo? So classy. I wonder...” He leaned forward, his face inches from Hidan’s stomach, and then he licked.

Hidan gronaed, “Dei…what’re you doin’?”

“Shh... thought it might taste like strawberries…” Deidara ran his tongue over Hidan’s stomach again, hot and wet.

“I do not taste like... strawberries…” Hidan gasped as all the blood rushed to his nether regions, suddenly feeling very turned on. “Oh shit, Deidara... I have an idea. You wanna fuck?”

Deidara looked up, but didn’t answer.

“Deidara.” Hidan’s voice was rough and low.

“Yeah?”

“You uhm…” Hidan swallowed, watching as Deidara licked his lips, “I asked you something. You wanna fuck?”

Deidara flushed deeply as heat pooled low in his belly.

“It’s just sex though.” Hidan clarified, “We’re not going to be boyfriends. You know I want Kakuzu, right? Do you think he'll want to be my boyfriend? But, I really wanna fuck you right now, sometimes I think about you. You ever think about me?”

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hidan asked, confused, “I asked like a bunch of different questions, I am way too stoned to know which one you're answering.”

The next thing Hidan knew Deidara was on his lap, straddling him, “What do you think it means, hm? Let's fuck.”

“Oh.” Now it was Hidan’s turn to flush as Deidara took his shirt off, “Deidara...you look good on top of me, you’ll look even better riding my dick.”

“We’ll still be friends, right?”

“Of course we will, we could be fuck buddies, too.” Hidan told him as he unzipped his jeans and then reached up to pull Deidara's face down to his.

* * *

Kakuzu sat at his dining table that was used less for eating at and more for doing all his paperwork at, and went through the books, transferring money, checking bank balances and his stocks and investments. He then leaned back and thought about Rasa. The man was an asshole, but he had money. And Kakuzu wanted some of it. So he called him, “Rasa, are you at home? I want to discuss what happened last night.”

"I’m at work. What do you want? That kid didn’t die or something did he?!"

“No, he did not die. But I had to take him to the ER and he was admitted to the hospital.”

"Dammit." Kakuzu heard what must have been Rasa slamming his fist down on something.

“Yes, his injuries were extensive, as his bills are sure to be. No insurance and he has about as much money as you can imagine. He mentioned suing you.”

"What?! No! You tell him he doesn’t need to sue. I can take care of it, my company will cover it. Don’t- Just don’t get cops or lawyers involved!"

“I’ll talk to you later, the hospital is calling," Kakuzu tried to sound as concerned as he could, "I hope he hasn’t died.” 

Kakuzu hung up. Getting money out of Rasa would be as easier than he thought, he would have to thank Hidan for his idiocy, but later, and probably never because Kakuzu wanted as little contact with him as possible. After scrolling through his contacts, he found the one he wanted: Dr. Tsunade Senju.

“How would you like to make some money?” He asked when she answered.

“Kakuzu, straight to the point as always. I like it, you don't waste my time. Alright, so what do you want?”

“I want you to make me a bill for an emergency room visit due to being hit by a car. Internal injuries, concussion, a few nights hospital stay, make it expensive but believable.”

She laughed loudly into the phone, “I don’t run an emergency room! This is a general practice.”

“I am aware, but I need it. A favor, Tsunade, for old times sake?”

Tsunade _'hmm'd'_ and then asked, “What are up to, Kakuzu?”

“Are you going to do it or not?” 

“For a price. I want a quarter of whatever you’re making off this. For old times, and all that.”

“I’ll be making whatever the total of that bill comes out to be, so that's up to you.”

He heard Tsunade as she called out, “Shizune! I need you to write me up a bill!”

“Yes, Tsunade! What is the patient's name?”

Kakuzu didn't wait for Tsunade to repeat the question. “His name is Hidan.”

“Hidan _what?_” Tsunade demanded, “I need a last name!”

“He doesn’t have one, he had it legally removed.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. He’s like Cher.”

Tsunade snorted, “Alright, text me all his information, I’ll have it done by the time I close, we can meet tonight. The usual spot.”

“See you tonight then.” Kakuzu hung up and sent Hidan’s information to her. Then his eyes traveled over to his bookcases, packed full of old books he collected. He leaned towards it and chose one at random to look through. A quick glance at the cover and it looked like an unassuming organic cookbook, titled:_ ‘Natural Harvest’_. But after flipping through it and reading one of the recipes, and then another just to be sure, Kakuzu quickly realized it was not something he was interested in cooking. At all, ever. After he tossed it back on the shelf, Kakuzu went to wash his hands, several times. Then he decided to take care of some maintenance on one of the washing machines in the laundry room before it become too complicated and he had to call someone out to fix it, he would still send an invoice to Konan and Pein though.

* * *

Hidan had Deidara face down on the couch and was laying on top of him, one arm around his throat, putting just enough pressure to restrict his breathing a little bit, “How’s that?” Hidan breathed, “You like it?”

“Yes…” Deidara hissed, pushing himself against Hidan, “Fuck me already, come on, hm! Or are you too stoned to remember how, because whatever this is has gone on for a while now. I'm telling you, I'm ready. Move dammit!” 

“Just wait… I know what I’m doing.” Hidan told him.

Suddenly Deidara shouted at him, “Hidan, please! Come on, already! Fuck me. Fuck me right now!”

“With pleasure.” Hidan shifted his hips with a groan but remained motionless.

“Oh my god, Hidan... you are too stoned for this.”

“I’m pretty hard, yeah.”

Several moments passed and Deidara lifted his head and looked over his shoulder at Hidan who looked totally blissed out, “Can you...ah, move and like, I don't know, actually fuck me?!” 

"That's what I'm doin'." Hidan was laying across him, with all of his weight, and not moving at all, and Deidara was desperate for him to get on with it already, he had, more than a few times, thought about what it would be like if he had sex with Hidan and this had not quite been what he imagined, at all.

"Um, no, Hidan, you're just laying on me with your dick in my ass. This isn't exactly what I had in mind."

"No? Tell me what you want then, cause I can't really think." He reached across and grabbed for his bottle of whiskey and took a swig, some of it spilling down the side of his mouth onto Deidara's back and he reached down and licked it up.

"I keep telling you, I want you to fuck me. Hard." Deidara told him.

“Whatever you say, I hope you can handle it.” Hidan started to move, slowly pulling himself out before thrusting his hips, but the movement made the room spin and Hidan sank down, pressing his face into Deidara's shoulder with a groan, “I don't feel good...” Hidan pulled himself out and Deidara whined at the loss, “Can we go to the bed? I feel kinda weird...I wanna lay down.”

Deidara nodded and the next thing Hidan knew they were on his bed, Hidan on his back and Deidara easing himself down onto him.

“Oh yeah, Deidara, that feels so _fucking good…”_ Hidan groaned, putting his arms above his head and relaxing, “Oh yeah, Dei. You do the work, I’m just gonna enjoy it.”

It was really not at all what Deidara had envisioned, but he wanted to get off, and so Deidara started to move. Sliding up and down, faster and faster, arching his back as Hidan’s hips came up to meet him.

And then just as he started to feel good, Hidan grabbed Deidara and kept him from moving, “Whoa, whoa, slow the fuck down... the room is spinning…”

“Touch me, I’m so close.” Deidara grabbed Hidan’s hand from his hip and wrapped it around his painfully hard erection and rocked his hips with a moan. 

Hidan came first with a groan, seeing stars and passing out halfway through his orgasm. Deidara felt him go limp under him and pushed Hidan’s hand away from his dick, finishing himself on his own and coming all over Hidan’s stomach and chest, then smearing it in with a satisfied grin, knowing it would be all dried and crusty by the time Hidan woke up.

"That'll teach you to pass out on me." Deidara muttered to himself as he laid down alongside Hidan for a few minutes. He was irritated to say the least, it had really not been what he had imagined it would be like, but he had also never seen Hidan so stoned or drunk before. Whatever the visit with his parole officer had been like, it hadn't been good and while the sex hadn't been ideal, it wasn't awful, and considering the situation, Deidara couldn't stay mad at Hidan. But he could be petty, and saw he had hit Hidan's face as well with his cum, so he took his finger and smeared it around on Hidan's face and lips. With that, Deidara got up and went to shower and clean up, then he decided to work on some art he had been thinking about for a while. 

* * *

“Kakuzu.” Tsunade greeted him at the bar as she sat down.

He inclined his head but said nothing.

“I have what you wanted. As I said, a quarter of this is mine.”

“You must be in dire need of money, you didn’t need any convincing.”

Tsunade looked away, “I may or may not have lost a rather large bet and need to pay off a debt.”

Kakuzu motioned for the bartender to get him another drink and one for Tsunade as well. “You should stop gambling, you’d have more money.”

“And you would have had to do a lot more convincing than you did.”

They drank in silence until finally Kakuzu said, “Let me see it.”

A packet of papers folded into thirds was placed in his hands and he opened them, eyes scanning each page carefully, it looked just like a real hospital bill.

“It’s as official as it can be.” Tsunade told him, “I am a doctor after all, my patients get the same thing.”

Kakuzu’s eyes ran over the numbers, procedures, until he reached the bottom, a slow smile curving his lips up.

“Is that a smile? You must like it. It’s a little less than what it would actually cost someone with no insurance.” Tsunade grinned.

“Oh yes, I like it.” He looked up at her, “I think I need to buy you another drink.”

* * *

Kakuzu hadn’t seen Hidan at all for a few days, and hoped Rasa hadn’t either. He walked over to his trailer and knocked on the door.

Rasa's daughter, Temari, answered, “Yes?” She asked.

“Is your father at home? I need to speak with him.” Kakuzu knew he was, his car was there.

“Yes, hold on.” She closed the door only part way and Kakuzu heard the boys shouting at each other.

“Get that thing out of here!”

“It’s my pet!”

“It’s a monster! It bit me!”

“Because it doesn’t like you!”

“I don’t care, I don’t like it or you!”

“Kankuro! Gaara!” Rasa shouted, “Stop your fighting! And get that animal out of here!”

A moment later the door opened and Rasa stood there in a black long sleeved t-shirt and black jeans looking stressed and exhausted. “Kakuzu. What is it?”

“You know what it is.” He handed over the papers Tsunade had given him.

Unfolding them, Rasa said, “A bill…?”

“You said you were going to pay. Hidan is broke, he can’t afford this.”

“He walked right in front of mey car!”

“You were speeding, thirty five, forty miles per hour, you know the speed limit here is fifteen. But, if you’re not willing to pay, after saying you would, I suppose I’ll just have to let Hidan know, and he will sue.”

“Come inside.” Rasa growled, stepping aside.

“You haven’t paid a pet deposit, if you’re planning on keeping that thing, whatever it is.” Kakuzu said as he walked in and saw Gaara, the youngest of the three kids and the only one to get stuck with Rasa’s red hair, holding what at first looked like a cat, but it was huge and had very long legs, spotted like some leopard, "Is that even legal? What is that thing?"

“It’s a cat.” Rasa said, “Supposedly.”

“Pay the pet deposit or I’ll fine you.”

“Gaara…” Rasa warned, "I told you you weren't going to get to keep it."

“I’m not getting rid of Shukaku.” Gaara told him, defiant, though his voice wavered.

“You’re a lot of trouble, you know that?” Rasa sighed, “Fine. Keep the damn thing, but if it attacks me one more time, it stays outside.”

Gaara glared hard at Rasa and then turned down the hall to his bedroom.

“What the hell kind of cat is that?” Kakuzu asked.

“He said it’s a savannah cat.” Temari answered, “We don’t know where or how he got it…” She shrugged.

“Temari, go to your room, I need to discuss some business with Mr. Kakuzu.” Rasa told her as he sat down at his table, “Sit.”

Kakuzu did not like being told what to do, and so he stood, making sure he loomed over Rasa who looked up at him.

“Sit down so we can discuss this.”

“I don't need to sit and what is there to discuss? You committed a hit and run last night, and Hidan almost died.” Possibly would have actually died, Kakuzu thought, and would have stayed dead if Rasa hadn’t interfered. He knew how to take a pulse and knew Hidan had not had a pulse at all. “He’s spent the last several days in the hospital. They even had to perform surgery to stop the internal bleeding.”

“Surgery?!” Rasa read over the charges, “Dammit! He was fine, he was walking around.” He ran a hand over his face, mumbling about how he wished his wife was still around.

Kakuzu bent down, “You ran a man down with your car. I watched you do it and your own daughter was a witness to it, she was in the car with you when it happened. I wonder who else saw. You did not call the police, that is a hit and run. It's a felony. He has extensive bills now, that he cannot possibly pay. You told me you would pay them, to not get the cops involved. I wonder, Rasa Sabaku, if you want your kids to have to grow up in foster care because you went to jail.” Kakuzu stood back up, crossing his arms, “I know a very good lawyer, better than anything you’ll find, you’ll end up paying far more than this if I get him involved, and you'd face jail time.”

Rasa was silent for several minutes, mulling it over, it would just be easiest to pay up he decided. “Alright, fine. I said I'd pay, I will. But I can’t pay all this at once, that’s impossible.”

“Understandable.” Kakuzu nodded, “We can break it up into monthly payments over the course of the year.” He was smart enough to know better than to push it, make it as easy as possible for Rasa to pay up so he wouldn't get angry or give a hard time.

“Yeah, that’ll work.” Rasa ran his hands through his already messy hair, “This is all Gaara’s fault... Him and that damn cat... That's why I was driving so fast.” 

“Ah, that reminds me," not that Kakuzu would forget that someone owed him money, "the animal. You’re going to owe a pet deposit. One hundred and fifty dollars. I’ll take it now.”

“The cat fee is only one hundred.” Rasa said.

“That cat is as big as a dog and can and probably has done some damage already.”

“Some dogs are smaller than cats.”

“One fifty.”

They glared at each other for several minutes, Kakuzu was not backing down. Finally Rasa went into his bedroom and returned with the money in cash. After carefully counting it, Kakuzu folded it up and tucked it away in his pocket.

“You’ll stay away from Hidan, he was very upset over what happened, traumatized even.” 

Rasa said nothing, and showed Kakuzu to the door.

“I appreciate you being so reasonable.” Kakuzu said, “It could have been much more unpleasant.” He left the double wide trailer and walked home, a satisfied look on his face, the official pet deposit was only seventy five dollars, and soon he’d have the first payment for Hidan’s non-existent hospital bills.


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deidara makes some art, runs into Kakuzu and meets a creepy neighbor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note that this chapter starts off after Deidara leaves Hidan in his bed after they had sex, so it starts before the last chapter ended, hope that's not confusing.

Deidara was tired of listening to Hidan snore so he shut the door to his art room and put on some headphones while working on his latest project. He had the best idea, the idea that was going to make people remember him and his art: fireworks inside of his little clay birds and spiders, that look like candles but you get the surprise of a lifetime when they suddenly blow up! He laughed to himself, they were going to be great! People might lose a hand, or homes might burn down. Maybe someone would even die. But to die for art, especially his, would be the best way to go, Deidara thought.

His phone gave a notification and he saw it was an email from some business he left a bad review for on Yelp and deleted it. Just then a sudden snore broke through the song playing on his phone, and he grit his teeth. He hated the sound of snoring and was suddenly pissed at Hidan for how bad the sex was and him passing out, and decided that he was going to make Hidan regret being so bad in bed. He set up a business account for Yelp and then registered Hidan’s trailer as a strip club, ‘Hidan’s Strip Club Plus More XXX’ and then he added a picture of Hidan to the account, making sure it was one where he was drunk, had a cigarette in hand and looked a bit sleazy, then logged back in on his personal account and left the first review, one star:

‘If I could give this place no stars, I would. I came here, (get it, came? Yeah, did that too but it wasn’t worth it) and was promised a good time by the owner, Hidan, and he may look really hot, he is actually total shit in bed. 0/10 do not recommend. Spend your money elsewhere! Stay away! I probably need to get checked for STD’s now, very sleazy and trashy place. What was I thinking?’

Hidan slept through the rest of the morning and into the afternoon, and since Deidara needed to get some laundry done so he would have clean clothes for school, he grabbed his laundry basket, saw Hidan’s jeans and boxers on the floor, threw them in with his clothes and left.

As he walked into the laundry room, he saw Kakuzu, working on fixing one of the machines, he looked up, “Hit and Run.”

“Mr. Kakuzu.”

“Didn’t have the cops called on you today?”

“Not today, no.”

“Well, it’s still early, plenty of time left in the day for you and Hidan to do something and get arrested.” Kakuzu said and went back to work, “How is Hidan?”

Deidara choked on his own spit, “He’s terrible, honestly.”

Kakuzu hid a smirk as he bent down to reattach a hose to the wall, “As I expected.”

Deidara dumped all of his clothes, along with Hidan’s into the washer and added what looked to be the right amount of detergent and put the coins in, “So, you do lots of maintenance work, huh?”

“Yes, Hit and Run, I do, it saves money.” It actually makes him money but he wasn’t going to say that, it was his scam and after all these years no one knew, no one had figured it out and he was going to keep it that way, besides why shouldn’t he get paid to do this stuff, they would just pay someone else, Kakuzu didn’t do anything for free and the money Pein and Konan paid him wasn’t enough for all the shit he had to deal with in his opinion, “Why? Oh, don’t tell me, you have a leaky faucet and want me to come over and fix it?”

“No, I don't have any leaks or anything, I'm just... making conversation, you know.”

“Well don’t. I don’t want to make conversation with you.” Kakuzu stood up and pushed unlocked the coin slot to remove three quarters and then locked it back up and put them in the slots and turned the machine on, water didn’t spray all over, so he shut it off, pushed it back into place and then went around collecting the money from all the machines, taking one last look at Deidara before leaving.

“I bet he’d make conversation with Hidan…” Deidara muttered to himself, then he smiled, putting his hands on his hips and said, “Well, whatever. I fucked Hidan, and while it wasn’t the greatest and actually the worst, Kakuzu did not. So, ha! Take that, old man! And I'm going to fuck him again and again, yeah!”

“Who are you talking to?”

Deidara jumped and turned around to see a short red head behind him sipping a bright pink boba tea through a straw, “None of your fucking business, you creep! You always sneak up behind people like that? Who the hell are you anyways?!”

“Sounds like drama in the trailer park, this place sure is full of it lately.” The short man said as he went over to a dryer and started getting clothes out, “And yes, I do like to sneak up on people, you hear such very interesting things that way. So, you and that new guy, huh? And he wasn’t even any good. Interesting. I'm Sasori, by the way, we've never met before.”

“You better mind your own business or the drama is going to include your short ass leaving here in an ambulance!”

“Look who’s talking about being short.” Sasori shut the dryer and Deidara hoped he wasn’t going to stay and fold his clothes there. He hated people who did that, just take your shit and leave, Deidara thought. 

“Oh yeah? Well you’re shorter than me.”

“Not by much.”

Deidara rolled his eyes and looked away, he certainly didn’t consider himself tall, Kakuzu was tall, Hidan was tall, and there was some other hugely tall guy living somewhere around here, or at least who visited. Deidara was just average, but this guy, he was short and Deidara loved that he could look down at him, “You’re a creep, you know that?”

“I’ve been told before, kid, and I don’t really mind.”

“Kid? I’m not a kid!”  
  
“Then don’t act like one.” 

Deidara was glad when he left, and he took out his phone to check out Yelp and see where he could talk Hidan into going with him sometime, of course it wouldn’t be a date, but they were still friends and friends went places together.

* * *

Hidan was up by the time Deidara got back, staggering out of the bathroom, looking like death warmed over. 

“What the fuck did you do to me? Is this your cum?! It’s fucking disgusting! It was on my lips. They were dried shut! I was sick and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to fucking open my mouth and-”

“Stop right there, Hidan! That’s just disgusting and I _ really _ don’t want to hear whatever it was you were going to say. You better not have made a mess anywhere.” Deidara shuddered and walked past him, he was still completely naked and stunk horribly, “Drink some water, brush your teeth with the extra toothbrush and take a shower because you stink. Then we'll talk, hm.”

“Can...you get it for me? The water. I really don’t feel good...” He held onto the doorway for support and made a sad pouting face.

Deidara sighed, feeling sorry for him, “Fine…”

While Hidan spent a ridiculous amount of time in his bathroom taking a shower, Deidara checked on his art that was still drying, he would take them to school with him in the morning, they would be glorious and he giggled as he thought about people discovering his art.

Finally Hidan emerged from the bathroom looking a bit better. 

“We had sex.” Hidan said, sitting down on the couch, rubbing his wet hair with a towel and then dropping it on the cushion next to him.

“Um, yeah, what gave it away?”

“Well, waking up how I did for one thing. Don't you ever do that to me again. It was nasty!”

“Do you even remember any of it?”

“Yeah, of course,” he lied, “it was great.”

At that, Deidara laughed loudly and Hidan’s face turned bright red, “Shut up, bitch! It was good! It must have been, you came all over me!”

“Yeah, about that. Next time, don’t fucking pass out!” Deidara yelled at him, “_ If _ there is a next time!”

“What do you mean, if? Of course there’ll be a next time. I won’t be drunk and stoned out of my mind...I promise. I know, it wasn’t...the best, but...it wasn’t that bad, was it? I remember it being pretty good.”

“There were good parts, _only_ after I took over.” He couldn’t help but laugh, “Hidan! You said you were going to fuck me so hard and then you literally laid on top of me and didn’t move!”

Hidan looked away, rubbing the back of his neck as his face burned, “Yeah...I was fucked up, like seriously fucked up. Still am, can you like, not shout...I think I can see sound, besides my head is killing me. Look, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week. How would you like that?”

“I’m not sure I’d like that very much, but yeah, you can make it up to me. Here, drink some water.” He pushed a glass of water down the coffee table towards Hidan, “You look really shitty. Drink.”

Hidan picked up the glass and sipped it. He felt shitty, and then remembered what made him so upset in the first place, “Dammit!” He slammed the glass down.

“What?!” Deidara jumped back.

“My fucking PO! That’s what!”

“Yeah, about that, Hidan… calm the fuck down. Don’t you think it’s odd that he didn’t arrest you right away, or that no one has come looking for you to arrest you today? If you had broken the law, which apparently you did according to him, he would have had to take you in then and there, right?”

“And?”

“And he didn’t.”

“So?”

“Think for a minute! Maybe he’s not going to! Maybe he's not as much of an asshole as you make him out to be!”

Hidan shook his head, “They're all assholes and they can all rot in hell! He said he had another appointment to get to, maybe just forgot. But no, I know, he's not going to forget. They never forget.”

“Look, all I’m saying is maybe he’s not going to report it, you should stop calling him a fucking pig to his face, and shouting how you fucking hate him. Maybe he wants to help you for some reason.”

“How about no, out of all the reasons not to take me in, it's not to help me out of the goodness of his fucking pigs heart. You don't know what they did to me in there.”

"What did they do to you?" Deidara asked, hoping Hidan might answer him, he had never said much of anything about his time in prison.

"Don't fucking worry about it." 

“Well as your best friend, maybe I do... anyways, Hidan, my man, you need to relax.”

Hidan looked over Deidara, he didn't know what Hidan knew, he hadn't been in that prison, every cellmate he ever had was dead, he was the only one who survived, and he wasn't going to go back, he would do whatever he had to in order to stay out.

Deidara kept talking, “I’ve watched that Cops show, they always just arrest people, right then and there, in their front yard, barefoot in their underwear. Hey, have you even eat anything today?”

“I don’t think I did…”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised, alright, get up, I want nachos. I’ll drive-”

Hidan grabbed the keys from the table, “I don’t fucking think so. I’ll drive.”

“You’re not on my insurance.”

“So? It’s like a block away, what can go wrong?”

“I think you’re still drunk and high, that’s what.” Deidara fought him for the keys and won, “I won’t crash into the window this time,” he pushed Hidan out the door, “now get in my car and don’t puke.”

"Then drive like a sane person and I won't, because let me tell you, Deidara, I might if you drive like you normally do. I just might anyways for no fucking reason. I'm really not feeling good, maybe I should just stay here."

"You need something to eat and some fresh air. Go get in the car." 

* * *

They got their 7-11 nachos without incident, leaving the store just as Deidara saw Sasori from the laundry room walk past, sipping a purple boba this time, he looked up at them with intent brown eyes, watching them before going into the store.

“Who the fuck was that creep with that stupid ass drink?” Hidan asked as they got back in the car, “Why was he looking at us like that?”

“I saw him in the laundry room earlier today.” Deidara said, “He must be one of our neighbors, he's a creep, name's Sasori. Anyways, let’s go eat these in the park, yeah? You could use some fresh air. You don't like boba?”

"No, I don't like drinks you need a special straw to suck up big blobs of chewy crap." Hidan said and shuddered, "It's creepy. Like him." 

Deidara almost ran over a squirrel as he turned into the park parking lot, “Watch it!” Hidan shouted, “There was an animal!”

“It was committing suicide!” Deidara shouted back at him, “You’re making me nervous, stop shouting at me!”

“Damn... get some drivers training…”

They walked into the park and sat under a tree to eat, Hidan finished his and started stealing chips from Deidara, who shouted at him to stop, “These are mine! You had your own!”

“But I’m really fucking hungry!”

Deidara sighed and held his nachos out to Hidan, “Fine, just don’t take too many, I’m hungry too.”

Hidan took a chip and popped it into his mouth, “Can I tell you something? Like, promise not to freak out.”

Deidara did not like the sound of that, nothing good ever followed those words. Thoughts of Hidan confessing he had an STD, or that he regretted earlier, or that he was secretly a serial killer ran through his mind, and Deidara heard himself saying, “Alright… I won't freak out, what is it?” 

“I died last night.”

Deidara stopped chewing, of all the things he expected Hidan to say, that was not it, “What?”

“When the car hit me, I died. It’s happened before, that’s not the first time.”

“That’s not possible, Hidan. Maybe a near death experience, but to actually die? No way, hm. Dead is dead, you can't come back from that.”

“I know what happened!” Hidan said, “And look.” He pulled his shirt up and the bruise had almost all faded, “Is that normal?”

“Well...not really, no, but...come on, Hidan, how could you die and come back?”

Hidan looked around, making sure no one was around, “When I was in prison, they… did things to me.”

"Did they rape you?" Deidara asked quietly. 

"They did some experiments and shit."

"Like... torture?"

"Might as well have been. I'm the only one who survived it. I woke up to dead cellmates all the time, it always smelled like blood. Whatever they did to me, it's made it so I can't die." 

Deidara rubbed his arms that were covered in goosebumps, “Can we change the subject. You’re freaking me out.”

“You said you wouldn't freak out.”

“Can’t help it. Besides, this isn't the place to talk about something like that hm. What if people over hear you?” He stuffed a few chips into his mouth, smearing cheese on his lips, and Hidan watched as Deidara licked some cheese away, but he had left some on the corner of his mouth.

“I wish I could remember half of what I did to you this morning...” Hidan sighed.

“I’m glad you can’t.” Deidara said, wiping his hands on a napkin and lighting a cigarette, “Fucking sucked.”

“Did I really suck?”

“Hidan, do you really want to know how bad it was?” Deidara laughed, "Because I'll tell you and you'll die of shame!"

“Not really, no and I'd like to just go home, I'm really fucking tired.”

It was getting dark and the park would close soon, Deidara didn't want his car locked up in the parking lot and miss his classes so he nodded, "Yeah, let's go." 

As they gathered their trash, Hidan asked, "Can I spend the night with you at least? I'll sleep on the couch."

With a nod, Deidara said, "Yeah, sure, whatever, I have class in the morning though. And you don't have to sleep on the couch. You've always shared the bed with me before." 

"Yeah, that's when we've fallen asleep watching shit on your laptop."

"It's fine, let's go." 

They got up and threw away their trash and hurried back to the car, and drove back to the trailer park, Deidara only running over the curb once as they turned out of the park. As they drove up in front of Deidara's trailer, he honked at his neighbor's kid who was riding his skateboard down from his driveway since there was a slight slope, and then parked, "Go ride that thing somewhere else, I'm not paying if you get hurt over here and try suing again!" 

The boy flipped him off and ran off with his dog. 

Deidara gave Hidan an extra toothbrush from under the sink and let him get ready for bed while he went to check his sculptures and pack them up for the morning. 

Unable to sleep, Hidan lay on his side, facing the door, wishing he hadn't said anything to Deidara. He never told anyone about it before, but something made him want to tell him. The room was dark and warm, Deidara refused to run the air conditioner at night, the window was open and he heard someone yelling at some kids that were screaming in the street. There was a gun shot somewhere, or some fireworks, it was hard to tell sometimes. Hidan closed his eyes, listening to the clink of clay as Deidara got his things ready to go for the morning, he was talking quietly to himself, something about art being a bang, and how this would make a really big bang. 

Finally the light went off and Deidara made his way into the bedroom and took off his clothes, leaving his boxers on, "You're still awake."

"Yeah."

"Thought you were exhausted."

"I am."

Without another word, Deidara got in bed and laid on his back, "Hidan?"

"What?"

"Goodnight." 

"Yeah, goodnight. I'm not gonna give you a kiss or anything though. We’re still just friends..." 

When Deidara's alarm went off in the morning, he shut it off as Hidan mumbled something in his sleep and rolled over onto his back into the center of the bed and pulled the sheet up over his shoulders while Deidara got ready and left for school, so excited he didn't even see the neighbor kid's skateboard and ran over it, breaking it in half. 


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan meets the boy nextdoor, Deidara’s art didn’t go as planned, and Kakuzu gets unwanted visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always hated how I wrote Obito/Tobi the first time and always wanted to change it, so I've changed it to just be Tobi this time. I don't know if Obito will make an appearance, but if he does, he will be Obito, and be an entirely separate person from Tobi.

Hidan woke up around ten, not knowing where he was at first, then remembered sleeping over at Deidara’s. He called his boss to ask for a couple days off, “Oh no, Hidan is sick?! Hidan, is never sick, will he be alright?! Does Hidan need anything?! Tobi can make him a soup!!”

Having to hold the phone away from his ear because his boss was shouting into it, Hidan muttered to himself, “Great, I have to talk to Tobi...I can’t deal with his shit right now…”

He heard a noise and it sounded like arguing, and Tobi shouting something about soup. A moment later he heard a much calmer, and deeper voice, “Hidan, this is Madara. Is it serious? You’ll be alright, won’t you? You’re a favorite around here.”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I get sick days, right? I’ve never used any so I wouldn’t know.”

“Yes, you get sick days. You’re actually sick, aren’t you?” There was an edge to Madara’s voice, “You’re not just hungover?”

“No, I’m not just hungover, I got hit by a car.” He knew he was hungover, but it felt like more than that.

“Hit by a car?” Madara repeated.

“HIT BY A CAR?!” Tobi shouted in the background the phone and Hidan cursed loudly, he could imagine Tobi flailing his arms about. 

“Do you mind?! I’m on the phone!” Madara shouted, not bothering to cover the phone’s receiver then cleared his throat, “Alright, Hidan, I’ll get Zetsu to fill in for you, he’ll be happy for the extra hours, and money.”

“I’ll be in on the weekend if I haven’t fucking died.” Hidan hung up with a groan, his head was pounding, and curled back into a ball in bed and went back to sleep until he heard someone on the porch and rolled over, waiting for them to knock but there was nothing. 

His stomach growled, so he decided to get up and find something to eat in Deidara's kitchen and then went home. As he left Deidara’s trailer, he saw the stupid newsletter in the door and crumpled it into a ball, tossed it inside on the floor and locked up, not wanting anyone to try to rob Deidara’s clay or something and get blamed for it.

At his own trailer, he found a newsletter on the porch and after he got inside and opened it, he saw a picture of him and Deidara at the pool with the cops. Underneath was a url to the private youtube channel for the trailer park for anyone wanting to see the video, and then on another page a picture of Deidara in his car ‘Some people need to learn to stop at the stop signs’ and then something about a giant cat that terrorized someone’s kids and sent them to the hospital for rabies shots.

There was a little blurb about the washing machine _finally_ being fixed, that it took too long and kids were turning it on and flooding the laundry room, that everyone should get a discount on next month's rent. Hidan agreed with the discount part but wouldn't hold his breath for it.

He looked through the rest of the newsletter, there was a picture of some dogs and a complaint about these being the specific dogs shitting all over the place and that if it did not stop they would be taken away by animal control, a somewhat threatening, ‘I know who the owners are’. Hidan knew those dogs, too, they lived next door to Deidara.

Hidan crumpled the newsletter in his fist and threw it in the garbage, he hadn’t noticed anyone that night the cops came out, “Whoever this is, is probably some perv, what does he got cameras all over the place?” 

Yawning, Hidan couldn’t remember the last time he was so tired, and thought that maybe he was actually coming down with something, and closed his eyes, falling asleep on his couch.

* * *

When he woke up, he had no idea what day it was, or what time of the day it was. He sat up in a panic and grabbed his phone, trying to figure out how long he had slept, but the battery had died and he didn’t realize he slept until the next day until it recharged and turned back on. He had several missed calls and texts from Deidara, at first complaining about his art professor, how she didn’t understand real art, and something about a kiln and candles, Hidan just skimmed through them, he wasn’t interested in rants about art. Then the messages turned into asking where he was, why he was ignoring him, asking if he was ok, alive, did he die or something, did he get kidnapped. And the last one, sent at two in the morning, ‘are you ignoring me because we had sex?’

He texted back, ‘I fell asleep for like a whole day and my phone died, I wasn’t ignoring you’

Deidara replied immediately, ‘So you finally answer me! Are you sick or something?’

‘I don’t know, I need to eat, I’m starving’

‘Come over later, I have to tell you what happened at school’

* * *

He felt much better after eating and taking another shower, and then he went out to get some fresh air in nothing but his old worn out jeans, no shirt, as it was too hot for one and Hidan thought he was doing everyone a service by allowing them to see his body for free. Going down the steps from his porch, Hidan saw the kid next door sitting in the sun writing something in a notebook. His face was red and he was sweaty from the heat. About to walk away, Hidan kind of felt bad for the kid, what was wrong with him that he was just sitting there in the sun like that? 

“What the fuck are you doing? You wanna get heat stroke or some shit?”

“Huh?” The kid looked up, squinting his eyes in the sun.

“Yeah, you already have.” Hidan muttered, “Get out of the fucking sun.”

“I have homework to do.” The kid held up a notebook.

“Well go do it inside, or find some damn shade, why are you sitting in the sun?”

“I… don't have my key. I got locked out...”

“Come with me, kid. You’re Naruto, right?” He had heard the old man yelling at the kid often enough to know his name without being introduced, and he had just moved in not long ago.

“Yeah.” Naruto smiled, “And you’re Hidan.”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“I know you from the newsletter! You got pepper sprayed the other night! What’d it feel like? Looked painful! You screamed really loud, too, you better believe it!!”

Of course everyone would have watched the video, “Hurt like a motherfucker.”

“I hope I never get pepper sprayed! So, where are we going? You’re not kidnapping me are you?”

“No, I’m not. We’re just going to see my friend. You can do your homework at his place, he has an actual air conditioner, I just have a shitty swamp cooler.” Then Hidan remembered it was summer which meant there shouldn’t be homework, “You must be in summer school, yeah?”

“Yeah, I failed a class last semester, the old man was so pissed.” Naruto told him, “I better not do that again…”

“It happens, just do your best, kid. Grades aren’t everything and they won't mean much once you're done with school.”

“I try.” Naruto said.

“I believe you.” Hidan smiled, he liked this kid for some reason.

They walked up the steps to Deidara’s trailer and Hidan knocked a few times before the door opened.

“Hidan! I thought you died.” There was a smear of clay on his cheek and Hidan could see that his hands were covered in it when he waved his cigarette in his face.

“Nah, not this time, bitch. I’m alive, I brought my neighbor, he was sitting in the fucking sun doing homework, can you believe that, he probably has heat stroke.”

“Oh.” Deidara looked around Hidan to see Naruto holding his notebook, “I’ve seen you around, I’m Deidara.”

“I’m Naruto.”

“Well, come inside, I have the air on.” Deidara let them in and shut the door, waving the smoke from the air, “Should have told me you were bringing a kid, I wouldn’t be smoking.” He put his cigarette out in the seashell he was using as an ashtray.

“Sit down, kid, finish that homework.” Hidan said, “I need to talk to Deidara for a minute.” He pushed Deidara into the bedroom and shut the door. As soon as the door was closed, Hidan grabbed Deidara around the waist and pulled him against himself, kissing him hard, but instead of kissing him back, Deidara pushed him away.

“What the hell, Hidan? I’m not fucking you now, there’s a kid out there! This may be a trailer park but damn, have some decency!”

“I’m not doing anything, it was just a kiss, don’t you like kissing?”

“Yeah, but... we shouldn’t do that. We're not together, right?”

“Right, sorry, I like kissing. Anyways, listen, I haven’t heard anything from the police station, maybe you were right, maybe he’s not going to report me.”

“Yeah, probably not.”

“But just in case, can you keep these here?” Hidan reached into his back pocket and pulled out several large knives that were clearly not kitchen knives, “I don’t want to risk it.”

“What are those for?!”

“Killing shit.”

Deidara groaned, “Hidan…”

“He found them last time, but he didn't write it down or take them. So just, please hide them for me.” 

“Alright, alright. Fine. Leave them on the bed, I'll find a place for them.” Deidara pushed Hidan away and took the knives, “You go out with Naruto, I don’t want him getting into anything.” Deidara could just see the headlines: ‘Boy Gets Arms Blown Off In Previously Undiscovered Artists Home, Is He The Next Michelangelo?’ 

He wanted to get noticed, but not like that.

His professor had refused to allow him to fire his sculptures, knowing it was not a candle, _‘Candle wicks don’t look like fuses, Deidara, you think I was born yesterday? I was born so long ago I can’t remember how long ago it was. I may be going senile but I know the difference between a candle and a fuse for explosives!’_ Mrs. Chiyo had told him, then had the nerve to laugh at him, the old bag, Deidara was going to teach her about art someday, maybe blow her hip off, she complained about it enough.

“Alright, thanks, Dei.” Hidan kissed him lightly on the lips, flicking his tongue out, “Mmm, you taste good, maybe later we can fuck and-”

“Get out!” Deidara shoved him out the door, whispering, “We’re not having sex today, and you need to stop kissing me because _ fuck buddies don’t do that_.”

Hidan gave Deidara look but went back to the living room, “So what subject is this?” he asked as he sat down next to Naruto and looked over at his notebook.

“Math.”

“Oh, well, sorry, can’t help. Math wasn’t my best subject.”

“It’s ok.” Naruto worked out one of the math problems, then asked, “What was your best subject?”

“Well...um...probably P.E.”

“That’s not even really a subject.” Deidara said as he walked out and sat down.

“Oh yeah? Well you failed P.E. and had to take it over summer to be able to graduate!”

“So what? I got A’s and B’s in everything else.”

“I got decent grades.”

“Because you copied my work half the time.”

Deidara rolled his eyes and they watched Naruto do a couple of math problems, “I took a couple days off work.” Hidan started, “You wanna hang out tonight or tomorrow night?”

With a shrug, Deidara nodded, “Yeah, sure.” He was looking at stuff on his phone, “What did you have in mind?”

Hidan rolled his eyes and gave a pointed look at the back of Naruto’s head before answering, “We could go for a swim or some shit.”

Giving a nod, Deidara tilted his head up and grinned at Hidan.

“What the hell is that look for?” Hidan asked.

“Yeah, I’d love a swim,” he paused, “or some shit, if said shit is going to be worthwhile this time.”

They fell silent and Hidan swung one leg up over the arm of the couch and enjoyed the cold air blowing on him and he wondered what Kakuzu was up to, he hadn’t seen him since the other night, “Did you see that newsletter crap?”

“Yeah, we’re all over it, what a load of shit, hm. And my neighbor is the one with the stupid dogs.”

“Oh, yeah, that's Kiba.” Naruto said and laughed, “Yeah, he doesn’t clean up after them, he really should. Once,” Naruto started laughing, “His dog, the big one, Akamaru, took a huge dump in the middle of the road,” he had to pause to laugh, “and he didn't clean it up-"

"I know what you're about to say!" Deidara shouted, "That was disgusting!"

Narto tried to get himself under control but kept laughing, "- and the old man I live with ran over it, and it left a trail half way up the park to our trailer!”

“That was you guys?! Ugh, it was completely disgusting!” Deidara shouted, "You're lucky you weren't here for that, Hidan!"

Hidan made a face, “Yeah, sounds fuckin’ nasty, when was that?”

“A couple months ago, when we had that heatwave.” Deidara said, “It stunk up the whole park, flies were everywhere until it dried up. So, enough talk about dog shit, Naruto, are you hungry?” Deidara asked.

“Not really but-” Naruto’s stomach growled loudly and he turned red.

Deidara didn’t say anything and went into the kitchen and got a box of crackers and some canned cheese, “Here, that’s healthy, right? Cheese and crackers?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Naruto had more fun than someone should as he sprayed cheese onto the crackers and did his homework.

Hidan and Deidara watched as he ate the entire box of crackers and most of the can of cheese, “You want something else?” Hidan asked.

“Yeah, I’ve got some macaroni and cheese I can make, hm.”

“Oh, um, well, I’m still kinda hungry…but I don’t want to be a bother and-”

“How are you still hungry?” Hidan asked, “Doesn’t that old geezer feed you?”

Naruto didn’t say anything and Hidan and Deidara exchanged looks, “It’s not a problem, I’m hungry anyways, I’ll make something.” Deidara said and went into the kitchen to prepare the box of macaroni and cheese and decided to make two boxes because he was hungry and knew Hidan would eat a lot too.

* * *

Kakuzu met with Rasa to get the first installment of the payments that were for Hidan’s ‘medical treatment’, and was feeling rather pleased with himself as he walked home only to find Konan and Pein waiting for him on his porch. His good mood evaporated at the sight of them. They should call or text, but they never did, they just showed up unannounced and at any time of the day or night.

“Kakuzu.” Konan said as she pushed off the side of the trailer as he approached.

“Konan.”

“We have some questions for you, first, why are the police here so often lately?” Konan asked, pushing her blue hair behind her ear as she walked down to meet him.

“It’s a trailer park, that should be explanation enough.”

“Thank you for informing us that this is a trailer park. The police have been here several times this month.” Pein said, still standing on the porch, “It’s a bit unusual, even for here.”

Kakuzu crossed his arms, it really was not all that unusual for the cops to come out several times a month, sometimes weekly, “What can I say? It’s a lively place, your tenants enjoy the excitement.”

“Enough.” Pein said, motioning towards the front door, “Let’s take this inside.”

Kakuzu cursed Hidan and Deidara as he unlocked his door and quickly looked around inside, making sure his laptop was closed up and all his bookkeeping tucked away from prying eyes, and then let them in. He was always careful, never leaving anything to chance, but there was always that inkling of doubt that they had found out what he was doing.

“Tell me about the new tenant. Hidan, right?” Konan asked, “He is the one causing all the ‘excitement’ around here lately, isn’t he?”

“Trailer trash.” Kakuzu said, “What else is there to say about a man like him? On parole for vehicular manslaughter and works at a strip club.”

Pein said nothing as he looked around the place, his eyes lingering on the bookshelf, table and notebooks.

“He’s the one who didn’t pay in full?” Konan asked, “The first rent, too, that’s not a good sign.”

“Yes, but he promised he would have everything by next month, otherwise…I could take care of him for you, if that’s what you want.”

“You’ll make sure he pays up. Do whatever you have to. But let’s give him a chance, Kakuzu, he just moved in.” Pein said, “We don’t just kick people out for things like that.”

“You don’t ‘just kick people out’ anyways, do you? I would know, I’m the one who does all your dirty work.” Kakuzu crossed his arms, “What are you really here for? You two just don’t show up because a new tenant is short on his rent once or because the cops came out a few times. There was a time they were here nearly every day and you didn’t come investigate that.”

The three stood there, eyeing each other for several moments, before Pein said, “I have a job for you.”

“Of course you do.” Kakuzu knew they didn’t come for a chat about the police.

“I need you to take care of someone for me, at one of our other parks, never pays the rent and won’t leave. He has completely trashed the place.” Pein told him, “Here is all the information you need.” He handed Kakuzu a slip of paper.

“After the last time when I nearly got killed, you’ll have to pay double.”

“Double?” Konan repeated, “I don’t think so, we already pay a hefty amount, we’ll pay you…” she pretended to think about it, “Ten percent more.”

“No.” Kakuzu answered, “Make it fifty percent.”

“Fifteen.” Pein said.

“Twenty five.” Kakuzu argued.

“Eighteen and that’s it. Take it or leave it,” Konan said, “You’re a resourceful man, Kakuzu. I’m sure you can grow that money easily. If you really want, you can double that money in a month or so. I’m sure you’re very good with investments and stocks.”

At her words, Kakuzu felt his heart rate pick up, but kept his face neutral, there was no way she could know what he was doing, none at all. He was so very careful, they had never been inside his trailer without him, she couldn’t know, it had to just be a coincidence that she would say that, a guess or suggestion on her part.

“Are we done here?” Kakuzu asked.

After exchanging looks, Konan nodded.

“Oh, wait.” Kakuzu said, as if it were an afterthought, “the invoice from the washing machine repair man.” Kakuzu handed them a receipt he had forged.

“You’ll get it when you take care of that.” Pein motioned to the paper in Kakuzu’s hand, “Have a nice day, and do make sure to take care of that by the end of the month. I want to show that trailer soon.”

“Of course.”

As soon as they left, Kakuzu locked his door and let out a breath. He was going to go down to the hardware store and buy new locks, he had a feeling they knew something. He wouldn't put it past them to go snooping when he wasn't home...

* * *

Hidan walked Naruto home after Deidara had made them macaroni and cheese and then checked Naruto’s homework, helping with the problems he had gotten wrong, “Thanks, Hidan!” Naruto smiled, “Could I maybe...come do my homework with you next time I’m locked out?”

“Yeah, sure, as long as I’m home, but I work nights, so I’m almost always home during the day, I'm usually up by eleven.”

“Thanks!”

“What a cute fuckin’ kid.” Hidan said to himself as he walked up to his door and opened it, relieved that another day had passed without any news from his parole officer, but before he could get inside, he heard the old man yelling at Naruto.

“Where have you been all day?!”

“I was doing my homework at-”

“Get inside, I don’t want to hear your cockamamie stories!”

“Hey!” Hidan yelled from his porch, “You can’t talk to him like that!”

“Mind your own business, and put a shirt on! I can talk to him however I want, I’m trying to raise him to be better than the trailer trash we live with in here like you.” The old man slammed the door shut and Hidan stood there, wanting to go over and punch the old man in the face, but he didn’t want to make things worse for Naruto, so he kicked at the broken planter instead before going inside. 


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakuzu cleans Hidan's drains and then Hidan and Deidara take Naruto to Walmart for shopping.

Much to Kakuzu’s annoyance Hidan did not give up on trying to seduce him or trying to get him to take him out on a date just because he was sleeping with Deidara, a fact which he had figured out easily enough. He wasn't sure how he felt about either of those things. 

“It stinks like a dead animal in here, what did you do?” Kakuzu demanded when he stepped into Hidan’s trailer. The smell hit him in the face and he covered his nose and mouth with his hand.

“I told you already," Hidan sighed, "there’s a problem with the sink in the kitchen.”

"Fine. Let's see it then." Kakuzu walked into the kitchen and was glad the window over the sink was open, it really did smell like something died, or was killed.

“The garbage disposal isn’t working and the water doesn’t drain. Shit must be clogged up.”

“And have you tried reaching in there to see if there is something blocking it?”

Hidan made a disgusted face, “Gross! I’m not shoving my hand down there, fuck! That’s nasty. You do it.”

Kakuzu looked around for gloves but didn’t find any, “No gloves?”

Hidan gave him a confused look, “For what?”

“You want me to stick my bare hand down there?”

This only made Hidan grin, “Oh yeah, don’t worry Kuzu, it’s clean, stick that big hand down there and feel around my pipes.”

Kakuzu wanted to punch Hidan in his stupid face, “Did you call me over here to fix something or to sexually harass me? And how clean can it be with the way it stinks in here?” Kakuzu asked as he turned around and held his breath as he stuck his hand down the drain and felt around. It was slimey, and gross, and at times like those, Kakuzu wished he had done anything else with his life than become a trailer park manager.

Hidan, shirtless as usual, stood closer than necessary to where they were almost touching and Kakuzu could actually feel the body heat coming off him and wanted to shove him away but there was no room in the small kitchen. Hidan kept looking at his arms, at his face, his neck. Kakuzu was pretty sure he saw him lick his lips at one point.

“I’m not harassing you, the fucking sink won’t drain.”

“Well maybe if you wouldn’t send everything down it, it wouldn't get clogged up.” Kakuzu said. “I’m billing you for this. The garbage disposal is not a trashcan, it’s not meant to have every last scrap of left over food sent down it.”

“Then what the fuck’s it for?” 

“For small bits that go down the drain, how do you not know this? And like I said, you’re getting billed for this because I don’t work for free..” Kakuzu felt something, large, hard and slimy, and made a face. He tried grabbing it but it was stuck.

“Then leave it, it drains. Slowly. I’ll put some candles out or something to cover the stench. Hey, let’s go get something-”

“No, whatever you are about to suggest, the answer is no." He tried turning whatever it was he had grabbed onto in the garbage disposal, trying to free it, "I am not going anywhere with you to get anything. We are not ever going out on a date, I will never take you on a date, so stop. Go and,” he made a shooing motion with his free hand, “spend your time with Hit and Run, and do whatever it is the two of you do together.”

Hidan was sure Kakuzu sounded jealous, and was about to say something when he gave a good tug on whatever it was in the drain and it came it out, splattering the side of the sink with filth.

Hidan screamed and leapt backwards onto the counter and Kakuzu might have been impressed if he wasn’t completely disgusted by what he held in his hand.

“What the fuck is that?!” Hidan shrieked, covering his nose and mouth with his hands as the smell became worse than it already was.

Kakuzu flung whatever it was on the floor, a mass of black and red and white, “Why don’t _ you _ tell _ me? _Are you trying to put bodies down there?!”

“No!”

“That is a bone.” Kakuzu kicked it with his foot, flipping it over, “A rather large one. How did that even get in there?!”

“I haven’t killed anyone except that one guy, but I might start with you if you accuse me again!” Hidan shouted.

While Kakuzu bent down to pick it up, Hidan admired the view, and Kakuzu looked over his shoulder to see Hidan biting his lower lip as he checked out his ass, a faint blush on his pale cheeks.

“So, what is this from then?” Kakuzu asked as he stood back up, waving the bone, coated in disgusting stuff from the drain, in Hidan’s face.

“Eugh, that’s fucking disgusting, stop it! I don’t know, probably one of the ribs I ate last week, get rid of it!”

Upon further inspection it did not look human and Kakuzu looked around for the trash, dropping it in and then washed his hands with more soap than was probably necessary, “Fifty bucks.” Kakuzu said as he held out his hand. 

“No way! All you did was fish around in there and pull that thing out. That’s not fifty bucks worth of anything. I could’ve done that!”

“But you didn’t. I bet you shoved that thing down there just to have a reason to get me in here.”

Hidan looked away, “Did not. I could get you in here without resorting to clogging up my sink.”

“I highly doubt that.”

Before Hidan could say another word There was knocking on the front door, too quiet to be Deidara, who always just barged right in anyways and Hidan hopped off the counter to go answer it, then thought better of it and stuck his head into the kitchen, “Psst, Kakuzu.”

“What?”

“Can you see who it is? If it’s the cops, give me a signal so I can escape out of the bedroom window.”

“No.” Kakuzu washed his hands and there was another knock. 

“Aww... c’mon man, do it for me, Kuzu, your favorite tenant.”

“No, and you are my least favorite tenant, ever.” He dried his hands and stepped out of the kitchen, around Hidan and opened the door wide, giving a clear view of the trailer to whoever was at the door. 

"Fuck you!" Hidan shouted, coming up behind Kakuzu looking as though he had just been betrayed, "What the absolute fuck?! What if it had been the cops?!"

“Let them arrest you again, you probably deserve it.”

“Is um, is Hidan home?” It was Naruto and he looked up at Kakuzu with wide eyes.

“Yes he’s home, unfortunately.” Kakuzu motioned towards where Hidan had attempted to hide, “Why? What did he do? Did he run over your bike or scream obscenities at you? Threatened to kill you? Steal your laundry? Run over your puppy?” 

“Oh, no, he didn’t do anything. I have homework to do and wanted to do it here since I got locked out again.”

Kakuzu thought it was odd that the boy would want to hang out in Hidan's filthy trailer but he said nothing about it, "I’m leaving Hidan, you owe an extra fifty on top of your next rent."

“Ooh, on top you say?” Hidan grinned and Kakuzu slammed the door shut before Hidan could say anything else, then opened it a second later and let Naruto inside. 

“And don’t do anything illegal with this kid around!” He slammed the door again and went home.

“You get locked out again?” Hidan asked with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Yeah. Can I uh, hang out with you for a while?”

“Sure, but, why doesn’t that old geezer get you a key made so you can get into your own home?” Hidan didn’t like it and he didn’t think Naruto was getting locked out on accident. He was sure Naruto was being locked out on purpose, because he knew the old man was home, his car was there and he hadn’t heard him leave all day.

“I don’t know... but hey, look at this!” Naruto pulled a folded paper from his pocket, “I got invited to a birthday party! I’ve never been invited before!”

“A birthday party? Shit, I ain't never had one… was never invited to one either...” Hidan said, looking at the invitation.

It was for a pool party and had a picture of some balloons and the date and time.

“Who the fuck is…” Hidan squinted at the writing, “Sauce-ook-ee?” 

Naruto laughed, “His name is Sasuke, not what you said. And he lives here in the park. He’s really cool and has the coolest older brother!! But their parents died so they’re orphans, like me.” 

“I’d be an orphan too, if I was a kid. My parents decided to wait till I was older to die, fuckers...” Hidan handed the invitation back to Naruto, “You have to bring a gift, right?”

“Oh yeah, but... I don’t think the old man will take me to get anything.”

Hidan didn’t like how sad Naruto looked, it didn’t suit him, “Hey, how ‘bout this, kid? I made a shit ton in tips last night, I’ll call Deidara and we’ll go to Walmart and I’ll buy you a toy to give your friend.”

Naruto shook his head, “No, no, please! I can’t have you do that, I just-”

“Fuck that, look, I make my bills and have enough for food and other needs, I'll probably die before I’ll need a retirement plan, and you can’t take it when you go, so don’t fucking worry about it. Live in the moment and all that shit." He got out his phone and called Deidara. 

“Hidan, what’s happening, did you get that drain fixed, cause I’m not coming over until you do, your place stinks. We were supposed to have sex, I’ve been waiting and that was so disgusting.”

“Yeah it’s fine now. Kakuzu fixed it for me. Hey listen up, I’m going to the Walmart with Naruto, we’re gonna buy a birthday present for his friend, you wanna come?”

“Huh, yeah it sounds like fun, I need some food. Do you want me to drive?”

“Hell no, you’ll kill us. I’ll drive. I’ll pick you up in five minutes.” He ended the call and stuck his phone back in his pocket, grabbed his wallet and keys and the bag of trash from the kitchen, with the stinking bone in it and left with Naruto. He tossed the trash bag on to the roof of his car and got in as Naruto gave him a funny look but got in the passenger side anyways.

With the window rolled down, Hidan reached out and grabbed onto the trash bag as they drove down the road and slowed down at the dumpster and flung the bag of trash off the roof of the car and threw it as best he could, it landed half in and half out, spilling some of the contents, the bone that had clogged his sink falling onto the ground with a clatter, “Eh, good enough.” He said and drove around back towards Deidara’s trailer.

Deidara should have been waiting for Hidan but was not and after honking almost ten times, getting yelled at by one of the neighbors and making all the dogs bark, Hidan finally got out and went up to pound on Deidara’s door. It finally opened and Deidara stood there, his hair looking limp and sad, completely down and Deidara looked very annoyed.

"How many times do you have to honk, hm?!" 

“The fuck is taking you so long?”

With a long, dramatic sigh, Deidara lifted part of his hair, “I can’t get my hair the way I like it, it’s not doing what I want it to do. I think that stink at your place traumatized it.”

“Hair doesn’t get traumatized, look at mine.”

“Your hair is like cemented to your scalp with all that gel you use, it needs to breathe, let it just be without all that stuff. You’re going to damage it. You also need to use better shampoo and conditioner. Mine isn't usually like this. Look at it…” He shook his head sadly, running his fingers through it, "I can't go out like this."

Hidan was looking and trying to figure out what was so awful about it, then reached out to push Deidara's bangs out of his face, “Looks fine to me, not as perky but it’s not a fucking fashion show, we’re just going to Walmart.”

“Yeah, but what if someone takes a picture of us to put on that website, hm? I don’t want to look like I belong there.”

Hidan laughed, “No one’s taking our pictures at Walmart unless you lay in the cheese case or tie Naruto to the cart with a leash. And if anyone does take pictures of us, I’ll beat the shit outta them and smash their phone. Now, let’s go,” he pulled Deidara outside onto the porch and leaned close, brushing his lips against Deidara's ear, “you’ll still look prettier than half the people there.”

That seemed to lighten Deidara's mood and he smiled, following Hidan to the car, his cheeks faintly flushed.

Naruto had climbed into the backseat and Deidara waved at him, “Hey, what’s up, hm?”

“I got invited to a birthday party, for the first time, too!”

"Nice!" 

“So, what does this Sasuke like?” Hidan asked, “GI Joe? Toy guns? A real gun? You want to buy him a shot gun?”

“Hidan, no! They’re kids!” Deidara screamed, “You’ll go back to jail for sure if you do that!”

“Yeah, don’t want that…”

Naruto leaned forward, “What was jail like?”

“Terrible. I don’t recommend it. Sit back and put your seat belt on, I don't want to scrape you off the pavement,” Hidan looked before pulling out onto the main road from the park, “See, Deidara, that is how you make a turn, you fucking stop, look and then pull out.”

Deidara snickered at that, “Oh? You stop, look and then pull out do you?”

“Oh knock it off!” Hidan glanced in the mirror at Naruto who leaned forward.

“Hey Hidan, what was it like to be in jail?” 

They stopped at the red light, “Please don’t ask me about that place, kid.” Hidan told him, “Deidara, light a cigarette for me.”

“Is that how you know Mr. Asuma?” 

Reaching for the cigarette, Hidan froze, “That’s right... you know him…”

“Mr. Sarutobi is his dad, he’s a retired police officer, he was a captain!”

Hidan felt the blood drain from his face, someone behind him honked and Deidara told him to turn around and drive. Hidan flipped off the guy behind them, and hit the gas and sped off from the light, muttering to himself, “You have got to be shitting me.”

How did it work out that he moved in right next door to his parole officer’s father who had been a cop himself? He had a sick feeling that they were keeping tabs on him that way, that maybe everything had been set up so he would somehow have to rent that particular trailer. What if the trailer park wasn't even a real trailer park? He wondered if Kakuzu was in on it, did he know? Had he been involved? Maybe that was why he was so resistant to his advances. He could be one of them. Hidan felt like his skin was too tight, they were all watching him, the cameras, the newsletter… it was all making sense to him. And why wouldn’t they watch him? He had been a fool to think they’d do all that they did to him and let him go free.

“Open your mouth Hidan.”

“What?” He blinked, looking towards Deidara briefly before turning back to the road.

"I'm gonna put something in it." Deidara stuck the cigarette in his mouth, not liking how pale Hidan had gotten and turned around in his seat, "Hey," he whispered, "don't ask about prison again, yeah?"

Naruto nodded, "Sorry..."

They made it in one piece to Walmart, Hidan hadn't said another word the rest of the way, thinking and wondering who else was in on it, who was watching him. He finished his cigarette and tossed it out the window. He didn't want to think about it, there wasn't anything he could do and he was not going to freak out and have a panic attack in Walmart. 

Deidara looked over at him, "We're here."

"Yeah, I know, I fucking drove us here." He barely remembered doing it though.

They got out and as they walking through the parking lot Hidan asked, “So, what’s this Sasuke into?” 

“I don’t know, I uh, don’t really know him that well.” Naruto explained as Deidara got a cart.

“Aren’t you friends?” asked Deidara, “Or is he one of those people who just invite the entire class to his stupid parties because he’s the popular kid?”

“No, he’s not like that, actually,” Naruto paused, “it’s the first time he invited me.”

“Hmm... well, firearms are off limits... what about a cool Swiss Army knife?” Hidan asked, stopping to gaze at the knife case. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea either.” Deidara told him and pulled him along, “Let’s see, how old are you, hm?”

“Thirteen.”

“So he’s like the same age?”

Naruto nodded.

“Too old for toys really, too young to shave, and you don’t know him well enough to buy grooming products for him without looking like you’re interested…” Deidara thought about it as they made their way through the store, “I think... Cards Against Humanity, yeah, he’ll love it. And he could invite you to come play and maybe you two will get to know each other and become friends.”

“Damn, Dei, you’re good.”

“Yeah, I know I am. Unlike you.” He said and flipped his hair over his shoulder, “Alright, so, do they even sell that here?”

They found the gave aisle and found the card game after a quick search, Hidan tossed it into the cart, “You need anything, kid? Seriously, if you do, just speak up.”

Naruto shook his head, “Well... I kinda need pencils for school… and a notebook.”

“Pencils and a notebook? That’s it?”

Naruto nodded so they went down the school supply aisle and Hidan grabbed a pack of pencils and threw them in the cart. Deidara grabbed a gift bag with balloons on it and added it to the cart. Then they went down the food aisles and got some snacks and instant ramens and went to checkout. Hidan looked around, hoping to run into Kakuzu again but he wasn’t there.

“Sasuke?” Naruto said as they were checking out at the self checkout.

Deidara and Hidan turned around to see a kid the same age as Naruto and someone who must have been his older brother, with long, jet black hair pulled into a loose ponytail, at a nearby self checkout stand.

“Naruto, hey.” Sasuke said.

“Is he your friend?” His older brother asked quietly.

“I know him from school.”

“He invited Naruto to his party, I’m Deidara, and this is Hidan.”

After looking them both up and down, he said, “Ah, yes, you’re the ones from the newsletter, you’re quite popular with the cops.” He then looked at Naruto and smiled, “Hello, I am Itachi. I look forward to meeting you at Sasuke’s birthday party.”

“What a jerk.” Deidara said, turning around, “Thinks he’s better than us, hm! Did you see that? Did you see that look he gave us?” Then he mimicked Itachi, “‘You’re quite popular with the cops’ yeah, it’s not our fault, hm!”

Hidan just waved his hand in a dismissive fashion, “Yeah, yeah, who fucking cares? He lives in the trailer park, too, how much better than us can he be?” Hidan finished paying for their stuff and they grabbed everything, not paying for a plastic bag, and carried it out of the store. 

“Do I need to drive us back?” Deidara asked as they got to the car.

“Get in the fucking car. I’m fine.”

Hidan drove worse than Deidara, running through the stop sign and flipping off the other driver who almost got hit by him.

“Um, I think... that was Itachi and Sasuke…” Naruto said nervously from the backseat and then was suddenly flung against the side as Hidan hit the gas and sped through the light at the entrance/exit of the shopping center, it had turned yellow but by the time he was going through it was red. 

“Hidan!” Deidara shouted, “Slow down! There’s a kid back there!”

“Now you know what it feels like.” Hidan came to a stop at the red light and glanced in the back at Naruto, “Heh, sorry, kid, you’re ok, right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Hidan dropped Deidara off at his place, “If you want to hang out later and maybe we can do something fun, just uh, text me.”

“Yeah, I think I will.” Deidara nodded.

After Deidara got out, Hidan drove to his trailer and parked, “Are you still locked out of your own home?”

“I don’t know, I’ll go see if he’s home yet.”

Why was the kid lying? It was obvious to anyone that the old man was home, and Hidan did not like Naruto trying to make something up, “He was home before, wasn’t he?” Hidan asked, looking at Naruto through the rear view, “Don’t lie to me. I live next door and hear whenever that old car of his drives in or out. And besides, I’ve heard him scream and yell at you. Look, if you uh… ever need a place to go, to get away from all that, come to me. Or Deidara. Alright? We may not be model citizens and crap like that but we'll watch out for you.”

Naruto smiled, “Thank you, Hidan.”

“Yeah, yeah, no problem, take your shit and get outta my car.” He watched Naruto go and smiled at him as he ran up the steps of his trailer.

Sitting on the couch Hidan tried to watch tv while eating one of the instant ramens he bought, but nothing was coming in, “Piece of shit…” He muttered, and thought about Kakuzu as he sucked the flavored sugar off the stick, then thought about Deidara and got out his phone and sent a text.

‘you want to get laid tonight?’

A reply came almost immediately, ‘Yeah, come over, your place probably still stinks.’

‘It does not, but i’ll be over, let me shower first.’

‘I’ll be waiting and ready.’

Hidan grinned as he got up to go jump in the shower. 


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan and Deidara start to regret their arrangement as friends with benefits. Hidan uses cheap body spray to try to attract a man or repel him- no one is sure, and Kakuzu is a big tease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some nice kakuhida interactions in this, Kakuzu is warming up to Hidan. 
> 
> I've changed the Hidan/Deidara interactions a bit to make it less shippy and more FWB that it was supposed to be. Deidara is younger than Hidan in this, by a couple of years, of course he is an adult, but is definitely less mature than Hidan, who had been in prison and seen things. Honestly, I really just wanted to take all the fwb stuff out after I had posted it the first time, it made my fic go off track, but I'm leaving it with some slight changes.

Hidan's hair was still damp from his shower as he lay face down, his face pressed into the blanket on Deidara's bed. He was so ashamed of his performance, he prayed for a swift death but knew it would never come.

Deidara gave him a shove and jumped off the bed, “Really?! What the hell was that?! It must be some sort of record because I don't think that was even one minute!”

With a groan, Hidan mumbled, “I... it wasn’t my fault.”

“Oh, it was mine, was it? _Hm?!_ Go home! Go on! Get out of my trailer! We’re done! No more. Fuck buddies? Ha! More like ‘you suck, buddy’. Because you really fucking suck at this!” Deidara was shoving at Hidan, trying to push him off his bed but Hidan was a lot bigger and heavier than Deidara and he budged an inch so Deidara grabbed a pillow and whacked Hidan with it.

“Oh, for fucks sake, Deidara! You're kicking me out for that?! And fine! We don't have to have sex anymore. And stop that!” Hidan sat up and grabbed the pillow, then threw it across the room, hitting the blinds with it, "That hurts!" 

“Oh boo fucking hoo! A pillow hurt you!" Bringing his foot up, Deidara attempted to shove him off the bed that way "What the hell, Hidan are you a virgin or something?!” Deidara demanded suddenly, stopping his effort of trying to get Hidan off the bed and out of his trailer.

Face turning beet red, Hidan shouted at him, “No!”

“Oh my god!! You are! You liar!” Deidara shrieked as he tried to suppress the grin that broke across his face, “Why didn’t you just tell me?! I’d have told you what to do! I'd have tried to help you at least last a little longer!” Howling with laughter, Deidara had to lean against the wall for support, "I never would have thought _ you _ of all people would be a virgin!"

“I’m not a fucking virgin, asshole! And so what if I was?! Is it really that fucking hilarious?! You're being a real dick, you know that?”

With arms crossed, Deidara gave Hidan a look, “Are you really not? Because your performance is something I’d expect from one.” Thoughts of what he could say about Hidan next on Yelp filled his head and he laughed even harder, earning himself a pillow to the face.

“How fucking dare you! I don’t have to listen to this shit! I’m not that bad!” He was about to leave and grabbed his shorts and started putting them on.

“You actually are really _that_ _bad_ in bed, you know that? It’s a real shame because you’re so fucking hot, and you know how to dance and kiss, and you can flirt, but seriously? Not even a single minute?! I didn’t even get close! It was just _starting_ to feel good! Can you even make me cum?! Because you didn’t the last time either, I had to finish myself off! I'll do it this time too but you'll be awake and I'll cum all over that stupid face of yours.”

“Oh, I can make you cum alright! Just wait a little bit and I’ll be ready to go again and you’ll see! And don't you ever fucking dare do that shit to me again! That was some nasty ass shit! It wasn’t funny!”

“I don’t want to wait! I’ve been waiting for such a long time now and I've been horny all damn day. We’re supposed to be fuck buddies, right? Or I’d find someone else to sleep with. So make me cum, Hidan. Right now, hm, that is, if you can.” Deidara crossed his arms, his eyes were narrowed, challenging his friend.

"Thought you just told me we're not doing this anymore."  
  
"Changed my mind."   
  
Hidan looked at Deidara, the words right there on the tip of his tongue that he changed his mind about it too, that he was leaving. He didn't appreciate Deidara making fun of him like he was. He knew he should leave, but Hidan didn't always make the best decisions in life and for whatever reasons wanted to prove to Deidara he was good at something.

“Tell me what you want me to do." 

“I want a blow job. _If_ you know how, or do I have to teach you that, too, hm?”

Hidan crawled over and pulled Deidara back onto the bed. “Oh, I know how to do that. I can at least do that very well.”

“So you admit you’re not as good at sex as you made it seem.”

“I give very good blow jobs. And yeah, ok, so maybe I need more practice at actual sex alright? I haven't slept with many people."

"And I bet out of the few times you've had sex, you probably weren't on top, were you?"

"Most of the time, no." Hidan mumbled, not wanting to admit he had never been on top and might as well be a virgin. "Besides, it’s been a while. A really long while, I was in prison, alright? There's slim pickings and little to no privacy in there. And I don't have sex with everyone I see. But I can suck dick.” Hidan pushed his legs apart and knelt between them.

Deidara watched, skeptical that Hidan was as good as he said, but as his cock disappeared into Hidan's mouth, he groaned as he felt the back of Hidan's throat, and let his eyes close, feeling his tongue tongue on the underside of his cock.

Hidan moaned as he sucked him deeper. Deidara's hand grabbed a fistful of gray hair and tugged, pushing his head down even farther if it were possible, making Hidan groan, he opened his eyes to see Hidan's face was pressed against him, eyes open, looking up at him as he bobbed up and down. He was sucking so hard and Deidara loved it. 

"Hidan... that is so good... Hey, can you go deeper?" Deidara gasped, he wasn't sure he had ever had a better blow job, and Hidan looked like he really enjoyed giving it which made it even better. Hidan moaned and swallowed him him, then he took Deidara deeper down his throat, eyes closing as he focused on what he was doing. 

"Shit... Hidan..." 

Hidan’s jaw was so sore by the time Deidara finally came, he knew he was holding back, trying to delay his orgasm as long as possible and making Hidan really work to get him off, “Fuckin’ finally... ahh, my jaw is about to fall off…” Hidan laid on his back and massaged his face, “You did that on purpose.”

“Of course I did.” Deidara smirked, "You think I'd make it easy for you after that shit performance earlier?"

"Course not." Hidan ran his hand through Deidara's hair as he moved to lay down alongside him. 

Deidara rolled towards him, “And that was actually excellent head, I'd rate it five stars if I was reviewing it. Five out of five, would come again." 

That made Hidan laugh.

"How do you go so deep?”

“A lot of practice.”

“Hmm... So how do you have so much experience at that but not sex?”

“You really don’t want to know the answer to that question.” 

Deidara didn’t like the sound of that but said nothing, “Are you ready for more?”

“A few more minutes…” 

In the meantime, Deidara pulled one of Hidan’s arms over him, forcing him to cuddle and then started kissing him but Hidan pulled away, making a face, “I just sucked your dick. And you said--”

“I don’t mind.” Deidara giggled, “I like the way I taste on you.” He leaned forward and started to kiss Hidan again, using his tongue to coax Hidan’s mouth open.

After kissing for several minutes, Hidan rolled them over so he was on top and grabbed a handful of blond hair, “You are so hot, have I told you that tonight?”

“Yeah and apparently it was too much for you to handle. But anyways, you should tell me some more.”

“Deidara, you are too vain." Hidan leaned down, "I’m gonna fuck that pretty little ass of yours now.”

“Please do. You didn’t do a good enough job earlier. You need a _lot_ more practice. Kakuzu would probably tear up your lease and throw you out of the park if you did to him what you did to me earlier. Less than a minute? You gotta work harder, Hidan.”

“You had me too excited. Damn. You should be proud, though I am so ashamed.” Hidan laughed at himself, he couldn’t believe he had been so bad.

“Hmm, I suppose it’s a compliment in a way, but I didn't really appreciate it now did I? I can’t believe I’m more experienced than you are. But don’t worry, I’ll let you practice on me as much as you want. So come on Hidan, fuck me. Fuck me good and hard.” Deidara begged, kissing him, biting his lip, “I want to feel you inside me all night.”

“It will literally be my pleasure,” Hidan spoke lowly in Deidara’s ear, “Tell me what to do.”

* * *

Deidara fell asleep not long after the shower they shared together, finally satisfied, and had snuggled up against Hidan who was still awake. Thoughts kept running through his head, and memories of pain, screams that echoed through the hallways, and blood. He couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that his neighbor was his parole officer’s father. How did that even happen, he didn't think it could be a coincidence. It was too weird, the thought made him feel sick and he didn't want to think about it but also couldn't stop thinking about it. 

Another thing he didn't want to think about was how Deidara kept cuddling him. Wasn't he the one telling Hidan not to kiss him, that fuck buddies didn't do that, and now here he was curled up against him as if they were something more than that. Looking over at him, Hidan couldn't deny he was beautiful, he was the only person he had gotten close to for as long as he could remember and part of him regretted asking if he wanted to fuck that day. He hadn't been thinking straight and knew it was a mistake. 

He wasn't interested in Deidara the way he was interested in Kakuzu. It wasn't like he hadn't considered it, but they were friends and Hidan knew Deidara too well. He knew they would eventually get sick of each other if they started dating and ruin the friendship they had. Hidan didn't want to lose his only friend. He had been about to walk out on Deidara earlier for making fun of him. Maybe he should have. 

He decided that he couldn’t sleep there again. Hidan didn’t want Deidara getting the wrong idea about what they were. They were friends and they fucked sometimes. That was all it was supposed to be, and Hidan didn't want to ruin their friendship over it. Carefully, Hidan got out of bed and pulled the sheet up over Deidara and left, lighting a cigarette on his way out.

As soon as he got home, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he took it out and read the message, from Deidara:

_ ‘You left. Why?' _

Hidan ignored it and went into the kitchen and got a drink of water and went to bed.

Early the next morning, the sound of a dogs incessant barking finally forced Hidan out of bed. If he'd still had his gun, he might have actually shot it when he saw it trot by his window. Checking his phone while eating a bowl of cereal, he had expected more texts from Deidara but there was nothing new and he replied to the text from the night before, feeling bad for ignoring him.

_ ‘I couldn’t sleep, needed some air’ _

_ ‘Yeah ok whatever. I’m busy at the college. I'll be here all day.’ _

He knew Deidara was either pissed, had his feelings hurt or both. Probably both but they weren’t together, Hidan told himself, he wasn’t obligated to stay the night. He tossed his phone onto the couch and finished eating then brushed his teeth and sprayed on some of the body spray he got at the dollar store. After he ran a comb through his hair he decided to go for a swim and slathered sunscreen all over himself to avoid being burnt to a crisp, and then headed towards the pool.

It was already hot and there was no shade in the pool and there wouldn’t be until later in the evening, but he swam laps for a while to keep in shape and keep his mind off of things before getting out and laying under his towel on the lounge chair where he fell asleep.

* * *

It was early afternoon as Kakuzu was walking back with the money he got from Rasa, and he stuffed it into his shirt to keep it safe. As he turned a corner, someone came up close to him with a towel draped over their shoulders and Kakuzu let out a low growl and paused, getting ready to fight whoever was thinking to rob him.

“Kakuzu! What the fuck?!” Hidan shouted, “Did you really just growl at me?”

Of course it would be Hidan, “It’s just you.” Kakuzu grumbled.

“Yeah it’s just me. Are you trippin?”

Taking a deep breath Kakuzu answered him, “No, Hidan, I am not tripping.” 

They continued walking together for several yards before Kakuzu asked, “Why are you walking with me?”

Hidan shrugged, “So we can talk.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

Hidan ignored him, “Hey, some dog was barking all morning, I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Can’t you do something about that? I need my sleep. I might shoot the damn thing next time.”

“Do you know who the dog belongs to?”

“Yep, I do. It’s that bitch living next to Deidara.”

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, “Sleeping over at your boyfriend’s? Are you two moving in together soon? I could rent your trailer. After it’s been fumigated of course.”

“He’s not my boyfriend. We’re just friends. And that dog was running around like he owns the fucking place, lookin' like he wants your job. And-- _ what?! _ Fumigated?!”

“Yes. I would have to rip the carpet out too, you’re disgusting, Hidan. Try cleaning up after yourself once in a while.”

They stopped at the laundry room and Kakuzu grabbed his clothes from the dryer, “Are we finished talking now?”

“I dunno.” Hidan shrugged and watched Kakuzu stand back up, “Hey, so what do you do for fun?”

“I work.”

Hidan followed him to the table where Kakuzu began folding his clothes, “So... is work fun for you? You like doing stuff around the park? You seem pretty good at it so I think you must like it, or at least you don’t hate it. Am I right?” Not waiting for a response, Hidan went on, “I like my job, it’s pretty fun most of the time. You could come see me sometime. I’d like that. And I think you’d like it, too,” He was smiling and had a faint blush on his cheeks, “I could give you a private show. You have to make sure to request me though or they might just give you some random dancer. You’ll have to tell them you want Hidan.”

Kakuzu shook his head, “I don’t go to cheap clubs like yours, I don’t go to clubs period, it's low class. Probably come back with some sort of disease.”

Hidan could not believe what he was hearing. “First, as the manager of a trailer park, I don't think you can really be talking about something being low class. Second, it’s not a brothel, how would you get a disease? And also, it’s not fuckin’ cheap, it’s a real nice place! Look it up on Yelp! We are a favorite on there, Madara keeps that place high end, seriously, you aint getting no disease from it!” Hidan said, “You have to pay to get in and they don’t allow-”

“I’ll never go there Hidan,” Kakuzu cut him off, “I don’t pay to get into places.”

Hidan moved closer, “If you tell me you’re coming, I can get you in as my guest for free. How would you like that?”

Kakuzu did not want to admit that he was curious to see what Hidan could do, but he wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of knowing that, “The answer is no.”

Hidan actually looked disappointed for a moment, “Aw, well... if you ever change your mind, let me know. You’d enjoy it, I’d make sure of it.” His voice had dropped and he had moved closer, close enough that Kakuzu could smell whatever cheap body spray he had used earlier and he wrinkled his nose at it.

“Did they stock some Axe at the ninety nine cent store? Or worse, imitation Axe.”

“Huh?”

“Back up, I’m going to choke on that awful cologne, what did you use the entire can of it?” Kakuzu grabbed his laundry basket, “I have things to take care of, Hidan, move.”

“No, I didn’t use the entire fucking can! You’re a real dick, you know that?!” He watched Kakuzu leave and lit a cigarette. He was just trying to smell nice, it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t shop for fancy cologne at the mall.

Kakuzu paused before he reached the door and pointed at a sign, “No smoking, or can’t you read?”

“Fuck you, you cocksuker! I can read.” He marched out past Kakuzu, pausing at the sign and taking a long drag, burning through half the cigarette before blowing smoke onto the sign and then put his cigarette out in the middle of it. Leaving a black smear behind before flipping Kakuzu off and flicking his cigarette onto the laundry room floor and marching out.

Kakuzu just shook his head and went home, having to walk behind Hidan most the way. Why did he think being a trailer park manager was a good idea all those years ago he didn't know. There were times he hated it but he could be stuck in an office somewhere and he would have hated that even more. 

"Are you looking at my ass?!" Hidan turned his head as he walked up to the steps to his trailer, "That's sexual harassment! I could call the cops on you for it!" 

"Oh? Then I better call them on you for the same thing," Kakuzu said, "You call me over to your trailer to fix things for the sole purpose of checking me out!"

Hidan turned away and went in, slamming the door. Why was everyone being a dick to him, he wondered, he didn't think he deserved it. He didn’t think he had used too much of the body spray, he never used it, and decided he was never going to use it again. Or he would use so much it would make Kakuzu sick. He laughed at that idea, he would put so much on Kakuzu would choke to death on the fumes. Going into the bathroom, Hidan doused himself in the body spray then turned the sink on a trickle and left his trailer. Soon regretting his decision to spray so much on himself and tried to ignore the headache forming and knocked obnoxiously loud on Kakuzu’s trailer.

The door opened and Kakuzu rolled his eyes, “What do you-” he coughed, “what the hell!”

“My sink is dripping, it won’t stop.” Hidan told him.

“You put all that on on purpose, didn’t you?” Kakuzu covered his nose with his hand, “I bet you didn’t think it through very well, did you? You're going to have to smell it, too.”

“Well... maybe I like it.” He hated it, and was about to leave and go home to shower but Kakuzu smirked at him.

“Well, let me get my tools and I’ll come look at your sink, just give me a minute. I should bring my cell phone too, in case I need to call the poison control hotline for cheap body spray inhalation. You probably huff that stuff.”

"Maybe I do." Hidan shrugged and waited at the door, peering inside while Kakuzu went to grab a toolbox. The inside was nice and tidy, and a slightly different layout than Hidan’s. He was about to step in when Kakuzu returned, waving his hand in front of his face to try to clear the air, “Alright, let’s go have a look at your sink. Dripping you say? That will add up on your water bill.” Kakuzu shut the door and took his time locking it.

“Yeah, so let’s fucking go.” Hidan said, walking faster than he normally would, the smell was making him feel sick and he just wanted to shower and wash it off. He was going to throw away the rest of it as soon as he could and never buy it again.

Hidan took him inside to the bathroom, “See, look at it drip. Can you fix it for me, Kakuzu?”

Kakuzu took a good look at Hidan, he looked miserable, “You did this just to get me in here, didn’t you?”

“No, it’s really leaking.” Hidan lied. His head hurt and so did his stomach, he had to admit to himself that the whole thing had been a stupid idea, he was suffering more than Kakuzu was at this point and he couldn’t stand it anymore. Reaching into the shower he turned on the water.

“What are you doing?” Kakuzu asked, “You have a problem with the shower now, too? Perhaps you just don't know how to use modern facilities, having been in prison so long. When you turn the faucet, water comes out, you turn them the other way to turn them off.”

“No, I have a problem with this smell!” Hidan was pulling his pants down, “Enjoy the fucking show, Kakuzu.”

“I’m not staying to watch you shower.”

"Then you better get the fuck out!" Hidan kicked his pants off and then hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers, “I’m getting in the shower, and you’re still here. I'm gonna start thinking that you wanna join me.”

With a shake of his head, Kakuzu took his toolbox, “No, Hidan, I do not want to join you! You owe me twenty bucks now.” He turned the knob on the sink and unsurprisingly the water shut off.

_“What?!_ That’s highway robbery!!” Hidan shouted with his shorts halfway down around his ass.

“I fixed it. Twenty dollars.” Kakuzu held out his hand.

“I’m almost naked and my head is killing me and I feel kinda sick right now, I don’t have twenty bucks on me.” Hidan needed to wash the body spray off, “This is your last warning before you see my dick.”

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, and having expected more of a fight from Hidan over the money, and not sure if he was disappointed or not, Kakuzu shrugged, “Add it to your rent, or better yet, bring it by my place later. I stay up until around midnight.” He turned to leave, pausing at the door, “Hidan, you better not smell like this shit later, I can’t stand the smell of cheap body spray.” Kakuzu grabbed the can of body spray, reading the label, 'Rock', and threw it in the garbage can before leaving with his toolbox.

“Yeah, yeah, fuck you, too.” Hidan muttered as he slid his shorts off and jumped in the shower and started to scrub himself clean off the offensive odor.

* * *

Hidan kept going over what Kakuzu had said, to either add the money to his rent or to bring it by, that he would be up late. Was Kakuzu extending an invitation to him, Hidan wasn’t sure but thought he might be. He checked his phone, looking to see if Deidara texted him but there was nothing. He missed Deidara’s numerous texts during the day and sent a text.

_ ‘Hey are you still busy?’ _

Hidan waited for a reply but there didn’t seem to be one coming so he started to dress, pulling his boxers up and then heard the alert from his phone.

_ ‘Yeah, getting lots done today, I’ve been neglecting my art lately. Why?’ _

_ ‘Just wondering. You shouldn’t neglect your shit’ _

_ ‘My art's not shit! You're shit in bed!’ _

_ 'Fuck you' _

_ 'Already have' _

_ 'I didn't mean your art was shit' _

_ 'Well I did mean that you're shit in bed, but now not so much, only because of me' _

Staring at his phone, Hidan clenched his jaw before tossing his phone away.

After eating dinner, Hidan decided to just take Kakuzu the money, wearing nothing but jeans and some flip flops that came free with his sunscreen. He pounded on the door several times and waited.

Kakuzu opened the door and let his eyes slide over Hidan before asking, “Why is it you walk around shirtless all the time?”

“It’s hot, I get overheated easily.” Hidan raised a brow, “Why? Does it bother you?”

“I could care less.” Just as he was about to ask for his money, Kakuzu's phone rang from inside his trailer and he recognized the ring tone he set for Pein, “Wait here.”

“Can’t I wait inside? There’s mosquitoes out here!” Hidan slapped his arm and when he pulled his hand back there was a smear of blood and dead mosquito left behind.

“Fine, whatever, I have to answer that!” Kakuzu left the door open as he went to get his phone and Hidan wasted no time going inside and shutting the door.

"Honey, I'm home." He laughed quietly to himself and paused to look around, there was a small dining table across from the kitchen covered in notebooks, papers and a closed laptop. Sniffing, Hidan thought it smelled nice in Kakuzu's trailer, like some type of lemon scented cleaning product and he glanced in the kitchen to see it was nice and clean, not a single crumb or coffee stain on the counter. Continuing into the living room Hidan scanned the bookshelves before sitting down on the couch. It was also clean, unlike his, and comfortable, again unlike his. Kicking off his flip flops, he put his feet up on the coffee table and waited for Kakuzu, wondering who he was talking to.

“What do you want?” Kakuzu asked on the phone as he stuck his head out from the hallway to see Hidan had made himself at home, he pulled the phone away from his face, "Don't touch anything, I'm warning you." He then turned his back to Hidan, talking into the phone, “Not you, I have someone over. No. I haven’t had the chance yet. Don’t worry, I’ll do it soon.” He walked back into the bedroom, "You're in a hurry for this, aren't you? I know and I understand..." and Hidan could no longer hear what was being said.

Since Kakuzu was taking so long on the phone, Hidan got up and started looking around. There was really nothing to go through, no cheesy nick knacks to pick up and look at. The only thing to really go through was the stuff all over the dining table but with a clear view of it from the bedroom Hidan decided it would be a bad idea to look through Kakuzu's stuff. So he ended up at one of the bookcases and randomly took out a book and went back to sit on the couch, propping up his feet once more.

The book was clearly not a bestseller, it was old, with cracked leather binding, and Hidan laughed to himself thinking maybe it was from the year Kakuzu was born. Not paying attention, he didn’t notice Kakuzu come out of the bedroom and walk towards him until the light was blocked.

“H,hey! Kakuzu, you look pissed, what horrible news did you get on the phone?” Hidan asked, slamming the book shut, "Your aunt from the eighteenth century die or something?"

Without a word, Kakuzu took a hand towel from the table where Hidan’s bare feet rested as if he lived there, and then used the towel to protect the book as he plucked it from Hidan’s hand and placed it back on the shelf.

Kakuzu then walked back over, shoved Hidan’s feet off the table and stood in front of him for a moment, looking down at his most annoying and most trashy tenant he ever had to deal with.

"Don't ever touch my books again." He then leaned forward, bracing himself against the back of the couch with a hand on each side of Hidan’s head, “Do you understand?”

Hidan nodded, his chest rising and falling with each breath.

“Now. I want my money for that little stunt you pulled earlier and then I want you to get out.”

A flush crept up Hidan’s face from his neck and even colored his chest and Kakuzu then realized that Hidan was not afraid of him but turned on. 

“Y,yeah, I got your money… you want it?” Hidan reached into his pocket and pulled out a rolled up bill and held it up to his mouth and got an idea, “Then come get it.” Hidan put the money between his lips and waited.

With a smirk Kakuzu leaned closer, his face mere inches from Hidan’s, “You think you’re so cute, don’t you?” 

Hidan nodded, he knew he was cute, if Kakuzu didn't think so then he was lying to himself. Holding his breath, Hidan couldn't believe it as Kakuzu came even closer and parted his lips as he angled his face towards Hidan’s. Imagining Kakuzu's mouth on his, taking the money with his teeth. His jeans grew tight over his growing erection. But then Kakuzu moved his hand and yanked the money from Hidan’s mouth so hard he somehow made him bite his own lip and split it. Blood welled up and dripped down Hidan's chin.

“Ow, shit, Kakuzu… that hurt!” Hidan’s tongue flicked out over his lip as Kakuzu watched.

“You missed some.” Kakuzu brought his thumb up and wiped a trickle of blood from his chin and smeared it across Hidan’s lips, his thumb pushing into the corner of his mouth. It was so unexpected, Hidan couldn’t stop the moan that came from him as he sucked on Kakuzu's thumb, pulling it further into his mouth. Hidan didn't miss the intake of breath from Kakuzu, or the way his pupils dilated.

“You need to leave now, Hidan.” Kakuzu told him. It sounded more like a warning than anything else as he drug his finger from his mouth and down Hidan's lips and chin. Kakuzu pushed back off the couch to give Hidan just enough room to get up, making him have to brush past him as he walked towards the front door.

“Oh, and one last thing,” Kakuzu’s eyes raked over Hidan, taking note of his erection, “I prefer no perfume to that cheap shit.”

Hidan’s heart jumped in his chest at that, did that mean he had a chance with Kakuzu? He was too excited to care that Kakuzu was looking at his crotch, and reached for the door knob and missed it, losing his balance and crashing into the door.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes at that but the corners of his mouth were turned up in what could be considered a smile, especially for him. With his face red, Hidan finally got the door open and gave Kakuzu one last look, hoping he might call him back in, but he didn’t and Hidan left, stepping out into the warm summer night's air. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're halfway through the previously uploaded chapters, there were 15. Once I get through posting them, I can't promise how fast updates will be, I'm busy but will do my best.


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakuzu does laundry, Deidara and Naruto clean, and Hidan makes Very Bad Decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve created an OC to replace Zetsu as the bad guy, it’s someone from Hidan’s past. I never liked writing Zetsu hurting Hidan, and wanted to change it as soon as I first posted it. It’s not a major part but it has a big effect on Hidan so I hope no one minds. It's the biggest change I've made to this fic and I'm happy with it.

It was almost three in the morning when Kakuzu got home. He was thankful that his neighbors were all asleep. Not a single light was on, as it should be in the middle of the night. He parked and got out of his car, dusting himself off and looked around, no one was out, he didn’t hear any cars, there were no voices and hardly any traffic could be heard from the main road. Opening the trunk he reached in and grabbed the shovel and duct tape, turning around just as he heard a car coming down the street. It drove right by and Kakuzu froze as it slowed and then backed up.

Shit.

“Hey! Kakuzu!” It was Hidan. Of course it was. Out of everyone in the park who had to be awake, and driving home at this hour, it would be him. Because he worked nights at some sleazy strip club and had some ugly mark on his neck that Kakuzu could see in the dark, where it looked like someone had tried to suck his blood out through his skin along with what looked like fingerprint shaped bruises, “What are you doing out so late? Or is it early? I don’t even fucking know.” Hidan yawned and rubbed his eye.

Why did he have to be so loud? Kakuzu wanted to shove something in his mouth to shut him up. “What I’m doing is none of your business.” Kakuzu said, hoping he was drunk or high, or at least too tired to notice what was in his hands.

He wasn’t.

“A shovel and some duck tape… Kakuzu…” Hidan took a closer look at Kakuzu and could see dirt on his clothes, his hands and his face even had smears of dirt and sweat on it, “Looks like you had a busy night.”

“Perhaps, and if you don’t shut that mouth of yours and drive home right now it’ll get even busier.” Kakuzu growled, glaring hard at Hidan.

“Ooh, are you telling me you wanna get busy with me? I’m down for that. Shit, look at you, you look hot tonight.” Hidan looked him up and down and bit his lower lip, “A little dirty, but I sure as hell don’t mind-”

Kakuzu's grip on the shovel tightened, “I am not sleeping with you, not tonight and not ever. And I swear I will kill you if you don’t go home right now!”

“Alright, alright. Fuck, when was the last time anyone showed you any interest? You act like I’m gonna do something awful to you… I’m not like that...” Hidan looked ahead for a moment, then turned back to Kakuzu, his face serious, “Well, I hope you enjoyed whatever it was you were doing in the middle of the night with all that stuff, and no one saw you and no one is going to find whatever you ah, did… And don’t worry, I won’t tell.” And with that, Hidan drove away.

“Damn you, Hidan.” Kakuzu was going to have to kill him, he knew _ exactly _ what Kakuzu had done. It wouldn’t surprise Kakuzu to find out Hidan had experience in it himself. 

After putting away the shovel and cleaning up the trunk of his car, being meticulous in making sure there was nothing left behind from the body, he went inside and called Pein. Kakuzu let it ring twice and hung up, he would know that it was done. After that, Kakuzu showered and put on clean clothes just as the sky was starting to lighten. He would need to do laundry to get rid of any evidence left behind on his clothes, though it had been a fairly clean kill, hardly any blood at all this time. But he left nothing to chance and gathered up all his laundry and took it down to the laundry room.

Just his luck, Hidan was already doing laundry when he got there, dumping his clothes into a machine. They exchanged a look, though neither spoke. Hidan’s eyes had dark smudges under them and Kakuzu wondered why he wasn’t at home asleep.

“I meet my parole officer later this afternoon, didn’t have any clean clothes.” Hidan shrugged.

“Why are you telling me that? I didn’t ask, and I really don't care.” Kakuzu started a washer and they stood there, on opposite sides of the room, staring at each other. A mark on the side of Hidan’s neck caught his eye. “Nice hickey, I didn’t know you were a prostitute as well as a stripper.”

Hidan’s jaw tightened, “I am not a prostitute! You’re a dick, you know that?!” Hidan jabbed his finger at Kakuzu, “You don’t know what happened, how I got this or from who! Maybe it’s not even a fucking hickey, maybe someone attacked me at work, people are crazy ass horny bitches sometimes! Trying to touch when they’re fucking not supposed to! And if I want to fuck people for money, that’s my business! But I don’t! And fucking clients is _ really _ looked down on though sometimes it happens not that _ I’ve _ ever done it! And so what if some people do, you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes! So fuck you! Like you're high on the morality scale yourself if what I saw this morning is anything to go by.”

Hidan had a point, Kakuzu thought as he looked at his laundry, the clothes he had just murdered someone in going into the machine, "Someone attacked you?" 

Hidan crossed his arms, “Why the fuck do you care anyways?”

“I don’t. Just making conversation.” Kakuzu said, pouring some laundry detergent into the washer and closing the lid. He told himself that he really didn’t care, and didn’t know why he asked about it anyways. He unlocked the container that held the quarters people paid to use the washer and took three out, re-locked it and put them back in to start the wash.

After several moments of silence, Hidan spoke, “Some stupid ass looser, drunk off his ass and possibly high. Wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. I was lucky the club owner was nearby, fucker was built like a tank. I punched him but he didn’t even respond. Probably whatever he was on...Took two people to pull him off of me." 

Kakuzu had come closer, Hidan was not skinny at all, he was nearly as big as he was, but Kakuzu knew from experience that sometimes that didn't mean much when you were caught off guard.

“Does it happen often? People not keeping their hands to themselves?”

Hidan shrugged, "Not often, but it happens." He paused and messed with the settings on the washer, "First time anyone did more than touch though.” He rubbed at the mark on his neck, he looked incredibly uncomfortable and deep in thought for several moments. “Hey! I thought you didn't care?"

"I don't." Kakuzu told him again and knew he was lying to himself. Leaning against the machines, he watched as Hidan poured way too much laundry powder onto his clothes before closing the lid. The mystery of why there were sometimes a mound of bubbles on the floor was solved, Kakuzu thought Hidan could have washed at least three loads of laundry with the amount of detergent he put in there. Clearly no one had ever taught him how to do laundry. 

He brought his eyes to the mark on Hidan's neck, there were even teeth marks. It was disgusting, Kakuzu thought, that someone had done something like that to Hidan or to anyone, he couldn't help but think of what else could have happened if it had been in a private room. 

"Shit… I need a cigarette… and another quarter, I had three when I left my trailer." Hidan was patting down his pockets searching for his pack, not finding any he looked up at Kakuzu, "You don't have any do you?" 

“I don’t smoke. One quarter hm?" Kakuzu took the key from his pocket and opened one of the washers coin containers and took out one single quarter before locking it back up, "Don't expect me to do this ever again." 

"Do I have to fucking pay you back?" Hidan asked, taking it and putting it in the slot with the others. He pushed them in and started the machine.

"Not this time." 

“Wow, thanks, Kakuzu, that’s a pretty nice gesture coming from you." Hidan smiled at him, "Look, I left my cigarettes in my trailer and I really fucking need one. Are you staying? You'll watch my shit and make sure no one steals, won't you?”

“Yes, Hidan, I'm staying.” Kakuzu told him, leaning on the washing machines, he never left his laundry unattended after a murder. It needed to be washed and he had come into the laundry room too many times to find his- or someone else's'- laundry in a pile on the floor still wet, “Your laundry isn’t going anywhere.”

It didn't take long for Hidan to return, the smell of smoke alerting Kakuzu that he was back, "Sure you don't want one?" Hidan asked, holding up a crumpled pack of cigarettes.

"I'm sure." Kakuzu answered. 

“More for me.” Hidan shoved it into his pocket, “So… pool party tomorrow, huh? Are you going?”

“No, I am not going to a child’s birthday party and neither are you. I highly doubt you were invited.”

Laughing, Hidan looked up at Kakuzu, “Course I wasn’t. But hey, maybe there’ll be free food.”

“They won’t be handing out food to whoever shows up. Stay away from the pool tomorrow, Hidan. I mean it.”

“Yeah, whatever. Hey! Look at us, our first date, doing laundry together, so domestic, right, Kuzu? You even paid for my washer!” Hidan took a drag from his cigarette and flicked the ashes on the ground in front of him.

Kakuzu gave him a look, “This is not a date and we are not doing laundry together either. You just happen to have already been in here when I came in to do my laundry. And would you get that cigarette out of my face.” He waved the smoke from the air and walked back over to the machine where his laundry was, “We will never date, Hidan.”

“Why not? You’re hot, I’m hot, I want you and even though you push me away, I think you want me, too. What’s the problem?” 

“The problem is that I do not want you, I am not interested in you, got it? So stop harassing me, you clearly didn’t like someone forcing themselves on you at work, stop trying to force yourself on me.”

Choking on the smoke, Hidan coughed and sputtered, “Forcing myself on you?! What the fuck?! I’m not forcing myself on you, I never even touched you as far as I can remember. You’re the one who actually _ has _ touched me. The other night in your trailer ring any bells?! Not that I’m complaining… but don't be a fuckin’ hypocrite.” He turned his back to Kakuzu, feeling like he’d just been slapped in the face and rubbed the side of his neck where the bruise stung, “I’d never do that shit to anyone. Damn… if you really don’t want me, then fine. There’s plenty of people who do.” He looked around for something to do and opened the lid of the machine to see his clothes in soapy water, “Not done yet…”

Rolling his eyes at the ceiling, Kakuzu asked, “What made you think it would be, the machine is still running, it’s clearly not done yet.”

Shrugging, Hidan finished his cigarette and flicked it onto the floor and stepped on it with his flip flop, then hopped up onto the washer and stretched out across several of them and closed his eyes.

“You can’t sleep there.”

“Why not?”

“Because you just can’t. Go home if you’re so tired.”

“I’m fine…”

It wasn't long before Hidan started to snore from on top of the washing machines. The sound grated on Kakuzu's nerves, it was one of those things that made him want to strangle whoever was doing it, he absolutely hated the sound of snoring. Honestly, he thought it was one of the worst sounds a human body could make. Walking over, he was about to shake Hidan when he paused and looked at him.

Hidan looked peaceful when he was asleep, he was finally quiet aside from his snoring. And what struck Kakuzu the most was how young and innocent Hidan looked. It didn’t seem right, Hidan, while young, was in no way innocent. 

He snored again and though it was quiet, it irritated Kakuzu to no end and he gave him a hard shake, waking Hidan up. What was he doing sleeping on the washing machines in the first place?!

Hidan shot up with eyes wide but unfocused and he fell down from the washing machines onto the floor, landing hard on his backside, “Don’t fucking touch me!” He held his hands in front of his face, trying to ward off whoever he thought he saw.

Kakuzu watched Hidan press himself against the side of the washing machine, babbling about not going back and something about blood but he couldn’t understand what Hidan was trying to say. Though watching, he started to feel bad for Hidan and guessed he had some trauma from prison.

“Hidan,” Kakuzu said as he crouched down next to him and kept his voice even, “go home, go to bed.”

Hidan blinked as his eyes came into focus and he looked around, his hands shaking. Finally he looked at Kakuzu, breathing hard. 

“Kakuzu? Where the fuck are we?”

“The laundry room, go home.”

“Need my fucking laundry, gotta look decent for my meeting.”

“I’ll make sure you get it.”

Hidan paused and gave Kakuzu a confused look, "Huh? You will? Seriously?"

“I just don’t want to hear you complaining that someone stole your clothes later. Don't think it's anything more than that.” Kakuzu told himself that's all it was, it meant nothing more than that. 

* * *

On his way to see Hidan, Deidara slowed when he saw Kakuzu put a basket of Hidan’s laundry on his porch, he wondered why Kakuzu was doing that, had he done Hidan's laundry for him? He waited and watched Kakuzu walk away before going up the steps to Hidan’s trailer and knocking.

“Deidara, you brought my laundry?” Hidan yawned and seemed confused and a little disappointed by that, “I thought-”

“Yeah, I brought it, hm.” Deidara lied, “Let me in?” He picked up the basket, annoyed that the handle was broken when it pinched the palm of his hand but said nothing, and followed Hidan to the bedroom and set it down. As Hidan turned to grab the basket and dump everything out of it, Deidara saw his neck and leaned closer, his mind jumping from one conclusion to the next, why else would Kakuzu bring Hidan his laundry? He must have finally caved to Hidan! He wasn't the type of person to just bring people their laundry out of the goodness of his heart.

"Oh my god, Hidan. Did Kakuzu give you that? Is that why he had your laundry?!" 

“It wasn’t Kakuzu.” Hidan gave Deidara a look, “Some looser attacked me at work last night, I don’t want to talk about it. And so he _ did _ bring my laundry.” The thought that Kakuzu had actually made sure his clothes got dried and then brought them to him made him happy after everything that had happened. 

"Attacked? What happened, are you alright?"

“Yeah, I'm fuckin' great... don't wanna talk about it.” Hidan picked out the clothes he would wear to the police station and shook them out, then laid them on the end of the bed and took the rest and shoved them in the closet, not bothering to even make an attempt at folding anything.

"Alright, hm. I guess you really don’t want to talk about it. That’s fine. So, at college I got chosen for my art to be at the art exhibit later in the fall. That’s what I’ve been spending so much time on lately, hm.”

“Oh yeah? Good for you, Deidara.” Hidan crawled over the bed and laid down on his back, hands behind his head, “You want me to come see it?”

Nodding, Deidara crawled up to lay beside him, “Yeah, but you don’t have to, I know you’re not really into art.”

“I want to, Dei.”

Smiling at that, Deidara said, “But you have to buy a ticket, it’s a fundraiser for the art department to buy new equipment and stuff. I can buy it for you. There’s going to be auctions on all the artwork. Maybe you can win an original of mine.”

“I’ll save my tips and come buy all your shit.”

“Thanks. But stop calling my art shit. It's not shit, hm.”

“Alright, alright... So, I have to go in a bit, but since you’re here…” 

Deidara scooted closer, he knew Hidan wasn't 'fine' like he kept insisting he was, “Hidan, you look like shit, we’re not having sex. Did you even sleep last night?”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

He still didn’t believe him, but said nothing, “You want anything?”

"I wouldn't mind having you.” He leaned over and raised a single eyebrow in question, “If you want, I mean, you don’t have to. I hope you don’t think that I’m pushing you to do anything, if you ever feel-”

“No, Hidan. Why are you saying that? What happened?” Deidara scooted back, “I’m your best friend. You can tell me, yeah? Is it what happened at work?”

“Maybe… and something some shithead said to me earlier about forcing myself on others.”

“No, Hidan, you’re not pushing me to do anything I don’t want to do. We don’t have to do anything if you’re not into it right now, and I can tell you’re not.” 

Hidan nodded and closed his eyes, “I just want to sleep. Could you wake me up in an hour?”

“Yeah, of course, hm.” Deidara watched him fall asleep. He had dark circles under his eyes and Deidara didn’t like what happened to him at work. He looked around the bedroom, it was such a mess and he wished Hidan would pick up after himself, he would probably sleep better in a clean home. He decided that he would pick up, maybe get Naruto to help if he was around, while Hidan was at his appointment. The last thing Hidan needed was for CPS to be called on him for living in squalor and having a kid around.

When Deidara finally woke him up, Hidan felt like he had only gotten a few minutes of sleep and went into the bathroom to rinse his face. He felt nauseous and his hands still shook from earlier. And while he wished he could just crawl back in bed and sleep the rest of the day he couldn’t miss his appointment. So he gelled back his hair and went to get dressed.

“Do you want me to go with you? I can, if you want.” Deidara asked, looking up from his phone.

“No, I’ll be fine on my own.” He didn’t want Deidara to see him after his appointment, he didn’t like to see himself after them and didn't want anyone else to either. 

“I’ll just wait here for you then, hm.” Deidara got up, “Good luck, Hidan!”

Hidan muttered something about needing it before leaving.

* * *

At his appointment Hidan hadn’t brought up the gun, didn’t ask about it, though he wanted to. He kept waiting for Asuma to slap the cuffs on him and throw him in a cell, but he didn’t, and he didn’t mention anything either. 

After answering the routine questions, and having to give a urine sample, he was free to go. When Hidan got back to his car his hands were shaking even more than they had been earlier while his heart pounded in his chest and he looked around for his cigarettes, finding half a pack in the glove compartment and lit one up. 

He hated coming in once a month, hated the feeling of not knowing if they might decide he violated his parole and arrest him, or just arrest him anyways and stick him back in jail and test on him again, over and over. He hated living in fear of opening the front door one day and finding the cops there, ready to take him back. 

Running a hand down his face and wiping the sweat from his upper lip, he put the car in gear and reversed out of the spot and left the parking lot. He needed to get out of there, every time he saw a cop come out his heart jumped and he expected them to come for him. 

He felt sick by the time he got home, and as he walked up to the front door of his trailer, Naruto ran out to greet him, “Hey, Hidan! I got-”

“Hang on, kid.” Hidan said, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth. He swallowed and took several deep breaths, he did not want to throw up and especially not with Naruto and Deidara there.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Hidan nodded, telling himself over and over in his head that he was home, he wasn’t getting arrested, he wasn’t in that cell anymore. He held onto the door knob for several moments before going inside.

It smelled like cleaning products which helped get his mind off his stomach, and everything else. Even the carpet was clean and fluffy, all the crumbs were gone. It actually looked nice and for a moment he wondered if he went in the wrong trailer.

“Hidan, you’re back! What took so long? I was getting worried.” Deidara said as he came out from the kitchen and stopped, “You look really pale, are you alright?”

Hidan rolled his eyes at that, “I’ll be fine, I just... It’s been a rough day. So uh, what’s up, Naruto?”

“Nothing, we decided to clean your place, it was pretty gross. But if you’re not feeling well, I can leave.”

“No, I’m fine, I just...it was a bad night, I didn’t get much sleep and stressed myself out too much about shit. Shouldn’t have taken that nap...” Naps were always a gamble, sometimes they helped and sometimes they made things worse.

Deidara made Hidan sit down, “I cleaned your kitchen for you, it was disgusting. I’m surprised you haven’t died from eating out of there yet.”

“It’s not that bad.” Hidan scoffed.

“It was that bad! I found a dead cockroach under the toaster! But now it’s nice and clean. Keep it that way, hm. Oh, you didn’t have one, so I brought my vacuum over and used it.”

“Hey, that’s actually really nice of you, thanks, man.”

Deidara nodded, “Yeah, I’m pretty nice sometimes. You need anything?”

Hidan shook his head and leaned his head back on the couch.

“Could I get something to eat?” Naruto asked.

“Yeah, go crazy.” Hidan said, waving towards the kitchen, “Whatever you want, kid, it’s yours.” Hidan watched him run off into the kitchen, then called out, “As long as it’s not illegal for you to have!”

They heard him opening cupboards and putting something in the microwave. Deidara shouted for him to bring Hidan ice water and then felt Hidan’s forehead to check for a fever but he felt normal, “You sure you’re alright?”

Hidan nodded, “Like I said, I stressed myself out too much today and going on hardly any sleep didn’t help. That nap before I left really fucked me up.”

“Yeah, naps can do that.” Deidara told him.

Falling asleep in the laundry room had been a bad idea, too. Waking up like that, he had thought he was back in jail. It happened more than he wanted to admit, but after the night he’d had at work and then that, and having to go down to the police station, it had been too much.

“You wanna go to bed?” Deidara asked him, “Want something to eat?”

“You don’t need to baby me.” Hidan said, curling up against the side of the couch as Naruto came in with an instant ramen cup and a glass of ice water which Hidan took a few sips of and set down on the floor. “So Naruto, you excited for the pool party tomorrow?” He wanted to change the subject and hear about anything else than people asking about him.

Naruto nodded as he sucked up a noodle, "Yeah! I can't wait for it! I hope Sasuke likes his gift!"

"I’m sure he will, hm." Deidara said with a nod. 

Hidan fell asleep on the couch and Naruto left after they watched an episode of Jerry Springer and one of Maury. Deidara loved guessing if the guy was or was not the father, mentally keeping score and giving himself points each time he was right. After Naruto left, Deidara stayed and watched tv while Hidan continued to sleep.

Finally waking up, Hidan yawned and asked, “How long have I been asleep?”

“I dunno... at least four hours or something like that.”

Deidara watched him get up and go into the bedroom, “You know, this couch is really nasty. I'll have to wash my clothes when I get home.” Deidara called to him.

“Yeah, I know, I got it off the street.”

“You are like, the definition of trailer trash, you know that!”

“Whatever. You don’t seem to mind.” He walked back out, tight jeans, a white t-shirt and his sparkly bow tie hung from his hand, he even had his eyeliner on, “I gotta go, I’ll see you later, Dei. Thanks for,” he waved his hand around at his trailer, “all this.” 

* * *

Madara had kept an eye on Hidan all night, he seemed off and finally around midnight, he called him over to the table he was at.

“Yeah?”

“You haven’t been yourself tonight.”

Hidan rolled his eyes and looked away, “I barely got any sleep, had to see my parole officer this afternoon, I’ve felt sick all damn day, I haven’t eaten since yesterday. I feel like absolute shit so what the fuck do you expect? I'm human, I'm not gonna be totally fucking awesome every damn day.”

“Why didn’t you just take a night off then?” Madara asked, pushing a bottle of water over to Hidan, “Drink.”

He took the water and drank almost half of it, suddenly very thirsty, “I need the money, alright? Why else would I be here?”

Madara took a good look at Hidan, he didn't look well and he decided the previous night had probably rattled him more than he let on, “Take the rest of the night off, go home, eat something and try to sleep. You've got the next two nights off so you should be feeling much better by then.”

“But-”

“No buts, Hidan!" Madara turned and pointed at the stage, "Unless it's up there making money. Now go. Get changed and go home.”

Nodding, Hidan got up and walked towards the dressing rooms. As he walked past the tables, someone called his name and he turned around to see who it was.

“Yo, over here, Hidan!” A man with short, bleached spiked hair snapped his fingers in the air and pointed at his table.

Hidan would know that cocky attitude and dark eyes anywhere, no matter how much time had passed, and as much as he hated him, Hidan found himself walking over. 

“Tomo, what the hell are you doing here?”  
  
“Just enjoying a night out, is that a crime? Imagine my surprise seeing you here.” He was alone and pulled out a chair next to him and Hidan sat down, “Don’t tell me you’re off now? You look good up there. But you look even better here, next to me.”  
  
“Yeah, well. Sorry to disappoint, the boss is sending me home.” Hidan told him as he looked Tomo over. He was well dressed, in a white dress shirt with French cuffs, pressed, black slacks. He smelled like expensive cologne, not that dollar store stuff Hidan bought. He always had everything Hidan and Deidara never had. Money, parents that gave him whatever he wanted, good grades, nice clothes. 

Tomo leaned over, his shoulder touching Hidan’s. “Hey, I have an idea. Want to come back to my place? I’ve got something you’d enjoy.”

“Are you talking about your dick?” Hidan asked and leaned back, wanting some space between them.

Tomo laughed as he looked Hidan over, “Could be, you always enjoyed that, didn't you? But you know I’ve got more than that. Come on, we’ll have lots of fun, I promise. Just like old times.”

Hidan knew in his gut that he should just go straight home and go to bed, but some part of him didn’t want to. He didn’t want to go home and sit by himself and wait until he could fall asleep only for another nightmare to strike. All he wanted was to forget everything for a while and so he nodded, “Alright, yeah. I’ll fucking go home with you. You promise I’ll have fun?”

“So much fun.” Tomo grinned, showing too many teeth and reaching out to trace a finger along Hidan’s neck, “You’d look great in a collar.”

Hidan pulled back, his touch making his skin crawl. “I don’t think so, I don’t want anything around my neck.” 

Tomo leaned forward, his lips almost touching Hidans, “Alright, fine. But we are going to have so much fun. You look like you could use some cheering up, I’ll make sure you get so fucking high that you forget whatever’s on that little mind of yours. Go get dressed so we can go. I’ll be waiting outside.” 

In the dressing room, Hidan was met by Zetsu, “What the hell was all that out there? You know the rules, Hidan.”  
  
“Yeah, I know. But I know that guy.” 

“You’re friends with him?” Zetsu pulled his shirt on over his head as he got dressed, “He doesn't look like the type you'd be friends with. That guy looks like a total fucking creep.”  
  
“I said I _know_ him, not that we’re friends.” They had never been friends. 

“Hidan, you don’t look good, I think—” Zetsu started but Hidan suddenly snapped at him as he put his shirt on.

“Everybody’s been fucking coddling me today! Asking if I'm alright and shit when I keep saying I'm fine!” Hidan rubbed his face and then yanked the stupid bow tie off and threw it across the dressing room. He hated it, it always itched his throat, it was so fucking cheesy too.

“If I want to go home with someone, it’s my business! Not yours, not anyone else’s!” Hidan went on, “I’m an adult, I can make my own choices!” He stood there, breathing hard as he glared at Zetsu. Kakuzu might not want him, but he had found someone who did.

“Yeah, you’re right, Hidan. Sorry for showing a little concern, I thought we were friends.” Zetsu grabbed his backpack from the locker and headed for the door, kicking it open, “Hope you know what the fuck you’re doing.” 

Hidan found himself alone and questioning himself, but against his better judgement, he headed for the parking lot to look for Tomo and got in his car. 


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deidara has an intruder and must protect his art. Sasuke has his birthday party. Hidan falls in love with ice cream cake. Kisame and Itachi are not amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that the 'dub-con' warning is for. I don't go into too much detail with it, but if you want to skip that part, I understand. It's one paragraph where Kisame starts looking through Hidan's phone until where Itachi yells for Kisame to help him. (Itachi and Kisame have absolutely nothing to do with it, don't worry!) There's hints at what happened earlier in the chapter, too, but that's the most detailed part. And also there is also a drowning, if that is something you don't want to read skip the very last paragraph where Kakuzu dodges a fork. 
> 
> Sakura and Ino say some pretty mean things in this chapter, and I want to make it clear that I don't hate them. They're just being mean kids.
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting, I appreciate it a lot. I'm going to try to get the next chapter up by the end of the week!

Itachi and Kisame had Sasuke’s birthday all planned out, and they had invited all his friends, most of them said they were coming, and as always a few never replied but always showed up. First there would be swimming at the pool and then they’d bbq some hot dogs and have cake, then Sasuke could open his presents and just hang out with his friends and watch movies or whatever in their trailer. It was going to be a fun day for the kids and Itachi hoped his brother would appreciate it. Birthdays and holidays were never easy for either of them since their parents died, but Itachi tried his best to make them as good as they could be. It had gotten easier once he met Kisame and they started seeing each other.

“There, the last of the food for this party.” Kisame said as he tossed several bags of hot dog buns into the shopping cart.

“Good. I hope he likes his party…”

“How could he not?” They pushed the cart towards the front of the store.

“I think in a way… Sasuke still blames me for what happened. And he’s right. It _ was _my fault.” Before Kisame could protest, Itachi held his hand up, “Please, don’t argue. It’s true. If I hadn’t called… if I would have just waited for them to get back on their own, they wouldn’t have been on the road. Never would have gotten in that accident and wouldn’t be dead. I just want to get this over with, I hate birthday parties… I hate having to do all this without them…” Itachi swallowed thickly, “They should be here doing this, not me.”

Kisame remained silent, he knew better than to argue with Itachi over his parents deaths, he had never forgiven himself and even dropped out of high school to raise his brother.

“Did you order a cake?” Kisame asked, not that he thought Itachi had forgotten a cake, but Itachi usually just bought a pre-made cake from the bakery section.

Itachi nodded, “I got him an ice cream cake this time, it should be ready to pick up.”

They walked over to the bakery aisle and Itachi asked for the cake, he nodded when he saw it, “Looks good.” 

It was rectangular, with some turquoise frosting, frosting balloons in light green, light purple and light blue and ‘Happy Birthday Sasuke’ written across the top in light green icing. Nothing fancy, but Itachi hoped he would like it.

“What kind of ice cream does it have?” Kisame asked.

“Cookies and cream. Let’s go before this starts to melt.” Itachi didn’t want to talk about the party anymore, he just wanted to go home and put everything away and go to bed.

“Hi, Itachi.” The woman at the checkout stand said with a smile as she started scanning his items, “Are you working tomorrow?”

“No, Anko, I have the weekend off.”

“Enjoy it!” She finished scanning everything and gave him his employee discount while Itachi and Kisame started bagging everything up, “I hope Sasuke enjoys his party and that ice cream cake, they're really good! See you next week!”

As they were loading the groceries into the trunk, Kisame leaned over and kissed Itachi lightly on the forehead, “You want me to stay the night?”

“Please.” Itachi said, his voice soft, “You know I need help with this.”

“Let me drive, you just hold onto the cake, alright?”

* * *

Hidan stood on his porch trying his key for the fifth time but it wasn’t working. He looked around to make sure no one was around before walking over to the window and punching it hard, shattering the glass. 

He saw the blood well up from the deep cuts across his knuckles, the back of his hand and wrist but strangely, it didn’t even hurt. He kicked some of the glass out and climbed through, cutting his back through the t-shirt he wore, but at least he was home, though he couldn't remember how he even got there, or how he had spent the night.

Just as Deidara finished getting dressed, he heard someone at his door, trying the lock. Several times. With his heart pounding, he grabbed one of Hidan’s knives from under his bed, and crept out. Just as he was about to step out of the hall, he heard the window break and flattened himself against the wall with his eyes shut as someone climbed inside his trailer. He was near the side door and could make a run for it, but he thought of his art.

What if they trashed the place when they realized he had nothing valuable and destroyed his art?!

Deidara would be devastated if anything happened to his works, he poured his heart and soul into them. So he closed his eyes and took several deep breaths before slowly creeping out.

Hidan shivered as the pain from breaking the window began to register and he lifted his arm to watch the blood run down, dripping onto the carpet. The clean carpet. He frowned, watching the red stain grow bigger and bigger on the floor. It was too clean. But then he remembered Deidara and Naruto had cleaned up for him and decided that must be why it looked different.

Something was still off but he didn’t think too hard on it as he went to the kitchen to wrap his hand in a towel to stop the bleeding. 

Then with shaky hands he looked for something to drink. He was so thirsty, his mouth felt like sandpaper. Turning on the faucet, Hidan held his mouth under it to take in several mouthfuls of water. He then saw a bottle of something alcoholic on the counter and pulled his face out of the sink and grabbed the bottle. 

Deidara had waited just on the other side of the doorway to the kitchen, half expecting whoever had broken in to come out by now. But whoever it was seemed to be getting themselves something to drink and Deidara was tired of waiting. 

Having decided to confront the intruder, Deidara moved to stand in the doorway, the knife held out in front of himself and was about to demand whoever it was to leave when he saw it was Hidan.

"Hidan… _ what the hell?! _Why did you break in here?”

Hidan turned his head, "My key didn't work." Hidan shrugged, "Drink?"

"_ Your _ key? This is _ my _trailer! I never gave you a key!" 

"Huh… that explains it. I thought my place looked different."

Deidara took the bottle and drank from it, looking at Hidan. He had bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes, and Deidara couldn’t decide if it was because he was high or had been crying or maybe both. His lips were swollen, there a bruise across his cheek, and around his neck were deep, handprint shaped bruises that stood out against his pale skin. One arm was bruised as well, fingerprints around his wrist and he knew under the towel on his other hand there would be similar markings. 

"Hidan." Deidara started as he lowered the bottle.

"Yeah?"

"What the hell happened to you?"

Hidan was quiet, “Don't remember. Last thing I know, I was driving somewhere… and then I was here.” It wasn’t entirely true, Hidan remembered leaving with Tomo after work, but everything after that was one big dark spot in his memory. As he began to feel aches and pains all over his body, though, he could guess what had happened and was glad he couldn’t remember any of it. With a shrug, he reached for the bottle but Deidara held it out of his reach.

"How high are you?"

"Very."

"Yeah, no more drinking then."

"Dei..."

"No. Go sit your ass down before you pass the fuck out." Deidara pointed towards the living room and gave Hidan a nudge when he just stood there. Once he was gone, Deidara sighed and put the alcohol under the counter when he saw the blood on his counter and floor. Feeling like he might pass out at the sight of it, he quickly turned away and went back out to the living room. As he passed Hidan, he let out a yelp as he got his butt pinched and then was pulled down onto Hidan's lap.

"Your ass is so nice..." Hidan purred and leaned in for a kiss.

Deidara pulled away after a second. “Hidan you stink!” 

"So, Dei, you wanted me yesterday, well today's your lucky day." He kissed Deidara again and wrapped his arms around his waist, but pulled back after several moments when Deidara didn't kiss him back, "Don't you want to kiss me? I thought you liked kissing me." Hidan tried to kiss him again but Deidara dodged him. 

With Hidan so close, Deidara could smell sex all over him, along with what had to be an expensive cologne. Definitely not Hidan's dollar store Axe knockoff that gave anyone within ten feet a migraine. 

He shoved Hidan back and stood up, "Stop it, Hidan! You don't break into my trailer, high off your ass and scare the shit out of me, and then bleed all over the place and then try to have sex with me when it's so obvious that you just came back from a night of having sex with someone else! So knock it the fuck off!" 

Without giving Hidan a chance to respond, Deidara stomped off to the bathroom, slamming the door shut and leaned his face against it as tears blurred his vision. He had been so stupid to start sleeping with Hidan. They were friends and should never have thrown sex into it. 

Deidara knew it hadn’t been Kakuzu Hidan had been with, he didn't look like the type to let someone get so fucked up like Hidan was. Probably never got high a day in his life! Deidara couldn’t even imagine him getting drunk.

He kicked at the door. He was fucking stupid! Somehow he let himself start to like Hidan. And now he was crying over that asshole! Deidara didn’t want him in his trailer, and kicked the door again. Hidan had to go, he could go let whatever he took wear off in his own trailer! Deidara wasn’t sticking around to deal with it when it happened. 

He wiped his eyes and went to splash water on his face and blew his nose, he needed to get Hidan out and send him home but he couldn’t go out there and see him yet. He gave himself several minutes to get it together, he was not going to let Hidan see how upset he was, he wouldn’t understand in his current state. He got out his phone from his back pocket and opened Yelp and added a review for Hidan.

_ 'Awful, the place is infested with roaches and he was on drugs the last time I was there. A cockroach ran across the bed and when I lifted the pillows I saw bed bugs!! Total trash! Should be condemned by the health department!' _

He hit submit and then laughed to himself, feeling slightly better and splashed more water on his face. Once Deidara finally got himself together and walked out of the bathroom, he was ready to kick Hidan out. But was hit with the smell of weed and saw Hidan laying on his couch smoking the worst looking joint Deidara had ever seen. “Hidan, what the hell, yeah?! That's my weed and you're already so fucked up, you’re going to overdose and die!”

“Good. Maybe that’s what I’m trying to do.” 

“Don’t say that.” Deidara snatched the joint from Hidan’s mouth, burning his fingers in the process, “Shit!”

“Give it back.” Hidan was surprisingly still able to control his limbs and grabbed the joint, if it could be called that, back and put it between his lips, “You like this joint I rolled?”

“No. It’s like… the worst joint in the history of worst joints. And you used a ton of my weed! You’re going to pay me back for that, hm!”

“It’s not that bad… I didn't use a lot.”

Grinding his teeth together, Deidara took the joint from him, “Hidan, that’s enough! Now, get the fuck out of my home!” He took a hit and went into the kitchen where it put out the 'joint', pissed that Hidan wasted his weed like that. Not to mention his whole morning! He waited, hoping to hear the front door but after several minutes there was nothing but silence and he knew Hidan was still out there in his living room. 

Sighing, Deidara knew would have to walk him home, otherwise he would probably break into someone else's trailer, or never leave. Deidara rolled his eyes, this was not how he wanted to spend his day! He was going to go out to the desert and light off firecrackers and wait for sunset and set off some nice fireworks but no, now he had to deal with this shit. He went into his art room and grabbed a handful of firecrackers and a couple fireworks and shoved them into his pockets and then went to get Hidan. He would take him home, then get out of the park for the day and literally blow off some steam.

Deidara kicked Hidan's feet, "Get up, let's go for a walk, hm." 

"You seem upset." Hidan said as they walked out the front door, Deidara didn't bother to lock it, what was the point when someone could just walk in through the window? He kicked a shard of glass across his porch. 

"Do I, hm? You'll figure it out. Or maybe you won't. I don't really fucking care right now." Deidara steered Hidan towards his own trailer but as they got closer, they started to smell something. 

Hidan was practically drooling, "You smell that, Dei?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"I'm fucking hungry that's what, let's go see if they'll share!" Hidan changed directions and went towards the pool and Deidara was forced to chase after him.

"No!" Deidara shouted for him, "Hidan! We can't crash that kids birthday party!"

"It's not crashing, it's joining!" Hidan slowed down and let Deidara catch up, "It'll be fun!"

"Somehow I highly doubt that, hm..." He was not happy as he was drug to the pool where a bunch of kids were running around, jumping in and out of the pool and Itachi and Kisame were making hot dogs.

“Hey, Naruto,” Hidan smiled, “You having fun with all your friends?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty fun!” Naruto said, his hair dripping from just being in the pool.

“You and Sasuke are friends now?” Deidara asked.

“Kind of, not good friends, but we’re getting to know each other now.”

“Well, everyone should be friends with you, Naruto!” Hidan said, his voice getting louder and causing people to stare, “You deserve the best!”

“Hidan? Are you… are you ok?” Naruto asked, he didn’t like everyone looking at them and his face was turning red, “What happened to your arm? You look like you got beat up."

“It’s nothing to worry about, I feel great! You know, I’m actually really hungry...shit. I feel kind of dizzy, I lost a lot of blood and I took something but I don’t know what or how much. Do you think you could get us a hot dog?”

“Sure, I guess so.” Naruto walked over to where Itachi and Kisame were, they were both giving Hidan dirty looks, “Um… excuse me… could I get one for Hidan and Deidara?”

Itachi looked down at Naruto, wondering what was he doing hanging around with delinquents like those two? He did not want to give either of them a hot dog, but wasn’t going to cause a bigger scene than there already was, so he nodded and Kisame hesitated, giving Itachi a look before giving Naruto a plate with three hot dogs as he sighed.

“Thanks.” Naruto took the plate and started back towards Hidan and Deidara while Kisame and Itachi watched.

“You want me to get rid of them? Hidan shouldn’t be here around the kids.” Kisame said, “Just tell me, Itachi, and I’ll make them leave.”

“The pool is for anyone who lives here to use, Kisame, we didn’t reserve it… and I don’t want to start trouble at Sasuke’s party. Maybe they’ll leave or at the very least not cause any problems.”

Kisame gave him a skeptical look at that but said nothing. He didn’t even live there but knew that Itachi was hoping for too much.

Sakura watched as Naruto walked by, “Well, I guess we know who the trailer trash is, don’t we?”

Snickers and laughter came from a couple of the kids surrounding her and another girl with long blonde hair.

“I heard he was hanging out with those two but I couldn’t believe it.” The blonde girl said, “Choji told me, but I didn’t think Mr. Sarutobi would allow that, I guess I was wrong. They're such losers, we watch the videos of them all the time and laugh. Next thing you know, Naruto will be getting arrested with them! They probably cook meth in their trailer." She turned to Naruto and gave him a smirk as he walked by, "You'll probably end up in jail just like them."

“Ino, that’s awful.” Sakura said but she laughed at it anyways, and a couple others started to giggle too. 

Deidara starred at the girls, shocked that they could say such things. Itachi and Kisame heard everything, and so did Sasuke who was sitting nearby. Sasuke glared at the girls, he had always thought they were pretty decent, they had always been very friendly with him. But how could they say things like that? He never cared much for Naruto, he was obnoxious at school and he got bad grades, but he had never once been mean to anyone, he was always friendly and nice. And while Itachi may have made him invite Naruto even though they weren’t really friends, he wasn’t going to sit there and do nothing. 

Naruto’s eyes were burning with unshed tears from anger and embarrassment as he returned with the hotdogs, “Here.” He said, and handed the plate to Hidan, “I’m leaving.”

Hidan squinted through his alcohol and drug induced haze, his high starting to wear off, “Naruto, are you alright?” He wasn't even sure what the girls had said, something about cops.

“Naruto, you’re not leaving.” Sasuke said, he got up from the chair he had been sitting on and followed him over.

“Who’re you?” Hidan asked, “You look like…” he swayed dangerously on his feet as he scanned the people at the party, “Him!” He pointed at Kisame.

“I think you mean that one, hm.” Deidara moved Hidan’s outstretched arm so his finger was pointing at Itachi.

“Yeah, that’s who I was pointin’ at in the first place.”

"Sure you were, hm." Deidara rolled his eyes.

Naruto shook his head, “Thanks, Sasuke, but… I’m going to go. Um, thank you for inviting me to your birthday party. I really appreciate it and hope you like what I got you.”

“No. I said you’re staying.” He turned to face Sakura and Ino, “You two can go. And whoever else thinks what they said is funny.”

“S- Sasuke…” Sakura started, looking shocked, “I didn’t mean…it was just a joke… we're friends and-”

“No, what you said was awful. You two think you’re so much better than the rest of us here because you have both parents, and live in the new double-wides they built up at the end of the park. Well you’re not! You don’t know what it’s like to not have a family, you don’t know what it’s like to lose everything you ever had and everyone you loved! You never have to struggle, you’ve never not had enough to eat because only one person is working and the money all goes to bills for a shitty trailer just to stay from living in a car! Go home. Both of you.”

Ino looked furious and stood up, “Come on, Sakura, we don’t need to stay and be spoken to like this! Let’s go!” She grabbed Sakura, who managed to look ashamed, and marched out of the pool.

“Sasuke…” Naruto said softly, wiping his eyes, "Thanks."

“And whoever else was laughing at what they said, you can go too.” Sasuke told the rest of the kids. Two got up and left, muttering 'sorry' as they did so.

Itachi watched, he was so proud of Sasuke, the hot dogs burned on the grill and were covered in char, he was about to toss them in the trash when Hidan ran over, sliding in a puddle of water and grabbing onto a table to stop from landing face first on the concrete, “No! Don’t throw them away!” He took a plate and put them on and as he was doing so saw the cake Kisame had recently brought out from the freezer.

“Oh shit, what the hell is that?” Hidan's eyes grew wide as he eyed the cake.

“It’s called a cake.” Kisame told him.

“Wow.” Hidan was practically drooling.

Kisame just looked at him, “What cocktail of drugs are you on? You know what cake is.”

“I don't remember what I'm on.”

“You should leave, we don’t want you around the kids like this. Besides, you’re just embarrassing yourself.” Itachi said. He really didn’t want people like Hidan around his brother, and he decided he didn’t want them around Naruto either. “Not to mention you’ll probably fall in the pool and drown. So go home before you ruin more lives.”

“What are you guys, the trailer park police?” Hidan bit off a bite of a burnt hot dog, and with his mouth full continued talking, “Nice party, by the way, I like the balloons. I never had balloons at my birthday parties, because my parents never threw me any damn parties." He swallowed and took another bite, "They said to me, ‘you fucked up our lives by being born, you’ve got the balls to ask for a damn party? I'm gonna beat your bare ass with my belt, so pull your pants down’ that’s what they said every damn year… I stopped crying after the third time they did that...”

Itachi and Kisame looked at each other and before either of them could say anything, Hidan continued.

“You see this.” He held out his arm and pointed at the towel, “Huh, not the towel..." He unwrapped it, blood was still seeping from the cuts and glass glinted in the light, "My dad used to put his cigarettes out on me. That was my birthday present. I hope you got your brother something better than this.” Hidan was staring at the scar on his wrist, “He’s dead now. My old man.”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if you killed him.” Itachi muttered.

“What did you say?!” Hidan demanded.

“Hidan, you should go home and take a nap. Next to a trashcan and sleep on your stomach so you don’t choke to death on your own vomit when you eventually do get sick.” Kisame told him.

“Pfft, I not gonna get sick.” Hidan said, finishing his burnt hot dog, “I want a piece of cake. I’ve never had a birthday cake before. Can I have some?”

“It’s not your birthday and it’s not for you.” Itachi said through clenched teeth, “Go home. Now!”

Hidan looked mournfully at the cake, “Never got a cake… never even got to have any damn friends over, and I was never allowed to go to their parties. But now I’ve decided you guys are my friends! You can give me a party and I’ll go to your parties! It’ll be so fun!” He smiled and slung his arm around Itachi’s shoulders and leaned in to sniff his shirt, “Wow, you smell fuckin’ great, what is that?”

“It is called shower gel and deodorant. You should try it sometime, you stink.” Itachi said as he wrinkled his nose, removing the arm from around him, “Kisame, call Kakuzu.”

“Oh, I can call him! I have his number in my phone.” Hidan told them, “Is he invited to the party, too? Is he gonna eat cake with me?”

“Yes, yes he is.” Kisame nodded, “Call him. Tell him to come to the birthday party at the pool, right away.”

Going through his contacts, which were not many, Hidan found the one he wanted ‘Hot Manager Kakuzu’ and pressed the green phone icon to call.

“What do you want now?” Kakuzu demanded through the phone when he answered.

“Kakuzuuu!” Hidan greeted him, “Guess what? There’s a great party at the pool! They said you were gonna eat cake with me!”

“Are you drunk or high?”

“Both! Surprise!” Hidan laughed, sounding more like a maniac than not.

Grabbing the phone from him, Kisame moved away so Hidan wouldn't be able to grab it back, “Please come take him away, Kakuzu! He’s scaring the children and ruining the party Itachi planned. I’m about to call the police if you don’t take care of him.”

Kakuzu hung up and Kisame ended the call and found Hidan’s snapchat, he took several pictures of Hidan and sent them to his story, then checked to see who was in his friends on there and almost felt sorry for him when he saw that Hidan only had a few friends and one was Deidara and the other Naruto, some dude who was most likely naked and had yellow eyes and green hair and someone with bleached hair who had recently sent Hidan a video. He wished he hadn’t posted to Hidan’s story because he really didn’t want Naruto to see Hidan like this later and decided to remove Naruto as a friend so he would never have to see whatever idiotic things Hidan posted. 

Out of curiosity, Kisame tapped on the bleached hair guys story, and saw a video of Hidan with a collar around his neck and a finger hooked in the ring at the center front yanking him forward harshly before Hidan snorted a line off the mans abs, ‘You like that, Hidan? I’ve got more if you’re a good boy and fuck yourself on my dick.’ The video ended and next was a picture of Hidan laying in bed on his stomach with his arms bound behind his back, the rope looked like it cut painfully into his skin, bite marks across his shoulders and a handprint on his cheek. He looked less than thrilled to be there. ‘He doesn’t even know where he is right now, poor thing' captioned across it. Another picture appeared and it was Hidan giving a blow job, ‘Everyone can thank me for being the one to teach him how to suck dick so good’. Hidan looked absolutely miserable. There was more but Kisame had seen enough and couldn’t stomach anymore and looked over at Hidan. The bruises around his neck and wrist stood out even more to him now. 

“Kisame! A little help here!” Itachi shouted and Kisame put Hidan’s phone down to go help steer said man away from the table with the cake on it. He couldn't believe that Sasuke's party had turned into this, he was going to corner Hidan at the dumpsters later to 'talk'. 

Somehow Hidan managed to evade them and grab the knife, “Stay back!” He warned, waving the knife around, “I've got a knife!” He ran his tongue along the blade and then cut his tongue.

“Ow! Shit…” 

Several firecrackers suddenly went off, children screamed, and Itachi and Kisame turned to see Deidara trying to distract the kids attention from Hidan, shouting about it being an art show and to watch.

“And you didn’t want to cause a scene by getting rid of these two idiots when they first showed up!” Kisame complained.

While Itachi’s back was turned, Hidan sliced into the cake and took a piece, “Oh shit, is that fuckin’ ice cream?” He spoke in an awed, hushed voice. He took a bite, “An… ice cream cake… oh fuck… it’s so good… Itachi, I’d suck your dick for one of these, that’s how good it is!”

“What is it with you wanting to suck everyone’s dick, hm?!” Deidara shouted from the other side of the pool.

“Buy me one of these and I’ll suck yours for days!” Hidan shouted.

"I don't want you to suck my dick anymore! I’m finished with you!" Diedara screamed at him, he didn't care who was around, they had already made a scene, how much worse could it get?

"Knock it off! Both of you!" Kisame shouted, "There's kids here! Go have your domestics in one of your trailers in private!" 

“It’s never private, we can hear everything!” Kiba shouted.

Hidan ignored him and yelled back at Deidara, "You sure fucking liked it when I sucked it the last time!" Hidan took another bite of cake, he didn't think he ever ate anything so good before.

"And I regret it!" Deidara screamed.

"So do I!" Hidan screamed back, “Biggest regret of my life! And I’ve killed a man!” 

“Hidan!” Kakuzu shouted as he walked through the gate, “Why is it whenever there’s a problem around here I can find you or him,” he pointed at Deidara, who had just lit the fuse of one of his big fireworks and was blocking the view of it with his body until Kakuzu turned away, “at the center of it?!”

“Mr. Kuzuuu! You look good today!” Hidan greeted him, “Ya gotta try this! It’s cake, but with ice cream!”

“I don’t want any.” Kakuzu said as Hidan came towards him with a fork, “You’re coming with me.”

“Oh Kakuzu, I’ll come with you anytime...” Hidan giggled as he got closer.

“That’s not what I meant! You too, Deidara, let’s go! And Hidan, you better get away from me with that cake-” the firework suddenly went off into the air and exploded with a loud boom, some kids screamed while others watched in awe while Itachi, Kisame and Kakuzu looked horrified.

“What the hell?!” Kakuzu shouted, “Are you trying to start a fire?! You want to burn the whole park down?!”

Unable to control himself any longer, Kakuzu started towards Deidara, fists clenched at his sides just as Hidan stepped in front of him and tried to feed him some of the cake. A fork was held out towards him with a bite of cake on it.

Kakuzu dodged the fork and Hidan lost his balance, slipping on the wet cement and falling into the pool. The side of his head hit the edge hard with a sickening crack, leaving a smear of blood behind. He sank like a brick. His eyes open and unseeing as he landed on the bottom, blood came from his nose, ears and arm, swirlling in the water around him.

Children screamed. The cake had landed on the cement, melting away in the summer heat.


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke's party is ruined and all the children, and some of the adults, in attendance need therapy. Hidan and Kakuzu engage in some domestic violence in the driveway.

After a brief moment where no one moved and time seemed to slow as Hidan sank to the bottom, Kisame dove into the pool fully clothed and swam down to pull Hidan out, and as he came back up and pulled Hidan's head above the surface said, “He could have at least had the decency to fall in the shallow end!”

"That's Hidan you're talking about, he doesn't have any decency!" Deidara shouted, then moved forward as Kakuzu hauled his body out of the pool with Itachi's help, "Is he… dead?"

They put Hidan on his back and Itachi checked his pulse, nothing. He looked up at Kisame, “I need your help.”

Kisame nodded and knelt and they began CPR, Itachi blowing into Hidan’s mouth while Kisame pumped his heart.

“Hidan…” Deidara said quietly, then shouted, “You stupid bitch! Breathe! I didn't get to yell at you and make you feel bad for what you did!”

“He can’t hear you screaming at him, he’s technically dead right now! So stop screaming so we can try to save his life!” Kisame had had it with these two and he pounded on Hidan’s chest.

“Hidan wake up!” Deidara shouted as he stood back with Naruto who was grabbing onto his arm. Sasuke walked over and stood with them. 

Kakuzu stood back, his phone in hand, debating whether or not to call 911. He knew that Hidan knew he had buried a body the other night, and decided it was maybe just best if he died. The dead can't talk, so he put his phone back into his pocket.

After several minutes, Kisame and Itachi stopped, “He’s not… this isn’t working.” Kisame said, looking at Itachi, “What do we do?”

“I don’t… I don’t know. Just keep trying!” Itachi said, “Come on, you worthless idiot!” He did not need someone dying at his brother's birthday party on top of everything else, this would be one more thing that was his fault because he didn’t want to get rid of Hidan and Deidara when they first showed up. And while he really did not like Hidan, he didn’t want him to actually die.

They tried for almost ten minutes before Kisame pulled Itachi away, “It’s not working, Itachi. I’m sorry.”

“You stupid fucking bastard.” Itachi shoved away from Hidan and tried to wipe Hidan's blood off his hands and face, "Kisame… get me a wet towel or something," his voice was shaking, "I need to get this off of me!"

Kakuzu was now debating whether or not to call 911 to report a dead drowning victim when a few minutes later, Hidan’s eyes flew open and he began coughing. Kisame hurried over and rolled Hidan onto his side and pounded on his back as he coughed up pool water, “What happened…” he groaned, “my head… fucking hurts...” 

He put his hand to the side of his head and brought it away to see blood and he stood, pushing Kisame and Itachi away as they tried to hold him down and stumbling into Kakuzu who caught him, “Aw, Kuzu… you caught me… knew you cared about me.”

“You need to go home. Now!”

“Um no. I think he might actually need a doctor. And you didn’t you call 911 yet, did you?!” Itachi demanded, “He had no pulse for over ten minutes! You’ve just been standing there watching!”

“Maybe I do need a doctor, but my job at the club doesn’t come with health insurance so… not happening. The only health care they provide's STD testing.” Hidan leaned heavily on Kakuzu, “Just so you know, I don’t have any diseases.”

“You should probably get checked, might’ve changed after whatever the fuck you did last night…” Deidara grumbled.

Hidan ignored that, or didn’t hear and rolled his face towards Kakuzu, “Mmm… you smell nice.”

“It’s called a shower.”

“Shower gel, showers, wow...everyone smells great and I just want a piece of that fucking cake.” Hidan sounded like a whiny child and looked up at Kakuzu with big, sad eyes, “Will you get me a piece? My head hurts… so does my stomach. Fuck… what happened to me?”

“You fucked up big time, Hidan, you ruined a kids party, that's what happened. And No! I will not get you a piece of that cake.” Kakuzu walked him out of the pool area with Deidara’s reluctant help. Hidan was not light, especially not when he was fighting Kakuzu to still try to get to the poor cake he had already butchered, somehow having taken a slice from the middle of it, and the two took him home.

“That was disgusting…” Itachi muttered, wiping his mouth on a napkin, “God only knows where that mouth has been…”

“Probably on Deidara’s dick, and others," he lowered his voice, "I saw... some disturbing stuff on Snapchat while I had his phone. Itachi, you should maybe disinfect your mouth somehow. Maybe even go to the doctor. I think he sleeps around a lot. And he snorts coke. Who knows what else he does.”

Itachi looked at the cake, it was melting and ruined, and he wanted to throw it, along with Hidan, into a dumpster and forget about them. He had just wanted to give his brother a nice birthday party and it turned out to be a total nightmare. As angry tears burned his eyes, he turned his back on the kids that were standing there in shock. He felt Kisame wrap an arm around his shoulder as he wiped his eyes.

“Hey, Itachi, it’s alright. Sasuke got an unforgettable birthday, you can’t deny that, complete with free fireworks.” Kisame tried to lighten the mood, he hated when Itachi was upset, “You wouldn’t have been able to get rid of them without a scene, even if you had tried. It could have been worse.” He pulled Itachi close, “At least no one died for too long...”

“Kisame…” Itachi sighed, but Kisame saw the smile he was trying to hide. Sure, Itachi thought, it could have been worse but it could have been a lot better too. 

"At least Sasuke sees his therapist next week?" Kisame was trying to help.

"Shut up..." Itachi sighed, "I'm going to have to go back to mine after this."

* * *

Once Hidan was in his bed, which was just a mattress on the floor with a sheet over the top, and propped up on his side with several pillows and a trashcan near his head, Kakuzu pulled Deidara out into the living room.

“Tell me what he’s on and why he’s covered in bruises.”

“He broke into my trailer- you'll have to replace my window by the way- already high and started drinking. Then he smoked some weed. I asked what he took and what happened to him and he said he didn’t know, that he couldn't remember.” Deidara paused, “So I don’t know what he's on or how he got those bruises. He never came home from work last night.”

Kakuzu had considered looking around but if Hidan hadn't come home then whatever he took, was taken somewhere else. He decided to at least search Hidan’s pockets but all he found was some cash that was folded up and held together with a rubber band. He set it down on the nightstand after considering taking it, and straightened up.

Deidara was watching Hidan sleep, there was a red stain forming under the side of his head, and from his arm and Deidara turned away, “Shouldn’t we do something about the bleeding?”

“I’m a trailer park manager, not a doctor.” Kakuzu told him, "I don't know, get him a towel or something, I guess."

Deidara frowned, “I don’t know… it seems like he should really see a doctor. And I can’t handle blood, can’t you do it?”

With an irritated sigh, Kakuzu grabbed a towel from the bathroom, folded it up and then lifted Hidan’s head. He groaned in his sleep and Kakuzu stuffed the towel under his head. He wanted to smack Hidan but refrained from doing so since he probably wouldn’t remember, let alone wake up. 

“He’ll probably be fine, just make sure he sleeps on his side or stomach and if he survives the night, I guess it means that he’ll live.” Kakuzu walked over to the door, “Oh, and if you need anything, call 911, _ not me! _”

“You’re… leaving?” Deidara asked.

“Why should I stay? You’re his boyfriend, you can take care of him.”

“He is _ not _ my boyfriend!” Deidara almost shouted, “We’re not… we’re just friends, that’s it. Maybe not even that anymore.”

“If him killing someone and going to prison for it didn’t make you stop being his friend, I don’t see why him ruining a kids birthday would. You were out there lighting off illegal fireworks.”

"You don’t even know what he did, but whatever. I guess I'll have to fucking deal with it..."

"Good." Kakuzu left, slamming the door behind him and wondered where Hidan's car was, at least he hadn't driven himself home.

* * *

Hidan survived, and swore he would never eat another hot dog as long as he lived. Him and Deidara were the topic of all the gossip going around. There was an entire newsletter devoted to them crashing the birthday party, complete with color photos and even a link to the private youtube channel viewable by password only with video of Hidan trying to spoon feed Kakuzu some cake and falling into the pool as firecrackers went off in the background. 

Deidara’s neighbor yelled at him as he came home from his summer classes at the same time she was carrying groceries into her trailer, “They should have evicted you when you ran over my boy!”

“I ran over his bike, hm! Not him! Get your facts straight! It's probably on film somewhere and if I need to, I could probably get a hold of it to prove it so don't even think about trying to fucking sue me again!”

A boy with messy brown hair walked up the steps with a bag of groceries, “Mom… please…”

“Quiet, Kiba! He’s a menace, him and that other one, Hidan, the prostitute junkie. I don’t want you anywhere near them, do you hear me? You keep your distance! They’re trailer trash!”

“Mom, stop… he’s our neighbor, how far can I possibly stay when we literally live next door to him...” Kiba said, “We’re not exactly high class… you were a stripper.”

“I did it because I had to! Your dad couldn’t handle me and ran off!” She laughed loudly at that.

“Mom, I’m… I’m going to take Akamaru for a walk…”

“Make sure he does his business in one of their driveways!” She laughed again and walked inside.

* * *

Sasuke invited Naruto to hang out with him and offered to study with him after school, which meant he wouldn’t see Hidan much. Itachi had suggested it after he learned that Naruto needed a place to do his homework, and Sasuke agreed. They wanted him to be around Hidan and Deidara as little as possible.

“Hidan’s not so bad, I wish people wouldn’t say those things about him. I’ve never seen him like that before… he said he was really stressed about something the day before.” Naruto said as he worked on his math homework. Sasuke didn’t say anything, and Naruto went on, “If it wasn’t for him, I’d have been stuck outside doing my homework all summer, and he gave me snacks and lunch when I was hungry.”

It hadn’t escaped Sasuke’s notice that he rarely had lunch at school, sometimes just a snack but usually nothing, "Are you hungry?"

“Yeah, I'm a little.”

“Come on. Let’s see what there is.” Sasuke didn’t want to say anything about Hidan, but he had ruined his party and ruined the cake his brother spent a lot of money on that no one even got to eat, and he was pissed about that. 

He had heard Itachi crying that night, and wished he didn’t have to have a stupid party, but Itachi insisted, said he needed one and would look back later and be happy he did. When they got home after Hidan was removed from the pool area, Itachi had sat down on the couch with Kisame and told him, _ ‘You know, Sasuke, you don’t have to have a party if you don’t want one anymore. I should have listened to you. Next year, we’ll just invite a couple of your friends and eat some half price cupcakes from the store. Maybe go to see a movie or something...’ _

When Itachi got home that night, he found Sasuke helping Naruto with math homework while Kisame put dishes away. Kisame often stopped by after work when he could to make sure Sasuke wasn't home alone all day and to be able to see Itachi, or he wouldn't see him until the weekends, or on his days off. Since the birthday, he was spending more and more time there than at his own apartment.

“I’m home, Sasuke.” Itachi called out tiredly as he held up a roasted chicken, “I got a chicken for dinner. Ah, Naruto you’re here, too, would you like to stay for dinner?”

His blue eyes lit up, “I’d love to!!”

“Hey, what about me?” Kisame asked as he stepped out of the kitchen where he had just finished doing dishes.

“Well, I think there’s enough for you, too.” Itachi smiled as he put the container holding the chicken on the table, “So, I suppose you could stay as well.”

“Come on, Naruto, come sit down!” Kisame called to the boy who was still working on his homework.

* * *

Hidan sat on his porch steps smoking a cigarette, he watched the video Tomo had sent him again and again. Tomo had him pinned down and was biting him so hard he bled while Hidan was begging him to stop. What kind of asshole took videos of people like that?! He couldn't remember anything from that night and his hands shook as he held his phone. 

He had called and screamed curses at him, threatening to kill him. The next time he saw him, he planned to beat the shit out of him if he didn't outright kill him. Seething with anger, Hidan slammed his phone down on the wooden porch, probably cracking the screen but he really didn't care. He needed to stop watching the video but he couldn't. 

What kind of fucked up shit did he get himself into… He had tried to apologize to Deidara but he wouldn’t respond to any of his texts and when he tried calling, most of the time they went to straight to voicemail. 

About to pick up his phone again and replay the video, he saw Naruto walk by, his backpack slung over one shoulder, “Hey, Naruto.” 

He didn’t see much of him at all since the birthday party, but then again he spent two days in bed, sicker than he could remember being in a long time, all while Deidara stood in his bedroom doorway shouting at him. And then he had stayed in, not feeling like going outside at all for several more days. Obito had called and he lied and told him he had a stomach flu. He couldn't stand the thought of going back there and asked for a week off. Surprisingly, they gave it to him. 

“Hidan, hey, how’s it going? You look… better.” Naruto smiled and walked over.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Hidan flicked the ashes from his cigarette.

“I hope you’re ok now. I’ve never seen anyone like that. Itachi says you were on drugs. Were you?” Naruto suddenly shook his head, “You know, I shouldn’t ask you that, I’m just a kid, right?! I should uh, get home, the old man will probably be wondering where I am…”

“Wait.” Hidan said, “You know, I consider you a friend. And yeah… I was on drugs. I'm sorry for ruining the birthday party and acting like such a fucking loser. It was pretty fucking stupid, even for me. You be good, Naruto, ok? Don’t end up like me.”

Naruto smiled at him, “You’re not so bad, Hidan. I have to go now! See you later!”

Hidan scoffed, he wasn’t so bad? That kid had no idea. He snuffed out his cigarette on the step below him and then started another. Halfway through it, he was just about to go in when he looked up and saw Kakuzu walking towards him.

Kakuzu waved the smoke out of his face, “Your probation officer was here earlier, looking for you. I don’t know why so don’t ask.”

“Oh fuck…” Why had he come around? He just met with him a few days ago.

“Oh fuck is right.” Kakuzu agreed, “What the hell is going on with you, Hidan? You crash a kids birthday party while drunk and high and almost get yourself killed! Is that what you do for fun? Should everyone expect a performance from you like that at their parties?! You’re lucky no one called the cops. You’re lucky_ I _ didn’t call the cops or evict you!”

“You wouldn’t do that to me, would you?!”

“Keep it up and I will.”

Hidan puffed on his cigarette, and with it his between his lips, asked, “What’d you tell my PO?”

Kakuzu smirked at him, Hidan was going to hate him, “I told him that you were at the community college signing up for classes for the fall.”

_ “What?!” _ The cigarette fell from Hidan’s lips and landed on his thigh.

“While he was irritated you weren't available, he seemed mildly impressed and told me he would be back tomorrow afternoon. That gives you all tomorrow morning to go sign up for something.”

The cigarette burned through Hidan’s jeans and he jumped up off the steps, shouting, and slapping his thigh, “Ow! Dammit!”

“You better thank me, you piece of shit.”

“I’m not a fucking piece of shit, old man.” He fanned his thigh and stomped on the still burning cigarette so nothing would catch fire. The last thing he needed was to start the next brush fire. “And really? _ Thank you? _ I have to go sign up for some shit classes I don’t fucking want! What’s there to thank your crusty old ass for?!”

Kakuzu couldn’t believe it, was Hidan really that stupid? Maybe he was, maybe he had brain damage from all the drugs he took and from hitting his head. Not to mention he had been without oxygen for over ten minutes.

“I had to come up with something! If I hadn’t said that, maybe he’d have written you up, he seemed rather upset when you weren’t home and not answering your phone. I don’t know if you’d be arrested or not for it. Plus I bought you another day to work that shit out of your system, in case he wants to test you! Don’t you fucking get it, Hidan!?” 

Hidan found it both terrifying and very exciting that Kakuzu was yelling at him.

“They would have discovered all the drugs in your system, whatever they were! They could put you back in jail, unless that’s what you want! Is it?! Do you want to go back?”

The thought of going back made his blood run cold and Hidan shook his head, “Fuck no!”

“Than you can fucking thank me for saving your pathetic ass.”

“Pathetic?! Ha! Fuck you!”

“No thanks, I like my fucks a little less trashy than you.”

Hidan didn’t realize what he was doing until it was too late and his fist hit Kakuzu’s jaw, “Oh shit.” 

Kakuzu grabbed Hidan by the throat, “You’re going to regret that.” He squeezed enough to cut off most of the air to Hidan’s lungs before throwing him onto the pavement, “If you don’t sign up for something tomorrow, I’ll tell Officer Sarutobi everything, I’ll show him that stupid fucking newsletter with your pictures all over it and the video, and I’ll throw in how you attacked me tonight, too.”

Hidan wheezed and coughed, his hand rubbing his throat, blood seeping from a cut on his lip and his scraped cheek. He knew he’d have road burn on his side where he slid on the asphalt. He was pissed, his bruises were starting to fade and how he'd have more.

“I was dead…” Hidan spat, “Why couldn’t you bastards have left me that way?! Huh?!”

Kakuzu paused, “You weren’t dead.”

“Yes, I was! I was dead! Why couldn’t you have left me like that!? Why can’t I just die?! What did they do to me?!” Hidan screamed, going red in the face, and rushed forward, barreling into Kakuzu, his arms going around his waist and knocking him to the ground, they wrestled for several minutes, each of them landing punches on the other.

It felt so good to get his anger out and Kakuzu seemed all too happy to play along. Every punch landed, every bruise and grunt of pain felt so good. He rolled Kakuzu onto his back and pulled his fist back when they were suddenly interrupted. 

“What is going on out here?!” Hiruzen demanded as he opened the side door of his trailer, “Naruto! Stay inside!”

“But that’s Hidan!” Naruto tried to push his way past Hiruzen but he was grabbed by his upper arm, “Ow!”

“I said to stay inside, boy! Why can’t you ever listen?” The old man yanked Naruto back into the trailer, it didn’t go unnoticed by Kakuzu who used the moment Hidan was distracted to flip him was now on top of Hidan, pinning him down.

“I’m calling the police.” Hiruzen called out.

“No!” Kakuzu and Hidan yelled at the same time.

“I have it under control.” Kakuzu added as he pinned Hidan beneath himself, “Just go back inside, I don’t need the police out here tonight.”

“I think it’s best if they come out and take that man away.”

“I said no! And if you don’t do as I say, I’ll be calling CPS out here for a health and welfare check. There’s been several complaints about screaming and yelling coming from your trailer on a daily basis. And I saw how you grabbed him like that. Some people think he’s underweight. Some people have said you lock him out of his own house in the middle of the day when it’s too hot to be out.”

Hiruzen’s eyes narrowed, “Fine, no cops. You better take care of him though,” he pointed a bony finger at Hidan, “he’s an animal.”

Once he went back in, Kakuzu muttered, “That’s what I thought, old man.”

Without thinking, Hidan pushed himself off the ground as Kakuzu looked back down at him, and moved to kiss him. Hidan’s lips grazed Kakuzu’s, for the barest of moments, and it was all it took for Hidan to feel a shock of electricity shoot through him at the touch. But it was over all too soon as Kakuzu pushed him back down on the ground and held him there. 

Kakuzu leaned forward, his eyes on Hidan’s lips for a lingering moment before moving back up to his violet eyes, “If you want me so bad why don’t you get yourself clean, sign up for some damn classes and get a real job. One where you don’t parade around naked, or mostly naked, I'm not all that sure _what_ you do for money, and get your shit life together. Then Hidan, come and see me. Maybe then I’ll consider fucking you as you seem to want me to so badly.”

He stood then and pulled Hidan to his feet who blurted out, “Blackmailing me for sex? That’s pretty low.”

“You’re fucking ridiculous. You think that’s blackmail? I’m done here. Do whatever the hell you want to yourself, I don't know why I bother with you.” He let go of Hidan’s hand and dusted himself off and started to walk away, wiping blood from his nose and flicked it onto the ground. 

Hidan watched him go. So, he was that trashy Kakuzu wouldn’t touch him, huh? Well, fuck him, Hidan thought and spit out a mouthful of saliva and blood before going inside and slamming the door so hard it flew back open and Hidan had to kick it closed again. He wasn't pathetic, and he liked his job! It wasn't boring and he made decent money. Squeezing his phone in his hand, he threw it down to the other end of his trailer. Kakuzu didn't know what he was talking about, Hidan thought he was perfectly fucking happy just as he was and he wasn't going to change for anyone. 

He lit another cigarette and sat down in the middle of his couch and tried to watch TV. Nothing was coming in though and he shut it off and sat there in silence, the occasional dog barking or car driving by and kids playing in the street could be heard. 

With nothing else to do, Hidan decided to shower and figure out where the community college was since he apparently had no other choice but to go sign up for something, and then went to bed. It was still relatively early and he at least he might get a decent night's sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this, I really appreciate and I'm really glad to know people are enjoying it.


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan visits the community college where Granny Chiyo plays dead. Later, Asuma visits Hidan at home, and Deidara confronts Hidan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a new tumblr if you would like to follow for fic updates, I doubt I'll be too active on there though: hidancrazylaugh.tumblr.com someone took my original url. Oh well. It's close enough. 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy the third chapter of the week! I'm trying to get everything that was previously posted reposted as soon as I can. I hope it's not too fast. Please enjoy!

The next day Hidan woke up early, ate some cereal, dressed in clean clothes and drove out to the community college. He had never been there before and didn’t know what to do and decided he had better start in the office. 

If he could find it.

Why did the campus have to be so large and spread out everywhere? He thought they should have the office near the main parking lot but apparently whoever designed the place didn’t agree. He walked from one side of the campus to the other before finally finding the office.

Unsure of what to do or who to talk to, he saw an old woman sitting at a desk behind the counter, sleeping. She looked so old, Hidan wondered why she was there and not enjoying her retirement.

“Uh, lady?” He called, she didn’t respond so he tried again, louder, “Excuse me, old lady?”

She didn’t even move an inch and he walked around, ‘Fuck, she must be dead…’ He thought as he took a pen off the desk and poked her with it, hoping he wouldn’t be blamed for her death.

Suddenly she sat up, Hidan screamed and threw the pen, leaping backwards and slamming his back against the counter, “What the fuck?!”

She just laughed, “Gotcha! I’m Ms. Chiyo, my hobbies include playing dead and pretending to be senile. Now, young man, how can I help you?”

“You can help by getting me a new heart because I think I just had a fucking heart attack!” He took a deep breath and let it out.

“I'm sorry, but I don’t deal in black market organs. Now, what do you need? Are you a student?”

After explaining that he wanted to sign up for some classes, she seemed very excited and handed him a booklet, “You can choose from here, young man, if you want to take it home and look it over-”

“I don’t have time, I have to register for them like, yesterday.”

“Oh, well, then just take a seat and I’ll help you when you’ve decided which classes to take.”

He thanked her and sat down and started to look through the book.

Hidan did not want to take math, or anything like that. So he stayed away from those subjects and looked over other classes. He was not going to sign up for drama, he felt he made enough of that in his own life. He really hated being there, and turned each page more violently than the previous page. 

It was so frustrating! What was a few random classes going to do for him anyways?!

“Young man, you look like you need some help.” Chiyo said, watching as he flipped the pages so hard they were starting to tear.

“Yeah… look. I’ll be honest, my parole officer is expecting me to sign up for some classes because some dick lied and told him I was and now I _ have _to. But I don’t want shit like math or English or science, I don’t- I don’t want to fucking be here, alright!? I just need something that will look good, like I’m trying to better myself, you know?”

She nodded and took the booklet from him and was quiet for several moments. 

“And why not try to better yourself? Classes aren’t as cheap as they used to be, and no offense but you don’t look like you have a lot of money. You could be angry that Dick lied about you enrolling in classes or maybe you could see it as an opportunity to actually improve yourself.”

Hidan was quiet for a moment, letting what she said sink in. “I said ‘some dick’ not someone named Dick… Anyways.” He waved his hand in dismissal, what did it matter. “Maybe I was just going to fuck around… but maybe I should actually try? Shit! I don’t know, lady. I’m a piece of shit and maybe I should try to not be one. Hell, I don’t know what I want anymore.” He stared at his shoes, unable to look the old woman in the face. She probably didn’t care about what he did, but maybe she did and that’s why she was still working when she could be retired. 

She nodded, as if she were thinking about something, “I think that’s a good start, trying to not be a piece of shit. Allow me to impart some wisdom gained from my extensive life experience: Everyone has the ability to change, but only if they want it.” 

Hidan looked up at her, she was smiling at him like a granny should smile at her grandkids and he gave her a small smile back. He wished he had family growing up who cared about and supported each other, he thought he would have been different if he had. But then again, maybe he wouldn't be any different. 

“I think regular college courses wouldn’t suit you...” she flipped to the back of the booklet, “We have a selection of vocational courses such as welding, automotive, electrician. Those are popular with people who have been in jail. Here, take a look. I’m sure you can find something that interests you. Your parole officer would be more impressed with something like this than if you were to enroll in math classes anyways. And once you pass the course we help you find an internship and they usually hire the students after completing it.” 

Hidan thought that didn't sound too bad and took the book as she held it out for him. He didn’t think he wanted to be a contractor or an electrician. He could see himself wiring a house wrong and burning it down. Deidara would be good at that, and he almost laughed but didn't.

“Hmm…” He bit his lip, thinking back to Kakuzu telling him to get his shit life together. He thought he liked his job, and at first he did, but it wasn’t a long term thing. And it was quickly losing it’s appeal to him. Especially after what Tomo did, that had been beyond fucked up. It had been the night after he was attacked, too… his blood boiled at the thought and his fingers tightened on the pages, crinkling them.

“You know, welding sounds kinda cool, or--”

“There’s also some food safety and sanitation courses, a baking course. Take your time to think about it before deciding.”

Hidan shook his head, “I’m not into baking, I'd probably end up killing people with my baked goods. I think the welding and auto mechanic thing sounds cool though. One of those, or even both, might impress him…” He wasn’t sure if he was thinking of Asuma or Kakuzu, or maybe both.

“I would advise only taking one of the courses at a time, you won't have time for both. You will learn some welding in the mechanic course though. Don’t rush your decision, just let me know when you’re ready.” She hobbled back to her desk, muttering something about her hip and sat down.

It didn’t take him long to decide, he really was not interested in hospitality or food service jobs and he didn’t think flower arranging was a good sustainable career. Who even did that? He didn’t have the money to open a florist shop, not that he even wanted to. So he got up and told the old lady he wanted to sign up for the mechanic course, and she happily started the enrollment process.

While he waited and filled out paperwork, he got an idea and looked up, “So, I probably need to quit my job so I can take these classes and finish before I’m your age. And I was thinking, I’m a stripper, so I know I look good, maybe I can be a nude model for the art class and make some extra cash. Can I sign up for that here or not? And does it pay good?” 

Kakuzu wouldn’t think that was so bad, would he? It was art, that was different than what he currently did. People went and looked at naked paintings and statues in museums all the time and didn’t get turned on. It was classy. He could show Kakuzu how classy he could be! He grinned at the thought of taking a picture of a painting of himself and sending to the older man and giggled to himself over it. Maybe that would pique the old man's interest!

She laughed and shook her head, “We don’t allow students to do any nude modeling, I’m sorry, but you could do clothed modeling, also you might look around to see if there’s any art classes that are not sponsored by the college, then you would be able to sign up with them. But you won't make a living only doing that.”

“Thanks, old lady! You’re really helpful, you know that?” He smiled as sweetly as he could. He really liked the old woman. “You don’t happen to know of any art classes that are looking for models, do you? It doesn’t have to be for nude modelling, I’ll sit there in clothes, too.”

“Actually… my grandson probably does, he teaches art off campus in private classes. He is a very great artist, but is a bit of a recluse and sometimes a little odd or I would give you his phone number. Hmm, how about you come back here next Monday morning at ten and I can give you his information after I’ve spoken with him.”

“Thanks,” he gave her his most charming smile, “don’t you go dying before then, alright? And thanks for all your help today. My probation officer is going to be so impressed with me! And maybe Kakuzu, too!” He grinned as he took his papers, feeling like maybe he was finally doing something worthwhile with himself.

“Oh, I’m sure they both will be.” She didn’t seem to know what to say so she pat his hand and smiled up at him like a grandma, “You stay out of trouble, young man, and good luck with everything. And be sure to come back here next Monday at ten sharp! I have no plans of dying, I'm going to be around a while yet.”

“I will! Thanks again.” He smiled at her and left, wondering why Deidara always wanted to blow her hip off, she seemed like a nice old lady.

* * *

He stopped at the 99 Cent store on the way home and bought some food, a pack of off brand soda, deodorant and body wash. 

Once home he put everything away, then took a shower. He stepped under the spray of cool water and winced as all the cuts and scrapes from the night before stung under the water. He wondered if he should start wearing a shirt more often to avoid all the road rash he was getting since moving in. 

Just as he got out and wrapped a towel around his waist there was a knock on his door. He felt his heart pound in his chest as he scrambled to pull on his jeans and a t-shirt and tried to make his hair look halfway presentable.

“Hidan.”

“Officer Sarutobi.” He responded as respectfully as he could while thinking, _ ‘Nasty ass pig. Oink. Oink.’ _

“So, you’ve been fighting.” He motioned that he wanted to come inside and Hidan let him in, “I saw the blood on the ground and your face tells me it’s true so don’t try lying to me.”

“It wasn’t really a fight, it was more of a… exciting discussion…”

“With fists? Who was the other person?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“I didn’t see your name in any police reports but I know a squad car came out here the other day for a man fitting your description causing a disturbance at the pool. When the police arrived, though, no one was around. So that’s why I came out yesterday to check up on you. You weren’t here. I spoke with your manager and he told me you were registering for classes.” He was about the same height as Hidan but somehow was able to look down at him, “Did you?”

“I did.”

“I want to see the proof.” He didn’t believe Hidan, but when he had the paperwork shoved in his face, and after he took it and was able to actually look at it, he had to admit his was impressed, “Auto shop, it suits you. If you do well, this could open some doors for you. But I notice something. These papers are dated today.” 

“Yeah, I went yesterday but I couldn’t decide on anything and the old lady there told me I should come back today after thinking about it and filling out all the forms, I was taking up space in the office and there were other students waiting.”

Dark eyes studied him, Asuma knew it was a lie, but he accepted it, at least Hidan had signed up for something and seemed to be trying to make an effort, it was what he wanted to see. “Alright, Hidan… I'll buy that excuse. Now, about the gun.”

“Aw fuck…” His stomach flip flopped and he stuffed his hands into his pockets, he could already feel the cuffs around his wrists.

Asuma gave him an exasperated look, “Can you go two minutes without swearing?” 

Hidan pretended to think about it before saying, “No!” He paused, "Shit. Fuck. Ass-"

Asuma sighed before interrupting, “Look, I’m trying to help you out here, some officers are real hard liners, like my father was. Obviously, I haven’t reported it or you would have had to stand before the judge a long time ago!”

Hidan tilted his head, “So what are you saying?”

“I'm saying that I don't know why but I don't want to see you arrested again, at least not for something like this. I ran a check on the weapon, your story checked out. It’s a nice gun and I want to keep it, let me have it and-”

“What?! That was my dad’s and-”

“I’ll give you a good price for it.”

Hidan’s eyes narrowed, “Is this a fuckin’ trap, pig? Are you bugged?”

“No, it's not a trap and I’m not wearing a wire. And quit calling me a pig!” Asuma huffed and lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke in Hidan's face, “I collect weapons, I want it for my collection, it’s illegal for you to have anyways.”

Hidan paced the living room, “I don’t know… this seems like a set up.”

“It’s not.”

“Well I don’t trust you!” Hidan shouted, throwing his hands in the air, "I really fucking don't, alright?! How do I know you're not setting me up so they can lock me up again and take me back to that- that room?!”

Asuma sighed, “I haven’t reported it yet, have I? And if I was trying to set you up, I wouldn't have to resort to this. All I would have to do is report it. Think about it, Hidan.”

Hidan stopped his pacing, “I don’t know… there’s something weird about all this. How come I moved in next door to your old man? Huh?!”

“I have no idea, it’s just a coincidence, Hidan.” 

“Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t! I think it isn't!"

“What are all those bruises from, around your neck?” Asuma asked, wanting to change the subject. "And on your wrists. Did someone attack you?" 

Hidan looked at the bruises on his wrists. 

“They're a reminder of a real fuckin’ bad decision I made, that’s what. Look," Hidan looked at Asuma for a long time before his shoulders sagged and he ran his hands through his hair, he just wanted the man out of his trailer, "you want the fuckin’ gun so bad? Fine, keep that shit! I was probably gonna try to kill myself with it but that wouldn't work so you can have it. And I’ll take the damn money for it. I hated my father, at least I get some money out of him now.”

Asuma nodded, "Good decision. But if you feel like you’re going to hurt yourself, you should seek help." He looked at the fading bruises on Hidan’s wrists and the cuts that had scabbed over, “If you got in trouble with someone, you should report it and-”

“Don’t pretend to fucking care about me!” Hidan shouted, “You got what you came here for, you can keep the fucking gun, just give me the money and get the fuck out!!”

Asuma took a step back and reached into his back pocket. As he pulled out his wallet, Hidan flinched, but Asuma held up a worn, black leather wallet, “Just my wallet, Hidan.”

“I knew that!” Could this guy just leave already?! Hidan couldn't stand being around him any longer, his heart pounded in his ears and he was feeling sick. 

“Here.” He opened it and took out some cash, “I think it’s a fair price.”

“I honestly don’t give a rats ass how much it's worth. I hated my old man and he hated me. You're leaving now, right?! We're done?” Hidan grabbed the bills, his hands shaking, and didn’t even bother to count them, he was too worked up, and just shoved them into his back pocket.

“See you next month, stay out of trouble.” Asuma told him and left.

As soon as he was gone, Hidan stood there, shaking, trying to swallow the saliva that filled his mouth but gave up and ran to the bathroom and immediately threw up in the toilet. He hated Asuma, and cursed him while hanging his head over the toilet. Why did he have to come to his home like that? He could have waited, maybe told him ahead of time what he would come by for, but no, he just showed up unannounced. 

Hidan flushed and got up. As he stood in front of the sink he looked in the mirror, thinking that he looked like absolute shit and felt like it too. After he brushed his teeth, he washed his face and hands and went to go lay down and have a smoke. 

* * *

Deidara had avoided Hidan for days, deleted his texts and sent his calls to voicemail and if he did answer, he immediately ended the call. But he knew sooner or later they needed to talk, he was just too angry at the time. But it had been a week now, and Deidara picked up his phone and sent a text to Hidan.

‘We need to talk.’

He waited, expecting a reply, but none came and he sent another. How dare he ignore him now?! 

‘Don’t ignore me, Hidan. We need to talk, and we’re going to talk now!’

‘Where do you want to talk?’

‘My place. Get your ass over here. I’m not going to have this put on that fucking youtube channel.’

Deidara waited. He had put a cardboard box in the window with duct tape, Kakuzu had been ignoring his requests for a new window and Deidara hoped he wouldn’t have to pay for it himself. Which he wouldn't. He had been looking up renters rights, and he could withhold rent if Kakuzu didn't get that fixed soon. 

Hidan walked up and knocked, looking at the cardboard box where the window used to be, feeling worse the longer he looked at it.

“Hidan.” Deidara said as he opened the door, “Come in.”

“Sorry, about the window.”

“You should be.”

There were still blood stains on the carpet but Deidara had done his best to scrub them out.

“Can I sit?” Hidan asked.

“Yeah, I suppose.”

He sat down on one end of the couch and waited.

“Alright, Hidan, look, you fucked up big time! You really hurt me, more than I thought you ever would, hm!”

“I’m sorry. About the window, fuck, I’ll pay to have it fixed. I’ll pay for someone to come clean your carpet too. I’m really sorry about the way I acted and ruined that kids party. And… about the other thing I did. I’m really sorry.” Even though they weren't together, he knew it had hurt Deidara and he felt bad about it. 

“That's it, 'the other thing'? You fucked someone else!”

“Dei, I-”

“I can forgive you for the window, hell, I could have done the same to you. And I can forgive what you did at the pool! That kid and his brother and boyfriend probably don’t. But what I haven’t been able to get over is that you went home with someone, and you fucked them all damn night! I thought _ we _ were fuck buddies, so we wouldn’t have to go and get it from other people that maybe we didn’t know, or whatever! I started to like you, Hidan! We were best friends! How fucking stupid were we to do this?! How fucking stupid are you?” 

Hidan pressed himself further and further against the back of the couch with each word that came from Deidara’s mouth. And when he finally confessed that he liked him, Hidan felt himself crumple. He had a feeling that was the case. He opened his mouth and closed it several times before finally speaking. “I’m really sorry, Deidara. I made a really bad choice and I regret it more than you’ll ever know.”

“Was it good?! Did you like it? Was it better than it was with me?” Deidara’s eyes burned with tears and he tried to blink them away, “Tell me Hidan! How was it?!”

_ Was it good? _ Hidan couldn’t believe what he was hearing, Deidara really just asked him that? The rational part of his brain told him that Deidara had no idea what happened, but that part was being drowned out fast. He couldn’t remember what had happened but had watched the video enough times to know he didn’t need to remember. He knew exactly what Tomo had done to him.

“Was it good?” Hidan repeated, his voice quiet and devoid of any emotion, he closed his eyes for a moment as he balled his hands into fists at his sides. He wanted to scream at Deidara, how dare he say that to him?! He wanted to show him the video, the one he couldn’t stop watching and the others he had found online on a pay site. 

He wanted to scream in his face how he couldn’t remember any of it. He wanted to scream that he had told Tomo to stop and he wouldn't. He wanted to tell him that every time he had shared his weed and coke with Deidara when they were younger that he had paid for it, but not with money.

As he opened his mouth nothing came out and he swallowed hard. 

“You know what? Yeah. Yeah, it was really fucking good, Deidara.” As soon as he said it he wanted to throw up but his stomach was completely empty. 

“Fuck you.” Deidara spat.

He needed to get out of there, he couldn’t stand to look at, or hear Deidara and he didn't trust himself around him any longer. 

“When you want to talk and not be an asshole, call me.” Hidan told him as he got up and started for the door.

“Gonna go fuck that guy again?! Hope you have fun!”

Hidan whirled around, that was it! He got into Deidara's face, and it was all he could do not to beat the crap out of the other man. “Shut the fuck up, Diedara! You don’t even know what you’re saying!” Hidan snarled, “Don’t ever, _ ever _ talk to me about this again! Don't bring this up _ ever again _ or I'll _ never _ speak to you the rest of my fucking life! You have no idea what he’s done to me!” He had to get out of there before he lost control and did something he would regret, he turned and reached for the door, throwing it open so hard it bounced off the wall, the doorknob probably leaving a dent.

“Don’t worry, I won’t, hm! And the way you're going, you'll be dead before New Years so it won't be all that long you don't talk to me!!” Deidara followed him to the door and slammed it shut as soon as Hidan was out.

As Hidan walked home, he got a text from Madara telling him to come in to work.

"Fuck that shit." Hidan muttered and lit a cigarette. He had another day off before he had to go back, why should he go in a day early?

When he still hadn’t responded to the text an hour later, his phone rang and he jumped, it was Madara again.

He waited a moment before answering it, “What?”

“You got my message?”

“Uh, no.” Hidan lied, he had seen it, he just hadn't read it.

“Well, I know that's a lie. Anyways, you will come in to work tonight. I know you have another day off, but Obito wasn’t in his right mind allowing you to take an entire week off. That was ridiculous.”

“I… I’m still kinda sick, wouldn’t want to-”

“Cut the crap, Hidan.” Madara’s deep voice cut him off, “I know you weren’t actually sick. I know _ exactly _ what happened, pretty much everyone here does. Bad call on your part to go home with Tomo. Did you think you were friends? He doesn't have friends, he uses people to get what he wants. Are you coming in, or not? I need to know.”

Hidan hesitated, he wanted to tell Madara to go fuck himself and his club, but he really needed the money and until he got something else going he really had no choice. 

“Yeah, I’ll be there.” 

“Good. Now, get your pretty little ass down here on time or you don’t have a job.” Madara hung up and Hidan stood there, staring at his phone.

He almost called back and quit over the phone, but he didn't. He ran through a few ideas in his mind and considered growing marijuana. That would be profitable. Too bad he didn’t have a private backyard... But maybe he could grow some in the trailer... he had an extra room that wasn’t being used for anything. But remembering that he got surprise visits from his parole officer who liked to search his place, he ditched the idea fast. 

He needed to look for something else and soon, then he would quit. After making himself presentable for work and he left, his skin crawling at the thought of being there, everyone looking at him, knowing what had happened and some of them probably would have seen the videos. 

Shaking his head, Hidan exhaled, there was nothing he could do about it. He didn’t have much of a choice at the moment, he didn’t want to get evicted so he grabbed his keys and wallet and left. Hidan slid into the driver seat and shut the door and turned the engine. He had been in such a good mood after being at the college and it had been completely ruined over the course of the day.


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone calls the police, Hidan calls Kakuzu, Kakuzu calls Pein. Itachi has a clogged tub. And Asuma tells Hidan a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are three more chapters of what was previously posted after this one, I'm excited to have almost all of it back up again. Thank you for reading, and leaving kudos and comments, I really appreciate it. Please enjoy this chapter, I think it's a little longer than the last one was.

When Hidan entered the building for work, he immediately started looking around for Tomo, but he was nowhere in sight and Hidan was soon greeted by Madara who looked him up and down. “Hidan. You look well enough to work. Though I expect you to at least make an attempt to cover those bruises. Go find someone and ask for help.” He walked away before Hidan could even respond.

“Fuckin’ asshole…” Hidan muttered and started down the hallway towards the dressing rooms.

He asked one of the girls to help him, and had a bag of makeup thrust towards him, “I’d do it for you but I was late and Madara’s pissed tonight for some reason, I’m really sorry.” She gave an apologetic look and hurried out, leaving Hidan on his own to figure it out. 

Sitting himself in front of a mirror, he sorted through her bag and picked out some powder and started to brush it on with one of the makeup brushes on the table. It helped, but didn’t cover everything completely. He didn’t even care, and a lot of people seemed to give him better tips when he had bruises and cuts and scrapes on him. With that thought, Hidan quickly got a towel, wet it in the bathroom and wiped the powder away. 

He needed all the money he could make. He ended up putting on light blue metallic eyeshadow and perfectly winged black eyeliner. He checked himself out in the mirror and decided he looked good and went out onto the floor.

Halfway through his shift, as he was walking to take his break, he felt someone behind him. Whoever it was, they were way too close and Hidan turned to find Tomo leering at him, his face inches from his own.

“Hidan, don’t you look pretty tonight.” Tomo ran his fingers down Hidan’s bare arm and let his eyes rake over him.

The touch made Hidan’s skin crawl and he visibly recoiled, “Get the fuck away from me right now.” Hidan growled, “I won’t tell you again.”

“Oh, come on, we had some fun and that was that. Of all people, I didn’t think you would turn out to be such a prude about it.”

“Fun? _ Fun?! _ ” Hidan turned to face him, “You think that was _ fun?! _You motherfucking asshole”

Tomo’s smile twisted, “You got some free coke, damn good coke I might add, you forgot your troubles for a while and I made you cum so many times while I got to make some money off it. That coke wasn’t free. It never is. You know that. So what the fuck is your problem, Hidan? You got something, I got something.”

That was it. Hidan snapped. Lunging at Tomo, he tackled him to the ground, teeth bared as his fists landed blows on his face and ribs. It was over in moments when Madara and Obito ran over and pulled Hidan off.

“Hidan!!” Madara shouted, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?! You want the cops up in here?!”

“He fucking sold those videos!!” Hidan snarled, “I’m gonna fucking kill him! I’ll rip his throat out with my teeth!” He bit at the air, his teeth clacking together loudly, “I’m gonna fucking kill you, Tomo! I swear on whatever god is out there! I’ll tear you to pieces!”

Obito helped Tomo up, who spit out a mouthful of blood onto Hidan’s feet.

“You’ll pay for what you did!!” Hidan screamed, “I’m gonna get you!”

“Call the police.” Tomo said, “He’s insane!”

“We don’t need the police-” Obito tried to say.

“I’m pressing charges!” Tomo shouted, “He attacked me! He never should have been released from prison! He threatened to kill me! He’s killed before. Did you hear what he said? You all heard him!”

Hidan made an outraged noise and Madara had to drag him into his office and throw him on the floor.

“Don’t call the cops!” Hidan shouted, “You can’t!”

“It’s not up to me, you attacked-”

“He drugged me! Tied me up and--”

Madara cut him off, shouting at him, “It was your own damn fault! You went home with him and got high! And just now you were out there yelling about killing him in front of the entire club!”

Hidan went quiet while Madara stood over him.

“It’s out of my hands now. I’ll try to talk Tomo out of pressing charges, I don’t need that kind of shit here in my club. But I doubt it’ll do any good.”

“No cops! I’ll quit, I’ll--”

“You won’t quit, Hidan,” Madara said, his eyes cold as he looked down at Hidan, “because you’re fired!”

“You can’t fucking fire me!!” Hidan shouted, getting to his feet, “I quit!”

“I fired you first, you can’t quit!”  
  
“Fuck you firing me, I quit!” 

Madara rolled his eyes, “Stay here, Hidan. If you move, I’ll call the cops on you myself.” He went out to talk to Obito who kept his eyes on a smug looking Tomo as sirens were heard outside.

* * *

Kakuzu had just gotten up and was checking his phone for messages. He had a voicemail from 3 in the morning from an unknown number. He pressed play just as there was a knock on his front door.

He listened to the message as he got up to see who was at his door.

_ ‘Uh, Kakuzu… it’s me, it’s Hidan… fuck, look I didn’t know who else to call aside from Deidara who fucking hates my guts right now and he would just delete my message without listening and someone should at least know where I am. I got no one else. So ’m in jail. I fucked up. Again. It wasn’t all my fault though, the asshole totally deserved what I did to him after what he did to me. Anyways I don’t expect you to come try to get me out or nothing, but if you did, I’d owe you big time. I guess if I never get out, you can sell my shit and rent my trailer… you’d like that, I bet, if I go back to jail. Well, bye.' _

He opened the door to see Itachi standing there.

“Dammit…” Kakuzu sighed as the message ended.

“I’m sorry, is this a bad time?” Itachi asked.

Kakuzu ignored him and replayed the message from Hidan, wondering if he misunderstood. But no, Hidan had been arrested and wanted him to come get him out.

“Mr. Kakuzu?” Itachi asked.

“Itachi, sorry… Hidan was arrested last night.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“Neither am I.” Kakuzu was disappointed though. He wasn’t sure why, but he had just hoped Hidan might change. He put his phone in his back pocket, “What do you need this morning?”

“I hate to be a bother so early in the morning but we have a problem with the bathtub, it’s not draining. Kisame tried to use a plunger, and we put liquid drain opener down it, but it’s still clogged.”

Kakuzu didn’t want to deal with phone calls from jail or unclogging drains at seven thirty in the morning, he hadn’t even had breakfast yet, but he had no choice. He would take care of the bathtub first and then decide what to do about Hidan.

* * *

“Maybe there’s more to it then he just fucked up.” Kisame said from the bathroom doorway, watching as Kakuzu stuck a hose with a super high powered nozzle down the drain in the tub.

“Turn it on!” Kakuzu shouted over his shoulder to Itachi who was waiting by the faucet outside on the side of the trailer.

“I’m surprised you of all people would be trying to defend Hidan considering how he ruined your boyfriend’s brothers birthday party.” Kakuzu glanced up at the man, he looked like he wanted to say more but remained quiet and Kakuzu shifted his attention back to the drain.

“I’m just saying, that maybe there’s a reason he did whatever he did that got him arrested. You said he said the guy deserved it. Look,” Kisame rubbed the back of his neck, “I wasn’t going to say anything but at the party… I saw some weird shit on his phone.”

Kakuzu didn’t even look up as he held the hose in place, though he was curious, “Like what?”

“I don’t want to say, I don’t think it’s my place, but I think he might be justified if I’m correct in assuming he retaliated against someone who did some fucked up shit to him.”

Kakuzu shouted for Itachi to shut off the water and when the pressure in the hose died down, he removed it from the drain and waited to see it that worked to remove whatever clog was in the pipes. Probably hair… Itachi’s was so long, Sasuke’s was long-ish. And Kakuzu didn’t see a drain trap anywhere in sight to prevent so much hair going down the drain.

“Why would he have weird shit on his phone?” Kakuzu wanted to know as he watched the water begin to swirl and drain out of the tub as if there had never been a clog. “Like he took a video for evidence?” Why wouldn’t Kisame just spit it out already? Kakuzu did not like guessing games.   
  
“Yeah, someone filmed something.” Kisame nodded, “I don’t want to say more, maybe you should just ask him.” 

He couldn’t just ask Hidan, he was in jail.

Kakuzu stood up, removing the nozzle and shook it out before putting it into his pocket. Then handed the hose over to Kisame to take out through the side door. “Don’t get water all over the floor, you don’t want mold and neither do I.”

“Did it work?” Itachi asked as he came back inside, coming to stand next to Kisame to look into the tub.

“It did. Twenty five bucks.” Kakuzu said, wiping his hands on the hand towel that hung on a hook on the wall.

Kisame rolled his eyes, “You didn’t even really do anything, but alright. I got this, Itachi, don’t worry about it.” Kisame walked away and when he returned he handed Kakuzu a twenty and a five. “You should think about what I said.”

With a noncommittal noise, Kakuzu pocketed the money and started to leave, “Thank you for the prompt payment. Make sure you put that hose away properly. I won’t have some idiot tripping and suing! And put something in that drain to keep all that hair from going down it!” He called over his shoulder as he made his way down the steps, thinking over what Kisame had told him.

* * *

Parked in front of the county jail, Kakuzu shut off the engine and rubbed his face, unsure as to why he even came in the first place. He didn’t like Hidan, but something in his voice in the message he left coupled with what Kisame had told him, had made Kakuzu decide to go down and see what could be done.

When he walked in, he saw Asuma talking to someone, he nodded at Kakuzu who went over to the counter and told them why he was there and was told to wait.

“Kakuzu, you can come with me. I’m going back to talk with him.” Asuma said as he got up, “There is a very interesting story you might be interested in hearing.”

“Oh? What did he do this time?”

“He attacked someone at his place of employment last night. The other person has agreed to drop the charges, someone else had called 911, but there was some other things that came out, specifically why Hidan attacked him.”

Kakuzu was quiet, hoping the probation officer would elaborate but he didn’t. Was anyone going to say anything? He seemed even more tight lipped than Kisame had been. They walked down a hall and into a room where Hidan sat in an orange jumpsuit, his hands cuffed and on the table in front of him, eyes cast down at the floor, he refused to look at either one of them. It was the most subdued Kakuzu had ever seen Hidan, aside from when he got hit by Rasa’s car and he thought he was dead and again when he hit his head and drowned. 

It didn’t suit someone like Hidan who was always so full of energy.

“Hidan.” Asuma said, “Your property manager is here.”

Hidan looked up in suprise, “You came for me?” 

“What is that crap all over your face?” Kakuzu asked. Hidan’s eyes had smudges of eyeliner underneath them but there was shiny blue stuff all around his eyes. He looked ridiculous. 

“I had to look pretty last night.” Hidan stuck his bottom lip out in a pout, “I probably just look stupid now…”

“They couldn’t let him wash that off?”

“I’m not in charge here.” Asuma pointed out, “I don’t even work here and came down from the police station across town. Anyways I’m here to try and help you, Hidan.”

“Yeah, right! I bet you can’t wait to get rid of my ass!” Hidan shook his head, “You can’t fucking help me anyways.”

Asuma slammed his hands down on the table and leaned forward, “Would you shut your stupid fucking mouth for once? If I wanted to get rid of you, I could have done it a long time ago, but I didn’t.”  
  
Hidan leaned forward until they were inches apart, “Yeah, and why is that? Huh?!”

They stared at each other for several long moments before Asuma finally spoke, his voice low enough only for Hidan to hear, “Because I don’t agree with what they did to you and the others in there.” 

Hidan dropped back on his chair, the blood drained from his face, “You were there.” 

Asuma gave the barest of nods, “You’re not supposed to know. So don’t say anything else about it.” 

Hidan looked away to stare at the tiled floor, not missing the perplexed look on Kakuzu’s face.

“As to the matter at hand, Tomo has agreed to drop charges.” Asuma said, clearing his throat and leaning away from the table. He waited for Hidan to look at him before he continued, “Which is good news. I have connections, Hidan. I can get all this to go away. Especially with what you told the arresting officers who booked you.”

“I don’t wanna to go after him.” Hidan mumbled and looked away again. 

“He should be locked up.”

“It’s my choice and don’t want to deal with it!” Hidan suddenly started shouting, “Yeah, what he did was fucked up but I can’t handle being on trial again! Alright?! So let’s just drop it! He’s not pressing charges, I don’t want to either! I’ll be good, I quit or got fired last night, it’s confusing! But I’ll get a decent job and go to my classes. I'll stop using drugs, I’ll stop drinking. Just _ please! _ Don’t let them throw me back in jail!!”

“What’s going on?” Kakuzu wanted to know, “Why did you attack this other guy? What did he do to you that was so fucked up you risked getting arrested again? Can’t one of you tell me anything?!”

Hidan looked away, “He… did some shit to me.”

“Yeah, I got that much. What did he do?”

Refusing to speak, Hidan kept his eyes on the table and Asuma sighed, “According to Hidan, he was drugged, filmed having sex with this Tomo guy, and then it was put on the internet to make money off it.”

Kakuzu went silent, making a note of the name, Tomo, for later. Even if Hidan did press charges, it would be a long, lengthy process and in the end he would probably get a slap on the wrist and walk free. That wasn’t justice and never gave anyone peace of mind.

Hidan refused to look at Kakuzu and shifted in the chair, “So can I go home now? He's not pressing charges so why am I still here?” Hidan asked after several minutes, raising his pink eyes to Asuma, “Can you at least just unlock me?” He lifted his hands, his wrists were red and bruised from the cuffs.

“I will soon.” Asuma turned to Kakuzu, “You want to wait here with him? I’m going to go take care of some paperwork before we can let him go.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll stay.” Kakuzu sighed, and pulled the chair out and sat down across from Hidan while Asuma left the room.

“Don’t say anything about it, I’m warning you now.” Hidan whispered, angry, embarrassed tears burning his eyes, “And the other thing you heard, keep your mouth shut about that, too.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything.” Kakuzu said and looked Hidan over. He looked miserable, though he couldn’t blame him. “Did they at least give you anything to eat or drink since you’ve been in?”

“No. And if I ate anything now I’d probably just be sick.”

Looking at him as if he might explode, Kakuzu asked, “Why? You have a bug or something?” 

Hidan shook his head. “It’s this place. I hate it, alright? I can’t stand being here, I hate being around fucking cops, I hate when he comes to my trailer! I get these anxiety attacks whenever he does. Kakuzu, they did some messed up shit to me in prison.”

Kakuzu wasn’t sure what to say about that and decided it would be best to change the subject, “You signed up for classes yesterday?”

“Yeah, I did. I enrolled in some vocational course, I’ll be a mechanic if I can pass it.” Hidan watched Kakuzu’s face and was happy when he seemed to be impressed.

“You can pass. But you quit your job. How are you going to pay your bills and tuition?”

Hidan shrugged, “Dunno… I’ll figure something out. Maybe do a little modelling for some art classes or something.”

“I’m sure you can get hired as a waiter or maybe work at Walmart stocking the shelves or something like that where you don’t have to use your body to make money. There’s more to you than that.”

“Yeah, maybe...” He was glad Kakuzu had come down to try to help, and talking to him while he waited had helped him to calm down, “Maybe you need to hire someone. I could… I don’t know, threaten people who are late on their rent?”

“No, Hidan, I don’t need any help with that.” Kakuzu shook his head though there was a hint of a smile, “I think I’m able to threaten people on my own.”

“Yeah, I bet. You’re kinda scary looking when you’re angry.” Hidan grinned and added more quietly, “But I think it’s pretty hot.”

* * *

It was another hour and a half before all the paperwork was done and after Asuma made several phone calls, pulled some strings using his father's name and his connections to keep Hidan from having to go in front of the judge and risk his probation. But Hidan and Kakuzu finally walked out of the jail together. 

The clothes Hidan had been arrested in were nothing more than skin tight pants, not even a shirt. While Kakuzu didn't mind looking at him, he didn't feel right making Hidan walk around like that so he looked in the backseat and found an old t-shirt. After he made sure it was clean enough, he tossed it over to Hidan. “It’s not freshly washed and may be dusty, but it’s better than nothing. Put it on.”

“Thanks.” Hidan pulled it over his head, hoping to inhale Kakuzu’s scent. There was a faint scent of cologne on it but that was it. He rolled his eyes at himself and hoped Kakuzu hadn’t seen and put his seatbelt on and crossed his arms over himself.

“Kakuzu.” Hidan started, “Thank you. I mean it. Thank you for coming to get me. I… I didn’t have anyone else to call.”

“You’re welcome. Though, it seems like your probation officer isn’t your enemy, you might want to keep that in mind. He _ is _ trying to help you.” Kakuzu felt a little awkward and tried to think of something to say, he still had not had breakfast and was very hungry, “Are you hungry, Hidan?”

Hidan shook his head even though he hadn’t eaten since the day before. He didn’t want Kakuzu to go further out of his way then he already had that morning, but moments later his stomach growled giving him away, and Kakuzu turned into a shopping center and drove up to the drive thru of a McDonalds.

“Well, maybe a bit. But you don’t have to get me anything. I can eat at home.”

“I haven’t eaten anything either and don’t feel like taking the time to cook when I get home. If you want something, speak up. I’ll get it for you, if not, fine, I'm not forcing you to eat.”

Kakuzu waited and after Hidan told him what he wanted, he placed the order and then waited at the next window.

“I’ll pay you back.” Hidan said when Kakuzu handed him the food after paying with the cash Kisame had given him for clearing the clog earlier that morning.

“It’s not much. Don’t worry about it.” Kakuzu had been surprised that Hidan had only asked for a couple of things from the dollar menu, he had been worried he would ask for something more expensive and if he had, then Kakuzu would have expected to be paid back.

Hidan’s mouth watered as he opened a mcmuffin and started to eat it. He was finished with it before they got to the park and was working on finishing his smoothie.

“Maybe it’s stupid, but I feel better knowing I don’t have to go into that club ever again, well I need to get my last paycheck, but I don't have to work there ever again. I liked it at first. I really did, Kakuzu. It was fun. But then things changed. I was so pissed when you told me I had to go sign up for classes but now I really appreciate what you did. No one else would have done that for me. Deidara never even told me I should think about going to school. I’m gonna make you proud of me, Kuzu! And I’m going to hold you to your word.”

Kakuzu was surprised by that and took a drink from his own smoothie, “Don’t call me that.” He grumbled, then regretted it when Hidan’s smile faltered, and he quickly added, “But I’m glad you’re happy to be doing something other than stripping for money. You don’t have to try to make me proud, Hidan. Make yourself proud first. And what are you talking about you'll hold me to my word?”

Hidan snickered, “You said if I got my shit together, you’d fuck me as a reward, and I mean to get that reward.”

Kakuzu’s face gave nothing away as he looked over at Hidan, “Just so you’re aware, getting arrested for fighting in the club is the opposite of getting your shit together.”

“Yeah, well… getting one’s shit together isn’t as easy as it sounds.”

Kakuzu dropped Hidan off in front of his trailer, not wanting to make him walk through the park after his ordeal, “Take a hot shower and clean that shit off your face.” Kakuzu said quietly as Hidan took his seatbelt off and reached for the door handle, “You can keep the shirt, I don’t need it.”

Hidan felt his cheeks warm at that, and he looked away, running his hand through his hair, “Kakuzu, I owe you. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Oh, I know you will.” Kakuzu told him.

“I could… do some work for you sometime? Or help you out with stuff around the park! I’m good with my hands!”

Kakuzu gave him a look, smirking at his choice of words, “Good with your hands, are you? I’ll let you know when I need some help with something. Now get out of my car. Oh, one last thing. What was the name of that club you worked at?”

“Huh? Why the fuck do you want to know that?”

“Just wondering.”

“The Velvet Lounge. Oh! So since I’m not there anymore, _ now _ you want to go and visit?”

“I would never go there, with you in it or not.” Kakuzu told him, “Alright, get out of my car already. Take your drink with you.” Kakuzu watched him go up the steps to the front door, and drove off after he got in.

Once back home, with the door closed and locked, he called Pein and asked him to look into someone named Tomo, that all he knew was that he had been involved in an altercation at a strip club called The Velvet Lounge.

“What is this about?” Pein asked.

“He did something to someone I know.” Kakuzu said, “I need some information on him.”

“Alright. I’ll have it for you when it’s time to collect the rent. Konan wants to stop by then anyways to make sure the place hasn’t fallen apart.”

Kakuzu had to suppress a groan, he hated it when they showed up, it was so much easier to deal with them over the phone, and easier still by text or email. “You two were just here recently, not much is going to change since then.”

“You know how she is. Just a minute.” There was talking in the background and Pein paused to listen, “Ah, she says she wants you to clean up that pile of junk you have at the end of the park. Says that it makes the place look trashy.”

“And you can tell her that it is not junk.” Kakuzu stated, “I intend to sell that stuff and make money off it. It’s my retirement fund.”

“It’s junk, Kakuzu!” Konan shouted from somewhere behind Pein, “Only an idiot would buy it from you.”

“You heard her.” Pein told him, “She says it’s junk, so it’s junk.”

“And I want it gone by the end of the year or you’ll be paying rent to keep it there!” Konan shouted, her voice sounding farther away now.

“Well then, I guess that will motivate you to sell your goods. Good luck with that. You’re going to need it, I’ve seen that shit, Kakuzu, I have to agree with my lady. It is junk. We’ll be in contact. I’ll get you what you want, you do what we want and everyone is happy.” Pein ended the call and Kakuzu shoved his phone into his pocket.

Whoever this Tomo was, Kakuzu was going to make him regret touching Hidan. And in the meantime, he would go take pictures of his stuff and put on craigslist for people to come by to look at and buy. He had dishwashers, water heaters, a couple of old cars, washers and dryers, a few ovens. And if no one would buy, he would haul it down to the scrap yard and get money for recycling it. Either way, he would make something off it, considering he didn’t pay a single cent for any of it. 

His thoughts wandered back to Hidan and he sighed, how did one person get into so much trouble? And how did he manage to get Kakuzu to actually care?


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> College is in session. Kakuzu gets some information, for a price. Tsunade and Kakuzu share a moment in his trailer. Hidan crashes into a lamp post.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to miss uploading this chapter last week, but I've had a lot going on and I've been busy. I also had to do some rewriting of this chapter to fit Tomo in, without changing much, which took some time. I'm really trying to get everything reposted before the end of the year. It's funny because the original note for this chapter had said I was going to try and get this finished by the end of this year. Obviously that didn't happen because shit happened, as it does. But that note also said that I really appreciate everyone reading, commenting and leaving kudos, and that it really means a lot to me, because when I started writing this I didn't really expect many people to like it. And I do really appreciate it, thank you.  
Anyways enough from me. Please enjoy this chapter.

School had been in session for two weeks now and apart from seeing Deidara around the park once in a while, Hidan had not run into him since their last argument. Deciding enough had been enough, Hidan wanted his best friend back and went in search of old lady Chiyo.

"Hey, grandma, you look great today." He told her as he walked into the office at the community college. She was once again looking like she was dead in her chair and Hidan walked around the counter and gave her a poke on the shoulder, "Don't die on me now, I need your grandson’s phone number."

Nothing.

"Uh… hello?"

Again no response and Hidan looked around, worried. She couldn't die yet! She was going to help him get a job modeling for her grandson's art class! Besides, she was a nice old lady and he didn't want her to be dead. 

"Hey! Someone call 911 because this old woman might've died for real this time! Shit!" He shook her hard, hoping she was just playing games.

She suddenly popped her head up with a laugh and Hidan leaped back with a shout. "Gotcha!" She stood, patting Hidan on the arm, "You were supposed to come see me sooner."

"Yeah… I uh, had a lot of shit going on..." Hidan said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. He wasn't about to tell her he got arrested and fired. 

"It happens. I take it since you're here you still want to model for my grandson? He would like you… so strong and handsome." She squeezed Hidan's bicep with both hands and giggled. Dropping her hands, she reached into the pocket of her dress and produced a business card, "I spoke with him, this is where he holds his classes. Now you listen up, young man! He is very strict about being punctual, that means being precisely on time. He locks the door promptly at five and whoever gets locked out is out of the class or in your case- out of a job. You can be on time, right?"

Hidan took the card, "What days? I work at Wal-Mart now, only part time though. I mop the fuckin' floors and shit… sometimes actual shit. People are fucking nasty..."

"I am aware, I work at a school. You'd think at this age people would have learned a thing or two about being clean. Unfortunately not." She took the card back and wrote something on it, "There. He holds his classes on Saturday, Monday and Thursday."

"Great, I think I can make it." Hidan took the card back and looked at what she had written to see it was the days of the classes so he wouldn't forget. He would be busy now, but he knew it was better than him sitting at home in his trailer bored and letting his mind wander. That would just get him into trouble. He needed to shape up and not only for Kakuzu to even consider being with him. 

"Hey… what about modeling for the art class here on campus? Do they pay students to do that?"

"They pay models. If you are a model for the class, you get paid, regardless of whether or not you are a student." Chiyo told him, "I can set up a meeting with the art professor if you would like?"

Grinning, Hidan nodded. That way, Deidara wouldn't be able to ignore him anymore and it would mean extra cash for him that he actually needed desperately. He knew he relied on his tips before but he didn't realize just how much until they were no longer there.

* * *

Pein had done some digging and had visited Kakuzu with Konan. He had been very clear that the information he was giving Kakuzu wasn’t free. He would owe him yet another favor. 

Checking how he looked in the bathroom mirror, Kakuzu adjusted his blood red tie. He was planning to pay a visit to the club Hidan had worked at. He had been informed it was where Tomo liked to meet people to sell his drugs and pick people up. 

Afterwards he had plans to meet with Tsunade and give her a portion of the money from Rasa. It was nearly too good to be true how lucky they had gotten with that. Though if Rasa ever wised up, that would be a problem for all three of them. Kakuzu brushed his hair and decided to pull it back into a low ponytail for the night, smoothed out the front of his black shirt and left.

He paid the small fee to get into the club and walked in. The music was loud and the lights low, just like he imagined. Nothing high end like Hidan told him it was, but it didn’t seem like a cheap and dirty place either. Kakuzu took a seat at the back so he could observe and ordered a rum and coke from a girl in a low cut body suit. She tried to flirt with him but he ignored it, being there on business after all. Besides, he thought with a smirk as she walked away, she wasn't exactly his type. 

_ 'My type is supposed to be sitting his ass in a classroom right now.' _ The thought had come to him unbidden and Kakuzu's smirk fell off his face. No. Hidan was _not_ his type either, he told himself. Hidan was the definition of trailer trash, and Kakuzu did not like trailer trash. 

The girl returned with his drink and with a sour look on his face he pushed the money across the table to her.

Looking around every once in a while, Kakuzu kept an eye out for Tomo. Pein had given him a photo of him. Kakuzu had snorted when he saw it, he couldn’t believe Hidan would have gone home with someone like that. Tomo was the type of guy you wanted to punch as soon as you looked at him. 

It was getting late, and Kakuzu's drink was only half finished, the ice having melted long ago. He had considered just leaving but decided to stay a little longer. Looking at his watch, Kakuzu would give Tomo another fifteen minutes before he left. Another girl came by to ask if he needed anything else, perhaps he would like to go into the back with her, but he waved her off. 

Once the fifteen minutes had passed, Kakuzu was about to get up when he saw the man he was looking for take a seat at a booth not far from him. Kakuzu looked him over, his jaw clenched. He could take him out with no problem, but he needed to be careful. 

Kakuzu turned his eyes away and motioned for one of the girls. He ordered another drink and asked if she knew the name of the man, not wanting to be mistaken.

“That’s Tomo.” She said and took his old drink away. She returned moments later and placed his glass on the table and left. 

Kakuzu glanced over at Tomo again, not looking away until he had seen him looking. He waited and sure enough several minutes later the chair across from him was pulled out, scraping on the floor.

“Couldn’t help but noticed you looking at me. I don’t believe we’ve met before.” Tomo held out his hand and Kakuzu simply looked at it and picked up his drink.

“No, we haven’t. You would have remembered me.” 

Tomo put his hand down, “I see someone’s manners are lacking. I’m Tomo.”  
  
“So I’ve been told.” Kakuzu hated him, from his bleached hair to his attitude, to his clothes. 

“You a cop?”  
  
Kakuzu snorted at that, “Do I look like a fucking cop to you?”  
  
“Now look, you obviously wanted me to come over here. So you know who I am and what I can do for you, but I warn you not to fuck around with me. It won’t end well for you.”  
  
Kakuzu leaned back, if there was anyone it wouldn't end well for, it was Tomo, Kakuzu was going to kill him, he was sure of it.

“So, you want to take this into a back room? Get one of the girls to give us a show, maybe you want a lap dance. First one’s on me.”  
  
Kakuzu made a show of looking at his watch, “Too bad I’ll have to pass tonight, it’s getting late.”  
  
“Hmm, that is too bad…” Tomo looked Kakuzu up and down slowly in a way that made him feel like he was being undressed, “Would have liked to have gotten you into a back room… you look like the type who knows exactly what he wants.”

Kakuzu’s hands were curled into tight fists under the table and it took every ounce of self control for him not to put one of them through Tomo’s face right then and there. He couldn’t do anything that would call attention to them, nothing that could make him a suspect later. 

“You’re right about that. How about you give me your number, I’ll be back when I have more time.” Kakuzu said and then waited as Tomo grinned and scribbled his number down on a napkin. He folded it up and handed it to Kakuzu, his fingers linger on his palm. 

Kakuzu felt almost as if he were the prey as he left the club and that was unusual for him. He would have to be careful, Tomo wasn't just some guy who got high and refused to pay the rent, he wasn’t an addict or a drunk. He was a predator himself and it made Kakuzu’s skin crawl, the way he leered at him and the way his fingers grazed his palm. He deserved everything Kakuzu planned to do to him.

Checking his phone as he got in his car, Kakuzu saw he had several missed texts from Tsunade.

_ 'You're late. How unlike you.' _

_ 'Did you finally get a date and forget about me?' _

_ 'I'll be by your place later to wait for you. You think I'm letting you get away with not paying? HA!' _

"Dammit..." Kakuzu didn't want to have to deal with Tsunade stopping by his trailer tonight, but it looked like he would have to as just as he was about to send her a message to wait for him at the restaurant where they had agreed to meet, he got another text:

_ 'I'm here and I'm not going anywhere until I see you and get paid.' _

With a groan, Kakuzu turned the key in the ignition and drove out of the parking lot and back home. At least he didn't have to spend more money on food for the night, he would just heat something up once he got rid of Tsunade.

"Kakuzu!" Tsunade shouted from where she sat on his porch, waving her hand in the air at him.

"Are you drunk?!" He shouted as he got out of his car and slammed the door and made his way towards the porch and started up the steps, “You didn’t have to come here, I would have met you like we planned.”

Standing, Tsunade leaned over the railing to get a better look at him, “Don’t you clean up nice.”

“You already know I do.”

“That’s true.” She laughed, “Well, aren’t you going to invite me in?”

He gave her a look, she was definitely drunk and her cheeks were pink. “Why would I want to do that?”

She sighed and shook her head, “So your nosy neighbors don’t know what we’re doing, that’s why. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to end up in that homemade gossip letter that goes around.”

That was true and made sense. Kakuzu climbed the steps to his porch and unlocked his front door. He held it open for Tsunade, hoping this night wasn’t going to get any worse and let her in first, then he stepped inside and closed the door.

Tsunade had already flipped on the lights and made herself comfortable on his couch, “I know you’re not that dressed up for me. You had a date tonight, didn’t you? With who?”

“If I did, it would be none of your business. Where’s Shizume?”

“She wasn’t feeling well. I let her go home early today. You look good, Kakuzu.”

Kakuzu couldn’t help but think that Tsunade looked good herself and told her so.

“We used to have fun together. What happened?” She asked.

“You lost too much of my money gambling. That’s what.”

“Did you have a date?” Tsunade asked again, reaching up and grasping Kakuzu’s tie with her hand.

“No.” He knew what she wanted, he couldn’t deny he wanted it too. When was the last time he had been with anyone? It had been far too long.

“You still haven’t found anyone and I’m not with anyone either… so why don’t we revisit old times tonight? I’m feeling a bit nostalgic.” She pulled Kakuzu down by his tie and when he didn’t pull away, pressed her lips to his and slipped her tongue into his mouth.

Kissing Tsunade back eagerly, Kakuzu allowed himself to be pulled down to her level and then he pushed her back against the couch and climbed onto it, one leg on either side of her and he moaned softly as she did things with her tongue she knew he loved.

He could taste the alcohol on her. She was drunk. _ Very drunk _to be coming on to him, Kakuzu decided. It wasn’t right and if they continued, they would both regret it later. He couldn’t do this. Even if she was sober he couldn’t. They were over and there was a reason for it. 

They had been absolutely terrible together as romantic partners. 

Besides that, his skin was still crawling from Tomo, whose face flashed through his mind, knowing what he had done to Hidan, the way he had looked at and spoken to him and that touch before he left... Kakuzu suddenly didn’t like the thought of anyone touching him at the moment and pulled away.

“Stop. Enough.” Kakuzu said as he got up off the couch, trying to catch his breath. What the hell had he been thinking to let it go as far as it had? He never should have kissed her back in the first place.

“You’re drunk. This isn’t what either of us wants.”

He put some distance between them and reached into his back pocket, “Take your money and then if you’re able to drive, you should leave.”

Tsunade looked away, her cheeks flaming. What had she been thinking. She was glad Kakuzu had so much self control, he always had and she was never more thankful for it in her life than she was now. Had it been someone else, they may not have stopped. 

She nodded, “Right, I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Nothing happened.” He was ashamed of how far he allowed it to go though, “Take your money, Tsunade.”

She got up off the couch, and took the envelope from Kakuzu’s outstretched hand, “Thank you.” Her cheeks were still pink but she decided to just forget about it, “Until next month, Kakuzu!”

* * *

As Hidan drove into the park after school, he noticed the lights on in Kakuzu’s trailer and another car he had never seen before parked in front. That was odd… Kakuzu having company this late at night? He slowed down to where he was just idling along, hoping to get a glimpse of what was happening inside.

He wondered who it was and what they were doing. A sharp pang of jealousy shot through him, what it he had a date? What if he was fucking someone?! 

No… He had never seen Kakuzu with anyone. He was a lonely old man. Not really that old, but he was older than Hidan so he was an old man to him. Logic told Hidan he had no right to be jealous, he had been fucking Deidara and then the mess with Tomo. He didn’t want to think about that though. But it wasn’t like he waited around for Kakuzu so why should he wait around for him? It made sense. It was very logical.

So why did he want to kill the blonde woman that stepped out of Kakuzu’s trailer? Visions of running her down with his car flashed through his mind as she said something to Kakuzu, laughed and left, smiling, her cheeks flushed and Hidan thought it only meant one thing: They had been having sex.

Not looking where he was going because he was too busy watching, Hidan didn’t see his car was heading straight for a lamp post and was glad he had his seatbelt on when he hit it.

“Dammit!” He shouted, his cigarette falling from his mouth and he stomped on it on the floor of the car so it wouldn’t catch anything on fire.

“What the hell was that?” Tsunade looked over to see what had happened as Kakuzu sighed and walked down the steps.

“Of course it’s you, Hidan!” Kakuzu yelled, “Why don’t you look where you’re going?!”

“Why can’t you keep your fucking dick in your pants?!” Hidan yelled back.

“Oh my, _ this _ is Hidan?” Tsunade asked, walking over behind Kakuzu with a curious look on her face. He was handsome, with a bit of a rough and wild look about him, no wonder Kakuzu liked him, she thought. 

“Oh, so you’ve heard of me!” Hidan said, then turned back to Kakuzu, “You told her about me? What did you tell her?”

“Hidan, go home.” Kakuzu said, “The light is fine.”

“Yeah well, maybe my car isn’t!”

“Your car looks fine, and so do you. You were going at a snail's pace.”

Hidan didn’t even care about his car, he kept looking at the woman. She was pretty hot, but he didn’t know Kakuzu even liked women. “Wow, you’re a real slut, Kakuzu! Nice tits, lady, but I didn’t know he was even into tits!” Come to think of it, he really didn’t actually know what Kakuzu liked… he had been sure Kakuzu was into guys. 

“Hidan.” Kakuzu growled, “I’ve had enough! You and I are not together! You have no right to say anything about what I do! You spent the summer fucking your friend! So get out of here and go home!”

“No! And don’t you bring Deidara into this!” Hidan put his car in park and got out, “You told me if I got myself straightened out that you’d be with me!”

“That’s not what I said!”

“It is!”

“I said I’d fuck you as a reward for getting your life together.”

“And here I am busting my ass to do that and you-- You’re out here fucking this piece of ass! It’s a nice ass but mine’s even nicer! Is it 'cause I don’t have tits?! If I had a pair of tits would you want me?!”

Lights were going on in the surrounding trailers and some people came out to see what was going on.

“You like him that much, Hidan?” Tsunade asked, “You can have him, we were over a long time ago. There’s nothing for you to be jealous about. We’re just friends now.”

“So… you didn’t just fuck each other?” Hidan gave them each a suspicious look, he was sure they had, but maybe he jumped to conclusions… she looked pretty happy about something.

“That’s none of your business!” Kakuzu shouted at him.

“So you did! You should have just said no!” Hidan shouted back, “I’m… I’m gonna--” He got back in his car and slammed the door, then leaned out the window as he lit a cigarette, taking a drag as he thought about what he was going to say and blurted out, “I’m gonna go home and jack off to someone else!”

Kakuzu just shook his head. Really? Was that supposed to be a threat? Make him jealous? He didn’t care who Hidan jacked off to. But... did Hidan think of him?

“Hey Hidan, you really think of me when you touch yourself?” He walked over and took the cigarette from Hidan’s mouth and dropped it on the road before stepping on it, how much could one person smoke? It was disgusting, and he hated that Hidan made it look so good. “You probably shouldn’t go around telling people that, but I’ll let you in on a little secret.” He leaned down close to Hidan’s ear but made sure not to touch him, “I’ve thought of you a time or two. Now go home, you’ve made a huge scene out here.”

Hidan’s mouth was practically gaping open and Kakuzu hooked his index finger under Hidan’s chin to close it for him.

“H-hey! That was my cigarette, you know how expensive they are? You owe me one!”

“I don’t owe you one, I can’t stand the smell of them. You should think about quitting. Goodnight, Hidan.” He waited until Hidan started his car again and drove off, then turned to walk back over to Tsunade.

She had watched their exchange with a smirk on her face.

“You like him.”

“And? It shouldn’t be a surprise to you, you knew I liked men when we were together.”

She walked up to him and lowered her voice, “That’s not what I meant... I simply wonder what he would think if he ever finds out you’re making all this money off of him and not at least sharing. That young man really likes you, probably because he doesn’t know you very well yet.”

“Go home, Tsunade,” Kakuzu growled, “I’ve had enough of you for one night.”

“Kakuzu, your greed will ruin you one day.” She walked over to her car and got in.

Kakuzu didn’t wait to see her drive away and went back up the steps of his trailer as she drove off. Why would Hidan care if he made money off that night? It wasn’t his business. It didn't hurt him... but he found himself not as happy as he should be with the cash from Rasa sitting safely in his bedroom.

* * *

The next morning there was a special edition of the newsletter with pictures of Hidan, Kakuzu and Tsunade all over it.

Hidan had read it, crumpled it into a ball and threw it across the room into a pile of junk mail he meant to take to the trash at some point when his phone notified him of a message. And not from just anybody. It was the sound he put special for Deidara. It was the first time he had contacted him in weeks and Hidan jumped to read his message.

_ ‘Hey, you really know how to make yourself look like total trailer trash.’ _

He guessed Deidara had seen the newsletter and replied back:_ ‘What can I say? It’s a specialty of mine. So what are you up to?’ _

Hidan waited but there was no reply and feeling rejected he set his phone down and went to get something to eat. While waiting for his toast to pop up out of the toaster, Hidan hopped up to sit on the counter and looked out the open window above the sink when he heard his phone. Deidara had replied.

_ ‘School. I haven’t seen you around much. Busy?’ _

_ ‘Yeah, I go to school now, too, and I got a new job. Might have a second job soon if things go well for me.’ _

_ ‘Hidan going back to school? That’s shocking. Is the flood water rising? Does god walk among us?’ _

_ ‘Fuck you. I decided to better myself and get an edication.’ _

_ ‘You can’t even spell it. Alright, I’m going out, maybe I’ll see you around.’ _

_ ‘Yeah, I’d like that.’ _

Hidan waited for another reply but got nothing and set his phone down when his toast was ready. He picked it out of the toaster and ate it while sitting on the counter, crumbs falling onto his bare chest and stomach. He brushed them away and heard his phone again. Looking at the message Deidara sent, he smiled as he read it.

_ ‘Me too’ _


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan starts modelling for the art class, Sasori enjoys a boba tea, and Deidara gets a surprise.

Making sure he not only looked good but also smelled good, Hidan had showered and dressed in his nicest clothes. He did not use any cheap cologne, not that he would buy it again after the last time when it almost made him sick, he had decided to never buy it again and only put on some deodorant.

Checking his appearance in the rearview, he ran a hand through his hair, he had forgone his usual gelled back look, unsure how the old woman’s grandson, Sasori, would want him to look. Taking a deep breath, he looked at the time on his phone, he had ten minutes but didn’t want to be late. So he grabbed his keys and got out and headed into the professional looking building.

Hidan paused at the door and waited, only slightly nervous as he had no idea what to expect. What if it was some sleazy place? He knew about massage parlours, but he had never heard of sleazy art classes...how much sleazier could it be from the strip club he worked at though? He hadn’t cared when he started there. Hating how his heart started to race as he reached for the door knob and twisted it, Hidan pushed the door open.

Cold air hit him in the face, a nice change from the warmth outside and he looked around. It was like an office and he supposed it was. Well lit, the walls painted a light grey, there was a front desk but no one sat there. There were plants here and there, one dead and another looking a bit wilted and none of them looked healthy. No one was around though and Hidan started down the hallway towards where he heard some voices.

Someone walked out of a room. Short, red hair. Bright blue boba drink in one hand. They both froze.

“You!” Hidan pointed at him, he was the guy from the trailer park! “What are you doing here?!”

Raising a single eyebrow, he held Hidan’s gaze, “Yes, me. I run this class. What do you want? I hardly expect you to be an artist. Are you the new janitor?” 

_ Janitor?!  _ Hidan wanted to say something about the trash needing to be taken out and wipe that smirk off the little shrimps face, but kept his mouth shut and ground his teeth. He needed this job. “I’m not the fucking janitor. Let me guess, you’re Sasori. Your granny tell you about me?” With a smirk, he added, “I think she likes me, I’m kinda hard to resist.”

Sasori looked up at him, sucking up several bobas through the wide straw and chewing them. He then slowly walked around Hidan as if assessing him, “Of course she told me about you, you wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t. I was not aware it would be you though. Not bad… I’ve already seen how you look in various states of dress thanks to the pool… so I suppose you’ll do.” Coming to once again stand in front of Hidan, Sasori continued, “Now, let me tell you some rules. No talking. Do not come in high, drunk, nor smelling of cigarettes, weed or other miscellaneous odors. I expect you to be clean and smelling fresh but not overpowering. And lastly, but not least, do not be late. Be late just once, and you’ll be out of a job. And for that matter, if you come in and I even just  _ think _ you’re on something, I will call the police and fire you on the spot. I pay well for a good model, so you better be on your best behavior.”

Sasori thought about that. What was Hidan’s best behavior? Maybe it wasn’t all that good and he wondered if there was someone else’s best behavior Hidan should try to emulate instead but before he could say so, Hidan spoke up.

“How much?” Hidan wanted to know, “How much do you pay?” 

“Are you a good model though? That’s the question. And I guess we’re both about to find out.” 

Sasori gave a shrug and turned back towards the room he had come from, “In there-” he pointed to a door, “you can change out of your clothes, leave your shorts on. I want you to put the green robe on, then come into the room back here where we will be getting started. No talking, and do not remove the robe unless you are instructed to. Which you won’t be today.”

“Alright…” Hidan went to stand in front of the door of the room he was told to change in and paused, “Hey, you don’t have cameras or shit in here, do you? You’re not some pervert are you?”

Sasori stopped and turned back, “Allow me to tell you something. I am a professional artist and art instructor and I take my profession very seriously. The only cameras I have in here are up at the front door and they are for security purposes only. I would not risk my life’s work and career trying to film someone changing. We’re likely going to see you nude anyways, only if you are comfortable with doing so of course.” He paused for another sip of his drink and thought it would be a shame if Hidan didn’t want to model in the nude for him. He was quite handsome, though complete and utter trailer trash. “Just so you are aware, there is absolutely no photography or filming of any kind allowed in my classes. Come in whenever you’re ready, but don’t take too long. I hate to be kept waiting.” He brought the straw back to his mouth and sucked up another mouthful of unnaturally colored boba ‘tea’ and Hidan shuddered as he watched several of the gooey boba balls go up the straw before Sasori turned away to go back into what must be the classroom.

When Hidan opened the door to the room he was to change in, he saw it was just a small room with a clothes rack with various colored robes in different fabrics, there were some hooks on the wall where he guessed he was supposed to hang up his own clothes. There was a full length mirror and a loveseat. 

While changing, he wondered if Sasori somehow knew about the videos of him, but how would he know? Only Kakuzu and Asuma knew… They wouldn’t tell anyone else. No, Hidan decided, Sasori didn’t know, he was just simply telling him how things were done since he had asked.

Hidan left his boxer shorts on and found the green robe. It was velvet, and heavy and he was thankful the place was well air conditioned. He put it on and tied the belt around his waist and rolled his eyes when he saw there were tassels on the ends of the belt. He felt ridiculous, like he was wearing someone’s grandma’s curtains. But whatever, he thought, as he looked in the mirror, he was getting paid to wear it, and he would wear actual curtains if it paid his bills. 

Sasori was completely professional, acted like he didn’t know him at all, like he hadn’t seen a video of him ruining a kids birthday party and hadn't read about him shouting in the street at Kakuzu for having a woman over. 

Sasori instructed him to sit in the middle of the room on the chair as the students, mostly female, got set up around him.

After checking the clock on the wall and then his watch, Sasori looked around at everyone sitting and waiting for him to begin. “We finally have a new model.” He addressed the class, “His name is Hidan and today we will be studying the male upper body.” 

“Ooh, he’s pretty…especially those eyes!” Someone said with a giggle which set off several other students into giggling.

“I agree, Kurotsuchi, he is.” Sasori nodded, his granny had been right. Hidan did make a good model, now if he could just sit still and be quiet for the duration of the class. His comment had started up another round of giggling and he rolled his eyes. “Now everyone calm down, time is wasting. Open your robe a bit, Hidan. Tilt your head up and slightly to the side, like that. Your arms should be…” He walked over and fixed Hidan’s arms for him, “Lean back and… spread your legs a little. Not too much.” Sasori smirked at him as he said it, “Good, like that. Now stay that way, try not to move and do keep a neutral face.”

Sitting still for two hours was more work than Hidan thought it would be. It was quiet, almost too quiet. The only sounds were the brushes against the canvas, and Sasori’s quiet voice instructing his students.

Though the silence was interrupted from time to time by the sound of Sasori trying to get every last drop of his boba drink up that giant straw. It painfully grated on Hidan’s nerves. Each and every suction noise seemed worse than the last and made him want to scream, and his hands slowly clenched into fists that he then had to force himself to relax.

He really did not want to mess this up, it wasn’t the worst job in the world, and it was actually kind of relaxing to just sit there while people painted or sketched him. There was no shit to mop up, no flashing lights and loud music he had to dance to, no one touched him. But that sound.... Hidan couldn’t take it anymore. He watched as Sasori walked around, trying to get that one, last boba as if in a trance.

Hidan thought he would rather chew on a ball of tin foil than listen to it another second.

“Fucking stop it already!! I can’t take it anymore!” Hidan shouted suddenly, jumping up.

Someone gasped in shock and someone else was heard whispering, ‘Finally...I hate that sound…’

Sasori blinked and looked up at Hidan in shock, “Excuse me? Are you talking to me?”

“Yes!” Hidan’s chest rise and fell with each breath, “Take the damn lid off and pour the rest of that shitty drink in your mouth already or throw it away! There's nothing left in there!”

Sasori looked at the clock, class had been over for two minutes already which was lucky for Hidan. He then stared back at Hidan and with an annoyed look moved the straw so it captured the boba at the bottom of it and sucked it up with as much noise as he could, enjoying the way it made Hidan cringe, and tossed his now empty cup into the trash, “Happy now?”

“Yeah, actually. I am.” Hidan sighed and sat down, “Those things are nasty…And that sound...”

“Not as nasty as your cigarette habit.”

Hidan sputtered, he hadn’t even had a cigarette that entire afternoon, not a single one after his shower, just so he wouldn’t smell for the art class! And maybe he was trying to cut down on them, too. Not that they could kill him, but still, he knew it wasn’t the best habit to have. The mention of it though made him crave it and he wondered if he had any in his car.

“I believe class is over.” Sasori said as he checked on everyone’s work once more.

“Nice… very good…” He came to stop behind Kurotsuchi, “Hmm, Interesting…”

“Do you like it?” She asked, a little apprehensive.

“I do, yes. You’ve really captured his true essence here.” Sasori looked up at Hidan and back at the canvas, “I think this might be your best work so far.”

“Thank you, Mr. Akasuna!”

“Can I see it?” Hidan asked.

“It’s up to my student.” Sasori told him as he continued around the room, “Just keep in mind she offended last model so deeply he quit on the spot when he saw what she had done to him with her paintbrush.”

Hidan got up an adjusted his robe, tightening the belt. He wondered how bad of an artist she must be to make someone quit. “Can I see? I wanna see how you painted me! I've never been painted before.” 

“Sure!” She told him as she started to pack up her brushes and paints, “But, it may not look exactly as you’re expecting. My style is somewhat... different I guess you could say.”

“You certainly could.” Sasori agreed as he watched for Hidan’s reaction.

Hidan walked around the easel to see Kurotsuchi’s work. He made a face. There were a lot of abstract brush strokes on the background, lots of grays, greens and some red. And he was in the middle of the canvas, but he was segmented, his torso separated from his head and lower half. 

“Huh… well… yeah, that’s different. Not bad, but just different. I don’t know anything about art but it’s pretty cool.”

“Thank you!” She beamed up at him.

“Hidan, if you’ll go change and then meet me up front, we can discuss how much I’ll pay you.” Sasori told him. He had almost hoped Hidan would have hated it, most of the models, no-  _ all _ the models hated her paintings of them. But Sasori was glad he hadn’t hated it and stormed out. He needed a good model and Hidan was definitely a good model and not just in looks. He wasn’t demanding breaks or drinks, or stuck up like many were, and he had arrived early. Which was always a plus in Sasori’s book. 

* * *

“Hidan!” Kakuzu shouted as he rounded the corner towards Hidan’s trailer only to see him rushing out his door, “Your rent is due!”

“I’m gonna be late for class! I’ll pay you tonight!” Hidan shouted back as he jumped into his car and slammed the door, “I have everything, don’t worry!”

“Then you should just pay it now.” Kakuzu stood next to Hidan’s car. He didn’t want to come back later and didn’t want a late night visitor either.

“Kakuzu, I will run over your feet if you don’t move.” Hidan said as he turned the key and put his car in reverse, but the man just stood there, “Come on, move! I really have to go. I’ll be late. You want me to be late?”

Kakuzu stood there a moment longer before stepping away from the car, he was glad to see Hidan was taking his classes seriously, “No, I suppose not. But I better get that rent by tonight. Don’t forget.”

“Like you’d fucking let me forget. I’ll be by when I get home tonight. Maybe you could have some drinks for me, maybe something to eat.” Hidan grinned, “It can be like a date!”

Stepping back so Hidan could get out of the driveway, Kakuzu shouted at him as he reversed, “You are just paying your rent, this is not a date!”

"It's a date! Have something nice for me to drink!" Hidan shouted back as he reached the street and checked his mirrors to make sure no one was coming before he drove away.

* * *

“What the fuck. _Hidan?”_ Deidara said as he looked up to see Hidan walk into the class wearing dark blue mechanic coveralls. His hands were stained with grease, he had a smudge on his sweaty cheek, and his gelled back hair was messy and falling down.

“Hey, Deidara! How’s it goin’?” Hidan said.

“ _ What _ are you wearing?” Sasori asked, a look of disdain on his face as he looked up from his desk where he had been busy marking someone’s paper. “You’re filthy. And your hair...” He shook his head, this would not do at all.

“What are you even doing here, hm?” Deidara wanted to know.

“I’m gonna model for you and your class.”

“No you’re not!” Deidara shouted, “Professor, tell him to get out!”

Hidan’s face fell, he had hoped Deidara would be happy to see him, “What’s your problem?”

“My problem is that I just want to do some sculpting and painting without thinking about you! Not that I think all that much about you, hm! Because I don't!” Deidara shouted. They now had the attention of the entire class.

“Yeah, I believe that, cause you hardly ever text me back anymore!”   
  
“That’s because you’re a slut!” 

“Deidara, enough.” Sasori said, walking over to get between them, maybe it had been a mistake to ask Hidan to come to his class, he knew all about their breakup that wasn't a breakup but kind of was. He looked from his student to his model, “Hidan, go clean up. I don’t want grease all over my art room. And fix your hair.”

“Fine… Do I have to change, too?”

Sasori gave him a look, “Um, yes. You do have a change of clothes, don’t you?”

“Um, no. What the fuck, does it look like I’m at home?!”

“Do not speak to me like that!”

“Yeah, you tell him, Professor Akasuna!” Deidara shouted.

“I just came from my class where I've spent the last six hours working, I don’t bring clothes with me.”

Sasori stood there, arms crossed over his chest while looking him up and down. Hidan started to laugh.

“What is so funny?”

“You’re so fucking short! You’re like one of those little lap dogs trying to be vicious but you’re really not!”

Narrowing his pale brown eyes at Hidan, Sasori walked back to his desk and made a dismissive motion with his hand as he picked up a pen and started marking an unfortunate student's paper, “You may leave, Hidan. We will forgo a live model for today and paint from memory. Those always turn out interesting...” And by interesting, he meant garbage. It was as if people couldn’t remember what another human being looked like when the class was full of them.

Hidan’s mouth fell open. Deidara laughed obnoxiously, “Oh, I’ll paint him from memory, alright! I’ve got the perfect one in mind! You, passed out on my bed, after the worst sex of my life, remember that? You probably don’t. But I’ll tape it to your front door, Hidan!”

“Shut the fuck up, Deidara!” Hidan shouted and shoved his pencils onto the floor and rolled his eyes at Deidara's outraged gasp.

“Hidan, I’m warning you.” Sasori raised his voice, “You leave my classroom now. I don’t tolerate this type of behavior.  _ If _ I call you back next week, you will bring a change of clothes and act professionally!”

Deidara made faces, sticking his tongue out at Hidan and laughed again as he was leaving.

“Deidara. Since you can’t seem to control yourself and act like an adult, you may leave too and earn a zero for today with no chance for make up points.”

_ “What?! You can’t do that!” _

“You heard me. Come back next week and act like an adult. My students do not have a say in how I run my classes.” Sasori got up after he left several scathing remarked on the paper he was grading and walked up to the front of the classroom. “Alright, everyone’s attention up here, now!”

Deidara gathered his things and stormed out of the room, shoving past Hidan on his way down the hall. Hidan caught up to him and pulled him aside, “Hey! I thought you wanted to be friends again or something, why are you acting like this?!”

“I did. I  _ do _ . I just… wasn’t expecting to see you out of nowhere in my art class of all places!” Deidara sighed as he stopped in the hallway and ran his hand through his hair, “I miss my best friend. I made a mistake agreeing to sleep with you. You warned me, it was just sex, and I thought I could handle it. I guess I couldn’t. I got some feelings for you, not many, don’t let it go to your head. But you didn’t like me back. I got my hopes up. We did things that felt like more than just fuck buddies.”

“I’m sorry, Deidara, I really am. I never meant to hurt you.” Hidan told him, “I miss my best friend, too and wish I never suggested having sex.”

They stood there awkwardly in the hallway and someone walked by, looking at them before continuing on. 

Hidna’s stomach growled and he looked up, “Hey, you wanna go get something to eat? I haven’t eaten since breakfast and I’m starving.”

Deidara hesitated for a moment and almost said no, but he was tired of fighting with him and decided that now was as good a time as they were going to get to start talking and hanging out again. “Alright, sure. What do you want, hm?”

“Something cheap.”

“We can go to the McDonalds then. The one near the park, yeah?”

Hidan nodded, “Try not to drive through their window when you park!”

“That was one time!” 

“Was it really though?” Hidan grinned, he really wondered how many things Deidara had driven into, or over, since he got his license.

* * *

“So…” Deidara said as he drug a french fry through a pile of ketchup, making sure it was thoroughly coated in the condiment, “You’re in the mechanics course, hm?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool, I really like it.”

“What about your job? You mentioned you had another one?”

“I quit the club.”

Deidara looked up from his ketchup laden fry, “Why? You were so good at that.”

Hidan shook his head, “It...lost its appeal to me.”

“What do you do now?”

“I work at.... uh, at Wal-Mart…”

“That’s not so bad.”

Hidan’s shoulder slumped forward and he leaned his head against the table, “It actually really is… I hate it there. I’m just a fucking janitor! Part time. Yesterday I had to clean the toilets and it was so fucking nasty…I couldn’t even eat on my break. I hate it. So much,” He sighed, “To be really honest, Dei… I regret quitting and want to crawl back and beg for my old job back… but I can’t, not with the way I left. And the reasons why. I can't go back, and I wouldn't, but… yeah, that’s how I feel. I made pretty decent money there and now I barely make anything.”

Deidara reached his hand out and let it hang in the air over Hidan’s head for a moment, he almost took it back but gave him a few awkward pats before he let his hand rest on Hidan’s head, his fingers sinking into his messy, silver hair, “I’m sorry, Hidan. Maybe try looking for something else, hm?”

He turned his head so he could look up at Deidara from the table, “That’s why I was going to model for your fucking art class. I was going to get paid for it.”

“Oh.” Deidara let his fingers massage Hidan's scalp for a moment before he took his hand back.

“Yeah. Oh.” Hidan picked his head up and popped a chicken nugget in his mouth, chewing noisily, “I model for his private art class. He pays me pretty good. He said he’d give my number to some other classes but after today maybe he won’t.”

“Sorry…”

“It’s alright. I guess I should’ve told you.”

“Some warning would’ve been nice, hm.” 

Hidan had thought his friend might have enjoyed the surprise but apparently not. Once he finished his chicken nuggets and started working on his fries. He was so hungry and was sad he was almost finished and would have gotten up to order more but had no more cash on him.

“Still gonna paint you from memory though.” Deidara said with a smirk, “I wonder what memory… I have so many to choose from, yeah.”

“Deidara, whatever you paint, if you paint my ass, make sure it looks really good, alright?”

“I'm not painting your ass, we’re not allowed to paint nudity in this class. Oh, hey, isn’t that weird Akasuna lives in the trailer park, too? He's such a jerk, he asked if I make my sculptures while babysitting. I mean, sure, Naruto made one and maybe he was talking about that one but I think he meant all of them, hm.”

“That's rude. I like your statues. Hey, does he drink those stupid bobas at the college too?”

“Yes!” Deidara slammed his coke down, “And he makes the most annoying sounds with it, and slurps and sucks every last drop!! I want to shove that straw through his fucking eyeball, hm!” 

A family with a small child turned to look at them, the parents giving both men dirty looks.

“Shit, Deidara, that’s pretty violent.” Hidan raised his voice, ignoring the family as the parents made some comment about them needing to watch their language in a family restaurant, "I fuckin' like it." He could never imagine Deidara doing such a thing though, knowing he couldn't stand the sight of blood.

“I hate sounds like that.” Deidara breathed in and out loudly and grabbed several fries, swiped them through the ketchup and shoved them into his mouth.

“You gonna eat that?” Hidan looked at Deidara’s last chicken nugget.

Shaking his head, Deidara pushed the container across the table.

“You know, you should try to get a job as a waiter or bartender. Or even a bus boy! You’re really charming when you want to be, I bet you'd make good tips. And some places include a meal for free.”

“I applied to a few places, no one was hiring.” Hidan took the last nugget and dipped it in his own pile of ketchup, “I might try again because I can’t stand this job.” 

“You’ll find something, I’m sure of it.”

They sat for a while, finishing their drinks and checking their phones in a companionable silence, neither wanting to get up and have to end their time together. But it was getting late and they were both tired.

Hidan yawned and checked the time, he still had to pay his rent. He considered waiting but if he didn't get it paid by tonight, it would be late and he would have the late fee to deal with, too. Besides, he was looking forward to seeing Kakuzu.

“Damn, it’s getting late.”

“Yeah, it is. You know, maybe you want to come over and hang out sometime, when you’re not busy. We can watch something together.” Deidara said as he put his phone into his pocket and picked up his keys and helped Hidan gather up the trash to throw away.

“Only if you’re sure.” Hidan said, letting Deidara take the tray and dump it out into the trash.

“Course I’m sure. I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t.”

They walked out to the parking lot together, the cool night air was a refreshing change from the hot summer they had. Hidan stretched his arms over his head, while Deidara pulled out his pack of cigarettes from his pocket, “Want one?” He asked as he took one out for himself and lit it.

Hidan started to reach for the pack, hesitated, and then caved in and took it, “Thanks.” He had been cutting back gradually, but couldn’t quit overnight and stuck a cigarette between his lips and took the offered lighter to light it. He took a drag and sighed as he exhaled. It felt good, he had missed his smokes during the day, and knew he would have a hard time giving them up completely-- if he ever did. 

“So, I’ll be seeing you, hm.” Deidara said with a smile as he was handed his pack of cigarettes back.

“Yeah, you will be.” Hidan got in his car and waited for Deidara to leave first, not wanting to risk getting rear ended by him. He watched as he sped out of the parking lot, honking at a man walking a tiny dog as he did so while cutting someone off in the street.

Shaking his head, he left the parking lot and headed home, wondering if Kakuzu would invite him in or not when he went over to pay his rent, he didn't expect the man to offer him any drinks like he had suggested earlier, but he did hope he would let him in. And if not, Hidan would just have to think of some way to invite himself in. With that thought, he put his seat belt on and wondered what kind of excuse he could use to get himself inside Kakuzu's trailer.


	15. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itachi and Sasuke argue in the street, Hidan pays his rent, and Kakuzu can't count while being distracted, but Hidan finds out he can cook and kiss very well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all kakuhida with a side of kisaita.
> 
> Also, there was some nice fanart that was made for this fic and you can find it here: https://stillnotovermylordsixth.tumblr.com/post/183963795616/couldnt-stop-thinking-about-hidanscrazylaughs

As soon as Hidan got home, he hurried inside to get the envelope stuffed full of his rent money out from inside his closet, where he had hidden it under some dirty clothes. He figured that it would be safe there in case of a break in, who would think (or want) to look there for anything? He stuck it in his back pocket and left to go deliver it to Kakuzu.

As he was walking around the corner and onto the road Kakuzu lived on, a car came around the corner towards him at the same time. With a scream, he leaped out of the way as the car that almost hit him came to a halt.

“Hey! You almost fucking ran me down, asshole!”

“You deserve it!” A boy’s voice came from the backseat, the window was down and Hidan looked, about to say something, only to see the face of the boy whose birthday party he ruined and decided not to.

“Sasuke!” Came a voice from the front seat and the car came to a stop, “I’ve had enough of this attitude from you today!”

“Can we just go home already?!”

“Where does it looks like we’re going?!” Itachi was just about out of patience but tried to keep himself together. He didn’t like to shout at his brother, he wasn’t his father.

“Maybe to jail for a hit and run.”

“Don’t talk to your brother like that, Sasuke.” Kisame warned.

“Who are you, my dad? Not the last time I checked, you’re just the boyfriend so I don’t have to listen to you!” 

Losing his patience completely, Itachi shouted, “Be quiet, Sasuke!” Then rubbed his face, mumbling an exhausted apology to Kisame, “I’m sorry, Kisame.”

“It’s fine, we’re all tired, he’s right. I’m not his dad, I'm just the boyfriend,” Kisame reached over and rubbed Itachi’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze, “for now."

“Finally! Someone else having domestics in the street and it’s not me!” Hidan laughed while Itachi coughed, choking on air at Kisame's words while Sasuke looked stunned, and then recovered enough to say something about how that still wouldn’t make him his dad. 

There was a flash of light from nearby and Hidan looked around, hoping to see who was taking pictures but couldn’t see anyone. One day he swore he was going to catch them in the act and they’d be sorry for all the shit they wrote about him in that newsletter.

But Hidan couldn’t think too much about it as the front passenger door opened and Kisame pointed at Hidan, “Hey you!”

“Oh shit! I’m not getting in a fight tonight, I gotta pay my rent!” Hidan was not about to wait around to find out what the guy wanted and darted off down the street towards Kakuzu’s trailer.

“Damn, he ran off!” Kisame debated going after him and started to get out but sat back and shut the car door instead.

“Let him go.” Itachi said as he let his foot up off the brakes. 

“But he should apologize to you.” Kisame said as he watched Hidan run off, “To both of you.”

“He’s not going to.”  
  
“I’ll make him.” 

“An apology from someone like him would be meaningless,” Itachi sighed, “I just want to go home.”

“Finally,” Sasuke gave a dramatic sigh, “that’s where I’ve wanted to go all damn day.”

“Don’t say damn.” Itachi sighed once more and started towards home.

“Damn. Damn, damn, damn!” Sasuke said from the backseat, “I can say what I want!”  
  
“Ignore him, Tachi.” Kisame sighed, taking Itachi’s hand in his, “Ikea is a stressful place to spend the day. Let’s get home and I’ll make you some tea.” 

* * *

Thankful that he got away before getting beat up, which is what Hidan had decided Kisame wanted to do to him, he went up the steps of Kakuzu’s trailer, two at a time, and saw the light in the living room still on but heard no noise from the TV. He wondered what Kakuzu might be doing so late, if he had been waiting for him, and if he might answer the door in his bathrobe again with no shirt on underneath. He grinned to himself at the memory with his hands clasped behind his back as he thought about how Kakuzu was a damn good looking older man and he wanted to see him like that again.

Banging on the screen door, Hidan waited, nervous excitement coursing through him. It wasn’t long before he heard footsteps and shifted from one foot to the other, tucking his hair behind his ear just as Kakuzu opened the door. As soon as he saw him, Hidan’s heart skipped a beat and he got butterflies in his stomach and for a moment he forgot why he was even there.

Kakuzu paused to look at his tenant for a moment, “Hidan. You have your rent?”

The rent. Of course. “Uh, rent, yeah. Yeah I got it. All of it. Right here.” Hidan held up the large envelope full of cash, “You know, I almost got killed on my way over here.”

“Again?”

“Yeah, some maniac almost mowed me down with his car. A different one this time.”

“A pity they didn’t.” Kakuzu’s voice held a teasing tone and he held out his hand for the money, “But It’s a good thing I suppose or I wouldn’t be getting my money.”

Hidan looked at Kakuzu’s outstretched hand and thought quickly for a reason to invite himself inside as it looked like Kakuzu wasn’t going to. “Why don’t you let me in so I can watch you count it? Don’t want you saying I was short later.”

Kakuzu thought about it, he really didn’t want Hidan in his home, knowing what could have happened the last time he was in there, but found himself stepping aside to allow him in anyways, “Don’t touch anything.” His hand was still held out and as Hidan stepped inside, the money was placed in it.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I won’t.” Hidan looked around as he went further in, it was tidy, as usual. He could feel eyes on him and turned his head to find Kakuzu checking him out. He grinned at the older man, “I look good in these, don’t I?”

“They suit you.” Kakuzu replied, not wanting to admit it out loud but Hidan was right. He did look good in his mechanic coveralls.

Hidan sat down on the couch and watched as Kakuzu walked over. He noticed he was wearing a black t-shirt and dark gray lounge pants, his hair up in a bun. Hidan thought he looked cute like that and looked away before Kakuzu could notice him staring. Spotting a book on the coffee table, Hidan picked it up, “So… You read a lot, huh?”

“Yes. A skill you probably don’t possess.” Kakuzu stood next to the couch and froze. “What is all over your hands?! Put my book down! Didn’t I tell you not to touch anything?”

Startled, Hidan dropped the book and went to pick it up but Kakuzu reached for it, “Your hands are filthy! Don’t touch it!” 

“I was at school all day, it’s how I always look when I get home!” 

“Go wash your hands, I don’t want grease all over the place.” He inspected the cover of his book and frowned at the dirty fingerprints all over the cover. Leaning over, he wiped it off on Hidan’s thigh, “You’re a real mess, you know that?” But for some reason, he thought of Hidan as _ his _mess.

Hidan could feel his cheeks heat up with Kakuzu being so close. The smell of his aftershave met his nose and heat almost radiated from him. That was something Hidan remembered the last time they were so close, Kakuzu was hot and not just in appearance. As he recalled having Kakuzu on top of him and their almost kiss in the driveway, Kakuzu looked directly into his eyes with his hand still on top of the book that was on Hidan’s thigh.

After a moment of eye contact, where Hidan was sure Kakuzu knew exactly what he was thinking about, Hidan jumped up and knocked Kakuzu’s arm back, smacking him in the face with his own arm as Hidan hurried to go wash his hands. 

_ ‘Shit! What is wrong with me?! I’m so fucking stupid! He isn’t a mind reader!’ _He mentally berated himself as he turned on the water in the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. Sure enough, he looked a mess just as Kakuzu said. There was grease on his cheek, his hair was all over the place and his face was as red as a tomato.

“Don’t be wasting my water in there!” Kakuzu shouted from the living room.

“I’m not!” Hidan shouted back and picked up the bar of soap and lathered up his hands and scrubbed them as clean as he could, then tried to get the smudge from his face. It finally came off and he splashed some water on his flushed face once more for good measure and turned off the faucet.

As Hidan walked back out, he slowed down and then stopped, watching as Kakuzu’s tongue darted out to lick his lip that was now bleeding. His heart thudded in his chest, he would have liked to have licked that blood off himself.

“Going to stand there all night?” Kakuzu asked, looking up at him.

“Uh, no. Sorry about… that.” Hidan said as he rubbed the back of his neck and sat back down, his face burning, and he wasn’t sure if it was from embarrassment or… something else. Or perhaps a combination of things.

“You sure seem to have a habit of hitting me in the face, don’t you?”

Kakuzu wiped fresh droplets of blood from his lip before they could run down his chin with the back of his hand and finally opened the very thick envelope. Inside there were a ton of singles and fives and he had to wonder if Hidan used the smallest bills on purpose rather than larger ones that would be faster to count. He was sure Hidan would pay in change if he could and refused to voice those thoughts and give him any ideas. He would be legally required to accept it and he was not going to waste his time counting hundreds of dollars worth of pennies and dimes.

Hidan watched him for a few moments before he picked up the book from the coffee table again, “You don’t look like one, but you’re a huge nerd, aren’t you?” He thumbed through the book but it seemed boring and he set it back down, turning his attention to Kakuzu, who was shaking his head at the money he held.

“Well, aren’t you going to count it?”

“Why can’t you just write a check like a normal person?”

“Don’t have a checking account.” Hidan shrugged, “What’s the matter? Don’t know how to count?”

“I’m about to start counting the number of times I punch you in the face.” Kakuzu told him.

“Then I’d have to call 911, but too bad I can’t read and don’t know what the numbers look like.”

After a shared look, Hidan laughed and Kakuzu turned his attention back to the money, as he did so Hidan was sure he heard a very quiet laugh come from Kakuzu and saw him smile.

In truth, Kakuzu didn’t mind the rent paid in cash. It made things easier for him, but why were there so many ones, crumpled up bills and a five that had been sprayed with a woman’s perfume? That had probably been one of his tips from when he was still at that strip club. 

Kakuzu made a note to wash his hands after counting the money.

The perfume didn’t smell like anything Hidan would wear. Come to think of it, Hidan didn’t smell like much of anything. Kakuzu had been close enough several minutes earlier to know that all he smelled of was the faint, lingering scent of cigarette smoke along with grease and sweat, and Kakuzu thought it wasn’t a bad smell. He wouldn’t mind if Hidan smelled like that all the time, he liked it. It was better than the cheap dollar store perfume he bathed in once.

After watching Kakuzu for a whole minute, Hidan was bored and started looking around. His eyes skimming the bookshelves. He got up and started walking over to them when Kakuzu pointed at the couch without even looking up from his task, “Sit back down. You’re not going through my things.”

“I just wanted to look at your books…”

“This isn’t the library. So sit.”

With a huff, Hidan walked back to the couch and sat down and shaking one leg to get rid of some of his energy, “So, aren’t you going to offer me a drink or something? You’re kinda a shitty host, you know that?”

“Dammit!” Kakuzu put the money down and scooped it all into a stack again, “You made me lose count!”

“Looks like someone doesn’t know how to count…” Hidan snickered, “It goes, one, two, three-”

“Hidan…” Kakuzu warned, “Either sit there and shut up, or leave. I won’t tell you again.”

“But I’m thirsty, and still hungry, too. I was at school all day,” Hidan whined just as Kakuzu was starting to count the money over again.

Kakuzu noisily breathed out through his nose and once more stacked all the bills into the same pile to start over, “Fine. Go get yourself a glass of water. I don’t have anything else to offer you right now.”

“Wow, no fine, boxed wine or even a cheap beer? Nothing?”

“You’re on parole and not supposed to be drinking,” Kakuzu deadpanned.

“Not supposed to but I do as long as I know my PO isn’t coming by.”

“After what happened recently he just might show up unannounced as he has done before. Water. That’s it. I’m not going to help you break the terms of your parole.” A month earlier Kakuzu would have liked nothing more than to have seen Hidan carted off in handcuffs, but not now. Not after he somehow managed to make Kakuzu care about him.

Deciding it was better than nothing and since he was thirsty, Hidan got up as Kakuzu watched out of the corner of his eye before going back to counting.

In the kitchen, Hidan looked through several cupboards before finding the glasses and he took one out and then checked the refrigerator. Hoping for some cold water, or maybe a soda or something other than room temperature tap water.

“I don’t have bottled water if that’s what you’re looking for. It’s a waste of money.” Kakuzu called to him, “Use the tap.”

What a scrooge, Hidan thought. And while he didn’t find anything to drink, he did find some food. And the sight of it made his stomach growl, and mouth water.

“You have a big ass pot of soup in here! You got company coming?”

“I made it earlier, and will eat it for the next couple of days.” Kakuzu groaned, “Why am I explaining myself to you? Get out of there and just get your water!”

Hidan looked at it. It looked like some sort of chicken noodle soup with vegetables. He was still hungry, the fries and chicken nuggets hadn’t been enough and he wondered if Kakuzu would let him have any of that soup. It looked so good. Hidan closed the fridge, stood there a moment and then opened it again to take another longing look at the soup.

There was so much of it, Kakuzu would never miss a few pieces of chicken and a couple of noodles…

Quietly lifting the lid off the pot, Hidan reached in and took a big noodle and a piece of chicken and popped them into his mouth. It was _ so _ good, Hidan nearly moaned as he ate them. When was the last time he had a real home cooked meal like that? Maybe never, he couldn’t even remember his own parents cooking. 

Kakuzu stood in the doorway, shaking his head as he watched his tenant steal a noodle and bite of chicken from his soup. If Hidan was so hungry, why not just ask for some? He had no issue demanding a drink, why was this any different? He didn’t need to sneak it! Kakuzu had thought Hidan knew by now that he wasn’t completely heartless.

“Does it taste good?” He asked, and enjoyed the way Hidan threw the lid back on the pot and slammed the refrigerator closed as he jumped around with a yelp.

“Why the fuck are you sneaking up on me like that?!” He hastily swallowed whatever was left in his mouth and coughed, almost choking. For someone as big as Kakuzu, he sure could be quiet, it was a little unnerving.

“I just wanted to see what you found so fascinating about the contents of my fridge.” He walked closer, “If you wanted something, why didn’t you just ask me for it?”

“I don’t know.” He felt ridiculous now, his cheeks were starting to burn and his breathing quickened.

“Is there something you want, Hidan?” Kakuzu asked, emphasising the word want, his voice low as they stood there not even a foot apart in the small kitchen.

Hidan found himself nodding.

“Tell me. What do you want?” Kakuzu asked him, reaching out and tucking silvery strands of hair behind Hidan’s ear, his fingers lingering as he felt how soft his hair was.

Hidan swallowed hard, his skin burning where Kakuzu's fingers had touched him and he was sure that Kakuzu could feel the way his pulse had spiked. He wanted something alright, not only the soup and he opened his mouth to say so, but no words came out.

Kakuzu leaned in, his voice low and deep and it sent a shiver down Hidan’s spine, “Are you hungry, Hidan?”

“Fuck yes...” He had waited for this, he hoped Kakuzu wasn’t going to be a tease again… he wanted him to kiss him more than anything, and he prayed to whatever god might be listening for it to happen as his eyes flickered down to Kakuzu’s mouth, fresh blood welled up on the split in his lip... They were so close, he could almost taste him.

Kakuzu pulled Hidan to him, pressing his mouth to his and kissing him lightly at first but as Hidan eagerly kissed him back, Kakuzu deepened their kiss. Hidan tasted like soup and cigarettes and Kakuzu really did wish he would give up smoking. He wanted to taste _ Hidan _, not ashes.

Hidan licked across Kakuzu’s lips between kisses, tasting fresh droplets of blood. Relishing the sharp metallic taste with a moan as Kakuzu slid his tongue into his mouth once more as he shoved Hidan up against the counter.

Every touch felt so good, as though it was amplified, almost as if he could feel what Kakuzu was feeling. Nothing in his life had ever felt as good as kissing Kakuzu. Nothing else mattered in that moment and he pulled Kakuzu closer, grinding his his hips against Kakuzu’s. He couldn’t hold back his moans, not that he even wanted to. 

_ Fuck _… how was one kiss so good, Hidan wondered. He never wanted it to end. He hoped Kakuzu could feel it, too, and judging by his eagerness and the way he moaned into Hidan’s mouth, Hidan thought he must be. 

Hidan had kissed a lot of people, but none of them were like this. None of them made him feel half as good. 

Hidan’s stomach suddenly growled, but they both ignored it and Kakuzu lifted Hidan onto the counter and moved between his legs which were quickly wrapped around him, all while not breaking their kiss. 

Kakuzu had no idea that kissing Hidan would be so good. And if kissing him was this good, how good was fucking him going to feel? With that thought, Kakuzu moaned and grabbed a handful of Hidan’s hair and tugged on it roughly and managed to bang Hidan’s head on the cupboard. Seemingly unbothered by that, Hidan answered by arching his back and groaning. Kakuzu kissed along his jaw, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin before moving back to his mouth for a possessive kiss.

Hidan wanted to touch him, wanted to feel his skin under his hands and so he slid his hands up under Kakuzu’s t-shirt, raking his nails across toned muscle. Kakuzu growled at the touch, and yanked Hidan closer, nipping at his lip.

After several more moments there was another, much louder growl from Hidan’s stomach and they both paused before pulling away from each other. Before Kakuzu could move back, Hidan was suddenly pressing his face to Kakuzu’s throat, kissing and nipping at him lightly and sending goosebumps rippling across his flesh.

_ “Fuck...” _Hidan breathed, eyes closed and cheeks flushed scarlet as he pressed his forehead against Kakuzu’s chest for several moments before finally pulling back from Kakuzu. It was like he could still feel Kakuzu’s mouth on him, could still taste him. He never had a kiss like that before and knew he would never want anyone else. Part of him hated that they had been interrupted but he was glad for it.

He wasn’t ready to have sex with Kakuzu just yet, as much as he wanted it. He wanted to wait, wanted to know he meant more to the man than just sex. And he wanted Kakuzu to know he wanted more than that, too. Watching him, Kakuzu stepped away from him and Hidan saw the obvious tenting of his pants and grinned, proud of himself for getting Kakuzu so aroused.

“Stop gawking, you look the same.” Kakuzu told him when he caught him clearly looking and cast his own eyes towards Hidan's crotch. He pulled Hidan off the counter then.

“What’re you doing?”

Kakuzu gave him a look before opening the refrigerator and taking out the soup, “You’re obviously starving.”

Hidan slid off the counter, “A little. I mean, I said I was hungry and then you kissed me which was fucking awesome, I’m not complaining, just so you know.”

“Oh, I know it was.” Kakuzu grinned as he reached above Hidan to get into the cupboard for a bowl. As he was there, he turned and kissed the corner of Hidan's mouth, “I'm not complaining either.” He got the bowl down and filled it nearly full with soup, then stuck it in the microwave for three minutes to heat up.

“Spoons are in there.” Kakuzu pointed at a drawer, “You can eat at the coffee table as long as you don’t make a mess.” He then left to go back to the living room, hoping the three minutes would give him time to calm down and he scooped the money back up in his hands, needing a distraction, and started counting again.

While waiting for the microwave to finish, Hidan filled up his glass from the tap and got a spoon. He couldn’t believe it! Kakuzu had kissed him and now was actually letting him have some soup! And it was soup Kakuzu had made, which made it better already, not that instant shit he was used to eating.

“I hope I don’t get food poisoning from this! I’ll make you pay the hospital bill!” Hidan shouted from in front of the microwave.

“Dammit! Not again!” Kakuzu shouted and Hidan heard the sound of money being crumpled in Kakuzu’s fist, “Make me lose count one more time and I’m going to literally kick your ass out of here!”

As soon as the microwave beeped, Hidan took it, along with his water, to the living room. He sat on the floor in front of the coffee table and started eating. He wasn’t expecting much from the soup, but it was better than he had thought it would be and was a lot better than any instant ramen he ever ate, and he told Kakuzu.

“Of course it’s good, I made it myself.”

Hidan almost rolled his eyes at that but didn’t. He took another bite and just as Kakuzu was about to start counting his money again, he said while chewing, “You know, one of the guys who lives here is an art teacher at the college?”

“And?”

“And it’s weird. That’s all.”

“Hidan, it’s not that weird. And I’m trying to count…” Kakuzu started again.

“He’s always drinking those boba drinks. You don’t like those, do you?” Hidan couldn’t imagine Kakuzu of all people drinking one of those, but you never knew what people liked to eat sometimes. “They’re fucking creepy, those big, chewy ball things. And you can see them go up the straw, fuckin’ creeps me out!”

With a sigh, Kakuzu tossed the money onto the coffee table in front of Hidan, “I can’t count.”

“Ha!” Hidan laughed, pointing his spoon at Kakuzu, “Kakuzu admits he can’t count! Where’s the damn neighborhood snoop to put _ that _in the newsletter?!”

“Whoever it is better not be anywhere near my trailer. When I find out who they are… I’ll be doubling, or _ tripling _their rent.” And he had no plans of giving the extra rent to Konan and Pein either. He figured that since he had to put up with that, he was going to eventually get something back for it or run the creep out of the park. He leaned back on the couch as he watched Hidan eat, glad to see he enjoyed his soup, but he couldn’t help noticing Hidan left all the vegetables behind.

“Eat the vegetables. You’re not five. I paid money for them, you’re not going to waste them.”

With a grin, Hidan looked up at him, “Will you kiss me again if I eat them?”

Kakuzu really didn’t want to start kissing him again, because he didn’t want to stop once they started and he wasn’t sure just how far Hidan was actually willing to go.

When Kakuzu didn’t answer, Hidan turned back to his soup with a frown and continued to eat, leaving all the vegetables on one side of the bowl.

Kakuzu wanted him, wanted him bad. He thought about him often and was still thinking about their kiss from earlier in the kitchen, those three minutes hadn't been enough. 

“Alright. Just one kiss.” He finally answered and leaned down, kissing Hidan once more. Moments later Hidan was climbing up into his lap as he sucked on Kakuzu’s tongue, making him moan. Kakuzu reached up and yanked Hidan’s head back, exposing his pale throat and peppered it with kisses and bites before soothing his skin with his tongue, enjoying the sounds that came from him.

With an arm around Hidan’s waist, Kakuzu shifted and put Hidan onto his back on the couch, covering him with his weight and continued kissing along his jaw, and down his throat, enjoying how he felt under him. But he noticed a change in Hidan, he was no longer making those delicious sounds and Kakuzu opened his eyes to look up at him, “Hidan?” 

As much as Hidan had wanted it, he suddenly turned away, feeling suffocated and trapped and he shoved against Kakuzu’s chest, “H-hey… I just, just wanted a fucking kiss.” Hidan sounded like he was on the verge of a panic attack. Kakuzu was heavy and Hidan felt like he couldn’t move or breathe. Pushing against his shoulders he said, “Get off of me!”

Kakuzu sat back and offered his hand to Hidan, who took it after a moment, and helped pull him up, “I’m sorry. Hidan, I-”

“I do want to,” Hidan said quietly and bit his bottom lip as he looked away, “but not yet.” He felt so embarrassed and turned his face away, feeling heat creep up his neck into his face.

“There’s no rush, Hidan, I won’t push you to do anything you don’t want or feel comfortable doing. I'm not like that.” Kakuzu moved to the other end of the couch to give Hidan some space and once again began trying to count the rent. He never meant to make Hidan feel like that and hated that he had, he shouldn't have let things go so far, Hidan had wanted a kiss, that was all. 

Hidan sat on the end of the couch with his arms crossed over his chest and watched quietly as Kakuzu counted his rent. Trying to get his breathing under control. He cursed Tomo, and himself for being stupid enough to go home with him. If that hadn’t have happened, he would have no problems letting Kakuzu fuck him on his couch right then and there. But he had panicked, even though he couldn’t remember anything from that night, he had seen enough to know what happened. But Kakuzu had stopped, he didn’t push things, he wasn’t like Tomo.

He looked at the older man. He had known from the moment he saw him that he wanted him, and while he may not have wanted an actual relationship with him from the start, he did now. He didn’t just want sex. He wanted Kakuzu to care for him, to really actually like him. He probably hadn’t gone about trying to get him to like him the right way in the beginning, but he was trying to now.

He was handsome as he concentrated on counting out all the bills Hidan had given him. The way his hair was up, Hidan just wanted to take it down and run his fingers through it. Another time, though. Not tonight.

Finally having everything counted out, Kakuzu stacked the bills and put them back in the envelope. Hidan was a dollar short but Kakuzu decided not to say anything about it. One of them had probably miscounted it, though he thought it had to be Hidan who miscounted. One dollar would make no difference, he would take it from someone else's rent. “It’s all here.”

“I already knew that.”

Kakuzu was so tempted to say that he was in fact missing a single dollar and therefore unable to properly count but kept quiet about it and wondered if Hidan did it on purpose, though if he had he thought he would say something.

“Finish your soup.” Kakuzu told him instead, motioning to the abandoned bowl on the coffee table.

Hidan reached for it and pushed the vegetables around in the bowl, looking for more chicken and not finding any he grudgingly started on the vegetables.

“So I’m…” He kept shaking his leg, wishing he had a cigarette, “I’m modelling for an art class now. For two actually.”

Kakuzu looked over at him, “Oh? Still taking your clothes off for money I see.”

“I haven’t, _yet_... And this is different!” Hidan told him, and Kakuzu made a face, “It is! It’s not like stripping. It’s art. Classy shit, you know. I could be in a museum one day!”

“Sure you could, in the museum of modern trash.”

“I’ll make sure they put your portrait in there too.”

“Go ahead, look at how I make a living, I manage this shit show here.” Kakuzu shrugged. “So, do you enjoy it? The modelling?”

“Could be worse.” He yawned, covering his mouth halfway through.

“If you’re finished eating, you should go home. It’s late.” 

“I’m not done with my soup, or my water.” He didn’t want to leave just yet, he enjoyed being around Kakuzu and didn’t want to go home yet to sit in his filthy trailer alone. The thought crossed his mind that maybe he should do some cleaning, he could probably take some stuff from work to clean with… they would never know.

“So uh...” Hidan tried to think of something to say, to prolong his visit as much as he could, then thought of something, “You know… I get an employee discount at Wal-Mart if you want to go shopping together sometime, I could get you the discount.”

Kakuzu’s attention perked up at that. A discount? Kakuzu loved a good discount. “Oh? How much.”

“Knew you’d like that. Ten percent, I think.”

That was it? Kakuzu had been hoping for at least twenty. “That’s not much…” Combined with coupons though it would add up, “But it’s something. I’ll think about it.”

Giving Kakuzu a grin, Hidan popped the last vegetable into his mouth and chewed it, “Think about it and say yes. And then let me know when you want to go, you can drive us!”

“No. We can meet there.”

“Yeah fine, but I won’t share my discount with you then!”

Kakuzu wondered if the ten percent was really worth it, but agreed, “Alright, fine. I’ll drive.”

“I knew you would!” He took another drink of his water and pushed the empty soup bowl away, and decided that the vegetables weren’t as bad as he thought they would be. He stood up, it was time to go home.

“Those clothes, they really do suit you.” Kakuzu told him, as he walked Hidan to the door. Even the grease smear he had cleaned off his cheek seemed to belong there. He looked good. Too good, especially with the marks he had left on his throat. Kakuzu’s eyes lingered on them, and he felt so smug about leaving them there and marking him like that. He looked back up at Hidan's face and wondered how he would feel when he saw them, and hoped he wouldn't mind. 

“Goodnight, Kakuzu. I’d kiss you, but…”

“I think we kissed enough for tonight. Go home and go to sleep, Hidan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I'm all caught up with what was previously posted before I deleted everything. I can't promise fast updates for this from here on out but I do hope to have this completed by summer. As for my other multi-chaptered fic, Jashin's Burritos, I'm not sure what I want to do with that, if I want to repost it and work on it again or not because I had had plans to rewrite it and I had rewritten the chapters that were previously up but honestly I don't even know about that one anymore. If you were reading that one and are still interested, please give a sign and I'll see what I can do.


	16. Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan is caught siphoning gas from a neighbor to try to make it to a meeting with Asuma. Kakuzu buys Hidan lunch and Kakuzu has to get rid of an animal that’s been living under someone’s trailer and then gets into an argument with Rasa. Then him and Hidan finally go on a shopping date to Wal-Mart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the start of new chapters. I really hope you enjoy and I always love to read your comments even if I don’t get the chance to reply to all of them. Thank you for reading and commenting, I really appreciate it!  
If you read the original, and were waiting for the new chapters, there are a few changes you should be aware of- I made an OC named Tomo to use in place of Zetsu, Zetsu's still in this though but not as a bad guy (I never liked having him assault Hidan like that and wish I had gone with an OC to begin with). And the other change is that Asuma knows about the prison experiments, doesn't like them, and has told Hidan he knows. That’s about it I think, aside from minor fixes here and there.

Kakuzu stepped out of one of the trailers, the old woman living in it had complained to him that her air conditioner refused to shut off and that she was freezing. He made twenty dollars for ‘fixing’ the issue: She had it set too low. Though she still insisted it was broken and was very thankful that Kakuzu fixed it for her. He almost felt bad taking her money. Almost.

As he walked down the steps he heard a noise from the other side of her car and looked to see Hidan trying to siphon gas from it, sucking on the end of a hose. They hadn’t seen each other since the night Hidan paid his rent two weeks earlier. Hidan had texted him a few times, and Kakuzu replied, but they had both been busy.

“Hidan?! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

Startled, Hidan sucked in and swallowed more than a mouthful of gasoline, he immediately gagged and bent over, throwing up gasoline along with his lunch on the driveway behind the old woman’s car.

“What’s going on out there?” The old woman asked from the doorway.

“Nothing, just a drunk throwing up behind your car,” Kakuzu made a disgusted face as he watched Hidan.

“Someone is drunk this early in the day? What's happening to this quiet park...”

Kakuzu gave her a look, was she that senile? Did she never see the newsletters or hear anything? He guessed not and didn't feel like enlightening her about the tragic state of her lovely trailer park. “I’ll take care of him for you. Just go back inside. You’ll want to hose this down after I get rid of him though.” Kakuzu waited for Hidan to be finished and grabbed him by the back of his shirt and drug him away with the hose and gasoline container in his other hand, “Why are you stealing gas from your neighbors?”

“Ugh… m'not drunk...” He allowed himself to be pulled along, “I’m out and my car won’t fucking start… I have to meet Assman today. Slow down! My stomach hurts… I think I’m gonna throw up again.”

“I will literally kill you if you throw up on me.”

“I won't, cause I bet you actually _would_ kill me.”

“Sit.” Kakuzu pushed him down onto the steps of his trailer, “Why don’t you ask Deidara for a ride?”

“He’s not home.” Hidan groaned and wrapped his arms around his stomach, taking deep breaths and trying not to get sick again in front of Kakuzu. He could taste the gasoline and his head swam. Deidara had only just started talking to him again and Hidan didn’t feel right asking for a favor right away. 

“Take an Uber.”

“No money.” Hidan’s face lit up a bit, “Hey, could you take me? Please?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Kakuzu looked away, “I have lots of things to do.” It was mostly a lie and he didn’t feel right telling it to Hidan, and that knowledge did not sit well with him.

“Look, I gotta meet him in like twenty minutes, I have to go now! Please take me. I’ll do anything, Kakuzu.” He stood up and grabbed the railing, feeling dizzy from the gasoline and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Where is it?”

“Police station, where the fuck else would I meet my parole officer?”

Relenting, Kakuzu said, “Get in my car and if you get sick I will throw you out the fucking window and I am not joking.”

“You’re a life saver, Kakuzu!” Hidan shouted and ran to get in the car, then wished he hadn’t moved so fast as he sat down in the passenger seat, “How you want me to pay you back?”

Kakuzu didn’t answer right away and went to get into his car.

“Hey, Kakuzu, one request?”

“What?”

“Drive nice, yeah? Like I said, I still feel sick.”

Kakuzu sighed as he started his car, making sure not to jostle his passenger around much, “Gum?” He offered once they were on the road, hoping it might help his stomach, or at least freshen his breath.

Hidan took the pack, grateful for it, and quickly took a stick out and started chewing it.

“Huh, cinnamon. It’s spicy. I like it.”

Kakuzu wondered if Hidan had never had cinnamon flavored gum before, it appeared that he had not. 

The drive over to the police station was quiet and at one point when Kakuzu glanced over at Hidan, he looked like he was about to be sick again. 

“Do you need me to pull over?” 

“No, I’m alright. I’m just really fucking nervous.”

“If you need me to stop, you better say so.”

“No time.” Hidan told him, “I’ll be fine.” As they came to a red light, he closed his eyes as his stomach rolled, then added, “I think.” 

Kakuzu drove slower the rest of the way. After he parked he waited for Hidan to get out of his car but he just kept sitting there, his hand on the seatbelt and he just stared at the building. It made Kakuzu wonder how much gasoline he swallowed and if he should have taken him to the hospital instead.

“You’re going to be late. I drove you here so you wouldn’t miss your appointment. If you’re going to be sick, do it after your meeting, or during and maybe get some sympathy points. But right now you need to get out of my car and go inside. Suck it up, Hidan. You have to do what you have to do.”

“You’re right. I do.” Hidan said and undid his seatbelt and got out of the car, “You’ll wait for me, won’t you?”

“I’ll be right here.”

Kakuzu watched Hidan get out and waited until he was inside before he took out his phone and opened the snapchat app. Kisame had told him that’s where he had seen the videos and he let the app use his contacts to find people. Tomo came up and after a moment of brief hesitation, Kakuzu tapped on the circle next to his name to see his videos. 

Once he had seen enough, Kakuzu looked through his contacts, surprised so many people were using the app, most of his tenants under 50 were on there, and then he saw Hidan was, too. Without thinking about it, he tapped on his 'story' to see he had posted pictures from school. He actually looked happy in his pictures. The last one was one of a public bathroom with 'cleaning the toilets, kill me now' written across the middle of it. 

* * *

It was a half hour later before Hidan came back out looking pale and his hands shook as he got in.

“What happened?” Kakuzu asked.

“Huh? Nothin’.” 

“For ‘nothing’ to have happened, you sure look like shit.” Kakuzu watched as put his seatbelt on.

“I need a smoke.”

“No smoking in my car. Besides, I thought you were trying to quit.”

“Yeah I am but I really fucking need one! Can we stop somewhere since I can’t smoke in your precious fucking car?” He raked his hands through his hair as Kakuzu started the engine.

“Fine.” Kakuzu drove away from the police station and a few minutes later he stopped at a park and Hidan scrambled out of the car and quickly lit up a cigarette and walked over to sit on a bench to smoke it as if it were a life line. Getting out of the car, Kakuzu joined him silently as Hidan burned through the cigarette faster than anyone should and promptly got out another one.

“Those aren’t good for you.” Kakuzu told him.

Hidan only shrugged, “Who fucking cares?”

“Maybe I do.” It came out before Kakuzu could stop himself but quickly continued, “Did something happen during your appointment?”

Hidan shook his head, “Not really… same shit as always. He could smell the gas on me though. Told him I spilled some filling my car up. I hate him.” 

“Why do you hate him? He’s done nothing but try to help you, he kept you out of jail. More than once.”

“I hate him simply because he’s a cop! They’re all the fuckin’ same. You don’t know what they did to me.” 

“No, I don’t know. And I don’t expect you to want to tell me.” Kakuzu wasn’t one to pry, if Hidan decided to tell him or not, it was up to him. Kakuzu wouldn’t push for anything. They sat in silence, their knees and shoulders touching while Hidan finished his second cigarette and then left. As soon as they got back in the car Hidan finally spoke up.

“Kakuzu… I’m hungry.”

“So?”

“Can we stop somewhere for food?”

“You can eat at home, I am not your taxi service.” Kakuzu sighed as Hidan slumped down in his seat. He looked completely miserable.

“I don’t have anything, I ate my last ramen and then puked it up…”

“Is that what that was? Disgusting. Those things are terrible for you. It’s like you don’t care what happens to you.” 

“Maybe I don’t.” It was said so quietly, Kakuzu almost didn’t catch it. 

“Maybe other people do, for some unknown reason.” Kakuzu said several moments later as he pulled into the parking lot and drove up to the drive thru at the McDonalds. 

“Alright, what do you want? Tell the box, don’t expect me to order for you, you’re not my date.”

“I want…” He looked over the menu, leaning over onto Kakuzu and yelled out the window, 

“A...strawberry smoothie and cheeseburger. And fries!” He smiled up at Kakuzu and was just about to kiss him when Kakuzu shoved him back into his own seat.

“Brush your teeth first!” Kakuzu told him, no way would he kiss him before then, he didn’t even want to think about it!

“I’ll brush them as soon as I get home, so you better fucking wait, cause I’m gonna kiss you today!”

“Sounds more like a warning.” Kakuzu teased, “You can come find me later. I really do have some stuff to do back at the park. Someone thinks they’ve got a raccoon living under their trailer.”

“Maybe I can help you with that.” Hidan suggested.

“Could be a relative of yours.” 

“What? A relative… hey! What are you trying to say?” 

“You both eat garbage and live in filth.” 

After driving up to the window, Kakuzu held out his hand for Hidan to give him some money, “Let me guess,” he started slowly as Hidan just stared dumbly at his open hand, “you don’t have any money on you.”

“Not one cent.” He gave Kakuzu what he hoped was a charming smile, “I can pay you back later.”

Shaking his head, Kakuzu paid and handed over the food, “If you puke, I’ll make you eat it again. Don’t waste my money.”

Hidan made a disgusted noise and looked horrified, “Oh hell no, that’s nasty!! _ Kakuzu!! _ Don’t ever say shit like that again!”

“Then eat it and keep it where it belongs. You’re like a cat with that sensitive stomach and nine lives of yours.”

“You scared me and made me swallow! I never swallow!” Hidan shouted as they drove away with the windows still down, “I’d like to see how much gasoline you can swallow without getting sick! It would be very little trust me, I know!” 

“You often steal gas?” Kakuzu wanted to know, recalling a night he got in his car and was certain he was missing a quarter tank but couldn’t be sure. Now he had a feeling he knew what happened to it.

“Only when I need to.” 

Hidan started eating as soon as they were back on the road and even offered Kakuzu some of his fries which he opened his mouth for and made Hidan feed to him with the excuse of not wanting to take his hands off the wheel.

By the time they were back at the park, Hidan looked much better, having some color back in his face, and Kakuzu parked in front of his own trailer, “You have legs, you can walk the rest of the way.”

“Aw… I should’ve saved my food… we could have eaten together.”

“Too bad you didn’t. Get out, and go home. And take a shower, change your clothes and brush your teeth. You stink. Then come find me, I’ll be up at the end of the park by the hillside, trying to run off some raccoons.”

“Fine, fine. Thanks, Kakuzu, I really mean that. I don’t thank very many people so when I say it, I really fucking mean it. I’ll pay you back for the food.”

“Yes, you will. You owe me for today. Go home and don’t swallow anymore gasoline.” 

As Hidan got out of the car he asked, “Hey, I have tonight off, you want to go shopping later?” 

Kakuzu considered it, he did need to do some shopping, “Go home, clean yourself up. And yeah, maybe tonight we can go. I need some groceries.” 

* * *

Later that afternoon, once he had showered, brushed his teeth and put clean clothes on, Hidan found Kakuzu just as he was crawling out from under a trailer. Sweat dripped down his face, he was covered in cobwebs, dirt and had scratches on his face and hands. Hidan thought he was more than attractive looking like that and got down on his hands and knees as Kakuzu crawled out. 

“What kind of animal was it?”

“That giant fucking cat!” Kakuzu shouted, “I’m gonna find that kid and make him get rid of it!” 

“That big one?! Damn, he got you good.” Hidan reached out and wiped at the blood on Kakuzu’s cheek, and suddenly got the urge to lick his finger but wiped his hand clean on his jeans instead, “You should get that cleaned up, I hear cat scratches are really nasty.”

“It has to go!”

“But Kakuzu, it’s some kids pet.” Hidan knew Kakuzu wasn’t stone cold, he wouldn’t really force a kid to get rid of his pet, would he? 

“I don’t fucking care!”

Hidan took a step back, Kakuzu was pissed and he had never actually seen him that way before but followed him down the road to a trailer next to the side of the hill and banged on the door.

The door opened and Rasa stood there, glaring out at Kakuzu, “What do you want? I don’t owe you another payment yet.”

“I’m not here about that. I’m here about that cat!”

“What about it?” Rasa asked, though he could guess it had attacked Kakuzu if his face was anything to go by.

“It has to go!”

“It belongs to my son. It’s his pet. It’s just a cat.”

“It’s a menace! It’s no pet! It leaves half eaten birds and rats all over the place, it attacked someone’s dog. And it’s been living under someone’s trailer for a week and attacked me! We thought there was a raccoon family under there.”

Rasa simply just shrugged, “Well, that was stupid of you to go under a trailer like that. You’re not the pest removal. You’re the manager. Maybe you should actually hire someone who knows what they’re doing. But no, you just want to nickle and dime everyone in here to death!” Rasa didn’t like Kakuzu, ever since he had hit Hidan with his car, though he wasn’t all that fond of him before then either. 

His eyes shifted over to where Hidan stood, under the carport in the shade. Something didn’t add up… He had looked perfectly well when Rasa saw him taking his trash out several weeks earlier, he had heard what he did at the pool party. He constantly read about him in the newsletter. He was even attending school now and whoever wrote the damn thing seemed almost obsessed with him.

None of it seemed like anything someone who had recently suffered from internal injuries would, or _ could_, be doing. 

“You two think I’m so stupid, don’t you?” 

He looked straight at Kakuzu. While he hadn’t given it much thought at the time, he did now. And he imagined these two were enjoying _ his _ hard earned money together. Money he worked hard for to provide for his kids. They were probably laughing about him behind his back. 

Rasa leaned on the banister, his eyes intent on Hidan. “Don’t you look good for someone who was on life support not too long ago.”

Hidan gave him a confused look, “Thanks, I always look good. Wait… life support? When the fuck was I on-” 

Kakuzu coughed violently, making Hidan stop and look at him.

“Damn, don’t die, Kakuzu, we gotta go on a date first...” 

Looking back at Rasa, Hidan wondered what the fuck was this guy talking about. He had never been on life support, was he talking about the pool party incident? He had heard some wild rumours about that but this was the first he heard of him being on life support. An ambulance hadn’t even been called. 

Rasa narrowed his eyes at him, then turned his attention back to Kakuzu who was sweating even more now and looked nervous. Kakuzu never looked nervous in all the years Rasa had known him.

As the three of them were standing there, staring at each other, Gaara walked up with his cat in his arms, its tail slowly flicking back and forth, “Dad, look! I found Shukaku.”

“That’s great.”

“That cat has to go.” Kakuzu growled.

“Damn, calm the fuck down.” Hidan told him.

Gaara froze, looking up at Kakuzu. Rasa took a step forward, not liking that Kakuzu would say anything about it in front of his son like that. What kind of dick would do that to a kid? A kid without a mother, no less. Rasa’s eyes narrowed and he set his jaw.

“Get inside, Gaara.” 

“What’s he talking about?” Gaara clutched Shukaku tighter.

“Don’t worry, son, you don’t have to get rid of Shukaku. In fact, I’m about to go to the pet store and buy a big bag of cat food and a harness for him. And maybe one of those cat trees. Because we’re going to keep him for a very, _ very, _ long time.”

Gaara looked up, his dad was going to do what? “I thought you hated him.”

“He makes you happy, how can I hate him?” The fact that Shukaku had attacked Kakuzu like he did had quickly changed Rasa’s opinion of the animal.

“Rasa, you can’t keep that beast here-”

“My son will keep that cat if he wants it. I already paid a pet deposit for it! Just because it doesn’t like you is no reason to force a tenant to get rid of a pet. We may be renters but we have rights!” Rasa growled, “Gaara, inside now! And you!” He pointed at Kakuzu, “Get off my porch. You’ll be lucky if I don’t report you and whoever this ‘Doctor Senju’ is to the cops.”

“What’s he talking about? What’d you do?” Hidan asked.

“Oh, this just gets better. He doesn’t know, does he?” Rasa laughed as he closed the front door after his son was inside. “Hey, Hidan, why don’t you ask him about the time you were in the hos-”

“Don’t!” Kakuzu cut him off, “We’ll talk later, Rasa! Keep the damn cat! It better have it’s rabies shots!”

“Kakuzu, what’s he talking about?” Hidan wanted to know, “What don’t I know about?” 

“It’s nothing, let’s go.” Kakuzu threw Rasa a warning look as he went down the steps.

“You’re a real dick, you know that?” Hidan walked with his hands in his pockets as they headed back towards the front of the trailer park, “Trying to make him get rid of his kids pet like that. So what, it fuckin’ scratched you. I thought you were better than that. That’s just petty…” 

“I was angry! _ Am _ angry!”

“I can see that! Damn... you have some anger issues, don't you?” Hidan realized he really didn’t know all that much about Kakuzu.

“So I've been told!” Kakuzu nearly snarled before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm down. He didn't even care about the cat anymore, it was Rasa that was the problem. Everything was going to fall apart and it was all his own fault, all because of that stupid cat!

“Shit, man, you need to calm the fuck down! You’ll give yourself a heart attack, especially at your advanced age.”

“I’m not even forty yet. Advanced age…”  
  
Hidan sighed, “Would you really have made them get rid of that cat?”

“I don’t know.”

Hidan was quiet as he walked alongside Kakuzu, “So… what the fuck was that guy talking about? About me being on life support in a hospital? I ain't never been on life support in my entire fucking life!” Not even when he was sure he had been dying in his jail cell. He shuddered at the memory and pushed it aside.

“It’s nothing, Hidan. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, just some rumors he heard. Don’t worry about it.”

Hidan watched Kakuzu from the corner of his eye. He wanted to know what it was about and knew it involved him, but didn’t want to fight with him over it and knew he wouldn’t get anything more out of the man about it. 

They were finally going to go on their shopping date at Wal-Mart and Hidan didn’t want to ruin that. Whatever it was could wait. 

Kakuzu broke the silence, “I need to take a shower. I’ll pick you up in a couple of hours.” He needed to call Tsunade and tell her what happened. 

Unaware of his inner turmoil, Hidan grinned, “It’s a date!” Then he smacked Kakuzu on his backside, “Don’t be fuckin’ late! And you better look nice for me!”

Kakuzu froze and watched Hidan run off. With a grumble, “It’s not a date…” Kakuzu went home. Why did he let Hidan follow him to Rasa’s trailer?

Kakuzu wasn’t dressing up to go shopping at Wal-Mart. It wasn’t like it was a Whole Foods… 

When he put his car in park in front of Hidan’s trailer two hours later and honked the horn, he saw that Hidan actually had dressed up. He wore a burgundy t-shirt that looked new, and nice black jeans, secured with a black leather belt. He had slicked his hair back but what stood out the most was that he had not doused himself in perfume. 

As he got in the car, Hidan frowned at Kakuzu’s black t-shirt and jeans, both of which were well worn and faded. “I told you to dress up.” 

“I thought you were joking. It’s just Wal-Mart.”

“So? I’m not dressed up for the fucking store… I’m dressed up for you.” Hidan put his seatbelt on, “Whatever, let’s go. At least you’re clean.” 

* * *

Kakuzu pushed the cart and kept their things separate. As they made their way through the aisles, he noticed Hidan not buying any fresh produce and when he mentioned it, Hidan snorted.

“Vegetables are disgusting.”

“You never eat any? Ever? How the hell are you still alive?”

“You know what? I wonder that, too. With all the shit I do, I should be dead.” Hidan said as he picked up a package of macaroni and cheese and threw it into the cart. He reached for the instant ramen cups and threw several into the cart only for Kakuzu to take them out and put them back on the shelf.

“Hey! That’s my food!”

“Get some real food. That stuff is terrible for you!”

“I don’t know how to fucking cook, let me have my stupid instant soups!”

“No. Here.” Kakuzu grabbed up a few packages of noodles and put in the cart, “You can learn how to make real food. It’s not hard to do. It costs less and it’s better for you. That’s why you’re always hungry and feeling sick. You eat literal shit all the time.” 

Hidan grumbled something about Kakuzu not being his dad, but knew it was true.

“Fine, you can teach me how to make that soup.” Hidan said, thinking that he had just snagged another date with Kakuzu and walked off to go down the cereal aisle, leaving Kakuzu before he could say that he did not just offer to teach Hidan how to cook.

So while Hidan was getting other stuff, Kakuzu got extra vegetables for the soup Hidan was going to learn how to make, then picked up some packages of chicken and put them in the cart and went to find Hidan in a snack aisle before they left.

* * *

Kakuzu parked at his own trailer once they were back from their shopping trip and looked over at Hidan.

“Goodnight, Hidan. You can walk the rest of the way home.” 

“But I got you the discount… Let me come in.” Hidan said, he just wanted to spend some more time with Kakuzu before he went home, he was lonely if he was being honest with himself. He hated sitting at home alone before falling asleep and didn’t want to bug Deidara too much too soon after they finally started talking again. 

Kakuzu would have been happy to invite Hidan in earlier, before the incident with that stupid cat, but now all he could think about was what Rasa was going to do, and how Hidan was going to react if he ever found out what he did. He had used Hidan, and didn’t even share any of the profits with him. 

“I’m not in the mood tonight, Hidan.”

“I’m not asking for sex, is that what you think? I just to hang out with you for a little while. Watch some tv, talk some shit. Damn, don’t you ever hang out with your friends? Do you even _ have _ friends? And besides, I want to kiss you for earlier.” He wanted that kiss and was determined to get it before the night was over. 

They hadn’t kissed since he paid his rent and that had been weeks ago. Hidan thought it felt like forever and was craving it. He wanted to taste Kakuzu on his lips again. 

Kakuzu looked over at him as he parked and turned off the engine. Hidan thought of him as a friend. Now he felt even worse about what he had done. If Hidan found out, how would he react? They didn’t know each other when Kakuzu had started embezzling money from Rasa, there was the other matter to consider, too… but he had hated Hidan then. Hidan was no angel, and he knew Kakuzu wasn’t one either. Maybe he could explain. Maybe he could sweeten things up by giving him a cut of the money... 

“What the fuck? I’m just asking to come inside for a little bit, why are you thinking so hard about it?” 

Kakuzu blinked, having decided that if everything was going to go to hell now that Rasa knew, he would at least enjoy whatever time he had before it all blew up in his face.

“Alright, come inside with me. Bring your meat and put it in my freezer so it doesn’t go bad sitting out here.” He mustered up the faint hint of a smile, his cheek where the cat had sliced through his skin stung, but he ignored it. 

Whatever mood Kakuzu had gotten into seemed to lift at least a little and Hidan hoped he would get him to loosen up a little more. 

Hidan followed Kakuzu into the kitchen and watched from the doorway as he put the groceries away. When he was done, Kakuzu stood in front of the refrigerator looking at the contents, “I’d offer you a beer but you’re not allowed to drink because the state owns your ass so I’ll let you have a coke instead.” He took a can out and considered tossing it to Hidan but thought better of it. He didn’t want soda to explode all over the floor. 

“Thanks, man.” Hidan looked at the can, it was a store brand. He opened it and took a drink, “What about you? Aren’t you gonna have something?”

Kakuzu shrugged and decided he would have one, too. He almost took out a beer but thought it would be like rubbing Hidan’s face in the fact that he wasn’t letting him drink. Besides, he was certain Hidan would find a way to snatch it from him and drink it himself. 

While he had his back to Hidan, Hidan had made his way into the living room and was sitting in the middle of the couch. 

Looking around, Kakuzu debated where to sit and picked his chair and watched as Hidan scooted over to the arm of the couch closest to the recliner Kakuzu sat in.

“We could watch something.” Hidan suggested after a few moments. It was too quiet and tense, with literal crickets chirping in the background. Kakuzu picked up the remote control and turned on the TV, then changed the channels until he found what he wanted.

“You watch the fucking Antiques Roadshow?!” Hidan howled with laughter, “How old did you say you were? Eighty?!”

Kakuzu glared at Hidan, “Thirty six. You want to go home? The door’s right there.” 

That quietted him down, and Hidan sat back, “I’m twenty four.” 

“I know. And your birthday is in April. You wrote it down on the rental agreement.” Kakuzu said.

“When’s your birthday? Since you know mine. Oh, and favorite color?”

“In August. And I don’t have one.”

“That’s fucking weird but mine’s… teal. Now ask me something.”

Kakuzu sighed, but played along, “What’s your favorite meal?”

“Bar-b-que ribs! Slow roasted so the meant just falls off the bones…” He moaned as if he was experiencing pleasure at the mere thought of eating ribs, “You?”

“Liver sashimi. But you can’t get it anywhere anymore… apparently it made too many people sick. It would probably make you sick.”

“Just the thought of eating raw liver makes me sick.” Hidan said as he made a face, “Of course you wouldn’t have a normal favorite food…” 

“Be quiet, look.” Kakuzu turned his attention back to the television as someone had a set of antique books. 

They commented on the stuff people had brought in, guessing how much items would be worth and Hidan was surprised to find that Kakuzu wasn’t often wrong about the value of things. He might not have been exact but he was close. After it was over, Hidan shook his can of soda to find it was empty and then he stood and moved over to stand in front of Kakuzu.

“You want something?” Kakuzu asked knowing full well what Hidan wanted. He had been waiting all night for him to make a move. 

“Yeah. I want my kiss.”

“Well?” Kakuzu raised a brow, “If you want it, come and get it. Unless you’re too shy.” Kakuzu stayed right where he was. If Hidan wanted to kiss him, he could kiss him. He watched Hidan hesitate for just a moment before leaning forward and placing one hand on each armrest. Their faces were so close and Kakuzu could easily close the distance but he wanted Hidan to do it. He wanted Hidan to take that step and come to him for a change. Sure, he could flirt like no one else Kakuzu ever met, but it seemed he faltered when it came to actually acting on it.

“Hidan… just kiss me already. I’d say I’m not going to bite, but we both know that’d be a lie and besides, you enjoy that kind of thing, don’t you?” 

“Shut up! I was just about to kiss you!” Hidan shouted and then pressed his mouth greedily to Kakuzu’s. A few moments into the kiss, Kakuzu was pulling Hidan onto his lap. 

“Fuck. Tilt this thing back already…” Hidan said as he pulled away.

Kakuzu reached down for the handle and pulled it so the back of the chair reclined which threw Hidan off balance and he landed sprawled across Kakuzu’s chest.

He didn’t seem to mind and adjusted himself in order to reach Kakuzu’s mouth once more and continued their kiss. 

As their kiss grew heated, Hidan let out a low groan as Kakuzu ground his hips against Hidan’s. Without thinking, he reached between them and grasped Kakuzu through his jeans, enjoying the moan he got in response.

Kakuzu didn’t care if Hidan wanted to have sex or not. It had been a long time since he had been touched by anyone other than himself, and damn did it feel good even if was through the thick material of his jeans. He could feel Hidan rubbing himself on him, could feel how hard he was getting. 

They swallowed each others moans and Kakuzu didn’t care how he got off, whether it was from a handjob through his clothes, or from the friction Hidan was causing, just so long as they both did if that was what Hidan wanted. 

Moments later Hidan took hold of Kakuzu’s hand and brought it to the front of his jeans, “Touch me, Kuzu…” He breathed, pressing his forehead to Kakuzu’s as his hand faltered and he looked down to use both hands to undo Kakuzu’s jeans.

“This ok?”

“It’s fine.” Kakuzu told him and watched Hidan’s face as he undid his pants. With a smirk, Kakuzu saw the moment Hidan realized he had nothing on under his jeans, his eyes widening before he looked up at Kakuzu’s face with a grin.

“You kinky motherfucker.” 

“Sometimes.”

“Or are you too stingy to buy underwear?” Hidan grinned.

“Maybe a bit of both.” 

Hidan let his eyes fall back down and he let out a soft moan. He had been blessed by whatever god was watching out for him. Kakuzu was big. He bit his bottom lip and took him in hand as he leaned forward to kiss Kakuzu.

They found themselves at an awkward angle and Kakuzu pushed Hidan back as he adjusted himself on the recliner, turning onto his side to allow Hidan to lay alongside him.

“That’s better.” Hidan said and reached to wrap his hand around Kakuzu’s cock once more. 

Kakuzu groaned as Hidan touched touched him, nothing between them.

“I’m… I’m gonna keep my pants on.” Hidan told him quietly.

“It’s fine.” Kakuzu said, “Do whatever you want and feel comfortable doing.” Using his free hand he placed it on Hidan’s jaw, “Look at me.”

Hidan turned his eyes to Kakuzu’s.

“I will never ask you to do anything you don’t want to do. Do you understand me? So you do what you want, and trust me. I’ll always stop if you tell me to stop.”

With a nod, Hidan leaned forward, “I just want to kiss you, and make you get off.”

“What about you? Do you want to get off tonight?”

Hidan nodded, “Through my jeans. I don’t want to get naked. And don’t laugh at me for it.”

Kakuzu kissed him, “Nothing to laugh about. I like it rough, alright? I like… like that.” He groaned as Hidan moved his hand, using quick, harsh movements. 

“Don’t forget about me, Kuzu.” Hidan whined, thrusting his hips into Kakuzu’s hand. They fell into a rhythm as they made out on Kakuzu’s recliner while working to get each other off. 

Kakuzu sucked on Hidan’s shoulder and throat, his teeth nipping and biting, almost breaking the skin but not quite. He knew there would be marks left behind and it excited him, knowing that anyone who saw him would see those marks.

“Kakuzu...m’close… _fuck!”_

As Hidan’s hand moved faster, more frantic, Kakuzu met his speed and bit down roughly where his shoulder and neck met. Hidan arched his back as he cried out, cumming all over himself and his jeans, he didn’t even care. He could wash his clothes. A moment later he felt Kakuzu’s release dampen his hand. 

Kakuzu gave a shout of pleasure and pulled Hidan closer, not caring about the mess smearing between them. He kissed Hidan hard. He didn’t want to let him go. For the first time in years, he wanted to hold onto someone and keep them close. He kissed the bite mark, soothing it with his tongue.

Snuggling closer, Hidan wanted to savor that moment with Kakuzu, surprised he hadn’t made him get up right away. Instead, Kakuzu seemed to enjoy the closeness, and kissed him slowly, smoothing his hair back from his face. Hidan smiled against his lips as he kissed him back. 

“What are you smiling about?” Kakuzu asked as he pulled back.

“People smile when they’re happy. You should try it sometime. And I see you looked at my story, three times,” He pressed several kisses along the side of Kakuzu’s neck.

“Wh- how do you know that?! That stupid app says how many times I looked at it?”

“No. But you just did.” Hidan grinned and ran his tongue up along Kakuzu's neck, his jaw and finally kissed him, “I added you as a friend, you can look at my story as many times as you want.”

If he was a religious man, Kakuzu might have tried praying that Hidan would never find out about how he used him to blackmail Rasa. But he wasn’t, so all he could do was hope. He hoped Hidan wouldn’t ever know what he did to Rasa, and that wasn’t even the worst of it. He pulled Hidan close, knowing if Hidan found out about everything, it would probably be the last time he would get to hold him close.


	17. Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakuzu gets screwed, first by Rasa, then Tsunade and finally Konan and Pein.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot happening in this chapter, please enjoy during these strange times we're in. I actually wondered if this should have been cut into two chapters but I left it as one. I'm halfway through the next chapter so I hope to get that up before the end of the month.

Kakuzu was woken early to the sound of someone knocking on his door. He threw on his bathrobe, belted it, and opened the door to find Rasa standing there.

“You’re going to let me in. _ Now _ .”

“And if I don’t?” Kakuzu asked.

Rasa put his hand on Kakuzu’s chest and pushed him back and walked inside, “Obviously I’m not taking no for an answer.” They stood there a moment before Rasa kicked the door shut, “I could go to the cops for what you did. That boy was never in the hospital.”

Kakuzu stared him down, saying nothing. 

“I wonder… what would he think if he knew what you did to him, how you used him for money.” Rasa made a face, “He chases after you like a lovesick puppy.”

“He’s not going to find out, Rasa.”

“He thinks you’re such a great guy, doesn’t he? It would be such a shame for him to find out the truth. That this image of you he has built up in his head is just that, an image and nothing more! That the real you is a selfish, money grubbing bastard who cheats his tenants out of their hard earned money!”

“What the hell do you want from me?!”

Rasa looked at him a moment, “You must like him a whole lot to be asking. Well that might make all of this easier. I want my money back, what the fuck else do you think I’d want?!” Rasa walked further into the trailer, “And that’s not all. I want my rent lowered!”

“I can’t lower your damn rent.” That was Pein and Konan’s decision not his, and he really did not want to involve them in this.

“You’ll find a way. And if not, well, that’s fine.” Rasa turned around and walked back over to Kakuzu, “I’ll just walk right over to your boyfriend or whatever the hell he is, and tell him _ everything _. And I’ll get Senuj shut down and thrown in jail for fraud. The two of you can spend the rest of your lives there.” 

Kakuzu felt lightheaded. He hadn’t thought through his plan very well, had seen an opportunity to make some money and jumped at it, dragging Tsunade along with him, though she seemed more than happy to do so. 

It seemed like such a good plan at the time. 

Tsunade was right, and as much as he hated to admit it, Rasa was right, too. He truly was a greedy bastard.

“You look a little pale there, friend.”

“We are not friends.” Kakuzu snarled and took a step towards him.

“No, we’re definitely not. And I’d stop right there if I were you. Want an assault and battery charge to go with the embezzlement change?” Rasa’s hands curled into fists at his side and the two stood there, neither wanting to make the first move. Finally, Kakuzu leaned back.

“And you committed a hit and run. You ran Hidan down and then left the scene without calling the cops! That’s a felony charge right there! Want to see your kids through plexiglass?” 

They stood there, eyes locked on one another for several moments. 

“I want my money. And I want my rent cut, at least by half! There were no other witnesses-”

“Oh, don’t you read the newsletter?” Kakuzu asked, “I save all of them just in case they might come in handy, I even download the videos. Would you like for me to show it to you?”

“Dammit!” Rasa’s fists tightened, “Who makes that shit!?”

“No idea, but I’ll tell you one thing: I’ve never been happier than I am right now that they do. Besides that, your own damn kid was a witness! I can give your money back,” the words left a bad taste in his mouth, “but I can’t change your rent.”

“Tough shit. I want both. Or you and Senju are fucking ruined. Don’t try me.”

“Take my offer, Rasa. Or have your kids come visit you in prison.”

Rasa refused to back down. He would get what he wanted. He paid too much to live in that dump. Karura would never have wanted their kids to grow up in a fucking trailer park with drug addicts and drunks. He didn’t want that for them either. Neither of them had expected she would die in childbirth. 

“No. If I were to go to jail I would only go for a little while compared to you and Senju. You’ll have ruined not only her career but her life as well. And I don’t think anyone would come visit you in jail. Not even Hidan once he finds out what you did. He trusts you. And you used him. I think you’ll agree to what I want. I’ll be going to work now. Some people around here actually work for their money!” He turned away from Kakuzu with a smug look on his face and walked over to the front door and let himself out, “If I don’t hear from you by the time I get home tonight, I _ will _ go to the police. Oh, after I’ve spoken to Hidan of course, don’t think I’d forget.” He slammed the door, leaving Kakuzu fuming.

As soon as Rasa was gone, Kakuzu considered going after him and murdering him. He didn’t, as much as he wanted to. Rasa wasn’t some drug addict or squatter that no one cared about. He had a job, kids, people would miss him and come looking. And he knew someone was watching. They had neighbors who would have seen them arguing, there would be video of him being at his trailer. 

It was too risky and wasn’t worth it.

As much as he hated it, Kakuzu knew he would have to suck it up and give the money back. But he didn’t even have all of it… he would have to get the rest from Tsunade. 

“Dammit all to fucking hell!” Kakuzu kicked the chair next to his dining table and sent it sailing across the floor, breaking against the doorframe to the hall. All that money… gone! Just like that. He felt sick and went to sit down his chair. 

It still smelled like Hidan and he ground his teeth. Was Hidan even worth it? He couldn’t answer that, but he knew it wasn’t worth it to spend a good portion of the rest of his life in prison. And Tsunade would be completely ruined. Still grinding his teeth, he sent a quick text to her. 

_ ‘We need to talk. It’s important. When do you have time?’ _

_ ‘What is this about? If it’s about that kiss, it meant nothing.’ _

_ ‘It’s about the money.’ _

_ ‘I will gut you, Kakuzu! If I get in trouble for this, I will tear you apart and mount your head on my wall!’ _

_ ‘You won’t. We need to meet somewhere. And not here.’ _

_ ‘I have lunch at 11. Come to my office then.’ _

* * *

“Kakuzu.” Tsunade greeted him cooly, she had been waiting for him. Each time the door to her clinic opened, she expected the police, her heart rate had been racing all morning.

“Tsunade, I-”

She cut him off, “Shizune, Kakuzu is my eleven o’clock appointment, the E.D. patient. I told him I would see him as a favor and skip lunch today. You can go get something to eat without me.”  
  
The _ what? _ It took Kakuzu a moment to realize what she meant and just as he was about to shout that he had no problem with that, she spoke up.  
  
“It’s quite alright, nothing to be embarrassed about, it happens to many men as they age, some a little earlier than others. Come back to the exam room.”  
  
“Tsunade…” Kakuzu growled.

She gave him a warning look as Shizune typed something into the computer and then started gathering her stuff as she got up from her desk.

“In here.” Tsunade said, opening to door to take him back into an exam room as Shizune left, locking the clinic door once she was outside.

“What was that all about?! I'm _ not _ your patient and I certainly don’t have erectile dysfunction!”  
  
“Shut up and sit down.” Tsunade pointed to the exam bench as she closed the door, “I thought it would be best to make it look like you came here for a medical exam.”  
  
“Couldn’t have made up a sore throat?”  
  
“She would know you weren’t sick and I don’t see people with sore throats. But this, well…” Tsunade stifled a laugh, “She doesn’t know if you can get it up or not. It’s what you’re officially here for, I entered it in the computer system myself. So if anyone wants to know, that’s why we’ve met here today. Now, enough about that, tell me what happened.” 

Tsunade grew pale as he told her everything, having to sit down halfway through, mumbling about how she could lose everything, her life's work, all of it! 

“You have the money, don’t you?” Kakuzu finally asked.

She nodded, “Most of it. I paid a debt. You’ll cover that portion of it.”  
  
“I will not.” Kakuzu practically growled at her.  
  
“You fucking will, Kakuzu!” She stood, “I swear! I never should have kept in touch with you after we broke up.”  
  
“The feeling’s mutual. You cost me then, you're costing me now. I refuse to make up the money you’ve spent. You’re a damned doctor! Make it up from your next patients.”

“Pay it for now, I’ll pay you back as I can. I can't pull money out of my ass!”  
  
Glowering, Kakuzu said, “You’ll pay it back. With interest.” 

After starring each other down for several moments, Tsunade picked up her prescription pad and started writing something. Kakuzu watched her, confused as she tore the page off and held it out to him, “Here. Make sure you get this filled, so you can keep that boy of yours happy. And so this all looks nice and proper. Enjoy, you greedy bastard.”

* * *

That night, Kakuzu waited for Rasa outside his trailer. He could hear his kids inside, the boys were fighting about something, and the girl was trying to get them to stop and to just eat their dinner. 

Headlights shone on him, and Kakuzu walked up alongside the drivers side door, “Take it.” He held an envelope out.

Rasa tried to take it but Kakuzu would not let go, “You want to let go of this?”

“I can’t lower your rent just yet. I need to talk to the owners. Give me a week.” Kakuzu met his eyes, “You leave Senju alone. If you so much as _ mention _ her name again, I’ll make your kids orphans.” 

“Do not ever threaten my kids.”

“Are you stupid? I’m threatening you.” Kakuzu spat and eased up his hold on the envelope just enough for Rasa to be able to pry it from his hand.

“You’re the stupid one here. You think you’re smart, but you’re not.” Rasa started to put the window up with Kakuzu’s hand in the way.

Yanking his hand back before it got caught in the window, Kakuzu took a step back.

“It’s all here?”

“It is.” Kakuzu had never lost so much money all at once before, and never in his life had he lost such a large amount. He hadn’t been able to eat all day, and knew he would lose sleep over it for days to come. 

Rasa snorted, “As if I trust you. You’re going to wait while I count it. Oh, and just so we’re clear...” Reaching into the glove compartment, Rasa took out a handgun and slid the clip in, “you try anything, I will kill you and claim self defense.” He set the gun on his thigh and with the car door open, began to count the money with Kakuzu standing, waiting. 

The front door suddenly flew open.

“Dad! Kankuro and Gaara won’t stop- Oh, sorry…” She trailed off upon seeing Kakuzu.

“Temari, go back inside, I have some business here with Mr. Kakuzu.” Rasa told her, “But tell your brothers I said that we don’t goof off at the dinner table and that I’ll be inside soon so they better stop doing whatever they’re doing and eat.”

Temari nodded and looked from her dad to Kakuzu before going back in, shutting the door behind her quietly. 

A few minutes later, once Rasa was done counting his money, he got out of the car, tucking both the gun and envelope into the inside pocket of his coat before shutting the door.

“Kids… it’s not easy raising them. Even harder without their mother. So you can imagine how much I hate you for this. Threaten me all you want. I’ll threaten you back. I can get rid of you, too, Kakuzu. But my hands will be clean. But you… I know you’d be getting your hands dirtier than they already are. God only knows what it is you’ve done. So, threaten me or my kids again,” He jabbed his finger into Kakuzu’s chest and Kakuzu grabbed his hand with his, shoving it away, “and the only one who is going to be wondering what happened to you is Hidan and the owners of this dump when they don’t get their rent money.” Rasa stepped past him and paused, leaning in close and keeping his voice low, “Tell me… How’s it feel to get fucked?” 

Turning, Kakuzu grabbed Rasa by the front of his shirt and their eyes met for a moment before Kakuzu released him, shoving him backwards and Rasa grabbed the railing of the steps to keep from going down and then walked up to his door, “Get off my driveway. And don’t forget, we’re not done yet. You still have to lower my rent by the end of the week.” 

“How about you just move?”  
  
“I could, but I’m going to enjoy my very low rent. Oh, and I suggest keeping your boy on a short leash, I may decide to tell him just for the hell of it.” Rasa put his hand on the door knob, waiting for Kakuzu to leave before he went in.

* * *

Kakuzu waited an entire day before texting Pein, hoping to come up with something else. He couldn’t though, and sent a text:

_ ‘We need to talk.’ _

_ ‘Of course. In person?’ _

_ ‘Yes.’ _

_ ‘Sounds serious. I’ll stop by tomorrow afternoon.’_

* * *

Kakuzu had been at Itachi’s to meet with them and a contractor about a window. Sasuke and Naruto had somehow broken one. Kisame agreed to cover the cost for it seeing as it was their fault. At least Itachi and Kisame were good tenants, unlike Deidara and Hidan… Deidara’s window had only just been replaced, Kakuzu had made him wait as long as legally possible. 

He even tried to make Deidara pay for it, but as it really was not his fault, Kakuzu couldn’t and had sent the bill on to Konan and Pein who had a few too many questions and wanted to know if there was a police report made for the break-in and why not when he told there not one. 

_ ‘Covering for someone?’ Konan asked, ‘It wouldn’t be Hidan, would it?’ _

_ ‘Definitely not!’ Kakuzu lied, ‘I’d be happy to see him evicted!’ _

_ They had watched him, before exchanging looks, and Pein said, ‘Alright, as long as no one was hurt and Deidara hasn’t filed a police report, there’s not much we can do. As it was not Deidara’s fault, we’ll have to pay. He seems to know his rights fairly well.’ _

_ But Konan wasn’t letting things slide so easily, ‘I sincerely hope you and Hidan aren’t involved in some criminal activity together. Breaking into trailers, stealing things… I wouldn’t like to find out that you are. We trust you, Kakuzu.’ _

_ ‘I am not invovled with Hidan in any way.’ Kakuzu insisted. _

On his way back to his trailer from Itachi’s, Hidan had spotted him just as he was getting home from school apparently, if his clothes were anything to go by. He joined him, bumping his arm on Kakuzu’s.

“Hey.”

“Hidan.”

“Where’re you going?”

“Home.”

Perking up at that, Hidan asked, “Can I come with you?”

Kakuzu sighed, “Not now. I’ve got some things to take care of.”

“But I miss you.”_  
_

“You really shouldn’t.” It came out harsher than Kakuzu wanted but he meant it. Hidan _ shouldn’t _ miss him, why would he? Kakuzu didn’t hang out with him, they didn’t spend lots of time together, there was no reason for him to feel like that. 

“What’s with you lately? You don’t answer my texts or nothing. What gives?”

Kakuzu looked over at Hidan, he looked so insecure. The last time he had seen him was the night they had gone shopping together. He had been so busy dealing with Rasa and grieving over the loss of his money that he hadn’t even been able to think about that night, though it was the best night he’d had in a long, _ long _ time. 

“I’ve been busy, and I’m meeting with the owners now, something I hate doing.”  
  
“I see… well, you want me to come over after they leave? We can hang out again.” Hidan sounded hopeful.  
  
Kakuzu shook his head, “I’ll be in no mood for hanging out once I’ve had to deal with them, and I have a feeling this meeting is going to last a while. So not today.” 

Hidan opened his mouth and shut it before finally saying, “Yeah, fine. I’ve got shit to do anyways and have to work tonight. Have fucking fun, I guess.”

Kakuzu simply looked at him, trying to be angry at him. It was because of Hidan he lost all that money, and he should be furious with him, but he found he wasn’t. Kakuzu was angry, at himself, at Rasa, even at Tsunade for embarrassing him in her office and agreeing to the scam in the first place, but not at Hidan. He tried to be. Tried to blame Hidan for Rasa figuring it out, tried to blame him for making him care about him, but he couldn’t. None of it was Hidan's fault, none of it would be happening if he would have just walked Hidan home that night. He would have kept him out of the way of on coming traffic. He wouldn't have been hit, and Kakuzu wouldn't be finding himself having to do any of this. But he didn't walk him home. And Hidan was hit. And Kakuzu got greedy, because that's what he was, just like Tsunade said, a greedy bastard.

Rasa would have put things together on his own sooner or later, though, Kakuzu knew. 

“If you don’t want to, whatever,” Hidan turned to walk away but then turned back again, “No! You know what, if this is because of the other night, if you only wanted me to get you off, well then fuck you!”  
  
“Hidan!” Kakuzu got his attention, stopping him before he could walk away, “I’ve had to deal with some very stressful shit the last few days, things involving shitty tenants, broken windows, and now the owners! I’m not in a good mood right now. If all I wanted was to get off, I have my own set of hands for that.” 

Visibly relieved, Hidan asked, “You like me, don’t you? Admit it!”  
  
After several moments of silence, Kakuzu finally said, “I might.” 

There was no other explanation, he liked Hidan. For some reason. 

They turned a corner and Kakuzu saw Pein’s car sitting in his driveway, his bright orange hair visible through the dark tinted windows, and he knew Konan would be in the passenger side, “I have to go.”  
  
“Wait.” Hidan stood in front of him, “Kiss me first.”  
  
“Hidan…”  
  
“Come on.”

“Not with them here. Besides, we’re not together.” Kakuzu said.

“We should be.” Hidan told him, “Come on, fucking kiss me.”

Pein stepped out of his car, followed by Konan on the other side and they walked around to stand next to each other and watch.

Sidestepping Hidan, Kakuzu told him, “Not now.” He hated the hurt look on Hidan’s face but he really couldn’t deal with that now, “I really have to go.”  
  
Hidan looked at the pair in front of Kakuzu’s trailer before turning his back to them, “Yeah, what-the-fuck-ever. Have fun.” 

With a groan, Kakuzu put Hidan from his mind as he walked up to his trailer. 

“Not involved with Hidan, hmm?” Konan said as he got closer, “Seems to us that you are, but it looks like it's not going so well.”  
  
“Can we talk inside?” Kakuzu grumbled as he walked up the steps and opened the door.

* * *

Kakuzu turned away, barely keeping his anger under control. It was his own damn fault and he knew it but he was pissed at Rasa anyways. He was down the steps of the man’s trailer when he was stopped.

“Oh, and Kakuzu. One last thing.”  
  
With teeth clenched together, he looked over his shoulder, waiting. What would he demand now? Kakuzu could snap his neck and be done with him. Hide the body with all the others. 

“You’re going to owe me a favor.”  
  
“Like hell I am!” Kakuzu shouted, “I’ve done enough! I don’t owe you anything more!” He stood there, eyes simmering, “I suggest you never try to collect this ‘favor’, Rasa. It might be the last thing you do.” 

Kakuzu didn’t wait to hear anything else. He was done. He had given Rasa what he asked for, and owed Pein more than he already had. There was no way he would ever owe Rasa a favor. 

Once home he slammed the door shut and went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. Halfway through it, he heard a notification from his phone that he didn’t recognize. He pulled it out to look at it and saw that Hidan had sent him something on snapchat. 

Opening it, he wasn’t sure what he expected but was pleasantly surprised to find the picture to be of Hidan at work. He looked bored, and a line of text across the middle of his picture read_ ‘I’ll be home at 10 if you’re done with your threesome, or is that still going on?’ _

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and looked at the time. It was already 9:45, 

Just as he was about to close the app, he saw a dot next to Tomo’s name, indicating he had an unopened snap. Morbid curiosity got the best of him and he tapped on his name. The screen was just black but written across it said _‘What can I do you for? ;) You know where to find me’ _

Kakuzu set his beer down. He couldn’t go after Rasa. He was already in so deep with Pein, he might as well go all the way, what was one more favor to ask for? 

Not wasting a minute, he went to get dressed. As he was leaving, he looked up towards Hidan’s trailer, a light was on inside and for some reason wanted to see him before he went to do what he was planning. 

The door opened just a crack until Hidan saw who it was, then he opened the door the rest of the way.

“You got my snap, but you didn’t send me anything back.”  
  
“Oh, is that how it works? I’m supposed to send something back?”  
  
“Yeah. You want to come in? Looks like it’s about to start fucking raining.” Hidan leaned against the door frame.

Kakuzu wanted to just leave, he didn’t know why he stopped by, but something possessed him to go inside, “Yeah, I’ll come in for a few minutes.”   
  
“Just a few minutes? Why, you gotta meet your bosses again or some shit?” Hidan asked, stepping aside to let him in. Once inside, Kakuzu leaned over and kissed him possessively, effectively shutting him up. 


	18. Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakuzu has a surprise for Hidan. Hidan experiences a little death and Kakuzu enjoys a grapefruit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning for murder, a bit of violence, and sexy times ahead. With a brief mention of worms.

Sitting in his car at the back of the parking lot to the strip club, Kakuzu watched through the windshield, waiting for Tomo to exit through the door, flicking the wipers on occasionally to clear the rain. 

His mind kept going back to Hidan, and he sighed. That man had set his hooks in him as soon as they had met, Kakuzu never had a chance. He could tell himself and everyone else that he had standards, morals, integrity. But at the end of the day he fell for his trashiest tenant and was about to do something for him he never would have considered months before. Something he didn't do for anyone.

He thought of the way they had kissed, how well Hidan responded to him, the way he made those pleasured sounds that drove Kakuzu on. 

Light spilled from the open door of the club interrupting Kakuzu’s thoughts and he looked through the rain, hoping it was Tomo but it was a couple of girls leaving together. His stomach growled and he looked around, finding a large grapefruit in the backseat that must have rolled out of his grocery bags. 

Reaching back, he was just about to grab it when the door opened and the man he had been waiting for stood there. Kakuzu left the grapefruit where it was and watched as Tomo walked to his car. 

Kakuzu waited for him to leave before turning the ignition and following him out. Several blocks later, he pulled alongside Tomo’s car at a red light and put his window down. They were the only two at the entire intersection. Perfect. 

“Hey.” Kakuzu called, motioning to Tomo, hoping he would see him.

The window was put down and Tomo looked out, brightening when he saw who it was, “Well, well, I knew you’d be back. There's something you want.”

“There is. How about we go somewhere.”

“Alright, you can follow me.”

Kakuzu shook his head, “You follow me.” 

“Yeah, whatever.” Tomo nodded with a smarmy smile that made Kakuzu want to reach through the window and tear it from his face. But he simply nodded and motioned for him to follow. 

* * *

Hidan woke to his cell phone going off under his pillow.

“What the fuck…” He groaned, reaching for it. Looking at the caller, he sat up and answered it, “Kakuzu? Why’re you calling at…” he pulled the phone away to look at the time, “what’s it say? One thirty? Shit…”

“I have something for you.”

“And it can’t wait till the sun is out?”

“It definitely can’t wait.”

“Is it your dick?” Hidan asked, hopeful, “Cause if it's not, I don't want it and it can wait.”

He could hear Kakuzu sigh on the other end, “No Hidan, it's not my dick. But I’ve got a dick for you I think you'd be interested in. A pathetic little prick who never should have put his hands on you.”

Fully awake at that, Hidan asked, “Tell me where the fuck you are.”

* * *

The rain was coming down harder by the time Hidan met up with Kakuzu in the middle of nowhere, miles off the main road, “Lemme see him! Let me see that motherfucking piece of shit!!” Hidan shouted as he jumped out of his car, shoes squelching in the mud and he slammed the door.   
  
Kakuzu walked around to his trunk and popped it open. Tomo was in there, unconscious or dead, Hidan couldn’t tell and reached for him, “Oi! Wake up, bastard!” 

“He’s already dead.” 

Growling low in his throat, Hidan gave a violent shake to the body, “Why’d you kill him?! Why didn't you let me do it?!”

“I wanted to leave him alive, so you could do it if you wanted to, but he was… uncooperative.”

“Yeah… he would be.” Hidan let go, dropping Tomo’s body back into the trunk that he saw was lined with plastic sheeting. Hidan pulled his fist back and let it slam into Tomo's face.

“Careful! I don’t need any body fluids in there.”

“Right.” Hidan hauled the body out, dropping it onto the ground in the mud, “Shovel?”

“In here.” As Kakuzu reached deep into his trunk to get the shovel, Hidan kicked Tomo’s body in the side, hard. The sound of cracking ribs could be heard. He couldn’t blame Hidan, and stood there a moment as Hidan kicked him again and again, hurling curses at Tomo.

When he finally stopped, Hidan stood there over the body, breathing hard through his teeth. Then suddenly he grabbed for the shovel from Kakuzu and whacked him over the back of the head with it, the sickening crack of bone made Kakuzu grimace, and when Hidan pulled the shovel back there was a smear of blood on it. He repeated the action, hitting Tomo once more, shattering his skull. 

“Alright, enough!” Kakuzu said, wrapping his hands around the handle of the shovel and stopping Hidan as he went to hit Tomo with it again. “He’s gone! He’ll never look at you again. He'll never lay a hand on you ever again.” 

Hidan said nothing, breathing hard and Kakuzu moved carefully around to face him feeling like he was approaching a wild animal as he saw the angry tears in his eyes and the look of pure rage on his face. “Hidan, look at me. You can’t make a mess, we can’t have any signs that we were out here, we have to be careful. Got it? There can’t be any visible signs of us being out here. No blood, nothing. Understand?”  
  
Hidan nodded. 

“He was a piece of shit, and deserved worse than what I did to him. But unless you want to get caught, we have to be as clean as possible about all this.”

Hidan nodded again, relaxing his hold on the shovel, “You're right, he's dead,” he blinked several times, “you did this for me.”

“Yeah, I did.” Though part of it was for himself, too, and he leaned down, his voice low as he spoke into Hidan’s ear, “I don’t like shit like him touching what’s mine.”

Hidan turned to look at him as Kakuzu reached for the shovel, taking it from Hidan, “We have to bury him.” 

They took turns digging, Kakuzu insisting the hole had to be deeper when Hidan thought it was deep enough. 

“There’s animals out here, I’m not risking having anything dig up that body. Make it deeper.” 

While Hidan continued to dig, Kakuzu wrapped Tomo in all the plastic from his trunk and went to check how deep Hidan had gone. It looked to be just over six feet, and Kakuzu motioned for him to stop and Hidan jumped out, his cheeks red from the effort of digging, clothes wet from the rain and smeared with mud, his hair disheveled. Kakuzu didn’t know what it was about him in that moment but he wanted Hidan badly.

“Let’s dump this shitstain.” Hidan pushed his hair out of his face and went to grab one end of the body. Kakuzu lifted the other end and they walked Tomo over, and threw him in the grave they had dug. 

Hearing a thud, they peered over the edge, “Gimme the shovel.” Hidan said, holding his hand out.

“It’s right where you left it, get it yourself.” Kakuzu told him. He watched for several minutes as Hidan shoveled dirt back into the grave, then went back to his car, his stomach growling. He remembered the grapefruit and plucked it out of the backseat and leaned against the trunk to eat it. 

Once everything was filled in, Hidan did his best to level it off, trying to make the ground look as natural as possible.

“The rain will help, now cover our footprints.” Kakuzu said from the trunk. He was soaked but didn’t care, they had to make sure it was done properly. Hidan seemed to know what he was doing and found himself questioning Hidan’s claim that the only time he killed anybody was an accident… Maybe that was the only time he had been caught.

Satisfied with how it looked, Hidan made his way over to Kakuzu and rested the shovel against the car, “Done.”  
  
“You did a good job.”  
  
Hidan came closer, “You did that for me.” 

Kakuzu nodded and Hidan came even closer, placing his hands on Kakuzu’s chest, “You said I was yours.”  
  
Again Kakuzu nodded, “I sure as hell don’t do that for just anyone. Though I admit it was partly for myself.” 

Leaning forward, Hidan kissed him, tasting the bitter citrus on his tongue, making his mouth tingle. 

“Kakuzu…” Hidan groaned, “Let me thank you.” He drug his hands down Kakuzu’s chest to the waistband of his jeans and waited for some sign that he had permission to continue.

Kissing him again, Kakuzu leaned back against the trunk and motioned for Hidan to procede. 

His throat was starting to feel tingly as well as his mouth, but he ignored it, deciding it was just the acidity of the citrus Kakuzu had just eaten. Undoing Kakuzu’s jeans in seconds, Hidan pushed them down just enough to free Kakuzu’s cock. 

“Tell me how you like it.” 

“I want you to open that mouth of yours.” Kakuzu reached up, pushing two fingers into Hidan’s mouth, “And I want you to take me as deep as you can.” Pushing his fingers deeper, he stopped just short of Hidan gagging, “And then I want you to suck.” Feeling Hidan’s tongue on his fingers, he moaned, a quiet sound as the rain came down around them. 

Dragging his fingers from Hidan’s mouth, he couldn’t help the sound that came from him as Hidan continued to lick and suck on them. 

“On your knees.” Kakuzu told him, only for Hidan to hesitate a moment before obeying.

His knees sank into the mud as he knelt down, “Kakuzu, what if a worm crawls on me? Damn, there was a lot of those fuckers. What if,” he lowered his voice as if there were other people around that might hear him, “one crawls up my ass?! I watched a nature show once and that can happen.”

“What the fuck, Hidan?! You’re going to make me go soft!” Did he always talk so much? Did he have to voice every thought that popped into his head?! Kakuzu gripped his face, “Enough. We need to get back before it gets light out, so you either give me a blow job, or we go home. You don't have to-” 

“No, no! I want to!” Hidan wrapped his hand around the base of Kakuzu’s cock before taking him into his mouth, slowly. By then, the tingling had gradually increased to itching and Hidan thought his tongue was feeling bigger than it normally should be. But he didn’t want to disappoint Kakuzu, and took him as deep as he could, then forced himself to go even deeper. 

Above him, Kakuzu groaned, watching as Hidan worked to please him. Taking a handful of gray hair, he helped guide Hidan and closed his eyes, unaware Hidan was having any difficulty at all. 

The rain fell on his face, forcing Hidan to close his eyes. Unable to breathe through his nose from the rain, and his mouth was stuffed full, he felt lightheaded as his throat began to feel tight. Something wasn’t right, but he didn’t know what. He pulled back, his lungs screaming for air as he wheezed, unable to draw in a breath.

“Is that it? I could always teach you I suppose...” Kakuzu told him as he opened his eyes moments later to find Hidan clawing at his throat, blue around the lips. 

With lungs burning, Hidan knew he was about to die, in the middle of a blow job and with an erection no less. He knew he’d come back, he always did, though there was always the chance he wouldn't. It didn’t mean he enjoyed dying. He had no idea what had been done to him to make him like that. Hidan found dying both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.

The last thing he saw as his vision turned dark was Kakuzu’s cock in his face. 

Catching Hidan from falling face first into the mud, Kakuzu tilted his head back to be met with unseeing violet eyes. It was unsettling to say the least, and he wished he could say he had never seen Hidan like that before, but he had, twice. 

Checking for a pulse, Kakuzu couldn’t find one so he put his palm to Hidan’s nose to check for breathing. Again there was nothing. 

“Hidan?!” Shaking him, Kakuzu hoped for a reaction but there was nothing. 

He didn’t want to have to dig another grave, they had just filled it in. And he had just given back all that money and now Hidan went and died on him. He couldn’t even think of why, but maybe he had had a heart attack. All that exertion from digging a grave and filling it in might have been too much for Hidan, considering all his heavy drug use, chain smoking and drinking he had been doing up until recently. 

Putting him in the backseat, Kakuzu didn’t know what to do with him. He didn’t know CPR, wasn’t sure it was the best thing to do anyways, especially not on a backseat. Besides, Hidan knew too much about him.  
  
On the other hand, he also really liked Hidan, he was different from anyone else he had been with. He hated to admit it, but he would really rather Hidan not die on him. Kakuzu checked his pulse again, nothing. 

“Dammit!” Kakuzu brought his fist down on the seat as he leaned over Hidan, about to attempt mouth-to-mouth. With the light from the car, he saw how swollen Hidan's lips were and he opened his mouth to find his tongue swollen and covered in hives. What the hell, Kakuzu thought, was he allergic to dicks? He almost laughed but it seemed too soon.

Trying to remember how Kisame performed CPR at the pool, Kakuzu was sure the backseat of a car was not the right place for it but tilted Hidan's head back and pinched his nose. 

Taking a breath, Kakuzu moved towards Hidan when suddenly Hidan sucked in a breath on his own. His eyes coming into focus on Kakuzu’s face.

With a shout, Kakuzu jumped back, hitting the back of his head on the roof of his car, “Fuck!”  
  
“Wha' happened?” Hidan asked, slowly sitting up and rubbing his chest as he took several deep breaths, “Shit my mouth feels weird...” His words were slurred and he rubbed at his mouth. 

“You passed out giving me a blow job. Which wasn’t even all that great for all your talk about how talented you are!”  
  
“Passed out… No.” Hidan shook his head, “I fucking died. You... you choked me to death on that massive cock of yours! Bet I've got bruises on the inside of my throat in the shape of your dick!”

“Clearly you did not die, because you’re very much alive.” Kakuzu wanted to ignore that he didn’t have a pulse for more than several minutes but couldn’t. Maybe he was just really bad at taking a pulse, he didn’t have any actual medical training.

“No, I was dead. It’s not the first time this has happened and you know it! You've seen this happen two other times.”

“Oh? You often die while giving subpar blow jobs?”

“I couldn’t breathe… And excuse you! I give very good head!” 

“I wouldn’t know, now would I?” Kakuzu shrugged, “Stay.” He pushed Hidan back down, “We’re going home.” 

“But… don’t you want me to finish you off?”  
  
Kakuzu couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Hidan had just claimed to have died and now he wanted to finish giving him a blow job?! “Not anymore. I don’t fuck corpses and don’t want them sucking my dick either.” 

Kakuzu shut the door on Hidan’s outraged face, grabbed the shovel and threw it in the trunk. It looked like all their foot prints were rained out, nothing but mud everywhere and he hoped the tire tracks would get washed away, too. He had seen the weather report, it was supposed to rain for days. There shouldn’t be any evidence they had been out there by the time it stopped. 

“My car?” Hidan said as he sat up from the backseat.

“I’ll bring you out to get it later in the morning. You shouldn’t be driving, you…” He didn’t want to say it, saying it meant he was acknowledging that Hidan had technically been dead. Kakuzu knew how to take a pulse, and that man did not have a pulse, but clearly he wasn’t dead or he wouldn’t be talking to him, “You just shouldn’t drive right now.”  
  
“Aww, Kuzu, taking care of me. I like that!” Hidan grinned as he sat back and put his seatbelt on as they drove out and met up with the main road after a while. 

Hidan groaned softly and then giggled and Kakuzu glanced at him from the rear view mirror. The sound of Hidan giggling slightly unsettling.

“Wanna hear something wild? I'm still really fucking hard.”  
  
Kakuzu kept his eyes on the road and wished Hidan would shut up. 

“Why don’t you pull over somewhere and we can finish this.”

“Finish it yourself.”

Hidan sighed, “Alright… I mean, I didn’t know you were into watching, but hey, whatever gets you going.” He started to unzip his jeans and Kakuzu slammed on the brakes.

“What are you doing?!”

“What are _you_ doing?!” Kakuzu demanded.

“You just told me to-”

“No!” Kakuzu hit the steering wheel with each no, “No, no, _ no! _ Hidan, are you really that stupid?! I didn’t mean right here and right now! I obviously meant when you got home!”

“Oh…” Hidan felt stupid for a second, “But why not? It’ll turn you on, bet you like to watch, don't you? And you could imagine what we could be doing instead. You could be under me, and I could be inside of you, and we could-”

Cutting him off by reaching back, Kakuzu grabbed the front of Hidan’s shirt and pulled him forward, pressing his mouth to Hidan’s in a searing kiss. 

He pulled away without letting go of Hidan who was trying to catch his breath, “It will be you under me, and me inside of you, got it? And if you ever find yourself on top, just know that you’re still on the bottom.” Kakuzu growled.

“You are so fucking hot. I can’t wait to feel you inside me.” He flicked his tongue out and licked Kakuzu’s lips that also tasted of citrus, “Your place, or mine?”

Grabbing Hidan’s face with both hands, Kakuzu held him in place, “Mine, I’m not getting bed bugs.”

“I don’t have bed bugs. Why do people keep saying that?”

“I’m sure I saw things crawling around on the floor when I was over there tonight.” 

Kakuzu smashed his mouth against Hidan’s, their teeth hitting together, and pushed his tongue into Hidan’s mouth, tasting him, and himself. Hidan moaned and sucked on his tongue, slid his own against Kakuzu’s, then Kakuzu pulled away, breathing hard, “You better not pass out on me again though. I won’t give you another chance.”

“Not before we both come at least.” Hidan told him, “Hurry up, Kakuzu, get us the fuck home before I cream my pants right here and now.” His eyes closed as leaned back against the seat, “I need you to fuck me senseless. Hey, you got any water in here? My mouth feels weird again, all tingly and shit. Kinda itchy.” 

Looking around, Kakuzu found a half empty bottle in his door and handed it to Hidan with a curious look. 

* * *

They didn’t even make it to the door before Hidan was all over Kakuzu, jumping onto his back from behind and wrapping his legs around his waist, almost knocking him over. He kissed and bit at the side of Kakuzu’s neck, whispering dirty in his ear.

“Just wait until I get you inside, you’re mine, Hidan.”

Hidan let out a low moan, “Then hurry the fuck up and open the door or I swear I will make you fuck me right here and we’ll end up in the newsletter and some freaks will get off on watching the video. Oh, that gives me an idea, you wanna make some money? Cause I do. Why don’t we make pornos for the internet?”

“Why don’t I make you walk home with that hard on you’ve got and make you take care of it yourself?” Kakuzu warned, “Shut the fuck up, Hidan.”

“You’ll have to make me.”

“Oh, I plan on it.”

Kakuzu shoved Hidan off his back to unlock his door and pushed Hidan inside first before looking around to see if he could see the creep who would no doubt be there, filming them. But he knew it was hidden cameras, no one was out there in person doing all of that. 

Hidan reached out and pulled him inside before slamming the door shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a lot of work to put together and fit in scenes I had written early on before much else was written. And sorry for ending where it does, I decided to cut it into two chapters because it was getting too long. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I really appreciate your comments.
> 
> Also, Hidan dying with an erection while giving Kakuzu a blow job was a request by a couple of people when I was first starting to write and post this and I while know they don't read this anymore but if on the off chance they ever do see it, I hope they liked it.


	19. Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakuzu and Hidan spend the night together, Hidan finds and reads a very interesting book Kakuzu has... and finally, Hidan has enough of Walmart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life is... A Lot right now. I haven’t been able to work on this since I last updated, then I decided that I just had to and then went on a hunt through the depths of my google docs to find everything for this chapter, and it was kind of hard to put together. I’m extremely disorganised. Anyways, this picks up right where the last chapter left off. I hope you enjoy and I hope it's alright, I feel a little out of practice with it.
> 
> Also just a warning that there is some gross stuff mentioned when Hidan gets in to work, feel free to skip a couple of lines starting where he's called to clean up a mess. It's not too bad but I do want to warn for it.

Kakuzu was attacked by Hidan, pushed against the wall while Hidan kissed him hard, his hands roaming under his shirt, and down his pants. As soon as a hand circled his growing erection, Kakuzu grabbed Hidan and pulled him towards the bedroom.

“Nice bed.” Hidan commented as he was being stripped of his muddy, soaking wet clothes. Kakuzu tossed them into the bathroom so they wouldn’t stain and ruin the carpet. Standing there completely naked, Hidan started to shiver, teeth chattering as the cold air hit his damp skin, rapidly chilling him.

Everything that had happened that night suddenly came crashing down on Hidan like a ton of bricks as he stood there in the dark. The room tilted dangerously and he reached for Kakuzu only to be gently shoved down onto the bed as he felt the blood drain from his face.

“Get under the blankets, I’ll be right back.” Kakuzu didn’t seem to notice anything off, and if he did made no indication of it, and turned towards the bathroom while Hidan fought to keep from being sick in the middle of Kakuzu’s bed. If he did that, Kakuzu would surely never speak to him again.

Kakuzu had killed someone. _For him. _Hidan groaned as he slid under the blankets, trying to keep his head from spinning. If they were caught… it would all be over. Hidan was sure he would never get out of jail again. Whatever they did to him the first time might not have killed him, but he was sure they would be certain to the second time. And Kakuzu… he didn’t want to think about what they would do to him.

Hidan put his head on a pillow, it smelled like Kakuzu, and he closed his eyes. It helped to stop his head from spinning. Then remembered his car was still out there and let out a groan. If someone found it and called the cops, they would surely be caught.

Kakuzu grumbled something as he stepped into the bathroom over Hidan’s pile of dirty clothes. He washed his hands, scrubbed under his nails with a nail brush, and decided Hidan should do the same. Just in case. He called for him but there was no response so Kakuzu brushed his teeth, and splashed water on his face before peeling his own rain soaked shirt off over his head. It joined Hidan’s clothes on the floor, quickly joined by his jeans.

Taking the time to clean up had given him time to think and cool down. He was seriously doubting the wisdom of sleeping with Hidan. He had wanted to, wanted to take him, make him his. But maybe they were moving too fast. Too much had happened in one night already, adding sex to it would make it even more of a mess than it already was. Taking a breath, he stepped over their clothes and back into the bedroom.

It was to find that Hidan looked like he had made himself comfortable under the blankets, curled up in the middle of the bed, head on Kakuzu’s pillows. He almost looked to be asleep but as soon as Kakuzu came to stand at the foot of the bed, Hidan's eyes snapped open and he groaned.

“We still gonna fuck? Cause I think I’m not really in the mood now.” His voice sounded to him like he was underwater and he closed his eyes again.

“No, not tonight.” Kakuzu put a knee on the bed and crawled up towards Hidan. He looked white as a sheet and it worried Kakuzu.

Magenta eyes cracked open, “Wait, what? Why not?” As bad as he suddenly had felt, he still felt disappointed.

“Because you look like absolute shit for one thing. For another, I doubt you would have prepared yourself. And what do you mean why not? You just told me you weren’t in the mood anymore!”

Hidan felt his face heat up, “Well, I guess you’re right, I haven’t prepared myself, wasn’t expecting anything. And yeah… I just… feel like shit. Tonight’s been a lot to take in.”

They were quiet for several minutes before Kakuzu finally sighed, “I’ll give you some dry clothes, then you’ll go home and go to bed.”

“No.” Hidan sat up, thankful the room had stopped spinning. Home was the last place he wanted to be. It had never felt like home. But here, with Kakuzu... maybe felt like home.

“I told you, we’re not having sex.”

“I know. And I seriously don’t think I could right now.” Hidan was moving closer, his eyes on Kakuzu’s mouth, “Doesn’t mean there’s not other things to do…”

Was he serious? Kakuzu thought he looked like he was about to pass out.

Hidan didn’t miss a beat, “Lube your dick up and fuck my thighs while you jerk me off. I need some release.”

Leaning forward, Hidan’s breath was hot on Kakuzu’s face, and he kissed him. Hard. And then he was pulling away, “But I’ll tell you something right now, Kakuzu. Don’t you ever film me, or take pictures of me. _Not fucking ever!” _

“I won’t.”

“And if I tell you to stop, you fucking stop, no matter what we're in the middle of. Yeah?”

“Of course I’ll stop, Hidan.”

“And… this isn’t a one time thing, right?” Hidan hated how unsure he sounded, and bit his lip and looked down at the blankets around his waist.

Placing a hand on Hidan’s cheek, Kakuzu tilted his face up to his own, “Listen to me. I don’t get involved with anyone for casual sex. I don't do what I did tonight for just anyone. You understand what I’m saying, don’t you?”

Hidan grinned, “You’re saying you’re my boyfriend now.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I haven’t had an actual boyfriend before, never had the chance. Have you?”

Kakuzu nodded, “Two, and a couple of girlfriends, too. Hidan...” he wasn’t listening, or was deliberately ignoring him!

“Oh. I had a girlfriend once. For like a week. I think she was only with me for a bet...”

Kakuzu almost laughed but stopped himself. A girlfriend for a week for a bet didn’t really count in his eyes, “So I’m your first then.”

“No, I’ve had sex plenty of times and-”

“I meant your first boyfriend, your first partner.” Hidan felt his cheeks heat up, but not from embarrassment, and nodded with a grin, “Yeah, my first fucking boyfriend. Ha! You fucking said it! You admit it. You’re my boyfriend now, Kakuzu. And I haven't even graduated yet.”

“You talk too much. And you _will_ graduate.” Kakuzu eyed Hidan’s mouth for a moment before kissing him, preventing him from continuing to talk. Blessed silence that was soon broken by a low moan coming from Hidan as Kakuzu’s tongue found it’s way into his mouth.

Kakuzu pulled away, pleased to see some color back in Hidan’s face though he still looked too pale and knew he should just make him lay down. Before he could though, Hidan was climbing into Kakuzu’s lap, wrapping his legs around his waist, “You did something for me tonight no one’s ever done and I don’t think anyone else ever would have even considered. That asshole… he’s been tormenting me since high school… when I couldn’t pay up, he would make me-” Hidan broke off with a growl, not wanting to say it, “My friends knew… no one ever- no one ever fucking did anything!! I think they thought I liked it, that I was ok with it.” Hidan pressed his forehead to Kakuzu’s, “So… thank you.” 

“I'd do it again if I had to. And if I knew you in high school, I'd have done something, then, too.” Kakuzu wrapped his arms around Hidan as Hidan kissed him. He didn’t know why but he was so completely taken by Hidan and wanted him to know he was safe with him. Without breaking the kiss, he guided Hidan down onto the bed as they reclaimed some of the heat from earlier. 

It hadn’t been what either of them were expecting when they stumbled into the trailer earlier that night, but holding Hidan against his chest as he slid his cock between his thighs, felt pretty damn good.

Kakuzu moaned, trying to muffle the sound by biting Hidan's shoulder as he reached around and wrapped a hand, slick with lube, around the base of Hidan’s cock. He matched the rhythm of his thrusts to his hand and worked to get them both off.

By the time they finished together, Hidan was nothing more than a sticky mess that needed cleaning up before they fell asleep. Boneless, though Kakuzu had done all the work, Hidan couldn’t seem to get up to get into the bathroom and shower like Kakuzu wanted him to, flopping back against the bed each time Kakuzu tried to get him up. Giving up with an irritated sigh, Kakuzu had to get a towel and clean him up as best he could as Hidan fell into a deep sleep. 

As the towel joined the rest of their clothes, Kakuzu joined Hidan under the blankets in sleep. The last thing he knew was Hidan turning over towards him and snuggling close, the only sound other than their breathing was the rain on the roof of the trailer.

* * *

First to wake was Hidan, he had expected Kakuzu to be up before him, but he was still sound asleep. Carefully getting out of bed so he didn’t wake him, Hidan found some pajama pants in the closet and pulled them on. They were just a little big and hung low on his waist but he didn't mind. He was wearing something of Kakuzu's and he was going to enjoy that.

He then went out to have a look around Kakuzu’s trailer without the man breathing down his neck, making a stop in the kitchen and got a slice of bread and smeared it with a large amount of peanut butter. 

The dining table had been cleared of all the notebooks and Hidan didn’t see them anywhere. Too bad, he thought, he would have liked to have had a look through them and see what was in them. There was a laptop out, and Hidan couldn’t resist trying to get a look. He opened it, glancing back towards the bedroom and when it showed a login screen, he cursed and shut it.

As he looked around, the bookcases caught his eye and he made his way over, tearing a bite of bread off. There were a lot of books. Most Hidan had never heard of, the few he recognized, he had only read a couple of. He imagined Kakuzu must have read at least some of them, maybe even all of them. Why else would he have them, Hidan thought, though he maybe just collected them.

A book slightly out of place caught his eye at the end and Hidan shoved the rest of the bread in his mouth and reached for it, reading the title: ‘Natural Harvest’.

“Must be into organic cooking and shit…” Hidan mumbled to himself as he struggled to swallow his mouthful of peanut butter and bread.

Opening the book, Hidan let out a surprised noise as he quickly realized that no, it was not organic shit Kakuzu was into at all.

He quickly, and silently, went into the bedroom and got his cell phone and quickly went back to the bookcase and started taking pictures of a few of the recipes.

He was going to cook for Kakuzu, but not for breakfast, he would surprise him one day, hopefully soon. And he hoped Kakuzu would like Hidan’s cooking. Judging by how worn the book was, Kakuzu must be really, _really_ into it. He put the book back exactly as it had been, and then went to start a shower.

The sound of the shower being turned on woke Kakuzu and he felt the space in the bed beside him. It was cold, which meant Hidan had been up for a little while at least. Kakuzu thought he would have been a deep sleeper, hard to wake up, but perhaps not.

Checking the time, it was still early but he needed to get up. They needed to go get Hidan’s car before anyone spotted it out there and went to check it out. Thankfully it was still raining, and would keep raining according to the weather report. It had been a long time since he had someone to shower with, and Kakuzu was looking forward to it. 

He walked into the bathroom just as Hidan was stepping into the bathtub. A vivid memory of a pepper sprayed Hidan came back to him then, and he stepped in behind him. He never thought they would be sharing a shower together, yet here they were.

“Why are you taking a shower here?” Kakuzu asked, reaching to turn the hot water up.

“Cause I was already here and if you hadn’t noticed, I got a shitload of cum all over me last night.”

“Oh, I definitely noticed.” Kakuzu's voice was gruff from sleep and he let the hot water hit him before turning his eyes on Hidan. He looked good in the morning, his bedhead was actually rather cute. It was then that Hidan stepped closer, pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw. Kakuzu smelled peanut butter and guessed he must have been in the kitchen and found something to eat.

“Hey… since I’m here…” Hidan let his arms go around Kakuzu’s neck.

“Since you’re here what?” Kakuzu placed his hands on Hidan's hips and tugged him close.

“How about we take care of each other...” Hidan placed another kiss to the underside of Kakuzu’s jaw, his hand curling around his cock and slowly dropped to his knees. He let Kakuzu's cock slide along his cheek before taking him in his mouth with a soft moan, eyes closing.

* * *

Once Hidan got his car back, he took it to a drive thru car wash just as Kakuzu told him to, as he was going to do the same. It seemed pointless to Hidan in the rain, but he did it anyways, not wanting anything to connect the two of them to anything. He had even refrained from spitting on the grave, just in case they found traces of his DNA. Kakuzu told him it was unlikely, especially with so much rain, but Hidan didn't want to risk it.

After that he had to get to work, where he was promptly called to clean up a mess in the mens bathroom. He groaned, having a feeling it was going to be bad, whatever it was. He prayed it wasn’t puke, that was the absolute worst! As he kicked the door open with his boot, he stood there and groaned loudly. Of all the things...

“Oh fuck no.” 

Someone had shit on the floor. In several places and then drew a happy face on the mirror with it. No way in hell was he touching that. 

“Fuck no! Come on! What… who even does that?!” 

Hidan violently shoved his janitor cart back, almost taking out a kid with it and not even caring as it rolled towards other customers, “Outta my fucking way kid! I’m not dealing with this motherfucking bullshit anymore!” 

As he pushed past the kids outraged parents, the father grabbed him by the arm, fingers digging in and Hidan knew it would leave a bruise, “Hey you!”

“Get your fucking hand off of me before you lose it.” Hidan snarled, teeth bared, “And I swear to fucking god that you will lose it, I'll rip it off of your wrist and shove it down your throat!” 

The man let go of him like he had been burned and Hidan stalked away to find the manager.

“Hey! Fuckface! Guess what the fuck's up? I quit this shithole! Yeah, you heard me! You can go clean that shit up your own fucking self, cause I aint gonna do it!” He turned to leave without another word, flipping him off as he did so. 

As soon as he was in his car in the parking lot, he started laughing, unable to stop until he started crying, and then couldn’t stop that either. 

“What the fuck…!” He wiped his eyes and nose then rifled through his glovebox looking for a pack of ciggarettes, but not finding anything he slammed it shut, “Shit… come on Hidan… get it together! And what, now I'm fucking talking to myself?!” 

Hidan slid low in his seat and covered his face with his hands. How the hell was he going to pay the rent and bills, and his tuition now? No one would want to hire him with how he quit. But he just couldn’t stomach cleaning up other people’s actual shit anymore. He figured he could always crawl back to Madara… beg for his job back. It wasn’t something he really wanted but… it was better than going hungry or living in his car.

Madara would never take him back after what happened though, and if he did, he’d give Hidan the worst shifts to work when the least amount of people came in. No, he decided, he had burned that bridge. 

“And good riddance, too. Ugh!” He needed a smoke, he needed something to get his mind off everything. He just wanted to forget. But that’s exactly what got him into this situation. His need to forget and fuck himself up. Breathing in, he curled his hands tightly around the steering wheel and prayed for the first time in as long as he could remember. To what god, he didn’t know, but he figured at least _ one _ had to be listening. 

As soon as he was finished, he got a text and he froze, then laughed at himself.

“Shit… it’s not like a god would be texting me...” He sniffled and wiped his eyes again before taking his phone from his pocket to see who it was. Part of him hoped it was Deidara, asking him to come hang out if he had time. 

Instead it was Sasori, wanting to know if he could come in and sit for two sessions that day. Without hesitation, Hidan texted back: 

_ ‘When?’ _

_ ‘In fifteen minutes. Don’t be late.’ _

_ ‘I’ll be there.’ _

Maybe things would work out. One way or another. Somehow. And maybe, Hidan thought, some high power was looking out for him… He threw the car in gear and backed up only to slam on his brakes as he was honked at by someone driving behind him at the same time. 

Or maybe no one was looking out for him, but, Hidan reasoned with himself that if no one was looking out for him, he would have crashed. So he hung onto some shred of hope that things would be alright, that there was something watching out for him.

* * *

Sasori looked at his watch. Hidan wasn’t going to make it in time, and that was a shame. With an irritated sigh, he got up to lock his door when he heard someone running down the hallway. Peering out, he saw it was Hidan.

“You’re late.”  
  
“I’m not!”  
  
“And why are you dressed like a janitor?”  
  
“Cause I just came from my job, or it _ was _ my job, I quit.” 

Sasori raised a brow but said nothing, motioning for him to get inside and shut the door, locking out anyone from disturbing his class. 

Looking at Hidan, he looked pale, his eyes were red and puffy, “You’re high.”  
  
“What?! I’m not fucking high.”  
  
“You look like it.”  
  
“I don’t. You obviously don’t know what the fuck someone looks like high.”  
  
Sasori shrugged, picking up his lime green boba drink from his desk, and pointed at Hidan with the straw, “Your eyes are red.”  
  
Hidan flushed, crossing his arms over his chest, “I had a long night, didn’t sleep well.”  
  
“No, it’s not that.” Sasori came closer, eyes narrowed.

“I…” Hidan huffed and closed his eyes briefly before reopening them, “I was crying, alright?! I quit my shitty Walmart job. I couldn't deal with it anymore! But I can barely make my rent, and I’ve got tuition and bills. Plus I’m on probation, if I don’t have a job then that’s a big problem for me. Fuck… I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

Without another word about it, as class should have started already, Sasori told him, “Go get a robe on, there’s a bathroom over there, make yourself presentable before entering the class. We’re doing anatomy studies today. I would prefer you to be nude, but it’s entirely up to you. We can work around it, since it is short notice and you were not aware. You do get paid more though. I will warn you, if you decide to do it, to keep it professional.” 

“I'll do it, no problem. Good thing I took a shower this morning.” He thought of his shower, and then quickly decided that it would be best _ not _ to think about it. 

Hidan found it completely different, modelling nude, compared to stripping. It was quiet, and while he still felt like it was a performance, he didn’t have to perform in the same way. Just sit still and look good. He avoided eye contact with the students. Moved when Sasori asked him to. And kept his mind from wandering to Kakuzu. In fact, he had a hard time thinking about much of anything, so it wasn’t much of a problem.

Sasori commented on the works, as he walked around to check on his students work, make corrections and help them. Hidan focused on his voice, finding it to be strangely soothing. Suddenly Sasori glanced over at him, then back at the work of the student he was currently critiquing once he got Hidan's attention.

“Ah, a little small, don’t you think?” He smirked at Hidan who tried not to feel too offended but flushed crimson before turning back to his student, “His biceps are quite a bit larger, and should be in proportion to the rest of him.” 

Once the class was over, Hidan put his robe back on, “You’re welcome to stay like that, my next class is in half an hour.”  
  
“I’ll just put my shorts on.” Hidan said, feeling odd walking around with only a robe on even if he had been naked for the last hour and a half.

“Hmm, that’s fine, whatever you’re comfortable with. I want to discuss something with you when you’re dressed. See me at the front desk.” 

He felt his stomach drop, “Is it bad? Like, I didn’t fuck up, did I?”  
  
“Surprisingly no, you did not.” Sasori assured him, “In fact, I find you are an exceptional model. I’ve never seen anyone quite like you.”  
  
“I have a boyfriend, but I’m flattered.” Hidan grinned.

“Ah, Kakuzu? Does sleeping with him get your rent lowered?”  
  
Hidan snorted at that, “Not a single cent.”  
  
Sasori shrugged, “Maybe you should try asking, while you're on your knees. Beg. I bet he'd like that. But I wasn’t trying to hit on you. I want you to model for all my classes. I can also give you the number of another art instructor I know of. She’s been looking for a live model for her classes. If she likes you, which I believe she will, you won’t have to worry about making your rest or paying your bills.” 

“You’re fucking serious?!” He couldn’t help the huge grin that spread across his face.  
  
Sasori nodded, “Do I look like the joking type?”

“Maybe, maybe not, I can’t tell. But I’ll take you up on that offer!” 

Sasori looked pleased, “Good, I thought you had some sense in that head of yours, it’s just hard to get to through all your recklessness.” He took out a business card from his wallet and handed it to Hidan, “She’ll be expecting your call.”  
  
He looked at it, “Thanks man… you know, I thought you were a bit of a creep but it turns out you’re not.”  
  
Without missing a beat, Sasori responded, “Yes, well, I thought you were nothing but trailer trash. It turns out you’re more than that.”  
  
They stared at each other for several moments in silence.

“Yeah, I guess I’m not, huh.” Hidan agreed quietly, “So uh, your students, they did me justice right?”  
  
Sasori nodded once, “I would say so, they seemed to rather enjoy sketching you. You're certainly easy on the eyes when your mouth is shut.” 

* * *

Feeling more relaxed than he had expected, yet surprisingly sore in a few spots from holding a pose, Hidan sat in his car in the parking lot and checked his phone. He wanted to stop at the dollar store to get what he needed to do a little cooking for Kakuzu.

He smiled to himself. He never would have guess Kakuzu had such a kink, but whatever, Hidan wasn’t one to judge, he would be happy to indulge him. Wondering if anyone else had ever done anything like Hidan was about to do for him, he drove out and made his way to the store. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I honestly thought that after everything they had done that night and what had been done to Hidan, that they just wouldn't be able to have full on sex, but there's other things they can do. And they'll get there someday!
> 
> Looks like things are starting to look up for Hidan, I figured he needed a break from all the stress. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and your comments really help keep me motivated to work on this, and it's so nice to know people enjoy this!


	20. Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan does some romantic baking for Kakuzu. Deidara’s Yelp reviews are discovered. The one behind the newsletter is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the answer to just what that cookbook was about is revealed. I hope you enjoy!  
Also I had to cut this chapter in half because it was just getting too long and would take even longer to finish. Sorry for where I left it but hopefully it won't be too terribly long of a wait for the next chapter. Just keep in mind the 'hidan dies a lot but comes back' tag.  
I also think Kakuzu could possibly be ooc here but like, in this fic, Kakuzu really doesn't have things as together as he tries to make it seem like he does. And he did kill all his partners, killed the village elders, and tried to kill Hidan. So he's got some serious anger issues going on.

A week had passed since they had spent the night together, and Kakuzu found himself missing Hidan. They texted each other a few times throughout the week. Or, it was more of Hidan sending him pictures of himself from class, or from his jobs where he modeled for a couple of art instructors. At least he was no longer cleaning up crap at Wal-Mart. Though that did mean a loss of his employee discount, Kakuzu didn’t mind much. It wasn’t all that much of a discount, and with coupons and store club discounts at other places, it wasn’t even missed. 

_ ‘I’ve got a surprise planned for you, how about Saturday afternoon you come over to my place for it? I’d say tonight but I’ve got a class’ _Hidan texted.

Kakuzu replied,_ ‘Why not? What have I got to lose.’ _

_ ‘That doesn’t sound very nice.’ _

_ ‘What’s the surprise? Cockroaches? Another faulty faucet?’ _

_ ‘Fuck you! I haven’t seen a roach in over a week!’ _

About to reply, Kakuzu was interrupted by a phone call from Pein. He cursed under his breath before answering.

“Kakuzu. Konan has just informed me of an alarming discovery.” Pein started, not even bothering with pleasantries, “Tell me what you know about this prostitution business being run out of one of the trailers there.”  
  
“Oh hell…” Kakuzu groaned, “Is this a joke?” 

The notification sounded in Kakuzu’s ear, alerting him of a new text message, likely from Hidan.  
  
“No, though I wish it was. It’s quite serious. I don’t want the police over there more than they already are. I’m afraid you’re not going to like this, but I believe you’re involved with the one running the business, Hidan.”  
  
“I’m not involved with anyone here.”  
  
“Never took you as a liar,” Pein said, “I’ll text you the information. Make sure to shut this down as soon as possible and have the reviews removed. I’m counting on you, Kakuzu.” 

_ “Reviews?!” _ Kakuzu shouted, “People are leaving reviews for him?!”  
  
“Yes, though it’s all one person. Please look into this immediately. I don’t want the reputation of my trailer estates to be brought down further than it already has been.” With that, Pein ended the call and moments later Kakuzu received a text containing a link to a yelp page.

He checked Hidan’s texts first which were just a series of question marks, sad faces and then angry faces.

_ ‘Fine Saturday afternoon. This better be worth it and clean your trailer before I get there.’ _He sent back. Then he checked Pein’s text and tapped on the link. Which brought him to the business page of ‘Hidan’s Strip Club Plus More XXX’. It featured several photos of Hidan, all of them looked awful. In one, he was smoking, drunk, like he hadn’t shaved in days (which wasn’t a bad look, Kakuzu noted) and looked like he had just said the sleaziest pick up line. 

In another he was laying in bed, propped up on his elbow, naked, with a sheet draped over his waist, barely covering him. It was definitely not a selfie. Someone had taken the picture. And he had a pretty good idea as to who when he scrolled down to see all the one star reviews.

“Dammit, Hidan!” Kakuzu honestly wasn’t sure if it was a joke or not. There were even business hours listed as ‘by appointment only’, though he couldn’t seem to find a phone number, and there were a handful of reviews. Looking at the dates, they were from earlier in the summer. 

Bracing himself, Kakuzu started to read them one by one. 

_ ‘If I could give this place no stars, I would. I came here, (get it, came? Yeah, did that too but it wasn’t worth it) and was promised a good time by the owner, Hidan, and he may look really hot, he is actually total shit in bed. 0/10 do not recommend. Spend your money elsewhere! Stay away! I probably need to get checked for STD’s now, very sleazy and trashy place. What was I thinking?’ _

With a thoughtful look on his face, Kakuzu decided asking Hidan to get an STD test might not be a bad idea and made a mental note to bring it up with him. Then he continued reading.

_ ‘I don’t know why I keep going back, it’s like an addiction. But not a good one, definitely one of the bad ones.’ _

As if there were good addictions, Kakuzu thought to himself.

_ ‘I hate this place, stay away!! I got bed bugs!’ _

Kakuzu read them all, getting a good laugh at Hidan’s expense. It was clear Deidara had used it as an outlet for his pettiness and hurt feelings. The last review, posted shortly after the birthday party Hidan had crashed, ruined, and caused emotional trauma to all involved, read: 

_ ‘What a pig! No, that’s an insult to pigs. Hidan is complete trash. He takes his own pleasure and leaves you wanting. His head game is halfway decent but I could do better on myself. Zero stars. Zero customer service. I got bed bugs. Run away! Seriously, what the hell was I thinking? I thought he liked me, I was wrong and I’m drunk.’ _

Kakuzu sighed, it was more sad than funny by that point as he finished reading. And Hidan's head game was actually pretty damn good, Kakuzu thought. He screen shot everything and sent them to his phone. Next would be a trip to Deidara’s trailer, and tell him to take the page down. Not something he was looking forward to, or had ever thought he would be dealing with. Did Deidara even realize the kind of trouble this could have gotten Hidan, and possibly him, into? Probably not, and if he had, he likely didn’t care. 

Ten minutes later Kakuzu was banging on Deidara’s front door. The door opened and Deidara looked up at him, surprised, “What the hell do you want? I already paid my rent, slum lord.”  
  
“I’m not here for the rent. I’m here, because of some yelp reviews.”  
  
It took a moment for what Kakuzu said to register and when it did, his eyes went wide, “Oh.” And then he laughed, “Oh shit! I forgot about that!”  
  
“If you’re done laughing, I want the page removed. Now.” 

“Hmm, lemme think about that,” Deidara cocked his head to the side and smirked, “Yeah, I don’t fucking think so!”  
  
“Deidara,” Kakuzu growled.

“No! He hurt me! It’s only fair that I get to hurt him back. What, he got upset over it or something? Too fucking bad! He can deal with it.”  
  
“Hidan doesn’t even know,” Kakuzu explained, “The owner of this park found them and told me to have tit taken down. You want the cops out here? Do you know Hidan can get arrested if they think it’s real? And you know prostitution is illegal, so if were caught having been there, they could arrest you, too. If you don’t care about your friend, I think you’ll care about yourself.”  
  
That seemed to get his attention and Deidara turned serious, then said, “So he really doesn’t know? He never saw it?”  
  
“Take that shit down. Right now. Or I’ll come in there and make you do it myself.” Kakuzu took a step forward, taking pleasure in the way Deidara stepped backwards.

“Yeah, alright. Fine. Can you… maybe not tell Hidan about it, yeah?” Deidara sighed, “I don’t _ actually _ want him to find out now, we were starting to be friends again.”  
  
Why did he feel like he was back in high school? But Kakuzu agreed, “Fine. I don’t care as long as you remove it. And really, Deidara? ‘He’s like an addiction but not a good one?’ As if there’s a good kind of addiction.”  
  
Flushing scarlet at his review being repeated back to him, Deidara shouted, indignant, “Maybe not but you know it’s true!” 

He didn’t want to think about that. “I have things to do. I’ll be checking that the page is removed in ten minutes.” Kakuzu took out his phone and set a timer, “Don’t make me come back here.”

“I don’t want you back here so don’t worry about it.” Deidara shut the door as soon as Kakuzu stepped back. 

On his way back to his own trailer, he heard someone come up alongside him, a quick glance and he saw it was Kisame.

“Hey, Kakuzu, how’s it going?”  
  
“I’d rather not bore you with the details. What do you want? Are the drains flowing at Itachi’s, or do I need to come over again and unclog them?”  
  
Kisame grinned, “The drains are fine. I was actually wondering if you think you could talk to Hidan for me.”  
  
Kakuzu raised a brow, “He’s taken, Kisame. By me,” Kakuzu warned, “And don’t you have Itachi?” 

“Not interested in him like that. All I want is for him to apologize for what he did at Sasuke’s birthday party.”  
  
Kakuzu didn’t want to bring that incident up with Hidan, “So ask him yourself.”  
  
“But he likes you.”  
  
“Hidan’s friendly, he’d probably like you, too if you talked to him nicely. Besides, he could always use another friend.”

They’d made it to Kakuzu’s trailer and stood under the shade of the carport, “But you two are together,” Kisame said, “can’t you at least just suggest it?”  
  
“Kisame,” Kakuzu sighed, “what happened that caused him to do what he did that day… I just don’t want to bring it up with him.” They had just buried the problem, literally. 

“Alright… I’ll corner him myself sometime and tell him that he’s going to apologize,” Kisame’s jaw was set and Kakuzu bristled, but Kisame went on, “and he’s going to whether he wants to or not. Yeah, I saw the shit on his phone. I get it. But he hurt my fiance. Something else I wanted to tell you. You can add me onto Itachi’s lease. I’ll be moving in soon.” 

Kakuzu glared up at Kisame, one of the few people he had ever had to look up to in his life, “Hidan’s finally getting his shit together, you do anything to jeopardize that, we’re going to have a problem, me and you.”  
  
“Don’t worry, I can see you care about him, and don’t want to see him screw up either. He just has to own up to what he did.” Kisame turned and walked back the way they had come, “See you around, Kakuzu.” 

As Kakuzu reached his door, the timer set on his phone went off and he checked the link Pein had sent. The page had been taken down. At least that was one less thing to worry about.

* * *

The next day arrived and soon Kakuzu found himself standing on Hidan’s porch. Remembering how Hidan had wanted him to dress up when they went shopping, and how upset he had been when he hadn’t, Kakuzu had decided to put on his nicest jeans and a burgundy shirt. It wasn’t too dressy, but better than what he would normally wear. 

As he raised his hand to knock, the door swung open, “I saw you coming,” Hidan grinned and let him inside.

Stepping inside, Kakuzu was pleased to see that it had been cleaned, a sheet had even been placed over the couch to hide the stain. The stain on the carpet was still there, unfortunately. He should have just told Hidan to bring his surprise over to his trailer instead. 

A sniff revealed no foul odors, but, “It smells like... cake?”  
  
“Yeah, cause I’ve been baking. Just for you…” Hidan pressed his lips to Kakuzu’s for a kiss, “Hope you’ll like it.” 

Kakuzu maneuvered them over to the couch, where on the coffee table sat a plate of cake alongside a glass full of some pink drink, “Let’s get this over with.” 

“Listen. I went to a lot of effort making all this for you! So you could at least be a little bit appreciative!”  
  
“Let me guess, a box cake mix and what the hell is that? A frozen fruit smoothie? I’m surprised you own a blender.”  
  
“What a shithead… you’re totally ruining the mood here.” Hidan muttered, “I don’t bake from fucking scratch, is that a problem now?! And yes I own a blender!” He grabbed the cake and a fork, “At least try it. I went out of my way to make all this for you, I had a good time though.” 

Kakuzu eyed the cake, then Hidan. So he enjoyed baking, that was surprising. An image of Hidan baking popped into his head, it was cute, and Kakuzu took the fork, asking, “You’re not trying to get me high, are you?”  
  
“What? No! Come on, just try it, you’ll like it!” 

Sliding his eyes back to the cake, Kakuzu inspected it. It looked just like any normal white cake from a box mix, a thin layer of white frosting covering it. Taking a small piece from the corner with his fork, he brought it to his mouth and Hidan let out a long, irritated sigh as the last of his smile slid from his face.

“You into feeding people you fuck?” Kakuzu asked, “That’s some kind of kink of yours? Feeding people? I’m not into it so just forget it if it is.”   
  


“No, I just wanted to do something special for you, show my appreciation. Show you some… care.” Hidan’s voice was quiet and the way he looked so disappointed made Kakuzu’s chest tight. 

Maybe the whole thing was innocent, the cake wasn’t drugged, and he was being an ass, “Alright, I’m sorry.” Kakuzu stuck the fork in his mouth. It wasn’t bad as far as cake went. It tasted pretty good in fact. He took another, larger bite, and Hidan perked up.

“How is it?”  
  
“Good, why don’t you have some?” Kakuzu broke off another piece and held it out for him, “Go on, try your baking.”

Hidan hesitated, Kakuzu’s eyes narrowed at him and then he opened his mouth and took the offered bite, “Huh, not bad.” Hidan said and took the fork from Kakuzu to get him a big bite. 

After that, Kakuzu reached for the smoothie, needing something to drink. It was nice and cold after the somewhat dry cake. He watched Hidan over the rim of the glass as a faint flush colored his cheeks, “Aren’t you going to have some?” 

“No, that’s just for you.” Hidan seemed way too pleased with himself, his smile was back and before Kakuzu knew it, he was in his lap, straddling him. Hidan then took the glass from him and set it down on the coffee table and kissed him. 

Pulling back, Hidan said, “I was even going to make some champagne drinks for you for after, but I didn't buy any because I'd probably just drink the bottle by myself...”  
  
“After? After what? And I'm glad you showed some restraint for once,” Kakuzu slid his arms around Hidan’s waist as he nipped at his throat. Hidan tasted clean, fresh from a shower, freshly shaven, though... he would like to see him with some few days worth of stubble and feel it against his skin. With that thought, Kakuzu drug his tongue over Hidan’s pulse point before latching onto it and sucking, making him moan softly. 

Hidan opened his mouth to answer, shuddering as Kakuzu trailed kisses and bites all along his throat, the underside of his jaw, the side of his neck, but all that came out was a moan as he ground down against Kakuzu who continued to tease his neck. Finally, unable to take much more, Hidan pulled away and sucked in a breath, then was on Kakuzu’s mouth in a needy, desperate kiss. 

Kakuzu slipped his tongue past Hidan’s lips with a growl, hands moving under his shirt to feel his skin, hot and smooth. Hidan reached down and grabbed the hem of his shirt to pull it off over his head, breaking the kiss only long enough to get the material past. He dropped it next to them on the couch. Hidan’s deft fingers worked the buttons on Kakuzu’s shirt, and pushed it from his broad shoulders, hands roving over his bare chest. 

Things quickly advanced from there. 

“I have… I have condoms and lube… in… in...” Hidan broke off, moaning something incoherent as Kakuzu slipped a hand into the front of Hidan’s now open jeans to feel his rapidly hardening cock.   
  
“Your bedroom?” Kakuzu finished for him. A sharp nod was all the answer he would get, and Kakuzu stood, bringing Hidan with him, leaving his jeans somewhere on the floor and carried him back into the bedroom. He threw Hidan down on the bed, a long way down considering it was on the floor.

“Ow! Shit!” Hidan shouted, but he didn’t have time for anything else as Kakuzu crawled on and pinned him down, his mouth back on his, all while Hidan desperately reached for the nightstand. Kakuzu reached it for him, finding a brand new box of condoms and new bottle of lube. 

“You want this?” Kakuzu asked as he bent down for another kiss and Hidan nodded, “Tell me you want this. Say it.”  
  
“Yes, Kakuzu. I want this and I’m about to fucking go out of my mind if we don’t finally just fuck!”

* * *

Hidan was so responsive. The way he moved beneath him, the sounds he made. How he begged for more. Kakuzu had never been with anyone quite like him, and he liked to think that Hidan hadn’t ever been with someone like him either. 

Kakuzu had him under him, with Hidan’s legs wrapped around his waist, then over his shoulders. Then flipped him onto his belly and took him on his hands and knees from behind. When he felt Hidan was close, he wanted to watch as he came, and flipped him around onto his back once more, and slid back in, slow and deep, with a low moan. 

Damn he felt good… Kakuzu couldn’t think of anyone or anything else but Hidan and the moment at hand. Nothing else mattered and he completely lost himself to it. He sucked in a breath as he felt nails down his back and let out a growl before reaching between them and wrapping his hand around Hidan's cock, just as he bit down on Hidan's shoulder. If he was going to be marked, Hidan sure as hell was going to be, too. 

It wasn’t long, he felt Hidan clench around him, and watched as he came undone. Those eyes, violet and so full of passion, looking up at him as Hidan cried out. It triggered his own orgasm and Kakuzu leaned forward, kissing Hidan as he came, muffling their moans. Moments later, Hidan's arms were around Kakuzu's neck, his hands in his hair, holding him as close as he could get. With lust hazed eyes, Kakuzu brought his hand back up, covered in Hidan's release, and licked across his fingers, eyes locked with Hidan's. 

* * *

After, they sat propped up by numerous pillows in bed, Hidan pressed against Kakuzu’s side. 

“Sure you don’t want any?” Kakuzu asked, holding the smoothie out for Hidan.

“I’m sure, it was made just for your pleasure, with pleasure,” Hidan snickered and Kakuzu froze. Something about that just did not sound right.

“What does that mean?”

“Well… remember I spent the night last week?”  
  
“I’m not likely to forget anytime soon.” He slid a hand between Hidan's thighs, giving them a squeeze, “It was rather enjoyable... all things considered.”   
  
“Well,” Hidan sat up a little more, “While you were sleeping, I found a cookbook.” 

A cookbook? Kakuzu frowned, the only one he knew of was…

“I never would have thought you’d be into shit like that, and I’d never even heard of it before! But damn, I thought, after what you did for me, I had to repay you.”  
  
Slowly, Kakuzu set the glass down, not wanting it to break between his fingers, “What was the name of this cookbook?” Maybe... maybe there was another one. He never prayed but in that moment, he prayed to any god listening that there was another cookbook he didn't know about. 

“Natural Harvest. Fuck, that is some weird shit, I didn’t even know that kind of kink existed. It’s not something I’m into but if you are, just want you to know that I don't judge. You know, who knows, maybe I’d be into it and just haven’t found out yet. I’m up to try pretty much anything,” Hidan shrugged, “I’ve got another cake mix, you want to wait a little while and then I can jack you off and we’ll make another cake.”  
  
“Hidan.” Kakuzu growled, feeling his blood boil. He wished he still had the smoothie in his hand, he would dump it on Hidan’s head or make him drink it, or throw it against the wall, but he'd rather throw Hidan against the wall. “I’m going to fucking kill you!” 

“Wh-what?” Hidan looked at him, and then leaped off the bed, grabbing his boxer shorts, “Why?! What’d I do?!”  
  
“You fed me cake and a smoothie with your cum in it?! Or do you literally have no sense in that head of yours and forgot already?!” Kakuzu got off the bed and stalked towards Hidan who wisely backed away.

“Well, yeah, I thought… thought you were into that!” Hidan bumped into the doorjamb, “Kakuzu stop! You’re really fucking scary!”  
  
“I’m not into that!!” Kakuzu shouted.

“Then why do you have the book?!”  
  
“I collect books, that’s why! I liked the cover! Not that I should have to explain myself to you!”  
  
Kakuzu had backed Hidan all the way out into the living room and hadn’t stopped advancing on him, “You’re dead, Hidan.” 

He lunged at him, not sure just what he was going to do to Hidan once he had him, scare the shit out of him at least if he hadn't already, maybe wrap his hand around his throat with a bit of pressure as he made it clear in no uncertain terms to never do that again. But Hidan jumped backwards, out of his reach just in time, and then was flying out the front door. Kakuzu ran back into the bedroom to pull on his shorts, and then took off after him, unable to resist chasing after him. 

Outside, Kakuzu found Hidan climbing up the side of the trailer and ran and grabbed his ankle before he was out of reach. As soon as his hand closed around him, Hidan let out a blood curdling scream and looked down.

Kakuzu was positively terrifying when angry. He wondered how many people saw him like that and lived. Not many, Hidan guessed. He kicked and felt Kakuzu’s face against his bare foot before he shoved off and escaped his grasp. 

“Leave me alone! It was a fucking huge misunderstanding!” Hidan shouted as he scooted back over the roof, “You enjoyed my baking! Admit it!”  
  
“That was before I knew you jacked off into it!”  
  
A car drove up and Hidan saw it was the old man from next door, him and Naruto both got out and looked up at him.

“Hey, what are you doing up there? What’s going on? Kakuzu! Get him down from there before he does something stupid!” 

“Hi, Hidan!” Naruto waved, “You should be careful up there!”

“Hi, Naruto! I'm always careful, don't worry.” 

Kakuzu looked at the two and back up at Hidan, wondering how he had gotten up there without a ladder, then with one last glare, he walked away.

As soon as Kakuzu turned away, Hidan let out a breath, “Oh thank shit…”  
  
“You!” The old man shouted, and Hidan could just picture him waving a cane around, “Get down from there before you fall!” 

“Who are you, my dad?!” Hidan shot back, “I don’t have to listen to you!”

“If I was your father, I’d have beat some sense into you so you would be a respectable member of society!”  
  
“Oh yeah? I oughta ask your boy Asuma if you beat the shit outta him, then! He’s my parole officer! And hey, maybe you also beat Naruto! We've all heard you yell at him. Someone should report you. You locked him out all summer!”  
  
Sarutobi narrowed his eyes and Naruto's face turned red as people came out to see what was going on gathered in the street.

“What’s he doing? Threatening to jump?” Sasuke asked, walking up next to Naruto, Itachi and Kisame getting out of their car not far behind.

“Nah, we don’t know why he’s up there.”

“This isn’t a strip joint!” Kiba shouted, “But give us a show anyways!”  
  
His mom laughed, shouting, "Yeah, give us a show!" but then halfheartedly shushed her son.

“Hidan, get down from there,” Kisame called up to him, “You don’t want a repeat performance of what happened at the pool, do you?” 

Hidan went red in the face, “Hey! I was out of my mind then!”

“And you’re not now?” Sasuke shouted back.

Then he saw Sasori join the others, his phone in one hand, a bright pink boba drink in the other. Damn… he didn’t want to look bad in front of him. He couldn’t lose his job. Again. And then Deidara was there, watching, looking both concerned and annoyed.

“Is this about the yelp reviews I left about you?! It was just a joke.”

“What reviews? You reviewed me?!”

The sudden clang of metal on metal made Hidan jump and look towards the edge of the roof where he had climbed up from and seconds later he saw Kakuzu come up over the side, “Now I’ve got you.”

_ “Oh shit.” _  
  
“Oh shit is right.” Kakuzu said, standing on the roof and Hidan forgot about everyone watching below.

“Kakuzu,” he said, drawing his name out while offering what he hoped was a charming smile, “c’mon, it was an innocent mistake.”  
  
Kakuzu made a face, “There was nothing innocent about what you did!” He advanced on Hidan, and then lunged for him but Hidan dodged, darting around him, dangerously close to the edge.

“You shouldn’t have kept a book like that if you’re not into it!” He moved around Kakuzu’s other side, then back again as Kakuzu gave chase. Eventually Hidan ended up cornered at the far edge of the roof.

“Stop running around! You're going to fall! You want to talk about this?! Then come here so we can talk!” Kakuzu went to grab him only for Hidan to lean backwards and lose his balance. His hands reached and grabbed at the air and Kakuzu moved to grab at him to keep him on the roof but was just a split second too late. His fingers grasping at the air Hidan had just occupied as he fell over the side. There was silence and a moment later he hit the asphalt hard with a sickening sound. 

Kakuzu closed his eyes and took a breath as how stupid he had been came crashing down on him. What was it about Hidan that brought out the dumbest in him? He counted to three before opening his eyes and peered over the edge.

He wished he hadn’t. It looked like Hidan took the brunt of the impact on his shoulders, neck and head. Blood was quickly pooling dark red under his head, and spreading out. There was too much blood for him to still be alive. His head was at an unnatural angle. Blood came from his mouth and his eyes. Those expressive, strange violet eyes starred up at him, frozen in fear and unseeing though they seemed to be starring right at Kakuzu.

Kakuzu felt sick but had to get down there. He climbed back down and when he reached him Deidara was there, frantic, violently shaking Hidan’s shoulder which was dark with blood pooling beneath the surface of his skin, all while his head flopped back and forth. The sight made Kakuzu's stomach churn. He'd seen bodies before, he had killed with no remorse. This was different though, Hidan was different. He cared more about Hidan than he wanted to admit. And couldn't stand to see him shaken like a rag doll a second longer. 

“You just can’t get laid without causing a spectacle of yourself, can you?! Come on, Hidan, wake up... don't die. Not again...”

“Stop it!” Kakuzu pulled Deidara back, prying his hands off Hidan in the process, getting blood smeared on himself, “Stop shaking him! He’s dead, can’t you see that?!”

Deidara shoved Kakuzu off him, as if his touch burned, eyes filled with unshed tears, “Don’t fucking touch me! Hidan was my best friend and you killed him! He _trusted_ you.”

“It was an accident!” Kakuzu growled, swallowing back the bile that rose in his throat. 

Kisame and Itachi were trying to get Sasuke and Naruto to leave, “Can you listen to me for once? Go home with your brother!” Kisame finally raised his voice at Sasuke.

“What about you?” Itachi asked, herding Sasuke and Naruto away.

“I’m calling 911, and I’m staying to give a report to the police. Go home. None of you need to see anymore of this.” 

At that, Kakuzu finally looked up and around at everyone, some people were leaving, but others had stayed. And Sasori still had his phone out, recording. It all fell into place. He was almost always around, watching everything. Always tinkering with electronics.  
  
“You!” Kakuzu pointed at him, “You’re the one behind that newsletter!”  
  
Sasori simply shrugged, “Forget the newsletter, you have bigger things to worry about. Like the fact you just contributed to someone’s death, and many of us heard you yelling that you were going to kill him. He was your boyfriend if I’m not mistaken. Domestic violence charges can tarnish one’s record for life. As can involuntary manslaughter,” he leaned in, kept his voice low enough only for Kakuzu, “not to mention embezzlement. Murder, if I'm not mistaken. They won't look _too_ much into you, or will they? You just may thank me for my surveillance when this is over.”

Sasori's words barely registered as he looked down at Hidan. “I didn't mean for this to happen...” Kakuzu's voice sounded far away, detached, and he knelt next to Hidan, blood soaking into his pants, “I don't know what I was thinking...” 

Sasori sucked up the last boba through the straw and leaned over to take a few pictures of Hidan, “Obviously you weren't thinking, much like Hidan most of the time. What a shame… my best model… Gone.” 

“That’s art, yeah, gone in a flash. Hidan was art, hm,” Deidara's voice broke and he finally turned away, pressing his palms to his eyes.  
  
Sasori spared Deidara a withering look, “That’s not art. That’s stupidity. Art is what lasts forever.”

In the distance multiple sirens could be heard, and Kakuzu was very much aware that he was possibly completely fucked and going to jail, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to care all that much. And what had Sasori said? Somehow he knew about everything. As much as he wanted to tear his eyes away, someone was saying something to him, Kisame, was it? He couldn't hear, and couldn't look away from Hidan. So lifeless, the very opposite of what he had been twenty minutes earlier, it was completely wrong. How could he have done this to him?! His hands shook as he reached for Hidan, just as the ambulance and a firetruck drove into the park, followed moments later by several police cars. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter started off so innocently, Hidan baking for his boyfriend? Cuuute. But using a very naughty cookbook, without asking first, not so cute.


End file.
